I am the daughter of an alcoholic. I was acutely aware of this at a very young age. In my pre-teen years I took on a parental role. I very often took on the responsibility of protecting, not only my Mom from herself, but protecting and shielding my younger sibling as well. I am now in my 30's and have 3 children of my own. Even now, 20+ years later, I still find myself in a parental role. But now that my children are getting older, the stakes have changed. Although I myself have sought out therapy to help me navigate this rollercoaster, I have not until now, reached out to a group such as Al-Anon to help support me through it all. I am incredibly lucky to have a wonderful support system in my friends and family, but their only experiences are from the outside looking in. It's entirely different from someone who has been through what I have. I thank you in advance for simply listening.
-CH-
-- Edited by CH603 on Tuesday 23rd of April 2019 12:09:48 PM
JerryF said
Apr 23, 2019
Welcome CH to the family. You post is very inciteful and hopeful which will keep you here listening and sharing as we have. I knew nothing about alcoholism when I first found myself in the rooms of Al-Anon and I couldn't even pronounce or spell the words. Where and when I was born and raised the only word used to describe what was happening was "Drunk" yet for a young boy using that phrase I would be accused of being disrespectful and then punished up to and including a spanking, ear pulling, slapping and more. I was born and raised in this disease.
When I reached my 30ies the disease pretty much had a deep hold on me. I drank alcoholically and married the women I drank with. My wife at that time (2nd) was an alcoholic/addict trying to duplicate my drinking habit which had at one time almost taken my life. She would experience the same condition later on.
I didn't get into Al-Anon willingly or AA the same way as I suffered from self centeredness and severe egotism and what changed that condition was explained in our program was and understanding and trust in the 2nd step especially the process of being restored to sanity. I was insane and I knew it.
Hating the unmanageable consequences from my decisions led me to trust the fellowship who had obvious understanding and practice of how to change the consequences of their behaviors and how to dedicate themselves to the practice of our 12 steps. I stopped fighting everyone and thing and went about learning what Higher Power meant and what or who that might be. I surrendered, I abandoned myself like an infant to a strange doorstep and walked away from my insanity.
You will find so much ESH Experience, Strength and Hope here along with your own to attempt. If what you have been attempting hasn't worked keep coming back and choose what you like and practice, practice, practice. I pray for your recovery success because I get to witness another miracle.
((((((hugs))))))
Iamhere said
Apr 23, 2019
I too send out a warm welcome to you CH! Glad you found us and glad that you shared. My best suggestion is to seek out and attend local meetings - that's really where I find my 'tribe' who understood what I was experiencing, thinking and feeling. I too had a large support system, but this disease is cunning, baffling and powerful - they could not truly relate to most of what I was experiencing.
When Al-Anon meetings were suggested to me, it was from my sponsor in AA (like Jerry, I am a double winner). I was resistant simply because I had no desire to change me - I really wanted to change, fix, correct, manage, control my A(s) (Alcoholics). I learned quickly that I was powerless over them and their disease, and my best course of action was to chase my own sanity, serenity and peace of mind.
When I finally agreed to try Al-Anon meetings, my sponsor suggested going with an open mind, and to look for the similarities vs. differences. It was suggested I try a couple different ones if the first didn't feel like a good fit. I found my tribe at my second meeting location, and am grateful every day for them and Al-Anon.
Please keep coming back here too - you will find you are not alone, and that there is hope and help in recovery!
CH603 said
Apr 23, 2019
Thank you for responding, as well as sharing your story. Although I know my experience is not unique, it's nice to hear and see that I am not alone.
DavidG said
Apr 23, 2019
CH... and welcome... ... I do Alanon, and ACA, as well... have come a long way.
Online- a long way longer than expected... but I do, also, have to keep grounded- here at home... ...
-DavidG.
Blueeyes421 said
Apr 23, 2019
This is my first time doing any type of meetings online , Ive went to a few groups over the years . I am also a daughter of an alcoholic. I have a younger sister & I definitely had to take on some parental roles for her. I just turned 32 & after all these years of growing up with a mother as an alcoholic , I had so much hatred towards her because of what she would put my family through. But now I have my own son and I feel like I can finally forgive her and let it go . She still drinks to this day and has no ambition to stop. I just love her & pray she wants to stop some day . & on top of all this my childs father is an active user & puts me through hell . Its nice to vent sometimes & read other people posts to know that we are not alone !!! Sending prayers
JerryF said
Apr 23, 2019
Good to have you here also Blue eyes and glad you shared. Sadly you also have the disease rocking and rolling in your life. Alcoholism is a communicable disease and very often passed down thru generations. It is the most powerful disease I have studied in life and in college. It is a fatal disease that if not surrendered to by total abstinence will take the life of the drinker.
Most of us who have followed the 12 step and 12 tradition programs including the ESH (experiences, strengths and hopes) of those who came before us and experienced the miracles passed down will pass our own experiences on to others that they might also earn what we have.
Some of us have other experiences which are also passed on here to insure success when a member chooses the same outcomes. I am still living today because of these assets and I am grateful.
Keep coming back; this works when you work it. ((((hugs))))
I am the daughter of an alcoholic. I was acutely aware of this at a very young age. In my pre-teen years I took on a parental role. I very often took on the responsibility of protecting, not only my Mom from herself, but protecting and shielding my younger sibling as well. I am now in my 30's and have 3 children of my own. Even now, 20+ years later, I still find myself in a parental role. But now that my children are getting older, the stakes have changed. Although I myself have sought out therapy to help me navigate this rollercoaster, I have not until now, reached out to a group such as Al-Anon to help support me through it all. I am incredibly lucky to have a wonderful support system in my friends and family, but their only experiences are from the outside looking in. It's entirely different from someone who has been through what I have. I thank you in advance for simply listening.
-CH-
-- Edited by CH603 on Tuesday 23rd of April 2019 12:09:48 PM
Welcome CH to the family. You post is very inciteful and hopeful which will keep you here listening and sharing as we have. I knew nothing about alcoholism when I first found myself in the rooms of Al-Anon and I couldn't even pronounce or spell the words. Where and when I was born and raised the only word used to describe what was happening was "Drunk" yet for a young boy using that phrase I would be accused of being disrespectful and then punished up to and including a spanking, ear pulling, slapping and more. I was born and raised in this disease.
When I reached my 30ies the disease pretty much had a deep hold on me. I drank alcoholically and married the women I drank with. My wife at that time (2nd) was an alcoholic/addict trying to duplicate my drinking habit which had at one time almost taken my life. She would experience the same condition later on.
I didn't get into Al-Anon willingly or AA the same way as I suffered from self centeredness and severe egotism and what changed that condition was explained in our program was and understanding and trust in the 2nd step especially the process of being restored to sanity. I was insane and I knew it.
Hating the unmanageable consequences from my decisions led me to trust the fellowship who had obvious understanding and practice of how to change the consequences of their behaviors and how to dedicate themselves to the practice of our 12 steps. I stopped fighting everyone and thing and went about learning what Higher Power meant and what or who that might be. I surrendered, I abandoned myself like an infant to a strange doorstep and walked away from my insanity.
You will find so much ESH Experience, Strength and Hope here along with your own to attempt. If what you have been attempting hasn't worked keep coming back and choose what you like and practice, practice, practice. I pray for your recovery success because I get to witness another miracle.
((((((hugs))))))
When Al-Anon meetings were suggested to me, it was from my sponsor in AA (like Jerry, I am a double winner). I was resistant simply because I had no desire to change me - I really wanted to change, fix, correct, manage, control my A(s) (Alcoholics). I learned quickly that I was powerless over them and their disease, and my best course of action was to chase my own sanity, serenity and peace of mind.
When I finally agreed to try Al-Anon meetings, my sponsor suggested going with an open mind, and to look for the similarities vs. differences. It was suggested I try a couple different ones if the first didn't feel like a good fit. I found my tribe at my second meeting location, and am grateful every day for them and Al-Anon.
Please keep coming back here too - you will find you are not alone, and that there is hope and help in recovery!
Thank you for responding, as well as sharing your story. Although I know my experience is not unique, it's nice to hear and see that I am not alone.
Online- a long way longer than expected... but I do, also, have to keep grounded- here at home...
...
-DavidG.
Good to have you here also Blue eyes and glad you shared. Sadly you also have the disease rocking and rolling in your life. Alcoholism is a communicable disease and very often passed down thru generations. It is the most powerful disease I have studied in life and in college. It is a fatal disease that if not surrendered to by total abstinence will take the life of the drinker.
Most of us who have followed the 12 step and 12 tradition programs including the ESH (experiences, strengths and hopes) of those who came before us and experienced the miracles passed down will pass our own experiences on to others that they might also earn what we have.
Some of us have other experiences which are also passed on here to insure success when a member chooses the same outcomes. I am still living today because of these assets and I am grateful.
Keep coming back; this works when you work it. ((((hugs))))