Greetings all and apologies for the late post! I did not realize it was Thursday until I was headed to the wrong golf course....I struggle to know what day it is at times just because that's how life works for me!
Today's reading in Courage to Change is about recognizing that our feelings are an important part of the recovery process. We find often that we arrive with distorted and inappropriate ways of dealing with our anger - perhaps denying it, stuffing it, or exploding and directing the feelings outwards. Avoidance of conflict was the biggest tool prior to recovery for the author.
Our recovery program encourages us to acknowledge our feelings and be responsible for how we express them. Most of us find that the problem is not how we feel (anger) but that we don't know how to direct it properly.
Reminder: Feeling our feelings is one important part of the recovery process. Learning how to balance feelings with appropriate action is another.
Quote from Thomas Jefferson: "When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, an hundred."
When angry before recovery, I was one who practiced silent scorn, stuffing and then explosions - often blaming/shaming others for distorted views of reality with a splash of insanity. I used anger as my 'go-to' emotion for most things, as I didn't know how to even feel my feelings, let alone identify them.
Today, talking things out with my sponsor or a trusted program friend helps greatly. I do NOT have to sit here trying to figure out what I feel and why; I can write about it, talk about it and pray about it! I have never been let down by practicing this program when 'life' happens around me. I also can better see my part in conflicts, and explore healthier ways to communicate what I feel when I feel it and possibly even to a healthy person....I often 'trouble-shoot' with healthy friends/sponsor and then have a discussion with my loved ones.
I had to learn to let go of the past, throw aside the blame/shame towards others and embrace the concept of unconditional love and equality. I would not yell at another with a fatal cancer diagnosis, so why am I so fired up when my A does what A's do - drinks, relapses, denies, etc. I am better served to protect my serenity, walk away and talk it out with a healthy person.
I realize today that anger is not a healthy place for me. If I pause long enough to seek facts, I am usually fearful of not getting what I want/need or fearful of loosing something I think I want/need. Another emotion that matures into anger left unattended is disappointment. Same with frustration. In all of these, I often find my ego has returned, and I'm trying to direct/control others and outcomes.
Practicing the pause truly serves me well. The serenity prayer is golden. Our tools work when we use them. I'm grateful for Al-Anon and MIP! Happy Thursday all - make it a lovely day!
Aloha said
Jul 11, 2019
Thanks for the share, IAH
I go back and forth with this as my default reaction around being angry is DON'T speak up because I don't want to rock any boats. This has often left me just seething and stewing in my own negative energy. So the problem with not expressing my anger is that eventually... it DOES come out. And it's not pretty.
Through Al-Anon I've learned there's healthier ways to release the anger, however. First I can use the slogans, like "how important is it?" to put the matter that I'm upset over into proper perspective. There's a lot of things I decide to get angry with that in the big picture aren't worth my stress. I can then pause. Give my anger, as well as the person or situation to God and then pray on it before I speak out. Sometimes a conversation with my sponsor is helpful to get me to weed through what's necessary to say and what isn't. With me speaking about my anger with the person who may have introduced it to me sometimes has to come several days after an event as it just can take me that kind of time to process plus build up the courage to speak my truth if I determine it's necessary.
Yes. Fear is my driving factor behind anger, absolutely.
Back to God again with that, as for me, faith is opposite of fear.
I appreciate the timing of this as I'm finding myself starting to build some anger over something at present. When I weed back through WHY I'm getting this way it's because fear is sneaking around the edges of it.
Thank you!
Lyne said
Jul 13, 2019
Thanks for your service IAH. This is a great read about acknowledging feelings. I can still go astray in focusing however, what to do with my anger. Oten I am on point but lately I have felt angry at my A for not going to AA, and I've been trying to force solutions which of course, is doing nothing except making us both feel badly. Thanks to program I have had the ah-ha moment, and am turning my attention back to me and acceptance. I can also have the courage to make changes about myself. Slogans and the Serenity Prayer always help. Grateful member, Lyne
Greetings all and apologies for the late post! I did not realize it was Thursday until I was headed to the wrong golf course....I struggle to know what day it is at times just because that's how life works for me!
Today's reading in Courage to Change is about recognizing that our feelings are an important part of the recovery process. We find often that we arrive with distorted and inappropriate ways of dealing with our anger - perhaps denying it, stuffing it, or exploding and directing the feelings outwards. Avoidance of conflict was the biggest tool prior to recovery for the author.
Our recovery program encourages us to acknowledge our feelings and be responsible for how we express them. Most of us find that the problem is not how we feel (anger) but that we don't know how to direct it properly.
Reminder: Feeling our feelings is one important part of the recovery process. Learning how to balance feelings with appropriate action is another.
Quote from Thomas Jefferson: "When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, an hundred."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When angry before recovery, I was one who practiced silent scorn, stuffing and then explosions - often blaming/shaming others for distorted views of reality with a splash of insanity. I used anger as my 'go-to' emotion for most things, as I didn't know how to even feel my feelings, let alone identify them.
Today, talking things out with my sponsor or a trusted program friend helps greatly. I do NOT have to sit here trying to figure out what I feel and why; I can write about it, talk about it and pray about it! I have never been let down by practicing this program when 'life' happens around me. I also can better see my part in conflicts, and explore healthier ways to communicate what I feel when I feel it and possibly even to a healthy person....I often 'trouble-shoot' with healthy friends/sponsor and then have a discussion with my loved ones.
I had to learn to let go of the past, throw aside the blame/shame towards others and embrace the concept of unconditional love and equality. I would not yell at another with a fatal cancer diagnosis, so why am I so fired up when my A does what A's do - drinks, relapses, denies, etc. I am better served to protect my serenity, walk away and talk it out with a healthy person.
I realize today that anger is not a healthy place for me. If I pause long enough to seek facts, I am usually fearful of not getting what I want/need or fearful of loosing something I think I want/need. Another emotion that matures into anger left unattended is disappointment. Same with frustration. In all of these, I often find my ego has returned, and I'm trying to direct/control others and outcomes.
Practicing the pause truly serves me well. The serenity prayer is golden. Our tools work when we use them. I'm grateful for Al-Anon and MIP! Happy Thursday all - make it a lovely day!
I go back and forth with this as my default reaction around being angry is DON'T speak up because I don't want to rock any boats. This has often left me just seething and stewing in my own negative energy. So the problem with not expressing my anger is that eventually... it DOES come out. And it's not pretty.
Through Al-Anon I've learned there's healthier ways to release the anger, however. First I can use the slogans, like "how important is it?" to put the matter that I'm upset over into proper perspective. There's a lot of things I decide to get angry with that in the big picture aren't worth my stress. I can then pause. Give my anger, as well as the person or situation to God and then pray on it before I speak out. Sometimes a conversation with my sponsor is helpful to get me to weed through what's necessary to say and what isn't. With me speaking about my anger with the person who may have introduced it to me sometimes has to come several days after an event as it just can take me that kind of time to process plus build up the courage to speak my truth if I determine it's necessary.
Yes. Fear is my driving factor behind anger, absolutely.
Back to God again with that, as for me, faith is opposite of fear.
I appreciate the timing of this as I'm finding myself starting to build some anger over something at present. When I weed back through WHY I'm getting this way it's because fear is sneaking around the edges of it.
Thank you!