Hi y'all...

              Saturday morning here, now... just a few quiet moments until the grand-daughters get up. Lovely kids... ...

I would expect to discuss medical issues with my sponsor- if I needed clarification- but these issues go beyond this. I believe strongly in seeking medical intervention- when needed. And the sooner the better.

But this morning I am looking at stuff that lies beyond the gambit of science. But not the realm of our Higher Power. However- having said that, in the end we must respond to the promptings of our Hp... to get ahead in our lives.

I asked my mum and she said she did not treat feed me. Her Mil said not to because it would ruin her figure. Our dad was an only child. So I suspect, too that he was not great-fed either

After the second world war the researcher John Bowlby studied children raised under extreme conditions. I observed lack of eye contain, and inability to thrive- for very obvious reasons. Baby need to bond and to make eye contact- to interact with sounds. All those things today we take for granted, mostly.

One thing I always remark on- is that most dads push prams and take their kids out to play too. And take a much more active role in raising kids. When I was a kid this was a no-no for dad's.

Th upshot of no colostrum was that I became unable to digest cow's milk. I had all sorts of trouble right through life- with grumbling tummy, glue ear, sinusitis and migraine. My body just could not break down and process milk.

We lived on a farm and we had unlimited access to milk, cream, and butter. Eventually i became a milkaholic. I was drinking cream by the bottlefull, milk, cheese and yoghurt. I realised that this was wrecking my insides, and everything else, in the end and I stopped.

It has taken me years to work through this issue. 

I know dad had trouble hearing properly. There was no regulation- clearing the passages- sneezing, coughing, and all that other maintenance the body routinely needs. So drinking was a comfort and a refuge for him, I suppose.

Outwardly he was grumpy, frustrated- quick to anger; and also often sullen and non-communicative.

As a kid I learned a really good lesson. Loved the smell of petrol. We had petrol delivered to our farm by the drum. One day my dad was working- pruning and I was sitting on the tractor sniffing petrol. I was four.

I tried to climb up on the pruning platform and fell down drunk. Dad picked me up and looked after me. He might have picked it was the petrol. After that I stayed away from the back of the car- when it was being filled. And stayed clear of the petrol drum.

This inoculated me from drinking really- spirits especially I tough too as poison- since I saw the effects it had on people. And they were still sick the next day. I am not a religious wowser, really- it is just the awful way people used drinking to avoid fun, singing and laughter.

When I stopped drinking milk- is was just the start of my journey- to change the things I could.The last five years I went to a chiropractor. I had to guide him to the places I needed most help with. He was pulling my ear and stuff... and it unblocked. I did not realise that my ears were not hearing properly. I did not have balanced hearing. I could not pick up the nuance and timbre of people's conversations...

...I used to say that I would gatecrash other people's conversations- and hope for the best. Hit and miss- not a good look.

It has taken me a while to adjust- and to enjoy the company of others. I am just so grateful and happy to have rejoined the human race! ...

I went to a physic too. I did some studies- outside of the programme- but realised that I was shallow breathing. As a kid I had suffered from gross neglect- and I believe that I got pneumonia. I recall being sent to the sick room as school to see th health nurse. It was a much different sense of cold that a common cold, or the flu. After waiting ages the nurse did not show up- and I went back to class.

I remember waking up one morning wet and cold- and hoping and praying that it would be a warm day. It was a warm day and I got through it. It if hadn't of been ah guess I would have dropped. And maybe then I would have gotten the help I so desperately needed?

Anyway I started in on breathing exercises... three or four years ago. What happened is that I coughed up heaps and heaps of gunk- for 6 or 8 weeks. I still cough a but up- every day. I can breath feet now. And the big plus is that I lost my death wish. I had had this terrible death wish- most of my life.

Fact is that I was drowning in my own fluids- and just managing to keep my nose above water, really... ...that is how I pictured the situation... and to turned out to be a fact. I was in a church there there were zip-zap healing and stuff. But goodness me- I needed years and years of patient work to rid myself of old stuff-in my head- through regular meetings and sharing. Yes... but also to act on the impulses of the holy spirit- which is how I term my Higher Power.

I used to get really angry- hostile at the lack of potential and stuff- and all the suffering.

I was always really hard to live with. Impossible sometimes. Exactly the same as my dad was.

In my 20's I had access to dope, LSD, heroin and other stuff- but my early lesson taught me that they were dead-end streets. But I did see many suffering people medicating on all sorts of stuff- finding a way through- or trying to.

I was in Alanon before sponsorship became the thing. Each new member would be given time to tell their story, inside the group- if they wanted to. Of course we all learned a lot from the process. There were few, if any instant solutions...  ...

...however I believe we must offer feed-back. I still think of Lois- much like the blue fairy in Pinnochio... sitting back there with her hopes and dreams. I once went to her home and got the CD about her life. I saw the swinging chair on the porch. I saw the LIFE magazine on her chair- with the page opened on the article on Buddhism. I went through Lois and Bill's bedroom and wandered through the grounds of Stepping Stones. I went up to "Wit's End" where The Traditions were written.

I was once a kid with the seat out of his pants and holes in his shoes. I had this "poor me" mentality for years- because I had been poor. But as you can see- I have travelled, and I have lived. We had had a family of three and now they have families. We have two fine grand-daughters sleeping over.

All considered- Indeed to learn to belong, and then to belong, before I could learn to fix myself. In my world I have seen lots of people horribly maimed for life- but then I had to turn and fix what I could- which was me...   ...

...being turned back- time and time again... "first things first"... is a good lesson, well learned...  ...

...thanks for your time- and thanks so much for the opportunity to share.

Ahakoa he iti, he pounamu... [although it is small, it is precious.] This refers to an adornment made out of pounamu, the green jade found in my country.

DavidG.

Good Morning David and thank you so much for your share. It's always such a pleasure reading about your life and Alanon journey. Thanks for offering inspiration and hope that life can change for the better. When I became honest, open and willing to admit my own imperfections, my parents shortcomings became more understandable. They too were just fragile human beings doing the best the could with what they had. I'm grateful we have a program that helps us to fearlessly inventory ourselves, learn from events of our past and move in a direction toward a more happy, joyous and free life. I enjoy reading ways you've taken your life back and are enjoying each day's gifts from you higher power. Ahakoa he iti, he pounamu... [although it is small, it is precious.]  Yes, these 24 hours are precious. Happy Fathers Day to you! TT