In today's reading from Courage to Change, the author reflects on a problem that many of us have: as a result of living with the effects of alcoholism, many of us lose perspective on who we are and what we can and cannot do. We accept ideas about our own limitations that are not based in reality. In AlAnon, we take an objective look at ourselves, and sort out the truths from falsehoods.
The author had been told that they had a weak constitution, and needed to avoid excitement and overexertion. Therefore, the author responded to most invitations with "I can't" and avoided exercise, sports, dancing, certain jobs, etc. Through AlAnon, the author realized that their perception of their physical abilities was not true, and they began to wonder how many other false assumptions were limiting their choices. Because the author found in AlAnon the support and encouragement to take a fresh look at themselves, they discovered that a whole new life opened up to them.
Today's Reminder: I won't let old, limiting ideas and doubts go unchallenged. I may discover strengths and talents that never had the chance to come to light. Today, by letting go of obsolete ideas, I have an opportunity to learn something wonderful about myself.
Today's Quote: "Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they're yours." Richard Bach
-----------
This was such a lovely reading for me to wake up to this morning! I remember really distinctly the moment I realized that I'd let other people's beliefs about my limitations become my own beliefs. The battery in our car would not hold a charge. Upon testing the battery, I discovered the battery to be good, and so I knew we needed a new alternator. My wife, her mother, her stepfather, and her aunts considered this a major, expensive catastrophe. I had found a used alternator that worked at the local salvage yard, and I was all set to go pick it up and install it. But, with all the feedback I was getting about my lack of ability to do so, I became paralyzed. We used a battery charger for two weeks to get the car where we needed to go because I had become so certain that I couldn't do it. But then, I remembered that I have, actually, successfully changed car alternators out in the past. I should believe in myself, because, having done the job successfully in the past, I should have good reason to believe that I would be able to do it again. So, I watched several youtube videos, bought the part, and started working on it. The hardest part of the job for me was figuring out how to link together 2 wrenches, since I didn't have the special alternator tool. Once I figured that out, the rest was easy and quickly done.
One thing I am working on in my AlAnon program is sorting out truths about my abilities from falsehoods. Over the years, I accepted a belief that I was unable to do mechanical or fit-it projects. I heard this over and over from multiple people, and since they were all in agreement, I apparently started to believe it as well. Whenever I need to take on a project now, I feel absolute fear and dread, and it is almost paralyzing. It is also entirely irrational. I grew up working on cars. I've done everything from routine brakes and oil to pulling an engine and replacing the front axle. While renovating my condo, I hung drywall, did plaster work, painted, hung cabinets, installed all new lighting fixtures, installed new tile and wood flooring, and replaced plumbing fixtures. At my family's lake cabin, each year I put in and take out the well pump and pipes, (including priming the pump in the spring and draining the pipes in the fall), chop wood, do routine maintenance and once in a while, use a house jack to level the building and preposition any sinking foundation blocks. With all this past evidence, it isn't as though I OUGHT to believe that I cannot fix things because of past experience. I'm so thankful to AlAnon for the tools of objective self-awareness, and positive self-talk. And, as I am becoming more aware of myself, my likes, my dislikes, my boundaries, the way I want to live my life, I remembered that I actually DO have hobbies that I enjoy, and one of them is, ironically, fixing things. I still get the "I can't do this" dread, but I no longer leave that limiting idea unchallenged, and I no longer allow that fear to prevent me from taking on projects that need doing and also happen to be enjoyable to me.
I hope you make today a great day!
Lyne said
Jul 10, 2019
Thanks for your service and your share Scorpi. I too, have had to let go of obsolete ideas about myself, and over time, learn whats true and what is not. Thank God for alanon! Both my parents went to thelr graves with their damaged selves, and my youngest brother is smart as a whip and very handsome, who caries a plethora of falsehoods about himself. In alanon I am encouraged to see my shortcomings as well as my assets. I have also been able to find the confidence to try new things even when not sure of the outcome. Program is a blessing for me, Lyne
PosiesandPuppies said
Jul 10, 2019
Great share about this topic, Skorpi! Thank you!
El said
Jul 10, 2019
Wow, Skorpi! You have many talents with all the car maintenance and home renovations. It sounds like there isn't anything you couldn't tackle! Yes, the old beliefs and tales from our FOO or others can last well into adulthood. When I went into teaching (as a 2nd career in my adulthood) my mother informed me that there was no way I could get up and teach because I was so shy. What?! I haven't been shy since I was 7 years old! To also show I wasn't shy, I taught high school health! LOL....can't be shy and talk about all the topics that entails. Also, I was always very bad at math and became paralyzed doing homework and taking tests. I was convinced I couldn't do it. Although it may never have been my strength, I am sure I could have done much better than I did if I had a different mindset about myself. How sad.
Step 4 really showed me obsolete beliefs about myself and I am still learning. I am still learning and adjusting my attitudes and beliefs about myself and others!
Thank you for the shares, MIP!
Ellen
Iamhere said
Jul 10, 2019
Thank you Skorpi for your service and the daily. Thank you also to you and others above me for your shares and ESH. For me, I spent a lifetime (so it seems) feeling inferior in most things. I suppose if you hear things often enough, they seep into your being and you believe them...
I really like this reading as it's a great summary for parts of my journey. I was unwilling to try 'new things' because I believed if I could not excel, I did not want to waste my time. I've had to really, really let go of that train of thought and just focus on being present, having fun, meeting new people, etc. I would not be 'here' today if it weren't for recovery. I did chuckle as I have taken up golf in the past few years hoping to improve my game and replace softball which has been a part of my life for a long, long while. I have to remind myself before going to golf and many times during it that it's supposed to be fun and I'm not expected to improve overnight! I remind myself that I am athletic and showing up is half the battle to improve my game!
We had a nasty huge storm blow through so they booted us off the course after a couple hours. It is what it is - life is so much better today when I just pause long enough to realize the God of my understanding truly wants me happy, joyous and free! Make it a great day all - for all of us working it each day, we are so, so worth it!!
Freetime said
Jul 10, 2019
Skorpi, thank you for your share this morning! It is inspiring to see how you are recognizing your true capabilities.
I am nowhere near as accomplished as you in the fix-it department, but in the last few years I have learned to do various repairs around the house, out of necessity. I found YouTube videos and learned how to replace doorknobs, fix the toilet, and repair holes in walls. My latest triumph was replacing some electric outlets. This is all new for me, and I bought new tools when needed.
I'm thinking that Al-Anon is like watching how-to videos on YouTube. By listening to shares we get to see how someone solved a problem -- whether it is just getting through the day, improving a relationship, leaving an unhealthy relationship, learning to love themselves -- and we can try to follow that example.
Aloha said
Jul 10, 2019
I really like this. I've been doing a lot of work lately around questioning limiting beliefs that have been fed to me over the years.
I think even steps two and three are an introduction into questioning our limiting beliefs as we're encouraged to do so when it comes to defining our Higher Power. I've seen many members "fire" or dismiss their old Higher Power because that HP was a punishing terrorist that they were lead to believe from old ideas presented to them over and over again in their developing years as "facts".
A lot of their stuff is business and finance related, but I can tell you that financial fears have been one of my biggest limiting beliefs that continually hold me back.
This reminds me once again that OTHER people's truths are NOT my own.
Hello MIP!
In today's reading from Courage to Change, the author reflects on a problem that many of us have: as a result of living with the effects of alcoholism, many of us lose perspective on who we are and what we can and cannot do. We accept ideas about our own limitations that are not based in reality. In AlAnon, we take an objective look at ourselves, and sort out the truths from falsehoods.
The author had been told that they had a weak constitution, and needed to avoid excitement and overexertion. Therefore, the author responded to most invitations with "I can't" and avoided exercise, sports, dancing, certain jobs, etc. Through AlAnon, the author realized that their perception of their physical abilities was not true, and they began to wonder how many other false assumptions were limiting their choices. Because the author found in AlAnon the support and encouragement to take a fresh look at themselves, they discovered that a whole new life opened up to them.
Today's Reminder: I won't let old, limiting ideas and doubts go unchallenged. I may discover strengths and talents that never had the chance to come to light. Today, by letting go of obsolete ideas, I have an opportunity to learn something wonderful about myself.
Today's Quote: "Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they're yours." Richard Bach
-----------
This was such a lovely reading for me to wake up to this morning! I remember really distinctly the moment I realized that I'd let other people's beliefs about my limitations become my own beliefs. The battery in our car would not hold a charge. Upon testing the battery, I discovered the battery to be good, and so I knew we needed a new alternator. My wife, her mother, her stepfather, and her aunts considered this a major, expensive catastrophe. I had found a used alternator that worked at the local salvage yard, and I was all set to go pick it up and install it. But, with all the feedback I was getting about my lack of ability to do so, I became paralyzed. We used a battery charger for two weeks to get the car where we needed to go because I had become so certain that I couldn't do it. But then, I remembered that I have, actually, successfully changed car alternators out in the past. I should believe in myself, because, having done the job successfully in the past, I should have good reason to believe that I would be able to do it again. So, I watched several youtube videos, bought the part, and started working on it. The hardest part of the job for me was figuring out how to link together 2 wrenches, since I didn't have the special alternator tool. Once I figured that out, the rest was easy and quickly done.
One thing I am working on in my AlAnon program is sorting out truths about my abilities from falsehoods. Over the years, I accepted a belief that I was unable to do mechanical or fit-it projects. I heard this over and over from multiple people, and since they were all in agreement, I apparently started to believe it as well. Whenever I need to take on a project now, I feel absolute fear and dread, and it is almost paralyzing. It is also entirely irrational. I grew up working on cars. I've done everything from routine brakes and oil to pulling an engine and replacing the front axle. While renovating my condo, I hung drywall, did plaster work, painted, hung cabinets, installed all new lighting fixtures, installed new tile and wood flooring, and replaced plumbing fixtures. At my family's lake cabin, each year I put in and take out the well pump and pipes, (including priming the pump in the spring and draining the pipes in the fall), chop wood, do routine maintenance and once in a while, use a house jack to level the building and preposition any sinking foundation blocks. With all this past evidence, it isn't as though I OUGHT to believe that I cannot fix things because of past experience. I'm so thankful to AlAnon for the tools of objective self-awareness, and positive self-talk. And, as I am becoming more aware of myself, my likes, my dislikes, my boundaries, the way I want to live my life, I remembered that I actually DO have hobbies that I enjoy, and one of them is, ironically, fixing things. I still get the "I can't do this" dread, but I no longer leave that limiting idea unchallenged, and I no longer allow that fear to prevent me from taking on projects that need doing and also happen to be enjoyable to me.
I hope you make today a great day!
Wow, Skorpi! You have many talents with all the car maintenance and home renovations. It sounds like there isn't anything you couldn't tackle! Yes, the old beliefs and tales from our FOO or others can last well into adulthood. When I went into teaching (as a 2nd career in my adulthood) my mother informed me that there was no way I could get up and teach because I was so shy. What?! I haven't been shy since I was 7 years old! To also show I wasn't shy, I taught high school health! LOL....can't be shy and talk about all the topics that entails. Also, I was always very bad at math and became paralyzed doing homework and taking tests. I was convinced I couldn't do it. Although it may never have been my strength, I am sure I could have done much better than I did if I had a different mindset about myself. How sad.
Step 4 really showed me obsolete beliefs about myself and I am still learning. I am still learning and adjusting my attitudes and beliefs about myself and others!
Thank you for the shares, MIP!
Ellen
I really like this reading as it's a great summary for parts of my journey. I was unwilling to try 'new things' because I believed if I could not excel, I did not want to waste my time. I've had to really, really let go of that train of thought and just focus on being present, having fun, meeting new people, etc. I would not be 'here' today if it weren't for recovery. I did chuckle as I have taken up golf in the past few years hoping to improve my game and replace softball which has been a part of my life for a long, long while. I have to remind myself before going to golf and many times during it that it's supposed to be fun and I'm not expected to improve overnight! I remind myself that I am athletic and showing up is half the battle to improve my game!
We had a nasty huge storm blow through so they booted us off the course after a couple hours. It is what it is - life is so much better today when I just pause long enough to realize the God of my understanding truly wants me happy, joyous and free! Make it a great day all - for all of us working it each day, we are so, so worth it!!
I am nowhere near as accomplished as you in the fix-it department, but in the last few years I have learned to do various repairs around the house, out of necessity. I found YouTube videos and learned how to replace doorknobs, fix the toilet, and repair holes in walls. My latest triumph was replacing some electric outlets. This is all new for me, and I bought new tools when needed.
I'm thinking that Al-Anon is like watching how-to videos on YouTube. By listening to shares we get to see how someone solved a problem -- whether it is just getting through the day, improving a relationship, leaving an unhealthy relationship, learning to love themselves -- and we can try to follow that example.
I really like this. I've been doing a lot of work lately around questioning limiting beliefs that have been fed to me over the years.
I think even steps two and three are an introduction into questioning our limiting beliefs as we're encouraged to do so when it comes to defining our Higher Power. I've seen many members "fire" or dismiss their old Higher Power because that HP was a punishing terrorist that they were lead to believe from old ideas presented to them over and over again in their developing years as "facts".
Entreprenuer.com has a load of great articles around questioning and shifting your limiting beliefs. Here's one such sample: https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/335248
A lot of their stuff is business and finance related, but I can tell you that financial fears have been one of my biggest limiting beliefs that continually hold me back.
This reminds me once again that OTHER people's truths are NOT my own.