Hi everyone. Was at my weekly meeting yesterday and something interesting happened that sort of left me wondering. At some point someone had mentioned something about wining and dining at an Al Anon event, and quickly corrected themselves with the wining part. Well this left me wondering, what is Al Anons take on alcohol? Even though I grew up in an alcoholic home, and am married to an active alcoholic- I actually enjoy having a drink once in a while. Is Al Anon anti-alcohol, even if you do not have a drinking problem? I just felt the collective unease in the room when that statement was made. Maybe its my imagination?

I second what Freetime has shared. Al-Anon has no position on outside issues, including the disease itself. I (double winner) am around others who drink often (some responsibly and others not so much) and am not affected or concerned today. When first in recovery, I would not have put myself in such situations. It just took me some time to get to a spiritual place where it's not my concern and I can freely practice 'live and let live'!

I know many members who enjoy a drink now and then. Some may be alcoholics themselves and not realize it - but it's not my place to decide that for them. As others have said, there are lots of people out there who do not have the physical allergy to alcohol that leads to addiction.

Remember this - the drinking is a symptom of the alcoholic's disease. Not the cause. A symptom. This means alcohol itself is not the cause of their disease, either.

Alcoholism is a spiritual disease.

That said, I myself choose not to drink. It's not because I want to make sure others around me feel comfortable. Or because I'm trying to manage my image and not look like a hypocrite. It's because I don't like how alcohol makes me feel and behave when I drink it, and because my family tree has such a robust history of alcoholism in it, I feel like I'm playing Russian Roulette any time I imbibe. I'd rather not go there. I can relax and enjoy myself in other ways. But I recognize that as a personal choice only and do not expect Al-Anon members to believe the same as I.

As others have said, the Al-Anon program as a whole has no position on alcohol.

Thank you all for your replies. I guess I never looked at it as alcohol being the enemy , which for many people it may be. I would never judge anyone on their choice to imbibe or not. It just was very palpable in the room that quite a few felt uncomfortable by the statement. Im glad to know I wouldnt be judged for enjoying a drink here and there. Theres so much to learn yet for me in this program. But Im learning every day something, as little as it may be. Thank you again....

Elabella,

I enjoy a drink from time to time. This is a very personal choice especially given the triggers some people have around it. I completely respect that, so sometimes i'm out and I have a drink and sometimes I'm out and I don't drink. I think for me I want to show my children that there is such thing as moderation. They haven't seen a lot of that .. it's usually all or nothing. There is such thing as saying no and that's perfectly fine. Teaching them that you don't have to drink or be in an altered state of mind to have a good time is paramount. It's ok to say no and still have a good time. I also have concerns about making it a challenge .. see I can have just one. So we talk about drugs and alcohol and they ask questions and I answer. That's not to say I have a guarantee they won't wind up with an addiction issue.

Both of my kids have been down a road with their dad (my X), my oldest went down a super dark path when he started school and that was a hot mess. That was drinking, pot and Xanax. I knew something was wrong I didn't know HOW wrong .. when I found out how wrong he was coming down and out of control completely .. that was a tough time. I did NOT handle this situation well on any level .. there was a whole lot going on I knew was not ok and just really didn't know to what point until he got sobered up completely. Things have really been a whole lot better, that was almost 2 years ago now. My oldest at this point is not 21, .. rule is you leave this house sober .. you come home sober .. if you can't do that then you need to find another place to live .. I can't go down that path again. I explained that to him .. his dad already used that up in me. He gets it. He knows how bad I was during that time and I just can't again. I have been through enough with the oldest .. LOL. My youngest decided to pick up where the oldest left off only to much messier and mother nature dire consequences, his was to try vodka .. OMG .. I was not impressed and by the end of his experimenting neither was he. Mother nature really bit him in the butt and honestly thank God for Alanon because I didn't over react. I let him handle it in terms of the natural consequences. He wasn't impressed or anxious to go around that again .. hours of vomiting .. (this all occurred at a now x friends house, he decided on his own that real friends don't let you roll around in your own vomit and not wake their parents). I was not impressed however I was impressed with his choices after (I have told him that too) .. it didn't hurt that he smelled vodka and sour vomit for days and I mean like 7 days after the initial incident. 2 days after we were washing sheets daily because for him everything smelled like vomit. It didn't hurt that we addressed the issue when he was sober and I never raised my voice. For him that was the worst .. it would have been easier if I had freaked out. It didn't hurt that he fully understood why drinking was meant for adults and not kids. None of which I needed to impart to him. Again mother nature can be a mean ass teacher, and his biggest question and comment was how do people get up the next day and go to work after something like this? I told him imagine doing what you did every.single.day. That's how you feel every day .. how much do you have to hate yourself to put yourself through something like that and not be able to stop. I do find addiction to be self punishment as well as they physical obsession. My opinion .. lol .. that's how I see it.

I would rather have those conversations than not talk about it or say alcohol/drugs bad .. you are a bad person if you do those things. That doesn't do anything except add to the guilt if they have been using or drinking. So again .. super personal choice .. and no one has the right to tell you yes you should or no you shouldn't .. you feel how you feel. Interestingly enough studies have been shown that what I call super codies who are with their active A's have more of a chance of going down the road of alcoholism because they are trying to morph to their A's .. it's what a codie does. I don't know why I didn't drink when I was with my XA maybe because I was subconsciously punishing him .. or if I felt like I couldn't drink because HE had the problem. I def had a problem with how I responded and rationalized my own drinking when I was with him. Now it just is what it is .. if I feel like something I have it if not I don't, usually I'm just to lazy .. I have to go buy it and then it turns into a whole inner dialog of do I need it, it's expensive .. I could do XYZ instead .. LOL. By that time I'm exhausted and over the drink .. LOL.

Hugs .. keep coming back and you aren't alone in this question.

First, let me say right up front...I drink. I don't view alcohol as the enemy, not for me, not for most people. For some, it is. But it's not my business and not my place to to label, judge or view alcohol as the enemy for someone else. That's my belief, and I am visceral about it. I also belief that far too many people -- in alanon, here on this board, and in the world in general -- are judgmental, and they are under the guise of of denial, rationalization, justification, etc. That is just my belief.

That said, for me, why I come here, is for alanon. I don't mix or participate in discussions where AA and alanon are "mixed" so to speak. As we hear and learn in alanon, it is a different program, a different recovery, and it's looked at from the alanon perspective...not the AA perspective. So, for me, how a member of AA handles what they handle is their side of the street. Do I go to open AA meetings? Absolutely! Do they help me? Absolutely! But it's an AA meeting. Not AA and alanon. I take an experience, something I heard, a story, and it goes with me. There is a distinction between AA and alanon. Again, that's just for me.

So, that being my case -- when I look at alanon members who raise children, and the other spouse is in AA...or in a divorce scenario, two parents, living separately, one in AA and one in alanon, co-parenting, raising children...I see some distinctions. Clear distinctions. Sure, whether or not a child will become an addict, alcoholic, etc. -- yes, there are genetics involved. There is a predisposition. Only an idiot would argue that. There may not be indisputable proof, but I don't need proof to know gravity exists. Someone else may have proven it already, but I don't need to prove it as well for myself, my standards, my terms, etc.

All that be as it may -- people can say it's the roll of the dice, the cards you're dealt, random, etc. -- but with kids who have ended up being alcoholics, addicts, compulsive gamblers, hoarders, or any other ailment, condition, etc.; I have seen distinctions from those who don't end up that way.

Elabella - the best part about recovery is each of us gets to practice suggestions that work for us! Both programs suggest 'when the hand of .... reaches out' - intending that we help others when/who ask for it. I host a Women in Recovery taco night each Monday, and we've got AA and Al-Anon attendees. I do know some of the Al-Anon member enjoy a drink once in a while, yet they've never ordered at the restaurant, and have never asked about it. It's just become an unspoken thing that may/may not change - who knows.

Just keep doing you, keep asking and growing - that's how we learn! Great topic...thanks for the post!

Thank you everyone! Such great posts. Its very interesting to see how varied the opinions and attitudes are towards alcohol.