I have to laugh my HP has a truly wicked sense of humor. I am grateful for that because I am able to be in one spot and be reminded with a gentle knock things are not really different with the kids bio dad.
I want to give him the benefit of the doubt .. however he continues to remind me why I don't.
So I'm having to squabble about pennies (not really pennies however in the big scheme of what he owes me it's pennies .. LOL), these are completely reasonable requests. He makes more than I do, his mortgage is literally 1/3 of what I pay monthly in rent. Him and his wife pull in 6 figures I have no doubt about that.
Yet he has no idea who his kids are, my youngest has a beautiful base voice. He's in varsity choir as well as in a Jazz Choir and is the only sophomore who is doing this, he's 1 of 3 sophomores in varsity. This is such a BIG deal. He's currently taking summer lessons and I found out the kid is very talented in piano and I didn't even know it .. yes .. I'm a distracted parent. He took a year of piano and I want him to continue because he's taking another year of piano next year. Recently I purchased a keyboard (not expensive by any means, however at least now he can practice), I am not passing that cost on to my X. I would think a parenting relationship would be his dad would want to see him excel in these things however they never talk about them .. it's soooo weird. Instead my X sends the kids pictures of him playing the guitar. Umm .. oookkk .. it's just so off to me. Maybe that's his way of connecting however .. I guess my understanding is with my kids it's an exchange of ideas and information for lack of a better term. Oh I did pass the cost of a yearbook over to him 50%. Reminder .. he NEVER sees the kids, sooo .. I don't think that's a lot to say hey can you cover 50% of this. Thankfully, if he does that's great if he doesn't not my problem.
He's decided he's not going to contact me regarding what he owes. LOL. This is the second email I have sent regarding the yearbook and now we will be tacking on a music book (he will be studying from for singing). Let's not forget the eye glasses/contacts that will be added on to that price. Annnddd .. also the fact that he's taking lessons that I am required to pay for up front. It's worth it and I can do it .. that part is frustrating .. why wouldn't you want to do that for your kid and be involved. The only one stopping him is him.
Ohhh I haven't mentioned the no discussion of what he owes back. Don't get me started on that amount. I have already paid that out even when I couldn't, I will recover from that probably for a LONG time. So I'm very lucky that I am where I am now. I have come to a point where I'm not angry .. boy am I disappointed .. I think I'm disappointed that he's behaving like an active addict. I'm disappointed that I have to beg for everything. Do I mean EVERYTHING .. it's a pain in the butt.
I read about these parents who co parent together and think that would have been nice .. unfortunately it was not an option. In the beginning I was to angry and he was still soooo active so neither of us were reasonable people. I am in a place now that things really are turning for the better and that's so exciting to be here. I also know if he knew that he would be angry just from current behavior .. LOL. There is not a doubt in my mind he has the I'm taking HIS money .. never mind I'm raising OUR kids. He's checked out emotionally on them for about 10 years now. Possibly longer. Who knows and not my problem. Boy life would have been easier if he had been present and he hadn't been an active alcoholic. That's wishful thinking on my part.
Sometime over the summer the kids will be headed to their home town .. which is going to be sooo crazy. Given the obvious changes my oldest has gone through and I'm sooo glad he's not going TO town. Open minded is NOT the anthem of this place. He will be way further south and that will be so much better. Youngest will be seeing his BFF for a week. I am bringing my honey with me on this trip .. LOL .. that should be a party. He's never been to some of the area so we are not going to push like I normally do .. we can take our time there, maybe a little more rushed home .. at least it will be relaxing .. I hope. We will not go into town that trip however way closer than I normally go. We will do some tourist things. So it will be interesting.
What's missing .. another visit from dad. Asked my youngest and he's just not really interested right now. I always ask. I have had the conversation that you aren't betraying me because you go kind of deal. He's trying to play it off at the moment .. so we'll see.
Anyway, just a Friday ramble .. and we will move on from there .. why some parents don't feel it necessary to contribute on any level into their kids I don't get. I never will understand that at all.
S :)
DavidG said
Jun 7, 2019
I grew up- in the radio age, Serene. We had a radio on the mantlepiece. There was only one station we could tune into. One day a lady was singing opera. I remember my dad saying: "Turn that screaming b#### off!"
Not a helpful parent message. I loved the arts and wanted to go into law when I left school. Neither of things either happened. I somehow managed to go to university four times- and I passed once- the last time.
I was never a blue collar worker- more like a black singlet worker.
My heart aches for the kids in this family situation. Fact is though- my mum's creed was- get a good career under your belt- and them maybe look at poetry. Well, as you can see that didn't happen either. I worked on a railway gang with pick, shovel and crowbar and had a feature poem in a national publication.
I suspect that your boy will not belly-flop. ...
I think of the A,'s in my world- and how that limited their scope hugely.
I am now retired... and jus now picked up my new guitar- and picked out the bass notes for "Applewood Road". Very much doubt that I will ever qualify for the X-factor ...
SerenityRUS said
Jun 7, 2019
Ohh I love that David!!
I know logically my kid is going to have to carve out his own path and he's ultimately responsible and we have had these conversations .. I always available for support and to talk to in terms of if you need a what do I do next mom kind of thing. My mom's attitude about me going to college .. I was suppose to know how to do that even though that was never a conversation we had .. would she help .. not help .. going away to school oh forget it that would have never happened .. for whatever reason .. she's always been hell bent on squishing everything I try to do. I know I am now an adult .. duh .. I know what I can do if I want to go to school the question is .. do I want to now and it's always been what DO I want to do. LOL.
All of his decisions are the beginnings of life choices. I so want his to be better than either his dad's or mine. Life just doesn't have to be that hard.
I am very excited because at the moment I am looking for something which ironically is an opera .. LOL .. for my youngest and I to do together. I don't see this being my honey's cup of tea. I know from the time he was able to finally verbalize he has done nothing except talk about singing pretty music .. lol was how he put it. I'm trying to find one that's a little more manly man for him .. lol .. I want him to see all facets of it.
I tell both my kids that .. get a job and pursue your dream, always be able to support yourself regardless.
My oldest is getting a firm taste of that and understanding fully there is no supporting himself even working full time at the moment .. how sad is that?
It's not an easy place to be.
Hugs S :)
PS - You never know you could be the next X factor :)
DavidG said
Jun 7, 2019
Oh yes... the lat generation... not one conversation about what we are going to do, what we are going to be...
"how are things going" :... that sort of thing... In Alanon I learned to have these sort of conversations... at the every least- amongst ourselves...
...I call myself an omega male. Being the only male in Alanon- for name years- at least in my home town- made me a much better sort of man.
My youngest grandson, Paddy, plays sport- but also does ballet and dance... the upcoming generation does give me some hope!
PosiesandPuppies said
Jun 8, 2019
Serenity - I am so with you on the confusion over why would a parent just basically emotionally abandon their child. I mean, I understand the anger between Ex's... but somehow, you need to rise above that and be present with your kid(s). Sadly, this rarely happens. I believe it has everything to do with the person's Ego. So, in your case, your Ex will never get beyond that, b/c he always will feel like you are the "enemy." Since you have the kids, he will punish you through them. Very childish/ selfish thinking - but we all know how selfish the disease of Addiction is.
I commend you from one Ex wife to another, for taking the high ground, and leading your children by example... at least most of the time! LOL! ;)
I think it is awesome that your youngest has perhaps found his passion!!! Great job Mama for nurturing his God-given talent!!
I have to laugh my HP has a truly wicked sense of humor. I am grateful for that because I am able to be in one spot and be reminded with a gentle knock things are not really different with the kids bio dad.
I want to give him the benefit of the doubt .. however he continues to remind me why I don't.
So I'm having to squabble about pennies (not really pennies however in the big scheme of what he owes me it's pennies .. LOL), these are completely reasonable requests. He makes more than I do, his mortgage is literally 1/3 of what I pay monthly in rent. Him and his wife pull in 6 figures I have no doubt about that.
Yet he has no idea who his kids are, my youngest has a beautiful base voice. He's in varsity choir as well as in a Jazz Choir and is the only sophomore who is doing this, he's 1 of 3 sophomores in varsity. This is such a BIG deal. He's currently taking summer lessons and I found out the kid is very talented in piano and I didn't even know it .. yes .. I'm a distracted parent. He took a year of piano and I want him to continue because he's taking another year of piano next year. Recently I purchased a keyboard (not expensive by any means, however at least now he can practice), I am not passing that cost on to my X. I would think a parenting relationship would be his dad would want to see him excel in these things however they never talk about them .. it's soooo weird. Instead my X sends the kids pictures of him playing the guitar. Umm .. oookkk .. it's just so off to me. Maybe that's his way of connecting however .. I guess my understanding is with my kids it's an exchange of ideas and information for lack of a better term. Oh I did pass the cost of a yearbook over to him 50%. Reminder .. he NEVER sees the kids, sooo .. I don't think that's a lot to say hey can you cover 50% of this. Thankfully, if he does that's great if he doesn't not my problem.
He's decided he's not going to contact me regarding what he owes. LOL. This is the second email I have sent regarding the yearbook and now we will be tacking on a music book (he will be studying from for singing). Let's not forget the eye glasses/contacts that will be added on to that price. Annnddd .. also the fact that he's taking lessons that I am required to pay for up front. It's worth it and I can do it .. that part is frustrating .. why wouldn't you want to do that for your kid and be involved. The only one stopping him is him.
Ohhh I haven't mentioned the no discussion of what he owes back. Don't get me started on that amount. I have already paid that out even when I couldn't, I will recover from that probably for a LONG time. So I'm very lucky that I am where I am now. I have come to a point where I'm not angry .. boy am I disappointed .. I think I'm disappointed that he's behaving like an active addict. I'm disappointed that I have to beg for everything. Do I mean EVERYTHING .. it's a pain in the butt.
I read about these parents who co parent together and think that would have been nice .. unfortunately it was not an option. In the beginning I was to angry and he was still soooo active so neither of us were reasonable people. I am in a place now that things really are turning for the better and that's so exciting to be here. I also know if he knew that he would be angry just from current behavior .. LOL. There is not a doubt in my mind he has the I'm taking HIS money .. never mind I'm raising OUR kids. He's checked out emotionally on them for about 10 years now. Possibly longer. Who knows and not my problem. Boy life would have been easier if he had been present and he hadn't been an active alcoholic. That's wishful thinking on my part.
Sometime over the summer the kids will be headed to their home town .. which is going to be sooo crazy. Given the obvious changes my oldest has gone through and I'm sooo glad he's not going TO town. Open minded is NOT the anthem of this place. He will be way further south and that will be so much better. Youngest will be seeing his BFF for a week. I am bringing my honey with me on this trip .. LOL .. that should be a party. He's never been to some of the area so we are not going to push like I normally do .. we can take our time there, maybe a little more rushed home .. at least it will be relaxing .. I hope. We will not go into town that trip however way closer than I normally go. We will do some tourist things. So it will be interesting.
What's missing .. another visit from dad. Asked my youngest and he's just not really interested right now. I always ask. I have had the conversation that you aren't betraying me because you go kind of deal. He's trying to play it off at the moment .. so we'll see.
Anyway, just a Friday ramble .. and we will move on from there .. why some parents don't feel it necessary to contribute on any level into their kids I don't get. I never will understand that at all.
S :)
Not a helpful parent message. I loved the arts and wanted to go into law when I left school. Neither of things either happened. I somehow managed to go to university four times- and I passed once- the last time.
I was never a blue collar worker- more like a black singlet worker.
My heart aches for the kids in this family situation. Fact is though- my mum's creed was- get a good career under your belt- and them maybe look at poetry. Well, as you can see that didn't happen either. I worked on a railway gang with pick, shovel and crowbar and had a feature poem in a national publication.
I suspect that your boy will not belly-flop.
...
I think of the A,'s in my world- and how that limited their scope hugely.
I am now retired... and jus now picked up my new guitar- and picked out the bass notes for "Applewood Road". Very much doubt that I will ever qualify for the X-factor
...
I know logically my kid is going to have to carve out his own path and he's ultimately responsible and we have had these conversations .. I always available for support and to talk to in terms of if you need a what do I do next mom kind of thing. My mom's attitude about me going to college .. I was suppose to know how to do that even though that was never a conversation we had .. would she help .. not help .. going away to school oh forget it that would have never happened .. for whatever reason .. she's always been hell bent on squishing everything I try to do. I know I am now an adult .. duh .. I know what I can do if I want to go to school the question is .. do I want to now and it's always been what DO I want to do. LOL.
All of his decisions are the beginnings of life choices. I so want his to be better than either his dad's or mine. Life just doesn't have to be that hard.
I am very excited because at the moment I am looking for something which ironically is an opera .. LOL .. for my youngest and I to do together. I don't see this being my honey's cup of tea. I know from the time he was able to finally verbalize he has done nothing except talk about singing pretty music .. lol was how he put it. I'm trying to find one that's a little more manly man for him .. lol .. I want him to see all facets of it.
I tell both my kids that .. get a job and pursue your dream, always be able to support yourself regardless.
My oldest is getting a firm taste of that and understanding fully there is no supporting himself even working full time at the moment .. how sad is that?
It's not an easy place to be.
Hugs S :)
PS - You never know you could be the next X factor :)
Oh yes... the lat generation... not one conversation about what we are going to do, what we are going to be...
"how are things going" :... that sort of thing... In Alanon I learned to have these sort of conversations... at the every least- amongst ourselves...
...I call myself an omega male. Being the only male in Alanon- for name years- at least in my home town- made me a much better sort of man.
My youngest grandson, Paddy, plays sport- but also does ballet and dance... the upcoming generation does give me some hope!
I commend you from one Ex wife to another, for taking the high ground, and leading your children by example... at least most of the time! LOL! ;)
I think it is awesome that your youngest has perhaps found his passion!!! Great job Mama for nurturing his God-given talent!!