Hi all, it's been a long while. ABF and I moved from my home to his family's hometown 6 1/2 months ago after his parents had passed and the A had inherited a property which on paper appeared to promise a more financially secure future. I left a secure job that was paid fairly well for the area but offered no real future. At first it seemed that everything would work out much better in the A's home area however, as you all probably expected, his drinking dramatically ramped up and bad behavior increased with his assertions that everything was his and i was a nobody with no claims to anything, especially since we weren't married and he could call the police to throw me out whenever he felt like it. He has yelled, cursed, called awful names and ordered me to GTFO many times. Me, the one who paid our way here, paid the utility deposits and bought groceries, household items, etc. If course by now i had nothing left to move out with and no friends or even acquaintances. Then, after the sleepless binges of 2-3 days, when i asked if he really wanted me to leave he said i overreacted to his drunk talk. After 5 months of no transportation I had managed to get a job that at least gave me a bit of change to support my basic needs. The job was stressful and involved a lot of intensive learning which was hard after nights of being woken by the A slamming doors and yelling while blasting metal music at top volume. The A then changed his strategy and beautifully convinced me that we would begin a business with carpentry and begged me to quit the job so that we could get the supplies and set up the office. I cringe as i write that i gave notice and left the job i had 3 weeks ago. There are so many other details that I must omit for length but after an old family friend of the A stayed with us for a couple of weeks I finally had a witness to what has been endured for years. I read a book on verbal abuse and at long last made the connection to what had been going on for years. On Easter weekend the A, after drinking and staying up for days along with humiliating me in front of his family told me so many cruel things after his favorite hobby of waking me from a deep sleep that i left and got a hotel room. I returned later and have been home but still have some things in my car. I kept the threatening texts and voicemail. After reading a couple of books on verbal abuse it floored me because I hadn't realized the extent of his abuse until now. I forgot that I had once been a vibrant person with goals and dreams. I realized so many things but especially that I need to make some additional plans along with plan b. I've since rented a mailbox but I'm out of money for now, so I may start working at a new job that pays a little more but easier to learn on limited sleep:/ I have a debit card that the A doesn't know about and will start adding money as I get paid to save up for the just-in-case that most likely will be happening at some point. Any ESH always appreciated.

What is so scary is that you wake up one day and realize how bad things are. You realize how much abuse you are taking. You realize how bad your life has become. You realize how bad someone is hurting you. You realize so many things.

However, that is not the scary thing. The scary thing is that all of that...somehow...became normal.

Our lives, our thinking, everything became hijacked by this sickness, this illness, and how it impacted us, how it made us sick and unhealthy.

Go to meetings. Find a sponsor. Start doing the work. You will get better. You will get healthy. You will be able to make change. You will be able to make decisions that are best and healthiest for YOU.

Paloma - I agree that having a Plan B and / o a Plan C was necessary for me. I always had a 'go bag' in my care in case of needing to vacate. I had a network of program friends to contact for support as well as refuge if/when needed and safe places established in advance. I planned for worse case scenario, and that gave me some comfort during the progression of the disease.

It is in meetings and in practicing the many tools of this program that I found my sanity and courage to change the things I can. I also had to really stick with one day at a time! Keep coming back - you are not alone!