Hi everyone,
I've not posted for a while. I thought I was doing well, going to meetings, starting to recover and relearn behaviours. However, in the last month I've been dealing with all sorts of personal stuff and it's not been nice. I feel really low, as bad as I've ever felt since joining Al-Anon. Some of the issues relate to the active drinker in my life (my partner), some not. Now I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach, I can't find a way out or see a way through it.
Thanks for reading.
Aloha said
May 21, 2019
Glad you're here Lil99.
Sometimes all I could do was just remember to breathe and then just get myself to a meeting and/or call my sponsor. That was all that I could muster for the day. Remembering "This, too, shall pass" often helped me.
Keep coming back.
jitsuka said
May 21, 2019
Lil99 wrote:
Hi everyone, I've not posted for a while. I thought I was doing well, going to meetings, starting to recover and relearn behaviours. However, in the last month I've been dealing with all sorts of personal stuff and it's not been nice. I feel really low, as bad as I've ever felt since joining Al-Anon. Some of the issues relate to the active drinker in my life (my partner), some not. Now I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach, I can't find a way out or see a way through it. Thanks for reading.
Hi Lil
Hope you're OK, sending you positive wishes.
I know what you mean, I've not been on here for a long time, been doing some self development but it comes down to the A in our lives. Hoping you are having more positive than negative times in your day.
Keep on posting and see if you can get to a F2F meeting?
Jitsuka
PosiesandPuppies said
May 21, 2019
((((Lil99))))
Welcome back. I am sorry you are dealing with setbacks today.
My ESH is to just remember to breathe. Take 5 deep breaths through the nose & engage the lower part of your torso before you fill your lungs. Then repeat, "This will pass." Or perhaps, "I can and I will handle this."
I found that this tool alone, helped me to take a Pause. It helped me not to React. And when I don't practice knee-jerk Reaction, I can engage in a way that was both helpful to me and to my Qualifier.
That being said, there was always something... some fire that needed to be put out when living with my alcoholic spouse. It was mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting. So I think I understand, and wish you some peace and serenity.
Bo said
May 21, 2019
Lil99 wrote:
Hi everyone, I've not posted for a while. I thought I was doing well, going to meetings, starting to recover and relearn behaviours. However, in the last month I've been dealing with all sorts of personal stuff and it's not been nice. I feel really low, as bad as I've ever felt since joining Al-Anon. Some of the issues relate to the active drinker in my life (my partner), some not. Now I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach, I can't find a way out or see a way through it. Thanks for reading.
Being that life happens...and if I am happy and healthy...then it comes down to how I face and deal with it...this is the perfect example of relying on your program, and working with your sponsor. If some of the issues relate to the alcoholic -- then those issues...have to do with me! Other issues, perhaps how I cope, face, deal with, handle, address, and all of that. However, for me, the way I approach all of that -- is using my program. Alanon for me, is how I live. It's a curriculum for living. For me, it's innate. It's automatic. Talk to your sponsor. You will find out what works for you. What you can't see -- your sponsor can. What you can't find, your sponsor can. Focus on you and your program -- and keep doing it. All the best.
Iamhere said
May 21, 2019
(((Lil99))) - good to see you again and so sorry that you're feeling low about the disease and it's affects. We are all human and we will have setbacks! Recovery is about progress and not perfection. What I've uncovered during my journey is when I am feeling down, low, sad, etc. it's not a bad things - it's a heads up that change and growth are coming! I too would suggest getting to a meeting or a couple so you feel the love and hope from others who truly relate and can love you until you are back to the middle!
When I am super sad or down, taking action feels like it's impossibly hard. Yet, I know from experience that taking action - any action - prayer, breathing, meeting, sponsor or support call - I always feel lifted afterwards. With my active recovery efforts, my sad moments are fewer and farther between, and I'm grateful. You are not alone - keep coming back!! (((Hugs)))
Bo said
May 21, 2019
What I was also thinking -- when I reflect back on my experience -- before I found recovery, before I really did the work and worked the program, when my wife was drinking, or I simply had some issues that had to do with her and her drinking...because I wasn't in a healthy place, or state of mind...the issues I had that had to do with her...they brought me down! So, not only did her drinking bring me down -- a lack of acceptance on my part -- but so did whatever issues I had with her, her behavior, etc.
For me, my setbacks, my slips, they are part of my recovery -- because my recovery is progress, not perfection. When I finally found recovery -- started to live a life of recovery -- and actually worked my program, with my sponsor...NO LONGER, did my issues with my wife bring me down, nor did my own feelings about her, what those issues were, etc. Sometimes it's a vicious merry-go-round. When I was feeling down, I leaned into my program, the work I needed to do in order to get better, feel better, and to get healthy. My sponsor was the first person I reached out for. He, and the work, the program, showed me the way. When I felt down, it was a message...a message about me. I needed to work on me.
Keep it simple. When I am feeling down, or beaten, whatever the case may be...it is time for me to go to work! LOL. All the best.
Fedora said
May 21, 2019
I hear you, and feel for you! I hope that by the time you are reading these posts, just knowing you are not alone is a tiny help.
Sending you hugs, wherever you are.
Bo said
May 21, 2019
Great point Fedora -- thanks for the reminder!
Knowing you're not alone is one thing -- but far more importantly, knowing that others have gone through what you are going through AND have gotten through it successfully...that can mean the world. Knowing what others did to get through it can mean two worlds!!!
Go to face to face meetings. Often, as many as you can. Do your readings. Every morning and every night, and whenever you need and want the healthy perspective. Talk to your sponsor. Often. Regularly. Focus on YOU. Look to make change in YOU, for YOU, about YOU. That's what I did, every single day, when every single day I felt like I was being punched in the face.
Do the work...and it works. All the best.
Maresie889 said
May 26, 2019
I think.for me the set backs are usually because of my unrealistic expectations. I.most certainly had really really out of the box expectations of the now exA.
But having reasonable expectations felt like.such a loss to me. It felt like I was settling for something that I was selling myself short
I know these days when something happens like I broke two things today the big stick.doesnt come out. Beating myself up was the norm for me. I no longer let the stick come out so when I encounter situations where I have been treated unfairly it no longer feels normal.
Al.anon is a great program for learning what is realistic, what is fair and what is nurturing
Maresie
WendyP said
Jun 2, 2019
Hi to all, It's Wendy P. I can not thank all of you enough for all of your sharings, as I too, am dealing with a set back. But finally, through hurting my self enough, I decided to get online and promised myself, just to even get back in touch with this programme and just read some of the sharings. I have been so down, and nothing seemed to help, I have been off center for a long time, I felt that I would never get back to where I want to be. But reading all of your sharings, has helped me. Just to know that I am not alone, and that others have set backs like I am having at the moment.
I know what has been causing my problem, not any alcoholic, it is my health. I have been in so much pain with it, and it has gotten on top of me.There is a lot I can't do, because of it. I try really hard not to let it capture me, but it has. There is not much that Medically, I can do to change it, I can't take strong pain relief as my body reacts to it. I feel so emotionally drained, and things that I would have been able to deal with in a better way, I know that I am struggling with them. I can see what I am doing, thinking, but just can't seem to get on top of it. Even thinking about reaching out for help, I started to think that I was a misery gutz, feeling sorry for myself, all I could see was darkness.
I looked at my life, future, thinking that I couldn't do this forever, it was too hard. I have been hanging on to my Programme, just hanging on. I tell myself that I have been here in this place, feeling like I do, plenty of times, although this time the feelings are different. I am dealing with a different journey. But I have told myself that I came through it.
While I am writing this, I can here my mind saying, what I need to here, to help myself get where I want to be emotionally. I need help, as I can't do this by myself, it is too hard.I stop myself from reaching out, especially with this programme, as this is the only Alanon that I can have. I have no meetings that I can go to, this is the only feed back that I can get.I know that I have been doing most things back to front, walking away from my HP, etc. Even the Alanon Literature didn't do anything for me, as I was just too far down. I was in the Mental Madness stage.
But I realize that if I want to get better, I have to help myself. My HP will help me, but I have to do some of the work. So I have started my come back, by reaching out to you people, I am starting to take charge of myself,and my life. I live by the Serenity Prayer, accepting what I can't change, but with my Health, it is hard to live with.
I thank God for this programme.
Many Thanks,
Wendy P.
SerenityRUS said
Jun 3, 2019
Big hugs,
Setbacks to me in the moment I'm dealing with them are trauma based big time. Usually that's where I do my best healing. I just encourage you to keep doing you, keep going to your meetings, keep working your program and don't give up. I think my HP has a terrible sense of humor to say ok ... she's ready for this now .. here you go .. lol .. no no no .. I'm not ready (even if I am really I just don't want to, and since I'm hard headed and a slow learner) it just sneaks up on me to push me to the next layer of healing.
I hope you have a sponsor. That helps a GREAT deal. I really put my faith to the test in those moments and it reminds me I need my HP ALL of the time not just during the times I struggle. It reminds to be grateful.
When I slide though I think about where I have been and look at where I am .. it usually means it's time to change my program up and look at what I'm dealing with differently.
Sometimes all I could do was just remember to breathe and then just get myself to a meeting and/or call my sponsor. That was all that I could muster for the day. Remembering "This, too, shall pass" often helped me.
Keep coming back.
Hi Lil
Hope you're OK, sending you positive wishes.
I know what you mean, I've not been on here for a long time, been doing some self development but it comes down to the A in our lives.
Hoping you are having more positive than negative times in your day.
Keep on posting and see if you can get to a F2F meeting?
Jitsuka
Welcome back. I am sorry you are dealing with setbacks today.
My ESH is to just remember to breathe. Take 5 deep breaths through the nose & engage the lower part of your torso before you fill your lungs. Then repeat, "This will pass." Or perhaps, "I can and I will handle this."
I found that this tool alone, helped me to take a Pause. It helped me not to React. And when I don't practice knee-jerk Reaction, I can engage in a way that was both helpful to me and to my Qualifier.
That being said, there was always something... some fire that needed to be put out when living with my alcoholic spouse. It was mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting. So I think I understand, and wish you some peace and serenity.
Being that life happens...and if I am happy and healthy...then it comes down to how I face and deal with it...this is the perfect example of relying on your program, and working with your sponsor. If some of the issues relate to the alcoholic -- then those issues...have to do with me! Other issues, perhaps how I cope, face, deal with, handle, address, and all of that. However, for me, the way I approach all of that -- is using my program. Alanon for me, is how I live. It's a curriculum for living. For me, it's innate. It's automatic. Talk to your sponsor. You will find out what works for you. What you can't see -- your sponsor can. What you can't find, your sponsor can. Focus on you and your program -- and keep doing it. All the best.
When I am super sad or down, taking action feels like it's impossibly hard. Yet, I know from experience that taking action - any action - prayer, breathing, meeting, sponsor or support call - I always feel lifted afterwards. With my active recovery efforts, my sad moments are fewer and farther between, and I'm grateful. You are not alone - keep coming back!! (((Hugs)))
For me, my setbacks, my slips, they are part of my recovery -- because my recovery is progress, not perfection. When I finally found recovery -- started to live a life of recovery -- and actually worked my program, with my sponsor...NO LONGER, did my issues with my wife bring me down, nor did my own feelings about her, what those issues were, etc. Sometimes it's a vicious merry-go-round. When I was feeling down, I leaned into my program, the work I needed to do in order to get better, feel better, and to get healthy. My sponsor was the first person I reached out for. He, and the work, the program, showed me the way. When I felt down, it was a message...a message about me. I needed to work on me.
Keep it simple. When I am feeling down, or beaten, whatever the case may be...it is time for me to go to work! LOL. All the best.
Sending you hugs, wherever you are.
Knowing you're not alone is one thing -- but far more importantly, knowing that others have gone through what you are going through AND have gotten through it successfully...that can mean the world. Knowing what others did to get through it can mean two worlds!!!
Go to face to face meetings. Often, as many as you can. Do your readings. Every morning and every night, and whenever you need and want the healthy perspective. Talk to your sponsor. Often. Regularly. Focus on YOU. Look to make change in YOU, for YOU, about YOU. That's what I did, every single day, when every single day I felt like I was being punched in the face.
Do the work...and it works. All the best.
Hi to all, It's Wendy P. I can not thank all of you enough for all of your sharings, as I too, am dealing with a set back. But finally, through hurting my self enough, I decided to get online and promised myself, just to even get back in touch with this programme and just read some of the sharings. I have been so down, and nothing seemed to help, I have been off center for a long time, I felt that I would never get back to where I want to be. But reading all of your sharings, has helped me. Just to know that I am not alone, and that others have set backs like I am having at the moment.
I know what has been causing my problem, not any alcoholic, it is my health. I have been in so much pain with it, and it has gotten on top of me.There is a lot I can't do, because of it. I try really hard not to let it capture me, but it has. There is not much that Medically, I can do to change it, I can't take strong pain relief as my body reacts to it. I feel so emotionally drained, and things that I would have been able to deal with in a better way, I know that I am struggling with them. I can see what I am doing, thinking, but just can't seem to get on top of it. Even thinking about reaching out for help, I started to think that I was a misery gutz, feeling sorry for myself, all I could see was darkness.
I looked at my life, future, thinking that I couldn't do this forever, it was too hard. I have been hanging on to my Programme, just hanging on. I tell myself that I have been here in this place, feeling like I do, plenty of times, although this time the feelings are different. I am dealing with a different journey. But I have told myself that I came through it.
While I am writing this, I can here my mind saying, what I need to here, to help myself get where I want to be emotionally. I need help, as I can't do this by myself, it is too hard.I stop myself from reaching out, especially with this programme, as this is the only Alanon that I can have. I have no meetings that I can go to, this is the only feed back that I can get.I know that I have been doing most things back to front, walking away from my HP, etc. Even the Alanon Literature didn't do anything for me, as I was just too far down. I was in the Mental Madness stage.
But I realize that if I want to get better, I have to help myself. My HP will help me, but I have to do some of the work. So I have started my come back, by reaching out to you people, I am starting to take charge of myself,and my life. I live by the Serenity Prayer, accepting what I can't change, but with my Health, it is hard to live with.
I thank God for this programme.
Many Thanks,
Wendy P.
Setbacks to me in the moment I'm dealing with them are trauma based big time. Usually that's where I do my best healing. I just encourage you to keep doing you, keep going to your meetings, keep working your program and don't give up. I think my HP has a terrible sense of humor to say ok ... she's ready for this now .. here you go .. lol .. no no no .. I'm not ready (even if I am really I just don't want to, and since I'm hard headed and a slow learner) it just sneaks up on me to push me to the next layer of healing.
I hope you have a sponsor. That helps a GREAT deal. I really put my faith to the test in those moments and it reminds me I need my HP ALL of the time not just during the times I struggle. It reminds to be grateful.
When I slide though I think about where I have been and look at where I am .. it usually means it's time to change my program up and look at what I'm dealing with differently.
Big hugs, S :)