To keep my sanity and give myself something special I needed, I bought a condo and live there half time. My son and his family live close by there, and the kids and my A dont speak. This is how the damage from the alcohol affected my life, and of course I cant control anyone.
As a tax issue arose, my As usual solution is for me to sell my condo and move back full-time. NO. Not a solution for me. I love my place and the peace and being near my son and granddaughter. Even my dtr in law is being delightful.
My A cannot accept what I did. Well I had to live with many things I was not happy with. I have the courage to change what I can, and I did. But I do grow tired of the same talk. Today I plan to Think, Keep It Simple, and Let Go and Let God. Not sure where I would be without alanon but Just for Today I will stay with ODAT, Lyne
tiredtonite said
Apr 14, 2019
Lyne,
Thank you for sharing. Alanon has a topic "Tension Relievers," which offers experience, strength and hope concerning actions others in the program have taken to honor their sanity. What I like about Alanon and was has kept me coming back is that the program shows in so many ways through the steps and traditions that we can trust our own decision making processes and choices. The decision to own another place and create a haven where family can meet and enjoy one another would no doubt be a dream come true for many people in the program living with alcoholism. It's a wonderful option to have. I hope you find a solution for the tax issue that doesn't include giving up your new place.
Wishing you the best. ((hugs)) TT
Bo said
Apr 14, 2019
Lyne wrote:
To keep my sanity and give myself something special I needed, I bought a condo and live there half time. My son and his family live close by there, and the kids and my A dont speak. This is how the damage from the alcohol affected my life, and of course I cant control anyone.
As a tax issue arose, my As usual solution is for me to sell my condo and move back full-time. NO. Not a solution for me. I love my place and the peace and being near my son and granddaughter. Even my dtr in law is being delightful.
My A cannot accept what I did. Well I had to live with many things I was not happy with. I have the courage to change what I can, and I did. But I do grow tired of the same talk. Today I plan to Think, Keep It Simple, and Let Go and Let God. Not sure where I would be without alanon but Just for Today I will stay with ODAT, Lyne
Amazing!!! Absolutely amazing for YOU!!! I admire and respect the self-care, clear thoughts, clarity and focus that you have...and the decision you made!!! Right here -- here is the hope we often talk about and hear...the hope that we can focus on ourselves, our health, our well-being, what is good and best or us! Hope that we don't allow -- yes allow -- alcohol and the alcoholic to be the major driving factor in our decision making, thoughts, feelings, and in our lives!!!
Thank you for posting this Lyne!!!
PosiesandPuppies said
Apr 14, 2019
Lyne - I really loved what both T2T and Bo shared with you. You have done an AMAZING job honoring what is good and right for your sanity! Addicted Ones tend to minimalize the effects their disease has on us loved ones. But we know better!!
And When We Know Better, We DO better!! I see this as you doing better for YOU.
As Bo said, you are "walking the walk" so-to-speak that Al-Anon talks about living among those that are addicted.
I wish you the strength to stick to what you have set up for your health and sanity.
Remember, sometimes it is not only ODAT, but One Moment At A Time!
Peace, my friend!
El said
Apr 14, 2019
Lyne, I love what you have in place for yourself! As those who have posted before me, it is self-care at its finest! Wow- what a reprieve and solution to the family tensions. Oh, I hope you can keep your arrangement! Thank you for sharing this and good job using our slogans and tools to get through the day and as PnP mentioned, the moments! Your recovery is a beacon for us all!
Ellen
2HP said
Apr 14, 2019
Lyne, I so appreciate your post not only to see that you are taking care of yourself, but also for the reminder that everybody on the planet is doing the exact same thing - everyone is only trying to care for themselves in the best way they know how...
and none of us have to agree with the other! This was news to me when I arrived, I thought I needed "approval."
The difference between me before and after recovery is that now I practice getting quiet and still enough to receive knowledge and power to carry out Higher Power's will. Whenever the solution results in more peace... as opposed to stress...
I can know that I have jumped off the merry-go-round. Peace and calm is definitely Higher Power's will for me, no approval necessary.
Thank you for sharing this!
-- Edited by 2HP on Sunday 14th of April 2019 01:30:39 PM
Bo said
Apr 14, 2019
I lived with the "roller-coaster" analogy for 10 years! I shared about it in meetings, talked about it with my sponsor, and lived it every single day. I just remember -- before recovery -- begging my wife, pleading, trying to convince her, and asking her, "let's get off the roller-coaster" and "let's stop and get off" and so on. When I finally found recovery...it was such an amazing thing to realize...I COULD GET OFF THE ROLLER-COASTER...EVEN IF SHE CHOSE NOT TO!!!
Merry go round, roller coaster, whatever it is...it doesn't matter...it is that moment...that we learn...we can get better...we can get healthy!
a4l said
Apr 14, 2019
2HP's share resonates with me, re: approval. I can still get quite hung up on approval as an expectation in response to what is rational. It is rational to have your own space. Its just that we can't speak a healthy/rational idea in to a sick/alcoholic mind and expect it to come out still healthy/rational, unfortunately. You sound very good and healthy. Keep on keeping on.
hotrod said
Apr 14, 2019
((Lyne)) I admire your courage and solid program. Keep on keeping on
JerryF said
Apr 14, 2019
Lyne I also agree with the responses you have received. Thanks so much for the wisdom. (((hugs)))
Iamhere said
Apr 14, 2019
(((Lyne))) - Me also - great job with self-care! There are choices I have made in my recovery that are still 'disputed' by those I love with this disease. I love that Al-Anon gives us the tools to keep moving forward in spite of what others say, think and do.
The issues come up less frequently yet my response today and for the last few years is a simple, "Play the Tape". The first time I said this, I got the blank stare and I said that for me, the topic was closed and the reason/answer is the exact same today as last we discussed. My A(s) are now better 'trained' that when I say, "Please just play the tape..." they know that I love them unconditionally but that discussion is not open, and the reasons haven't changed.
I too hope you are able to get the tax concerns addressed in a manner that allows you to be true to you and your recovery. (((Hugs))) - keep doing you - looks awesome on you!
To keep my sanity and give myself something special I needed, I bought a condo and live there half time. My son and his family live close by there, and the kids and my A dont speak. This is how the damage from the alcohol affected my life, and of course I cant control anyone.
As a tax issue arose, my As usual solution is for me to sell my condo and move back full-time. NO. Not a solution for me. I love my place and the peace and being near my son and granddaughter. Even my dtr in law is being delightful.
My A cannot accept what I did. Well I had to live with many things I was not happy with. I have the courage to change what I can, and I did. But I do grow tired of the same talk. Today I plan to Think, Keep It Simple, and Let Go and Let God. Not sure where I would be without alanon but Just for Today I will stay with ODAT, Lyne
Lyne,
Thank you for sharing. Alanon has a topic "Tension Relievers," which offers experience, strength and hope concerning actions others in the program have taken to honor their sanity. What I like about Alanon and was has kept me coming back is that the program shows in so many ways through the steps and traditions that we can trust our own decision making processes and choices. The decision to own another place and create a haven where family can meet and enjoy one another would no doubt be a dream come true for many people in the program living with alcoholism. It's a wonderful option to have. I hope you find a solution for the tax issue that doesn't include giving up your new place.
Wishing you the best. ((hugs)) TT
Amazing!!! Absolutely amazing for YOU!!! I admire and respect the self-care, clear thoughts, clarity and focus that you have...and the decision you made!!! Right here -- here is the hope we often talk about and hear...the hope that we can focus on ourselves, our health, our well-being, what is good and best or us! Hope that we don't allow -- yes allow -- alcohol and the alcoholic to be the major driving factor in our decision making, thoughts, feelings, and in our lives!!!
Thank you for posting this Lyne!!!
And When We Know Better, We DO better!! I see this as you doing better for YOU.
As Bo said, you are "walking the walk" so-to-speak that Al-Anon talks about living among those that are addicted.
I wish you the strength to stick to what you have set up for your health and sanity.
Remember, sometimes it is not only ODAT, but One Moment At A Time!
Peace, my friend!
Lyne, I love what you have in place for yourself! As those who have posted before me, it is self-care at its finest! Wow- what a reprieve and solution to the family tensions. Oh, I hope you can keep your arrangement! Thank you for sharing this and good job using our slogans and tools to get through the day and as PnP mentioned, the moments! Your recovery is a beacon for us all!
Ellen
Lyne, I so appreciate your post not only to see that you are taking care of yourself, but also for the reminder that everybody on the planet is doing the exact same thing - everyone is only trying to care for themselves in the best way they know how...
and none of us have to agree with the other! This was news to me when I arrived, I thought I needed "approval."
The difference between me before and after recovery is that now I practice getting quiet and still enough to receive knowledge and power to carry out Higher Power's will. Whenever the solution results in more peace... as opposed to stress...
I can know that I have jumped off the merry-go-round. Peace and calm is definitely Higher Power's will for me, no approval necessary.
Thank you for sharing this!
-- Edited by 2HP on Sunday 14th of April 2019 01:30:39 PM
Merry go round, roller coaster, whatever it is...it doesn't matter...it is that moment...that we learn...we can get better...we can get healthy!
Lyne I also agree with the responses you have received. Thanks so much for the wisdom. (((hugs)))
The issues come up less frequently yet my response today and for the last few years is a simple, "Play the Tape". The first time I said this, I got the blank stare and I said that for me, the topic was closed and the reason/answer is the exact same today as last we discussed. My A(s) are now better 'trained' that when I say, "Please just play the tape..." they know that I love them unconditionally but that discussion is not open, and the reasons haven't changed.
I too hope you are able to get the tax concerns addressed in a manner that allows you to be true to you and your recovery. (((Hugs))) - keep doing you - looks awesome on you!