I think I'm more tired today than I was yesterday we are done with the yearly trek until next year I hope.
My X is absolutely in rare form and I am over it. I am trying to stay in my own hula hoop and mind my business I won't lie .. I did break out the bedazzled horns and adjusted them to make sure they still fit .. yes .. they still fit. LOL. I'm sure I will pay for what I did however .. I'm ok with that, I will accept the consequences because he needed to be reminded it's my queendom. He is merely a visitor that I choose to let in from time to time.
Turns out the X's wife is posing as him and texting my oldest and emailing me. I am letting that go. "He's" asking for my youngest's phone number and my response to that after 2 interchanges one being that I would mention it to my youngest and him asking if my youngest gave him permission to have his number. I responded when D is ready for you to have his number he will text you. I have not spoken to my youngest because he starts school Wednesday. I will talk to him further however I don't find the timing fair AND based upon recent conversations such as do you want to see your dad he's very apathetic. So I think coffee and a talk would be good to see where he's at and I'm sending the men out together to have the discussion maybe he will feel more open with my boyfriend than me. If he decides to that's his choice. I found it to be an appropriate response .. let the boy settle into his 2nd year of high school and move forward that way.
My oldest came out to my X this is how I know my X is not my X .. well exactly anyways .. this journey has taken me 2 years and I live it daily .. so his response and how he reached out is NOT what I would call the "norm" for my X. And no .. he didn't magically change especially given he's back in charge of child support and I'm shorted 500$ .. I am angry is putting it mildly. I'm moving on from that and I'm sooo glad I have tried to change so many of my own personal habits .. this one hurt given the cost to fix the truck, drive out on vacation and have school start. The first 2 weeks of the month are brutal on the budget. Back to the coming out .. my X asked him directly if he was transgender. First off my X doesn't know what transgender is however you know who does? His wife .. she's an HR generalist .. I seriously wonder how ass backwards these people are to think that would fly. I feel sooo badly for my oldest because he wants sooo badly to be accepted and I see the train wreck coming quickly. The emails are getting less nice at the moment not on my side .. on "his". I'm really trying to stay out of it .. however I did suggest that all future communication be via the phone because he honestly doesn't know who he's talking to. He will only know if he's physically talking to his dad if he speaks to him.
I am exhausted, I am ready to sleep for a year .. lol. I mean physically, emotionally and mentally. My hormones are kicking in and I am going to go home and have a good cry in private. It sucks to feel like I am in a new space however OMG .. I'm trying to do better and I just feel like the rug continues to get yanked out from under me. I am struggling to let go and relax. My boyfriend is pushing a few things I'm not ready for .. and I'm going to have to just keep doing my best. I told him I have cleaned up the emotional mess my X has left for 15 years now .. I'm tired of being the collateral clean up. I'm tired of watching my kids be hurt. I'm just tired at the moment.
Anyways, .. hugs to all :)
bud said
Aug 12, 2019
(((SerenityRUS))) Sending prayers and support for good self-care and rest. Operating after rest will tend to go better. One thing and one moment at a time.
Jill said
Aug 12, 2019
S this shows me how effective AlAnon is. Look at your mindset. You have grown, even though your ex may behave just as he did when you were married to him.
We often come to AlAnon thinking we can get them to change, but it is we who change and are the better for it.
Good work.
Iamhere said
Aug 12, 2019
(((S))) - glad you are back home! I do agree that when I am tired/exhausted, everything is magnified and looks much more doable after good self-care and rest. Take good care of you and trust your program...you got this!
a4l said
Aug 12, 2019
Hugs my friend. Just hugs. (((Serenity)))
PosiesandPuppies said
Aug 13, 2019
((((Serenity)))))
Yes, rest is in order. I am glad you all made it home safe and had a great time... now onto the next school year! Fun! LOL! Sophomore year in HS was the most challenging year for my son... not sure if it was the age or our family dynamic (due to father's addiction & my trying to normalize) or both. Your kid sounds like he has some great activities he is involved in, and you (or maybe he, himself too?) have done a great job of keeping the Ex's crazy behaviors away from him.
I found a lot of good in your post. You are handling your Ex's brand of "crazy" quite well! Your youngest is at an age where legally they can make their own decisions regarding how much they want to be involved in their parent's lives (seriously, they can petition to become fully emancipated) - and you are allowing him to make this decision... but doing so in a way that he can have his say without any influence from you. Healthy. And you gave great advice to your eldest about the correspondence. You go, Momma!!
I still can't fathom why a truly caring father would withhold money for his offspring. It makes me sad every time I read that he does this to your family. Because it is all so selfish and all about punishing you... but in reality, all it does is hurt his kids! And yet, he still wonders why they aren't close to him! Unhealthy for sure!
That is one of the ways I know my Ex is getting healthier through his program... he treats our son with respect and ALWAYS does what is best for him.
Give yourself some needed TLC, and keep doing you!
andromeda said
Aug 13, 2019
I hope the weekend brings you rest and a chance for calming. I alway get drained by my ex's drama and stuff but when i get home to MY place, I can find peace and remind myself that I am OK. Helping my kind be OK is different, though, and I try to just provide him with resources to find his own path and his own healing. And, I know you well enough to know you do that too. Hang in there! you are such a great mom and beautiful example to your kids. No one is perfect but we are trying and that's what matters.
I think I'm more tired today than I was yesterday we are done with the yearly trek until next year I hope.
My X is absolutely in rare form and I am over it. I am trying to stay in my own hula hoop and mind my business I won't lie .. I did break out the bedazzled horns and adjusted them to make sure they still fit .. yes .. they still fit. LOL. I'm sure I will pay for what I did however .. I'm ok with that, I will accept the consequences because he needed to be reminded it's my queendom. He is merely a visitor that I choose to let in from time to time.
Turns out the X's wife is posing as him and texting my oldest and emailing me. I am letting that go. "He's" asking for my youngest's phone number and my response to that after 2 interchanges one being that I would mention it to my youngest and him asking if my youngest gave him permission to have his number. I responded when D is ready for you to have his number he will text you. I have not spoken to my youngest because he starts school Wednesday. I will talk to him further however I don't find the timing fair AND based upon recent conversations such as do you want to see your dad he's very apathetic. So I think coffee and a talk would be good to see where he's at and I'm sending the men out together to have the discussion maybe he will feel more open with my boyfriend than me. If he decides to that's his choice. I found it to be an appropriate response .. let the boy settle into his 2nd year of high school and move forward that way.
My oldest came out to my X this is how I know my X is not my X .. well exactly anyways .. this journey has taken me 2 years and I live it daily .. so his response and how he reached out is NOT what I would call the "norm" for my X. And no .. he didn't magically change especially given he's back in charge of child support and I'm shorted 500$ .. I am angry is putting it mildly. I'm moving on from that and I'm sooo glad I have tried to change so many of my own personal habits .. this one hurt given the cost to fix the truck, drive out on vacation and have school start. The first 2 weeks of the month are brutal on the budget. Back to the coming out .. my X asked him directly if he was transgender. First off my X doesn't know what transgender is however you know who does? His wife .. she's an HR generalist .. I seriously wonder how ass backwards these people are to think that would fly. I feel sooo badly for my oldest because he wants sooo badly to be accepted and I see the train wreck coming quickly. The emails are getting less nice at the moment not on my side .. on "his". I'm really trying to stay out of it .. however I did suggest that all future communication be via the phone because he honestly doesn't know who he's talking to. He will only know if he's physically talking to his dad if he speaks to him.
I am exhausted, I am ready to sleep for a year .. lol. I mean physically, emotionally and mentally. My hormones are kicking in and I am going to go home and have a good cry in private. It sucks to feel like I am in a new space however OMG .. I'm trying to do better and I just feel like the rug continues to get yanked out from under me. I am struggling to let go and relax. My boyfriend is pushing a few things I'm not ready for .. and I'm going to have to just keep doing my best. I told him I have cleaned up the emotional mess my X has left for 15 years now .. I'm tired of being the collateral clean up. I'm tired of watching my kids be hurt. I'm just tired at the moment.
Anyways, .. hugs to all :)
We often come to AlAnon thinking we can get them to change, but it is we who change and are the better for it.
Good work.
((((Serenity)))))
Yes, rest is in order. I am glad you all made it home safe and had a great time... now onto the next school year! Fun! LOL! Sophomore year in HS was the most challenging year for my son... not sure if it was the age or our family dynamic (due to father's addiction & my trying to normalize) or both. Your kid sounds like he has some great activities he is involved in, and you (or maybe he, himself too?) have done a great job of keeping the Ex's crazy behaviors away from him.
I found a lot of good in your post. You are handling your Ex's brand of "crazy" quite well! Your youngest is at an age where legally they can make their own decisions regarding how much they want to be involved in their parent's lives (seriously, they can petition to become fully emancipated) - and you are allowing him to make this decision... but doing so in a way that he can have his say without any influence from you. Healthy.
And you gave great advice to your eldest about the correspondence. You go, Momma!!
I still can't fathom why a truly caring father would withhold money for his offspring. It makes me sad every time I read that he does this to your family. Because it is all so selfish and all about punishing you... but in reality, all it does is hurt his kids! And yet, he still wonders why they aren't close to him! Unhealthy for sure!
That is one of the ways I know my Ex is getting healthier through his program... he treats our son with respect and ALWAYS does what is best for him.
Give yourself some needed TLC, and keep doing you!
Keep doing you the best you can! HUGS