I'm in process of trying to keep my mouth shut. I am feeling my oats so to speak so therefore have a tendency to speak way more bluntly than necessary. It's a character defect and I am aware of it.
Some of it could be the anxiety of the trip. While we planned it out the money is going to be tight to get the kids there, and they are making demands about food and money. Which is hard for me to say no. I have gotten snappish about it. Now the trip back will be more relaxing however everyone is going to be tired after a week of play.
Work is fine however I am having challenges with my patience. I have a new office mate who is fantastic however English is not her first language and so her phrasing of statements and so on is challenging for me. She starts everything with "I know" and at one point I said no you don't because you wouldn't be asking if you did know. She is curbing that a bit and I am really trying to just remind myself this is probably a nervous tick for her. This for me is a trigger .. LOL .. it's like talking to my kids. Mom what do you think? I tell them and then I'm told why I am wrong and so on. I notice this is a generational issue and I probably did it too when I was in my 20's.
I am having more challenges at home regarding my kids. My oldest is acting out and the last time I saw this level of acting out he was informing me of his plans to get a sleeve tattoo as he lives at home with no rent. I can tell you that did not go well. I realize he's an adult .. he's an adult that I am supporting on some level as he doesn't pay any bills in the house and no rent. He's had the reality check that his job would not afford him a studio apartment and the child doesn't even have a car at the moment. Now .. if he was contributing financially to household bills and so on I wouldn't have said a word about it. I also know his judgement is that of a teenager at the moment so he's also very impulsive and lacks maturity in terms of long term thought process. So as I am observing this behavior I'm waiting to hear his "next plan" and what a great idea it is .. LOL. I can tell you it won't be a great plan or idea. As this is completely impulse driven and I doubt he's aware he's doing it .. it's basically his version of spinning. So something is up .. it's a question of how long it will take for him to come out with it and how long it will take for him to be honest.
My youngest .. I'm glad the trip and school will be starting. I can tell he's bored and frustrated at the moment. Next summer he will have a full time job since he will be 16. So that needs to happen .. he needs some things to do. He is also under the hallucination that he's going to be driving his own car and I have no idea where that has come from. He hasn't saved a dime this summer and that's his own doing. I'm going to fight that battle when it shows up. I have tried to keep him active the kids had passes to an amusement park and so on. I'm going to take a day off so that we can go again. I know the passes have more than paid for themselves as we will have them through the end of the year and the kids have enjoyed it.
Poor boyfriend .. LOL .. he's been terrific although some things he doesn't understand and we have been having the conversation about a few things. He was not present when his kids were growing up so he's fully capturing what it means to parent. All of a sudden it's not as easy as he thought it was .. LOL.
I just had to laugh about a few things in regards to the realities of parenting. He's been FANTASTIC so that's not been the issue however sometimes he's shocked over the fact of oh .. this is hard .. umm ..yyyyyeeesss .. LOL. He's had a bigger appreciation for his X after watching some of what I have gone through.
Life just isn't all one straight line and sometimes the curves are better than the zig zags.
I'm going to be glad when we get on the road and get to do a few things!!
a4l said
Jul 30, 2019
I love reading about life being lived. And the appreciation aspect of parenting. Have fun on the road!
Iamhere said
Jul 31, 2019
Serenity - I wish you the best road trip ever! Embrace the moment as best you can, stay as present as possible and pack your tools and HP for the adventure! Your post reminded me of a meeting last weekend where the entire topic was how powerless we are over those we gave birth to!!! It was comforting for me to again realize I was not alone in worrying about my sons, their choices, their journey, etc. Yet, over and over again, we all shared that we truly are powerless over them too - even when we believe we're in charge. I was humbled to hear over and over again that God doesn't have grandchildren - we all (kids included) are perfectly imperfect, designed by him, with different journeys! Be gentle with you! I am constantly reminded that all will be well so long as I get out of the way! Sending prayers and positive energy your way...(((Hugs)))
SerenityRUS said
Jul 31, 2019
I am so glad things worked out the way they did, I was able to have a sit down conversation with my oldest and he was very open.
He's got a lot going on that has no consistency at the moment. He's not practicing self care. He's admitted that August is a difficult month for him because he doesn't have a lot of memories during that August he had the seizure which explains a lot. I saw then the behavior I'm seeing now so this was a I'm looking at this from an outside point of view and this is what I'm seeing.
As we talked about things more was revealed .. lol .. as it normally is, he is in a big life decision mode and he's not thinking or acting like someone who's taking care of himself emotionally/mentally or physically at the moment. Lack of sleep, crazy schedules .. not eating properly .. he just needs to slow down a little and relax.
Anyway, .. I'm glad we had the conversation. LOL .. now if I can just get packed!!!
bud said
Jul 31, 2019
Wishing you safe travels and all things good on your trip... don't forget to pack your wonderful sense of humor
a4l said
Jul 31, 2019
You're an awesome mom Serenity.
Iamhere said
Jul 31, 2019
Serenity - I'm with a4l - you're an awesome mom! I love that you and your oldest were able to sit down and talk about 'it'....hopefully he realizes that by sharing with another what is burdening to him, it does feel better and feels less heavy! Have a marvelous trip!
I'm in process of trying to keep my mouth shut. I am feeling my oats so to speak so therefore have a tendency to speak way more bluntly than necessary. It's a character defect and I am aware of it.
Some of it could be the anxiety of the trip. While we planned it out the money is going to be tight to get the kids there, and they are making demands about food and money. Which is hard for me to say no. I have gotten snappish about it. Now the trip back will be more relaxing however everyone is going to be tired after a week of play.
Work is fine however I am having challenges with my patience. I have a new office mate who is fantastic however English is not her first language and so her phrasing of statements and so on is challenging for me. She starts everything with "I know" and at one point I said no you don't because you wouldn't be asking if you did know. She is curbing that a bit and I am really trying to just remind myself this is probably a nervous tick for her. This for me is a trigger .. LOL .. it's like talking to my kids. Mom what do you think? I tell them and then I'm told why I am wrong and so on. I notice this is a generational issue and I probably did it too when I was in my 20's.
I am having more challenges at home regarding my kids. My oldest is acting out and the last time I saw this level of acting out he was informing me of his plans to get a sleeve tattoo as he lives at home with no rent. I can tell you that did not go well. I realize he's an adult .. he's an adult that I am supporting on some level as he doesn't pay any bills in the house and no rent. He's had the reality check that his job would not afford him a studio apartment and the child doesn't even have a car at the moment. Now .. if he was contributing financially to household bills and so on I wouldn't have said a word about it. I also know his judgement is that of a teenager at the moment so he's also very impulsive and lacks maturity in terms of long term thought process. So as I am observing this behavior I'm waiting to hear his "next plan" and what a great idea it is .. LOL. I can tell you it won't be a great plan or idea. As this is completely impulse driven and I doubt he's aware he's doing it .. it's basically his version of spinning. So something is up .. it's a question of how long it will take for him to come out with it and how long it will take for him to be honest.
My youngest .. I'm glad the trip and school will be starting. I can tell he's bored and frustrated at the moment. Next summer he will have a full time job since he will be 16. So that needs to happen .. he needs some things to do. He is also under the hallucination that he's going to be driving his own car and I have no idea where that has come from. He hasn't saved a dime this summer and that's his own doing. I'm going to fight that battle when it shows up. I have tried to keep him active the kids had passes to an amusement park and so on. I'm going to take a day off so that we can go again. I know the passes have more than paid for themselves as we will have them through the end of the year and the kids have enjoyed it.
Poor boyfriend .. LOL .. he's been terrific although some things he doesn't understand and we have been having the conversation about a few things. He was not present when his kids were growing up so he's fully capturing what it means to parent. All of a sudden it's not as easy as he thought it was .. LOL.
I just had to laugh about a few things in regards to the realities of parenting. He's been FANTASTIC so that's not been the issue however sometimes he's shocked over the fact of oh .. this is hard .. umm ..yyyyyeeesss .. LOL. He's had a bigger appreciation for his X after watching some of what I have gone through.
Life just isn't all one straight line and sometimes the curves are better than the zig zags.
I'm going to be glad when we get on the road and get to do a few things!!
He's got a lot going on that has no consistency at the moment. He's not practicing self care. He's admitted that August is a difficult month for him because he doesn't have a lot of memories during that August he had the seizure which explains a lot. I saw then the behavior I'm seeing now so this was a I'm looking at this from an outside point of view and this is what I'm seeing.
As we talked about things more was revealed .. lol .. as it normally is, he is in a big life decision mode and he's not thinking or acting like someone who's taking care of himself emotionally/mentally or physically at the moment. Lack of sleep, crazy schedules .. not eating properly .. he just needs to slow down a little and relax.
Anyway, .. I'm glad we had the conversation. LOL .. now if I can just get packed!!!