Todays reading is about how some of us have sought to fill voids in our lives (for love, attention, approval) with outside sources, such as food, other people, relationships. Recognizing an emptiness and then trying to fill it from the outside is a pattern that many of us have been caught up in. There is a line on this page that particularly stood out to me:
In Al-Anon I learned that when I expect more than others can give, I am setting myself up.
This one rings true for me as I remember having expectations of people around me that probably were not fair to those people! Why would anyone be trying to measure up to some idea of what I think they should be? Conversely, I think I have spent a fair amount of time trying to be what I imagine other people are hoping me to be. This type of conditional relationship is not a healthy one. Learning that the happiness we look for can only be found within our own selves is the lesson I take from this page.
The thought for the day asks what behaviors we use in order to meet our needs, and whether or not those behaviors are working. This is what I will be giving some thought to today. I hope everyone enjoys their Sunday:)
Mary
hotrod said
Jun 30, 2019
Great topic Mary substituting activities such as food or smoking for feelings was my go to solution. Enter alanon and working the steps I leaned how to feel my feelngs, express them in a healthy manner and move on Thanks for your service
-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 30th of June 2019 07:41:23 AM
IamLynn said
Jun 30, 2019
This is a good thought for me every day. Take the splinter out of my own eye before I can see clearly. Thanks.
PosiesandPuppies said
Jun 30, 2019
Thank you Mary for your service, and Betty and IamLynn for your shares.
I am currently wondering and trying to figure out what "hole" in my soul I have been trying to fill. My need to have others think well of me sometimes takes me by surprise... it's like I subconsciously do these behaviors... b/c I sure as heck am aware of them & try not to engage in them!!
Progress not perfection!
Enjoy your Sunday MIP family!!
yanksfan51 said
Jun 30, 2019
Same here -PNP. I have been trying to pay attention to this tendency of mine to fulfill whatever roles I think others are expecting of me.
I also have turned to food many times, not for healthy fuel but to fill some kind of void. Im grateful for the program and support to help me in this work in progress
Iamhere said
Jun 30, 2019
Happy Sunday MIP - thank you Mary for your service and the daily. Thanks to all of you for your ESH and shares...I can so relate to seeking approval, acceptance and much more from outside of myself, rarely finding long-term relief. I have come to accept that whatever void in me, my heart, my faith, my soul that exists just is and knowing the reason for it is less important than knowing how to mend it. I spent many years as a Quality Expert in business, and as such often try to apply proven methodologies for process to people. It doesn't work well as people are much more complex that processes, and trying to identify the root cause of a life-long habit or defect, to me, can be more time wasted.
For me, any behavior that 'is' can and possibly has been exploited by me at one time or another. Mind-altering substances, shopping, gambling, exercising, dieting, overeating, etc.....just this morning, in processing a negative exchange with my son, the thought of going shopping after my meeting instead of going home popped into my head - the insanity of this idea is that I have way, way more than one needs (food, clothing, toys, etc.) and I am trying to downsize from past shopping 'fixes' as well as a lifetime of pack-rat-ism....I am grateful that the God of my understanding nudged me to instead feel the feelings, continue the processing, talk at the meeting and deal in a more healthy way.
For those who have issues with food, a slogan I found, saw, read or heard some place really helped me - I need to eat to live instead of living to eat. Simple, yet profound and very helpful for me esp. with sugar, excess carbs...
So grateful that we can focus on progress for our measure of success in recovery and that perfection is discouraged! Living with those in reverse really caused me a ton of grief before embracing a different way to be, live and love. I hope everyone has a great, great Sunday!
DavidG said
Jun 30, 2019
Thanks Mary, and y'all... ...
I used food as a filler. It never caused weight problems, thankfully; but added greatly to my shame and despair.
I attacked this one, one day at a time. It took ages to level out- but things are okay today.
i used to stock up on food, which i could never hope to eat. And i wasted a lot. So today I modify this. eat what i have and reduce waste.
Sitting down and having a satisfying meal is a treat now... and a trend. I hate waste...
Good morning everyone-
Todays reading is about how some of us have sought to fill voids in our lives (for love, attention, approval) with outside sources, such as food, other people, relationships. Recognizing an emptiness and then trying to fill it from the outside is a pattern that many of us have been caught up in. There is a line on this page that particularly stood out to me:
In Al-Anon I learned that when I expect more than others can give, I am setting myself up.
This one rings true for me as I remember having expectations of people around me that probably were not fair to those people! Why would anyone be trying to measure up to some idea of what I think they should be? Conversely, I think I have spent a fair amount of time trying to be what I imagine other people are hoping me to be. This type of conditional relationship is not a healthy one. Learning that the happiness we look for can only be found within our own selves is the lesson I take from this page.
The thought for the day asks what behaviors we use in order to meet our needs, and whether or not those behaviors are working. This is what I will be giving some thought to today. I hope everyone enjoys their Sunday:)
Mary
Great topic Mary substituting activities such as food or smoking for feelings was my go to solution. Enter alanon and working the steps I leaned how to feel my feelngs, express them in a healthy manner and move on
Thanks for your service
-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 30th of June 2019 07:41:23 AM
I am currently wondering and trying to figure out what "hole" in my soul I have been trying to fill. My need to have others think well of me sometimes takes me by surprise... it's like I subconsciously do these behaviors... b/c I sure as heck am aware of them & try not to engage in them!!
Progress not perfection!
Enjoy your Sunday MIP family!!
Same here -PNP. I have been trying to pay attention to this tendency of mine to fulfill whatever roles I think others are expecting of me.
I also have turned to food many times, not for healthy fuel but to fill some kind of void. Im grateful for the program and support to help me in this work in progress
For me, any behavior that 'is' can and possibly has been exploited by me at one time or another. Mind-altering substances, shopping, gambling, exercising, dieting, overeating, etc.....just this morning, in processing a negative exchange with my son, the thought of going shopping after my meeting instead of going home popped into my head - the insanity of this idea is that I have way, way more than one needs (food, clothing, toys, etc.) and I am trying to downsize from past shopping 'fixes' as well as a lifetime of pack-rat-ism....I am grateful that the God of my understanding nudged me to instead feel the feelings, continue the processing, talk at the meeting and deal in a more healthy way.
For those who have issues with food, a slogan I found, saw, read or heard some place really helped me - I need to eat to live instead of living to eat. Simple, yet profound and very helpful for me esp. with sugar, excess carbs...
So grateful that we can focus on progress for our measure of success in recovery and that perfection is discouraged! Living with those in reverse really caused me a ton of grief before embracing a different way to be, live and love. I hope everyone has a great, great Sunday!
Thanks Mary, and y'all...
...
I used food as a filler. It never caused weight problems, thankfully; but added greatly to my shame and despair.
I attacked this one, one day at a time. It took ages to level out- but things are okay today.
i used to stock up on food, which i could never hope to eat. And i wasted a lot. So today I modify this. eat what i have and reduce waste.
Sitting down and having a satisfying meal is a treat now... and a trend. I hate waste...