The C2C reading for today April 9 speaks about denying our feelings in order to protect ourselves. The reading suggests that detachment comes easy to many because we have been using it throughout our lifetime. however we have been detaching with indifference and not love as Al-Anon suggests.. Detaching with love is a major change of attitude.The reading suggested the worst sin against our fellow creature is not in a debit it is to be different to them. I realize that by detaching with indifference I might be taking the easy way out . IN Al-Anon I come to feel safe enough to feel my feelings and to feel for others and myself the unconditional love I received an Al-Anon I am learning to discover what love is as I learned that I am constantly lovable regardless of my strengths of or limitations I began to say something consistently lovable this even those who suffer from my mobile disease
The quote is from Youth And the Alcoholic Parent; "with the change of attitude past actions can be put into proper perspective love and respect can become a part of family life."
DavidG said
Apr 8, 2019
Thanks Betty. I encountered ~detachment~ early and was told it WAS NOT about quitting, or leaving.
Maybe it was about our internal boundaries- that were busted, or not there in the first place. ...
I heard that i had feeling, or emotions. I knew, with that, that i had never learned to express them.
I needed to be in places where these were a given. Being in Alanon gave me a start with this... ...
expressing this at the right time- in the right place- came a bit later than this! Being able to weep even, was okay... ...
When I share these days- I try to get back to the topic... and to reflect on whether I was close to the mark. I don't have to be- every time- but it is good to know- otherwise. Acceptance is the opposite to denial... and these days I can accept myself as I am... and find acceptance of others much, much easier, and acceptance of my circumstances and situation- at any given time.
Being present; and living one day at a time is a good guide.
And to have empathy along the way- which has to operate -in the moment-.
Thanks for the share... ...
Iamhere said
Apr 9, 2019
Good morning MIP - thank you Betty for your service and the daily. Thank you Betty & David for your shares and ESH. Before recovery, I stuffed my feelings, masked most in anger as my go-to reaction and detached with contempt and/or resentment most of the time. Indifference came with maturity, and I honestly never considered detaching with love...
For me, for a variety of reasons, my definition and perception of what love is/was was distorted. For me to learn how to detach with love, I first had to learn what love really is and start with myself. Today, I view love as a decision vs. an emotion, and I keep it simple - accepting all others and self exactly as they are, in this moment, imperfect and human. Having a simple definition helps me love all persons I encounter and practice consistency in my treatment of people.
It had to start with me - learning to accept myself, imperfect and human. My sponsor suggested I practice detaching from 'perfect outcomes' - esp. about people, places and things. Healthy boundaries help me see what's mine to manage vs. what's another's to manage. When I clean my side of the street up, and practice acceptance, detaching comes easier for me.
Each day, I practice 'keeping my joy'. Upon awakening, as I begin my continuous conversation with the God of my understanding, I remind myself that I am loving, lovable and loved. I also ask for direction and guidance to keep me sober, sane, serene and of service. I make a decision to focus on my joy, and to decide to have joy and be joyful daily. I no longer am willing to sacrifice my serenity and joy for anyone or anything. I am way better at detaching from people, places and things that baffle me than before and am grateful. It has definitely been a process of practice, practice, practice!
Happy Tuesday to one and all! Make it a great day, and keep your joy!
PosiesandPuppies said
Apr 9, 2019
Good Tuesday morning all!! Thank you Betty, for your service.
I am really digging the shares today!
I especially am gravitating towards what Iamhere mentioned: 'detaching from perfect outcomes.' THAT I think, will be key for me, as my life moves forward.
I also smiled when I read of "keeping my joy." I too, think about that each morning... I thank my HP for the goodness in my life, and I tell myself, "Today is going to be great!"
In the past, I was a huge denying of MY feelings. The Queen of Sweep It Under the Rug land, I would say! LOL! Today, I am better at recognizing when I am in that mode. Which is a whole lot better than I used to be! Then I think about WHY I am minimizing whatever it is. Sometimes I don't have an answer for it... that is when I ask my HP, "I don't want to be doing this, so please help me to find a better way."
It usually works!
Lyne said
Apr 9, 2019
Thanks Betty for your service and all the shares are wonderful. Prior to program I didnt really have a variety of feelings. I just felt bad almost all the time.
As I continue in program, and feel better, I face the challenge often of detaching with love towards my A. Some days I can do it rather well, and other days I am just plain detached. (Once in awhile, detached with disgust.) I can only declare myself a work in progress and a master of none. But I can see progress without a need for perfection, and that is a gift of this program,Lyne
Freetime said
Apr 9, 2019
Thank you Betty and everyone for sharing on this topic. Detachment is such a key to the Al-Anon program. I can so relate to the experience of detaching with anger, disgust, indifference, and eventually with compassion.
I wonder if there are stages of detachment, just like we believe there are stages of grief.
I have decided not to judge myself harshly for not detaching perfectly (with love) right away. But with time I believe I am approaching that.
El said
Apr 9, 2019
Thank you Betty and all who shared. We had quite the discussion on this reading today at my home group meeting. So many perspectives and how one moved from simple physical detachment if that is all they could muster...all the way to detaching with love. As Freetime mentioned.....the group member felt it was like detaching in stages. Like Lyne mentioned in her share.....sometimes for me it is detaching with disgust! However, any progress is progress and I have run the gamut of emotions as I try to detach from chaos and diseased behavior.
IAH, I too love your "keeping my joy." Just the word joy is like a salve. I will remember your words on how you incorporate it in your daily life.
Maybe it was about our internal boundaries- that were busted, or not there in the first place.
...
I heard that i had feeling, or emotions. I knew, with that, that i had never learned to express them.
I needed to be in places where these were a given. Being in Alanon gave me a start with this...
...
expressing this at the right time- in the right place- came a bit later than this! Being able to weep even, was okay...
...
When I share these days- I try to get back to the topic... and to reflect on whether I was close to the mark. I don't have to be- every time- but it is good to know- otherwise. Acceptance is the opposite to denial... and these days I can accept myself as I am... and find acceptance of others much, much easier, and acceptance of my circumstances and situation- at any given time.
Being present; and living one day at a time is a good guide.
And to have empathy along the way- which has to operate -in the moment-.
Thanks for the share...
...
For me, for a variety of reasons, my definition and perception of what love is/was was distorted. For me to learn how to detach with love, I first had to learn what love really is and start with myself. Today, I view love as a decision vs. an emotion, and I keep it simple - accepting all others and self exactly as they are, in this moment, imperfect and human. Having a simple definition helps me love all persons I encounter and practice consistency in my treatment of people.
It had to start with me - learning to accept myself, imperfect and human. My sponsor suggested I practice detaching from 'perfect outcomes' - esp. about people, places and things. Healthy boundaries help me see what's mine to manage vs. what's another's to manage. When I clean my side of the street up, and practice acceptance, detaching comes easier for me.
Each day, I practice 'keeping my joy'. Upon awakening, as I begin my continuous conversation with the God of my understanding, I remind myself that I am loving, lovable and loved. I also ask for direction and guidance to keep me sober, sane, serene and of service. I make a decision to focus on my joy, and to decide to have joy and be joyful daily. I no longer am willing to sacrifice my serenity and joy for anyone or anything. I am way better at detaching from people, places and things that baffle me than before and am grateful. It has definitely been a process of practice, practice, practice!
Happy Tuesday to one and all! Make it a great day, and keep your joy!
I am really digging the shares today!
I especially am gravitating towards what Iamhere mentioned: 'detaching from perfect outcomes.' THAT I think, will be key for me, as my life moves forward.
I also smiled when I read of "keeping my joy." I too, think about that each morning... I thank my HP for the goodness in my life, and I tell myself, "Today is going to be great!"
In the past, I was a huge denying of MY feelings. The Queen of Sweep It Under the Rug land, I would say! LOL! Today, I am better at recognizing when I am in that mode. Which is a whole lot better than I used to be! Then I think about WHY I am minimizing whatever it is. Sometimes I don't have an answer for it... that is when I ask my HP, "I don't want to be doing this, so please help me to find a better way."
It usually works!
As I continue in program, and feel better, I face the challenge often of detaching with love towards my A. Some days I can do it rather well, and other days I am just plain detached. (Once in awhile, detached with disgust.) I can only declare myself a work in progress and a master of none. But I can see progress without a need for perfection, and that is a gift of this program,Lyne
I wonder if there are stages of detachment, just like we believe there are stages of grief.
I have decided not to judge myself harshly for not detaching perfectly (with love) right away. But with time I believe I am approaching that.
Thank you Betty and all who shared. We had quite the discussion on this reading today at my home group meeting. So many perspectives and how one moved from simple physical detachment if that is all they could muster...all the way to detaching with love. As Freetime mentioned.....the group member felt it was like detaching in stages. Like Lyne mentioned in her share.....sometimes for me it is detaching with disgust! However, any progress is progress and I have run the gamut of emotions as I try to detach from chaos and diseased behavior.
IAH, I too love your "keeping my joy." Just the word joy is like a salve. I will remember your words on how you incorporate it in your daily life.
Happy Tuesday to all!
Ellen