Today is going to be a tough day .. I have worked with a woman who is like me not perfect .. LOL.
She's retiring today, and the past month has been difficult because I think we both struggle with saying "Goodbye". I have spent more time with her than I have my family working here over the past 3 years.
It makes me so sad and today I will have tears before and after she leaves. We aren't saying goodbye goodbye. However I won't get to spend my time and she's leaving to start an amazing journey. I am soooo excited for her and her hubby.
It doesn't make today easier and I have been more prone to acting out recently getting my feelings hurt and just over all way more sensitive to things that normally wouldn't bother me.
I realized something that I don't do good at goodbyes and I have done everything I can do to distance myself at this point for protection. I just don't know if I want to keep living like that my sponsor who passed away was easier only because I wasn't there .. I didn't have to go through the process daily. Out of sight out of mind is an emotionally safer way to go.
It's only half living. I don't like feeling vulnerable. So there's the dichotomy in my thoughts or is it more of an oxymoron. LOL.
So I expect to have a lot of private and public tears both of which I won't do well with and am trying to sit in my discomfort to process.
S :)
PosiesandPuppies said
May 30, 2019
((((Hugs))))
My ESH: I would just accept that it's going to be a rough day (as it sounds like you already have), and understand you will need to just feel the emotions. Since saying "Goodbye" is tough for you, perhaps give her a card with all your sentiments on it... so that no word goes unspoken?
Giving you support today, with much love!
Aloha said
May 30, 2019
It sounds like you're recognizing the fragility of your state at the moment and that's great. Gives you an opportunity to be gentle with yourself and also be aware of your behaviors around others (ie: leaking).
I have anxiety at times saying goodbye to people, too. It's an attachment thing for me at times - a fear of losing something I "have" and what will end up filling that space when that person is no longer around. Depending on the circumstances, too, I sometimes wonder if I was a good person to be around, or maybe I feel some jealousy at their departure (like they're moving forward and I'm still stuck), etc. etc. It's all stuff I have to work out through prayer, meditation, and using my other Al-Anon tools like talking with my sponsor, etc.
I'm glad it sounds like you're allowing yourself to just feel what you have to feel. Remember feelings aren't wrong. It's what we do with our feelings that can lead us to either regret or serenity.
Much support to you.
canadianguy said
May 30, 2019
First of all - ((((hugs)))), as it is never easy to say goodbye to someone we have become close with....
I think for me, I try to treat others as I would like to be treated, so if you put the shoe on the other foot, and you were the one leaving - how would you want your work friend to treat you?
Sounds to me like your work friend is in a great place, and about to start an exciting new chapter in her life..... Kudos to her, and true friendship is not all that different than true love - if you care enough about this person, you'll be happy that they are happy, and have a good feeling inside about it. Your relationship isn't ending, it is just changing..... If you both choose to - you may not see each other nearly as often as you have become accustomed to, but the strength of the connection and friendship can remain....
Take care
Tom
DavidG said
May 30, 2019
... ... Serene... I find that tears- are much more acceptable these days- in amongst people we know well- especially... ...
SerenityRUS said
May 30, 2019
David your post made me snort laughing because the IT guy came in and asked me how I was doing and for some reason asked if I had cried. I laughed and said yes and if you keep asking questions I will start again. He is young and low life experience with the opposite sex lol .. he moved quickly out of range lol .. why do people ask questions they really don't want to know the answer to. Lol?? I'm just glad tomorrow is Friday.
tiredtonite said
May 30, 2019
I'm sorry you are having to say goodbye to your friend at work. It really is a comfort when you find someone who gets you, who will have your back and look forward to seeing on the job. It's nice that the departure is under positive circumstances and you're happy for her. So I'm guessing the big finish is tomorrow and you're fearing the unknown, all kinds of unknowns.. how you'll feel and react on her last day, the first day coming in and not seeing her at work and what the workplace will be like for you without her there. Already feeling the grieving and maybe you're even a bit angry that she's going because of course you're going to miss her.
Maybe you're both on the path to some new discoveries huh? Her with her hubby now that she is leaving the company and you because maybe hp feels you're ready for a new experience. It's nice when we know we'll be in contact with our old friends at work again. I still see a few and catch up. One I'm closer with now than we were as coworkers. She became a true friend of four years now.
Funny how we worry about shedding tears in front of others. A coworker with a beautiful voice favored us with a song last week when we finished work. I'd never heard her singing voice. She's actually a professional singer. The song she sang was so poignant and her voice so beautiful, I cried. I was the only one crying. Yes, I looked around. I felt vulnerable and concerned about being judged. I was able to brush away that faulty thinking much more quickly than years ago. I felt gratitude in the moment, what a gift to have heard her and to be moved by the beauty of her voice and the words.
I hope tomorrow is a wonderful day of celebration for you and your friend at work. No doubt it'll feel a little sad but you're really only taking your friendship to another level now. She just isn't going to be at the workplace. Cry a river if you need to. She might too. Of course you can find something humorous to share and give her a gag gift of some sort to take with her. That can help lighten things a bit. Showing her how much you care with your tears I've no doubt will touch her and be the best gift.. knowing she made a true friend on the job. (((hugs))) TT
Iamhere said
May 31, 2019
(((Serenity))) - hugs for you as you close this chapter with this friend and start a new one! Feel what you feel and trust the process, program and HP - we never know what's coming next and my experience is that it's typically way better than I ever projected! Happy Friday...
PosiesandPuppies said
May 31, 2019
Thinking of you today...(((((Serenity))))
El said
May 31, 2019
Also thinking of you, Serenity. There is much good ahead. Hugs!
Ellen
SerenityRUS said
May 31, 2019
She left yesterday and there were tears. I think what I'm struggling with is the last time I said goodbye to someone older than me I wound up saying the last goodbye. So this is bringing up a bunch of stuff with my sponsor, it's all good stuff it's just stuff to deal with.
The good news is she's been texting already on their adventure. It really is exciting stuff who hasn't ever wanted to sell it all and travel in a 5th wheel around the country? This is a long term dream for them and I am thrilled they are living it. It gives me hope that I can dream and it gives me hope that I can keep doing what I need to do in order to get through things.
I don't feel well and haven't for a few days. So I am going home taking cold medicine and sleeping. I will throw pizza at the minions that are home and call it a complete night. I'm sure I will be up at butt crack ohundred however well worth it if it means I get some good sleep and I can shut my brain off.
It seems like I might have a fever at this point I am just going to keep on keeping on for another hour.
:)
JerryF said
May 31, 2019
You have a way of drawing the picture for me girl. Lots of laughs and emotions which are a practice for me. Thanks. (((hugs)))
Iamhere said
May 31, 2019
(((Serenity))) - hope you feel better soon! How awesome that your friend is chasing a dream and texting you updates! That made me smile big-time!
PosiesandPuppies said
Jun 1, 2019
She's a good friend... taking the time to text of her adventures. No one has to do that... but she probably thought that in doing so, she could lessen the sting of her leaving.
So sorry you have a bug... I am hoping Saturday sees you feeling better! If not, you know what to do... extra TLC!!!
Today is going to be a tough day .. I have worked with a woman who is like me not perfect .. LOL.
She's retiring today, and the past month has been difficult because I think we both struggle with saying "Goodbye". I have spent more time with her than I have my family working here over the past 3 years.
It makes me so sad and today I will have tears before and after she leaves. We aren't saying goodbye goodbye. However I won't get to spend my time and she's leaving to start an amazing journey. I am soooo excited for her and her hubby.
It doesn't make today easier and I have been more prone to acting out recently getting my feelings hurt and just over all way more sensitive to things that normally wouldn't bother me.
I realized something that I don't do good at goodbyes and I have done everything I can do to distance myself at this point for protection. I just don't know if I want to keep living like that my sponsor who passed away was easier only because I wasn't there .. I didn't have to go through the process daily. Out of sight out of mind is an emotionally safer way to go.
It's only half living. I don't like feeling vulnerable. So there's the dichotomy in my thoughts or is it more of an oxymoron. LOL.
So I expect to have a lot of private and public tears both of which I won't do well with and am trying to sit in my discomfort to process.
S :)
My ESH: I would just accept that it's going to be a rough day (as it sounds like you already have), and understand you will need to just feel the emotions. Since saying "Goodbye" is tough for you, perhaps give her a card with all your sentiments on it... so that no word goes unspoken?
Giving you support today, with much love!
I have anxiety at times saying goodbye to people, too. It's an attachment thing for me at times - a fear of losing something I "have" and what will end up filling that space when that person is no longer around. Depending on the circumstances, too, I sometimes wonder if I was a good person to be around, or maybe I feel some jealousy at their departure (like they're moving forward and I'm still stuck), etc. etc. It's all stuff I have to work out through prayer, meditation, and using my other Al-Anon tools like talking with my sponsor, etc.
I'm glad it sounds like you're allowing yourself to just feel what you have to feel. Remember feelings aren't wrong. It's what we do with our feelings that can lead us to either regret or serenity.
Much support to you.
First of all - ((((hugs)))), as it is never easy to say goodbye to someone we have become close with....
I think for me, I try to treat others as I would like to be treated, so if you put the shoe on the other foot, and you were the one leaving - how would you want your work friend to treat you?
Sounds to me like your work friend is in a great place, and about to start an exciting new chapter in her life..... Kudos to her, and true friendship is not all that different than true love - if you care enough about this person, you'll be happy that they are happy, and have a good feeling inside about it. Your relationship isn't ending, it is just changing..... If you both choose to - you may not see each other nearly as often as you have become accustomed to, but the strength of the connection and friendship can remain....
Take care
Tom
I'm sorry you are having to say goodbye to your friend at work. It really is a comfort when you find someone who gets you, who will have your back and look forward to seeing on the job. It's nice that the departure is under positive circumstances and you're happy for her. So I'm guessing the big finish is tomorrow and you're fearing the unknown, all kinds of unknowns.. how you'll feel and react on her last day, the first day coming in and not seeing her at work and what the workplace will be like for you without her there. Already feeling the grieving and maybe you're even a bit angry that she's going because of course you're going to miss her.
Maybe you're both on the path to some new discoveries huh? Her with her hubby now that she is leaving the company and you because maybe hp feels you're ready for a new experience. It's nice when we know we'll be in contact with our old friends at work again. I still see a few and catch up. One I'm closer with now than we were as coworkers. She became a true friend of four years now.
Funny how we worry about shedding tears in front of others. A coworker with a beautiful voice favored us with a song last week when we finished work. I'd never heard her singing voice. She's actually a professional singer. The song she sang was so poignant and her voice so beautiful, I cried. I was the only one crying. Yes, I looked around. I felt vulnerable and concerned about being judged. I was able to brush away that faulty thinking much more quickly than years ago. I felt gratitude in the moment, what a gift to have heard her and to be moved by the beauty of her voice and the words.
I hope tomorrow is a wonderful day of celebration for you and your friend at work. No doubt it'll feel a little sad but you're really only taking your friendship to another level now. She just isn't going to be at the workplace. Cry a river if you need to. She might too. Of course you can find something humorous to share and give her a gag gift of some sort to take with her. That can help lighten things a bit. Showing her how much you care with your tears I've no doubt will touch her and be the best gift.. knowing she made a true friend on the job. (((hugs))) TT
Also thinking of you, Serenity. There is much good ahead. Hugs!
Ellen
The good news is she's been texting already on their adventure. It really is exciting stuff who hasn't ever wanted to sell it all and travel in a 5th wheel around the country? This is a long term dream for them and I am thrilled they are living it. It gives me hope that I can dream and it gives me hope that I can keep doing what I need to do in order to get through things.
I don't feel well and haven't for a few days. So I am going home taking cold medicine and sleeping. I will throw pizza at the minions that are home and call it a complete night. I'm sure I will be up at butt crack ohundred however well worth it if it means I get some good sleep and I can shut my brain off.
It seems like I might have a fever at this point I am just going to keep on keeping on for another hour.
:)
You have a way of drawing the picture for me girl. Lots of laughs and emotions which are a practice for me. Thanks. (((hugs)))
So sorry you have a bug... I am hoping Saturday sees you feeling better! If not, you know what to do... extra TLC!!!