Todays reading is about the magnified sense of responsibility many of us developed who grew up with alcoholism. For us, we became convinced that we were meant to manage it all, fix everything around us, and be focused on everyone around us, rather than our own selves.
The writer describes having been the group representative for his/her meeting and thinking that the responsibilities included everything from opening the facility to setting up and breaking down chairs, to making sure coffee was ready and available. Over time resentment built up and the writer released responsibility to others in the group. At first there was resistance because everyone was accustomed to the writer taking care of everything, but over time the group and its dynamic became healthier because all of the responsibilities were not left to one person.
I remember before coming to alanon how anxiety producing it was for me not to be in control of things around me. It has taken me some time and work to realize I CANNOT be in control of everything and these days theres a feeling of relief knowing that I do not have to try and control everything. Ive realized now that my least anxious moments come from knowing I am taking care of my own self and keeping the focus there.
I have a friend who is feeling anxious about today because it is often associated with heavy and binge drinking. Im thinking about her and anyone else who is uneasy today. I hope everyone enjoys a peaceful and serene Sunday!
Mary
hotrod said
Mar 17, 2019
Good Morning Mary I too can so idenify with being overly responsible. I did see this as an asset beforr i worked my 4th Step wtih a sponsor. and examined my hidden motives. . Today I have cut back on my care-taking, take better care of myself and am still able to be helpful and supportive.
Powerful reminder.!!! Thanks for your service
Iamhere said
Mar 17, 2019
Good morning Mary and Betty! Happy St. Patrick's Day to one and all...thank you both for your shares & ESH. Thank you Mary for your service and the daily.
I too grew up learning that 'perfect' was the ultimate goal. Just doing your best and leaving the results to HP was a foreign concept to me! Working on my recovery, and leaving others to their own journey took practice, practice, practice and I am grateful for the progress I have made. I no longer am concerned with 'perfect' - instead prefer doing the next right thing. I too am better able to be of service to others vs. enabling or controlling and am presented with many ways to practice.
May your Sunday be blessed and peaceful. Off to a meeting shortly followed by some golf this afternoon, and corned beef with fixings for dinner! Enjoy (((MIP))) family!
Freetime said
Mar 17, 2019
Good morning, Mary, and thank you for the daily today! I relate very much to this page and am so glad you pointed it out. I have been in almost the exact situation as the writer, having taken on all the responsibilities for my home group and becoming resentful. I felt I was being responsible and showing my gratitude by trying to save the meeting (cause, control, cure ???) ... but my thinking was distorted. I had to work really hard to let go, and to allow the meeting to close because no one else stepped up.
The funny thing is, once I let go, so many new possibilities opened up for me. I found out I had many choices of fantastic meetings to attend, and not be responsible for. I've also met many new people in recovery. And a miracle occurred ... just as we were closing, a new meeting was starting up, and I was able to donate our leftover books and supplies to them. So by letting go, I actually helped others, the same goal I thought I was achieving by hanging on. Now I am being very careful to be selective about what I volunteer for, and to realize that other people besides me can benefit from being of service. I still work at not trying to handle everything by myself and to share the responsibility with others.
As one of my yoga teachers says, "It is not about what you can do, it is about what you can let go."
PosiesandPuppies said
Mar 18, 2019
Hi Mary! Thank you for your service yesterday!
I am coming to this post late (Monday) as I spent the entire day yesterday outdoors. Weeding, planting, putting my feet in the soil (grounding)... it was magical to me! This activity actually got my Muse flowing, and I ended up at the thrift store looking for items for my next art project. Got home too late to begin, but I have all the supplies I need now! Now I have to sit on my creativity until I have time (weekend)... sometimes that is so hard for me when the Art needs to come out! LOL!
I loved this reading, because it speaks of me! Until I joined and began working the Steps, I never realized what an overblown sense of responsibility I had! My ego told me it was because I was such a good planner/organizer - blah, blah, blah! Like Mary, I had such anxiety when I wasn't "handling" a situation... even one that wasn't mine to handle - I mean, I had such good ideas on how they could do their jobs better! LOL!
I look back on this and just laugh. While I thought I was a humble person, that was really Ego talking. My mind was blown!!
Today, I try to take a step back from any situation, and ask myself, "What is truly my part in this?" "Do I actually have/need a part?" If not, then I work on actively letting go. Sometimes it is very easy. Other times, it is a battle of wills! LOL! But I am finding myself less anxious, and that's always a good thing! I can relate to Mary saying that there is relief in knowing that I cannot be in Control of everything.
Good morning everyone-
Todays reading is about the magnified sense of responsibility many of us developed who grew up with alcoholism. For us, we became convinced that we were meant to manage it all, fix everything around us, and be focused on everyone around us, rather than our own selves.
The writer describes having been the group representative for his/her meeting and thinking that the responsibilities included everything from opening the facility to setting up and breaking down chairs, to making sure coffee was ready and available. Over time resentment built up and the writer released responsibility to others in the group. At first there was resistance because everyone was accustomed to the writer taking care of everything, but over time the group and its dynamic became healthier because all of the responsibilities were not left to one person.
I remember before coming to alanon how anxiety producing it was for me not to be in control of things around me. It has taken me some time and work to realize I CANNOT be in control of everything and these days theres a feeling of relief knowing that I do not have to try and control everything. Ive realized now that my least anxious moments come from knowing I am taking care of my own self and keeping the focus there.
I have a friend who is feeling anxious about today because it is often associated with heavy and binge drinking. Im thinking about her and anyone else who is uneasy today. I hope everyone enjoys a peaceful and serene Sunday!
Mary
Good Morning Mary I too can so idenify with being overly responsible. I did see this as an asset beforr i worked my 4th Step wtih a sponsor. and examined my hidden motives.
.
Today I have cut back on my care-taking, take better care of myself and am still able to be helpful and supportive.
Powerful reminder.!!! Thanks for your service
I too grew up learning that 'perfect' was the ultimate goal. Just doing your best and leaving the results to HP was a foreign concept to me! Working on my recovery, and leaving others to their own journey took practice, practice, practice and I am grateful for the progress I have made. I no longer am concerned with 'perfect' - instead prefer doing the next right thing. I too am better able to be of service to others vs. enabling or controlling and am presented with many ways to practice.
May your Sunday be blessed and peaceful. Off to a meeting shortly followed by some golf this afternoon, and corned beef with fixings for dinner! Enjoy (((MIP))) family!
The funny thing is, once I let go, so many new possibilities opened up for me. I found out I had many choices of fantastic meetings to attend, and not be responsible for. I've also met many new people in recovery. And a miracle occurred ... just as we were closing, a new meeting was starting up, and I was able to donate our leftover books and supplies to them. So by letting go, I actually helped others, the same goal I thought I was achieving by hanging on. Now I am being very careful to be selective about what I volunteer for, and to realize that other people besides me can benefit from being of service. I still work at not trying to handle everything by myself and to share the responsibility with others.
As one of my yoga teachers says, "It is not about what you can do, it is about what you can let go."
I am coming to this post late (Monday) as I spent the entire day yesterday outdoors. Weeding, planting, putting my feet in the soil (grounding)... it was magical to me! This activity actually got my Muse flowing, and I ended up at the thrift store looking for items for my next art project. Got home too late to begin, but I have all the supplies I need now! Now I have to sit on my creativity until I have time (weekend)... sometimes that is so hard for me when the Art needs to come out! LOL!
I loved this reading, because it speaks of me! Until I joined and began working the Steps, I never realized what an overblown sense of responsibility I had! My ego told me it was because I was such a good planner/organizer - blah, blah, blah! Like Mary, I had such anxiety when I wasn't "handling" a situation... even one that wasn't mine to handle - I mean, I had such good ideas on how they could do their jobs better! LOL!
I look back on this and just laugh. While I thought I was a humble person, that was really Ego talking. My mind was blown!!
Today, I try to take a step back from any situation, and ask myself, "What is truly my part in this?" "Do I actually have/need a part?" If not, then I work on actively letting go. Sometimes it is very easy. Other times, it is a battle of wills! LOL! But I am finding myself less anxious, and that's always a good thing! I can relate to Mary saying that there is relief in knowing that I cannot be in Control of everything.
Hope everyone's week is a good one!