Thank you Mary for your service!

I am thankful that I can listen to others with an open mind!

Happy Sunday MIP! I thank you Mary for your service and also for the daily. Thanks to all for your shares and ESH. I wasn't allowed a voice, much less an opinion growing up. Simply by being the youngest child and only girl - I was the drag-along/tag-along child and fell into that role quite well.

I did not realize how silenced I had been until teen-age years, and the lessons learned from raising 3 boys became my 'burden to wear'. The more I tried to assert myself as a teen, the more control my parents tried to impose and we had a will-power tug of war. Right, wrong or indifferent, I believe I was born with the disease of alcoholism and my response was to fight everything and everyone and so began my way-ward path.

For years, I was determined to be heard, to be right, etc. and really did not want to hear what anyone had to say. I truly believed in right/wrong and if I was right, you were wrong and not worth listening to. This habit/pattern was seen by others long before I became aware. Needless to say, I became (unintentionally) a version of adult similar to my parents, and my own boys rebelled. When we talk about the disease as a family disease, it rolls in mine from generation to generation - either directly or indirectly.

Enter Al-Anon, and from the moment I heard the three C(s), I felt a fundamental change begin. My sponsor advised me to practice listening and to keep an open mind. She suggested over and over that I use my past to learn from and not dwell. As we worked the steps, I could see patterns in my life where I had extremely distorted ways/thinking and the awareness was freeing. I find it very difficult to make change without seeing the need, so seeing the patterns in black/white helped me see changes I could make to have way more peace of mind and joy of heart.

Today, I seek to understand in each situation I encounter. I've set aside (by the grace of the God of my understanding) the need for immediate results/answers, and can instead trust that what is is what is supposed to be. We had a deep discussion of trusting God at my family Easter gathering, and I sat quietly listening. Two of our elders who have deeply routed religious beliefs were discussing continued prayers yet tons of worry. I stayed perfectly quiet as the alcohol was flowing and I honestly could not relate!

I drove home and was thinking about this and I believe I could not relate as I no longer project or allow fear to drive my thoughts, emotions and actions. I try to stay present, one day at a time and when I find myself slipping to the past or projecting to the future, I can use the tools we've been taught in recovery to regather for the here/now. I am so, so grateful for what we are gifted when we choose recovery...

I hope everyone had a great day! Mine did not start well but unfolded quite nicely! Again, because of our tools, I had some bad moments in an otherwise lovely day! I owe some amends and have some cleaning up for my side of the street and that's OK. When I am ready, it will happen. (((Hugs))) to all...

Thanks for sharing the hope for today which is so important to listen and to have a voice. I grew up where I was invisible with no voice and always be the audience. Unfortunately, I had the spirit to seek justice and fairness which didnt land very well and I got punished. I am learning to listen without judging and to listen to others thoughts and feelings. T is ok to express how I feel and not feel bad that everyone does not agree with me. I seek validation and feedback that I am human and it is nice not to be invisible. So much to learn in my recovery, To accept that I am broken but that I can be mended, I make my choices but I do not control my ship and give it up to G that points me in a clear path. I truly believe he puts people in my path to help me out.