. I have not been minding my own business. I am so tired of the alcoholic behavior. My spouse is either continuing to drink (which she denies) or is just a perfect dry drunk. In counseling last Monday I brought in an article on what is a dry drunk? And read excerpts to my spouse and the addiction counselor. My spouse has almost all of the attributes. The counselor asked her if she would consider alcohol treatment. Reluctantly she said yes.
I am watching her overeat at a frightening level. Today I asked her what she has decided about alcohol treatment, and what she thinks is going to happen if she continues to eat the way she is. Of course I received the answers she wants me to hear, yet with no plan or timeline to achieve any positive results. She attends OA, has a sponsor who has also been in AA, but my spouse has been on step 4 for about a year.
I recognize I need to get back on my side of the street and will try immediately. I appreciate any of you who read this and can offer a word of encouragement. Im not a doormat or sinking ship anymore, but I need to let go and let God and live and let live. I get it, Lyne
Iamhere said
Jul 7, 2019
(((Lyne))) - I must admit that I got a small chuckle out of your post title.....after reading your post, I am reminded of the three A(s) - Awareness, Acceptance and Action. I have been 'there' or 'here' and there is no doubt that I am a flawed human who has stepped onto the other side of the street! Good for you that you are aware of what your role is and you know what should happen next. I really, really try hard to not JADE my own behavior, yet know that deep down, my intentions are good even if my methods are leaning towards unhealthy.
I love that others in recovery are gentle and offer me ESH when I am in need. I heard early on that I can start my day over at any time! I have literally at various points in my day, paused a done a restart. For me, a typical day begins with prayer for God's will vs. my will, patience, peace of mind, understanding of others and my go to first prayer of Please keep me Sober, Serene, Sane and of Service. Next on my typical morning is readings, meditation and gratitude list. You are correct - you're not a doormat or a sinking ship - you can redirect, with help from our tools!
Sending positive thoughts and prayers. I also heard early on that I am to pray for those I am angry with or resent and I have a list that I make mention of each day, praying only for God's will in their lives! (((Hugs)))
SerenityRUS said
Jul 7, 2019
Lynn .. I really hope you do something nice foot yourself no matter how small. I tend to feel badly I have wandered off the path lol .. then I remember 2 things .. it's not easy being human .. annnnndddd I can look for new growth out of the backslide. Big hugs. :)
El said
Jul 7, 2019
Hi Lyne,
I don't see it as bad.....I see it as frustration. You have been working a strong program and as we know.....we also slip/relapse and then regroup to get back on track. I feel accomplished if I can go ONE day without making a comment, asking a leading question or using some type of passive-aggressive behavior to relay my disappointment. I think you are doing great and please don't be hard on yourself for being human and wanting the best for your wife and your life together.
Hugs,
Ellen
PosiesandPuppies said
Jul 7, 2019
I just wanted to offer my support ((((Lyne))).
I personally feel that living your recovery is doubly hard when still living with your Qualifier. But our recovery ebbs and flows... and thankfully doesn't have to be perfect!! Kudos for having great awareness of what you need to do next (for you)!
Wishing you some peace today!
2HP said
Jul 7, 2019
Lyne, I see this experience as "valuable."
Over time, I realized I was not a robot that could be automatically programmed even though I worked a diligent program. The only way I could change myself was to simply practice. I did a lot of back and forth, back and forth and only STOPPED when I realized which consequences I wanted and did NOT want.
Putting my hand on a hot stove "hurts" but it doesn't make me "bad."
whenever we see ourselves more clearly... that's value.
-- Edited by 2HP on Sunday 7th of July 2019 04:26:02 PM
I am watching her overeat at a frightening level. Today I asked her what she has decided about alcohol treatment, and what she thinks is going to happen if she continues to eat the way she is. Of course I received the answers she wants me to hear, yet with no plan or timeline to achieve any positive results. She attends OA, has a sponsor who has also been in AA, but my spouse has been on step 4 for about a year.
I recognize I need to get back on my side of the street and will try immediately. I appreciate any of you who read this and can offer a word of encouragement. Im not a doormat or sinking ship anymore, but I need to let go and let God and live and let live. I get it, Lyne
I love that others in recovery are gentle and offer me ESH when I am in need. I heard early on that I can start my day over at any time! I have literally at various points in my day, paused a done a restart. For me, a typical day begins with prayer for God's will vs. my will, patience, peace of mind, understanding of others and my go to first prayer of Please keep me Sober, Serene, Sane and of Service. Next on my typical morning is readings, meditation and gratitude list. You are correct - you're not a doormat or a sinking ship - you can redirect, with help from our tools!
Sending positive thoughts and prayers. I also heard early on that I am to pray for those I am angry with or resent and I have a list that I make mention of each day, praying only for God's will in their lives! (((Hugs)))
Hi Lyne,
I don't see it as bad.....I see it as frustration. You have been working a strong program and as we know.....we also slip/relapse and then regroup to get back on track. I feel accomplished if I can go ONE day without making a comment, asking a leading question or using some type of passive-aggressive behavior to relay my disappointment. I think you are doing great and please don't be hard on yourself for being human and wanting the best for your wife and your life together.
Hugs,
Ellen
I personally feel that living your recovery is doubly hard when still living with your Qualifier. But our recovery ebbs and flows... and thankfully doesn't have to be perfect!! Kudos for having great awareness of what you need to do next (for you)!
Wishing you some peace today!
Lyne, I see this experience as "valuable."
Over time, I realized I was not a robot that could be automatically programmed even though I worked a diligent program. The only way I could change myself was to simply practice. I did a lot of back and forth, back and forth and only STOPPED when I realized which consequences I wanted and did NOT want.
Putting my hand on a hot stove "hurts" but it doesn't make me "bad."
whenever we see ourselves more clearly... that's value.
-- Edited by 2HP on Sunday 7th of July 2019 04:26:02 PM