my a brother ( Billy),in a bad way with his using ,now homeless n where to go,praying he can n will see he has got options ,
ive posted this in more detail on the mip aca board next door,sad situation.......hugs lu,,,all esh welcome.
lookingup said
Mar 17, 2019
Sorry,I post under name sariah on aca board.
hotrod said
Mar 17, 2019
Good Morning L.U I did read your posting on the ACA message board and am so very sorry to see that this situaion has devolved to this point. i can so understand your pain and his.
You know that you are a kind, loving compassionate woman and seeing him in such distress is unsettling. Please remember he too has a H.P so pray that he can find sobriey and pray for your peace. You both will be in my prayers today Love your new picture You look lovely
Iamhere said
Mar 17, 2019
(((LU))) - I can't find your post over yonder --- but did want to send you positive thoughts and prayers. Please take good care of yourself and keep coming back!
lookingup said
Mar 17, 2019
Thank you Betty for prayers for me and bro,
Thank you iah for your kind prayers to,
I haven't heard anything yet as to the good or bad,guess no news is good news for now,it's still early ,
Hoped it would never get to this point,gut feelings kept telling me it would,,
Continueing to pray for a good out come today,
Again thank y'all so much for yur heartfelt words,,,hugs lu
I will post updates as they come about........
Jill said
Mar 17, 2019
LU we're praying for your brother and you. From experience, I know what that feels like. You're a sister anyone would treasure.
Slogans are my little lifeboats when I can't wrap my head around what's going on.
All the best to you and your family.
Do let us know what comes about.
tiredtonite said
Mar 17, 2019
(((lu)))) so sorry. Hang in there. Morning meeting here with regulars and lots of unconditional love. Prayers for (((Billy))) Lu.. it's not your fault. Serenity Prayer and the 3C's. TT
lookingup said
Mar 17, 2019
Thank you Jill for your prayers ,yes my program tools are really helping I know I'm powerless over Billy of what he does ,I can and am been taking care of myself ,
Thank you tired tonight for the reminder of our mip morning meeting,I'll definitely be there.
Update on bro is he is ok,ppl have been seeing him riding around town on his bike,
He also came to my neighbors this am I was told,bad mouthing me for not letting him in to wash clothes n bathe,they told him they didn't blame me for not letting him in.
I know there's nothing I can do to help him at this point ,I've stopped enabling him,whatever the outcome will be will be no matter .
He has put his things on my back deck and covered them up,I did ok that the other day,since then he has been knocking on my door regular wanting in,I've had to say no every time.
He stopped coming around my home since I called police and they removed him from my yard.
I know he is in deep pain,I don't know how he is surviving out there with no money no food,
He has been seen going into shopping center,I'm sure he is having to steal to survive
I'm staying intoday continuing on with my life like always ,not isolating myself,keeping on smiling along my way,
Even though it's hard to ,I've kept a headache most of the day,taking Tylenol is helping.
Hp is watching over us,this gets so confusing having a bro out there in that shape.sooner or later this will come to an end ,hopefully a good ending.
DavidG said
Mar 17, 2019
((((((((((((( Sariah, my friend... ))))))))))))
It is so hard to lose family like this. I wish sometime that they were actually drowning- and that we could just dive in the drag them to shore. I had my own experience in Texas- over my brother last year- at the end for him. We can all give it our best shot- and we do end up doing this many times over...
...it is wise not to grieve alone- I am so glad you trusted enough to share. And keep us posted, too... ...in this special programme we share both grief and joy- and, over time, we learn to do this together...
I shall pray and keep praying for the best...
lookingup said
Mar 18, 2019
Thank you David ,
Again I'm sorry for your loss of a loved as well,
Your words as with all that's replied here to my post has been very heart warming to me,
It's so omforting getting to come here and read all these replies ,brings so much relief to me knowing I ha e my mip alanon family to turn to when going through a crises with loved ones,
I'm hopeing for the best for my bro,of whatever that will be even a release of his pain n misery of addiction hp knows his condition more so,my job is to stay out of hp way and let him take care of the rest,I trust in my hp to take care of Billy even if it's to take him home .
I'll except whatever hp decision is to do with bro.
still being as human as we are,can't help but worry,yet my hands are tied,I've been busy doctoring a fever blister since this began,
I so appreciate each of you ,and all the kind words spoken here..........hugs to each ,,,,,Patricia (lu,sariah1963)
Iamhere said
Mar 18, 2019
Prayers Continue (LU) - keep coming back!
Bo said
Mar 19, 2019
Done...prayers have been going on and sent...all the best.
lookingup said
Mar 19, 2019
Hi (((( family alanoners)))))))
Thanks again for all your prayers,,
Prayers seem to be working,talked with Billy today ,nice conversation
He is doing better than I expected,he is staying with freinds of his,
He told me he was planning on going back to live with his Af till he can get better on his feet,
All I know right now,does help my feeling that he has decided to do better ,fingers crossed he gets his life together.....hugs lu
JerryF said
Mar 19, 2019
Aloha LU. Seems I missed earlier postings about Billy and have to admit I know the process our disease takes. I am reminded of one of the lessons my former alcohol addiction VA counselor taught me that burrowed itself deeply into my soul and I find it here in the give and take with the MIP family. "Giving Mercy" was the tool he asked if I could used when participating in the disease of alcoholism and addiction with my wife and others. Giving mercy became a dual edged sword in fighting the pride, egotism and self centeredness I use to apply with my participation. Those use to be the clubs I used in trying to get my alcoholic/addict wife and others to recover with. Sending Billy prayers laced with mercy and including yourself. ((((hugs))))
lookingup said
Mar 19, 2019
Thank you Jerry for your wisdom,
And for the tool 'giving mercy" it's a hard sit. To deal with ,I'm also seeing I've got a lot to learn when it comes to dealing with foo that is active within their addictions,I could give more mercy to them ,one way is by letting them go giving bro over to hp completely,
My life becomes unmanageable when I participate with this desease.
I been struggling with exceptance of my foo,it's really not their fault nor mine that we were all born into the alcoholic family,
I do know I got to move on with my own life and stop obsessing over my bro,,it is what it is,nothing never changes within my foo,
I'm the only one that's in recovery ,it's been a long road for myself although I feel I've come along ways since 5 yrs ago,
I keep on trying ,one day I will get to my happy place,where I can enjoy life fully,rather my loved ones or useing or not,
I choose not to watch while they destroy their lives with addictions mostly meth.
I hope this makes sense as I feel I've jumped around here just so much to tell n talk about when it comes to learning to deal and cope with it......
Iamhere said
Mar 20, 2019
(((LU))) - it is never easy to watch those we love get sicker, sicker, sicker - I hear you! I am still sending prayers and positive energy your way! Hang in there...you are not alone!
lookingup said
Mar 20, 2019
thank you iah for reassuring me,its good know we aren't alone ,
I so want to believe what bro tells me of how he only uses every 3 or 4 days and that theres no withdraws coming off meth that's its only mental,
a lot of lies he has told,which is to be expected coming from him ,tall tales,its sad ,im just glad I can see the lies,where before I believed him,his actions showed diff.
.sending lots of hugs out,,its great know I can come here and be understood,wished there was someone I could talk to in person that could help me to understand more ,I don't know anyone or where to go for such help,seems im surrounded with addicts ,I don't discuss anything with them so I sit in silence and come here much as possible .
Temple said
Mar 20, 2019
Bless your sweet heart.
You've come a long way.
Prayers for you and your brother.
JerryF said
Mar 20, 2019
LU no need to get down on yourself...that is just one of the consequences that we the family and friends of alcoholics choose to do. I had to learn that is what I was doing...choosing to act and react in an unsafe and unsane way. At first I thought I had no choice in how I responded until I learned the power from my sponsors questions...Why do you choose to do that? Early on the questions irritated me because I thought I didn't have a choice and then I realized I could choose not to the same way I would have to do the work finding out my part in all of my problems. The inventory steps are and were gold in my recovery along with the fellowship that shares their own experiences with me just as they do here in MIP.
I got the growth along with the prayers and my life changed in such a way that I know there are such things as miracles.
I separated from my family of origin also...on purpose. My sponsor told me after a meeting that I was going to have to separate myself from all things alcohol and after sometime the list of those included my family or origin, my then wife, the people I drank with; almost everyone I knew at that time and still I did it. My family wanted to know why and that was easy I blamed not wanting to get crazy so often. My wife was easiest because she was becoming more of a victim of the disease and feeling the losses and my drinking group really didn't miss me that often so I stayed away. What a lesson!! The disease lies, cheats and steals whatever it can to grow and destroy others I was done and I am grateful to my HP and/for my sponsor leading me to that door.
I have you in my prayers...you do not have to live this way. You can keep choosing not to and do other more healthy things for your recovery. Leaving Billy to feel the full force of the pain of this disease can help him seek not to as much as you don't want to also. There are meth programs for him when he is ready and wants to. I am sure he knows.
Keep coming back ((((hugs))))
lookingup said
Mar 20, 2019
Thank you Jerry for the inspiration you have a lot of wisdom,
I have been trying to break away from my foo,and have succeeded to for several months ,yay me,has been difficult.
When I use to get the urge to be around foo,I would run to them,with feelings of relief that I was back home ,where I was raised n familer ,or it must had something to do with being back with my blood,then after a day or so things would get crazy ,the old behaviors set in ,same scripts over n over.id feel sick after a day or so I'd be so ready to get back to my little hometown,which is really my safety net ,safe away from foo n the craziness of the desease,
I have been being firm with Billy also,the word no is constant with him,he comes to my home every day knocking just to hang out with hopes I'll give in like always ,I haven't givin in,I won't let him stay,I just tell him he has to go after awhile,he leaves no arguing ,
Billy has been in n out of mental hospitals for last several yrs and rehabs,
He doesn't want to change he has made that clear ,and he was tired of going into hospitals n rehabs,
That he wasn't gonna ever stop his meth addiction,
I am enough by myself trying to get better n healthier ,I'm on the right track now,I just have to learn ,practice being persistent ,
I don't know what will happen to bro,I do know now that I can't cure him,or control,or change anything about him.and that's a huge relief to know...........
mamalioness said
Mar 22, 2019
(((((((((((((((((hey Lookingup))))))))))))))) Well I'll pray for you on both boards ok????? yea, I hear ya about having a loved on in the slavery of addiction......my youngest bro is still missing....hes a hard core drug addict....had to let him go to God long ago, but I still pray for him....hes been gone for a loong time....our Pastor friend in CA who had him in his halfway house before he had to boot him for SECOND offense of dealing and using on premises, has been searching for him and we keep in touch....Pastor D is probably the reason why my younger bro has lived this long, but I think time is running out for him because Pastor D told me a few nights ago, that he was on the hard stuff, on the streets according to one of his "inmates".....so prayers for EVERYONE in the grips of addiction and who are just still lost, may they find their way into recovery and life.....
luv123 said
Mar 23, 2019
Prayers for both of you. Beyond appearances I really believe in the transforming power of hp available + at play in every situation. But it can be hell in the hallway and we get no guarantees. But my brother was in VERY similar condition last year and miracles happened for him, one day at a time I had to let go [an hr. at a time some days] I just kept the high watch for him praying + affirming that he would be open and receptive 2 the love and strength and guidance that I knew was available for him just as I've seen it work miracles in some of the AA stories I hear... that was so hard to sustain when I would see him though and doing what you are doing, getting support was my best course of action. I'm glad that things seem a little better for him... it's so hard though when the things that we would like to save them from feeling are the exact things they may need to feel to want to change their lives for the better. But just like they can let go their obsession one day at a time ...our higher power gives us the possibility of Letting Go our obsession with helping/ worrying one day at a time.
In hope + prayer
lookingup said
Mar 23, 2019
Luv123,
Thank you for yur insight,
Of letting go,I have to work on me ,nothing I can change about him,
He has quit coming by here,it's somewhat of a relief to me not having to keep saying no,
Praying he is ok ,I know he is in hp hands,
Time will tell,I'm holding onto hope ,that bro will wake up before its to late if it's not already,
When he isn't getting his way he gets very angry ,and threatens and uses very ugly words.
Prayers go out to all our loved ones with this desease,they are good ppl.
Just in a lot of pain,deep down pain.
So was I though before coming into alanon and deciding finally to stay and learn my pain had become unbearable ,
I'm grateful I'm here now and posting,
Took along time,i survived so far,always hopeing for a better tomorrow,
It is one day at a time .
Seems my words are jumbled up and don't really know where I'm going when I post here ,I do know I'm lots better than before.
I love all the esh that's been givin here,it is helping me to understand ..........hugs lu
my a brother ( Billy),in a bad way with his using ,now homeless n where to go,praying he can n will see he has got options ,
ive posted this in more detail on the mip aca board next door,sad situation.......hugs lu,,,all esh welcome.
Good Morning L.U I did read your posting on the ACA message board and am so very sorry to see that this situaion has devolved to this point. i can so understand your pain and his.
You know that you are a kind, loving compassionate woman and seeing him in such distress is unsettling.
Please remember he too has a H.P so pray that he can find sobriey and pray for your peace. You both will be in my prayers today
Love your new picture You look lovely
Thank you iah for your kind prayers to,
I haven't heard anything yet as to the good or bad,guess no news is good news for now,it's still early ,
Hoped it would never get to this point,gut feelings kept telling me it would,,
Continueing to pray for a good out come today,
Again thank y'all so much for yur heartfelt words,,,hugs lu
I will post updates as they come about........
Slogans are my little lifeboats when I can't wrap my head around what's going on.
All the best to you and your family.
Do let us know what comes about.
(((lu)))) so sorry. Hang in there. Morning meeting here with regulars and lots of unconditional love. Prayers for (((Billy))) Lu.. it's not your fault. Serenity Prayer and the 3C's. TT
Thank you tired tonight for the reminder of our mip morning meeting,I'll definitely be there.
Update on bro is he is ok,ppl have been seeing him riding around town on his bike,
He also came to my neighbors this am I was told,bad mouthing me for not letting him in to wash clothes n bathe,they told him they didn't blame me for not letting him in.
I know there's nothing I can do to help him at this point ,I've stopped enabling him,whatever the outcome will be will be no matter .
He has put his things on my back deck and covered them up,I did ok that the other day,since then he has been knocking on my door regular wanting in,I've had to say no every time.
He stopped coming around my home since I called police and they removed him from my yard.
I know he is in deep pain,I don't know how he is surviving out there with no money no food,
He has been seen going into shopping center,I'm sure he is having to steal to survive
I'm staying intoday continuing on with my life like always ,not isolating myself,keeping on smiling along my way,
Even though it's hard to ,I've kept a headache most of the day,taking Tylenol is helping.
Hp is watching over us,this gets so confusing having a bro out there in that shape.sooner or later this will come to an end ,hopefully a good ending.
((((((((((((( Sariah, my friend... ))))))))))))
It is so hard to lose family like this. I wish sometime that they were actually drowning- and that we could just dive in the drag them to shore. I had my own experience in Texas- over my brother last year- at the end for him. We can all give it our best shot- and we do end up doing this many times over...
...it is wise not to grieve alone- I am so glad you trusted enough to share. And keep us posted, too... ...in this special programme we share both grief and joy- and, over time, we learn to do this together...
I shall pray and keep praying for the best...
Again I'm sorry for your loss of a loved as well,
Your words as with all that's replied here to my post has been very heart warming to me,
It's so omforting getting to come here and read all these replies ,brings so much relief to me knowing I ha e my mip alanon family to turn to when going through a crises with loved ones,
I'm hopeing for the best for my bro,of whatever that will be even a release of his pain n misery of addiction hp knows his condition more so,my job is to stay out of hp way and let him take care of the rest,I trust in my hp to take care of Billy even if it's to take him home .
I'll except whatever hp decision is to do with bro.
still being as human as we are,can't help but worry,yet my hands are tied,I've been busy doctoring a fever blister since this began,
I so appreciate each of you ,and all the kind words spoken here..........hugs to each ,,,,,Patricia (lu,sariah1963)
Thanks again for all your prayers,,
Prayers seem to be working,talked with Billy today ,nice conversation
He is doing better than I expected,he is staying with freinds of his,
He told me he was planning on going back to live with his Af till he can get better on his feet,
All I know right now,does help my feeling that he has decided to do better ,fingers crossed he gets his life together.....hugs lu
Aloha LU. Seems I missed earlier postings about Billy and have to admit I know the process our disease takes. I am reminded of one of the lessons my former alcohol addiction VA counselor taught me that burrowed itself deeply into my soul and I find it here in the give and take with the MIP family. "Giving Mercy" was the tool he asked if I could used when participating in the disease of alcoholism and addiction with my wife and others. Giving mercy became a dual edged sword in fighting the pride, egotism and self centeredness I use to apply with my participation. Those use to be the clubs I used in trying to get my alcoholic/addict wife and others to recover with. Sending Billy prayers laced with mercy and including yourself. ((((hugs))))
And for the tool 'giving mercy" it's a hard sit. To deal with ,I'm also seeing I've got a lot to learn when it comes to dealing with foo that is active within their addictions,I could give more mercy to them ,one way is by letting them go giving bro over to hp completely,
My life becomes unmanageable when I participate with this desease.
I been struggling with exceptance of my foo,it's really not their fault nor mine that we were all born into the alcoholic family,
I do know I got to move on with my own life and stop obsessing over my bro,,it is what it is,nothing never changes within my foo,
I'm the only one that's in recovery ,it's been a long road for myself although I feel I've come along ways since 5 yrs ago,
I keep on trying ,one day I will get to my happy place,where I can enjoy life fully,rather my loved ones or useing or not,
I choose not to watch while they destroy their lives with addictions mostly meth.
I hope this makes sense as I feel I've jumped around here just so much to tell n talk about when it comes to learning to deal and cope with it......
I so want to believe what bro tells me of how he only uses every 3 or 4 days and that theres no withdraws coming off meth that's its only mental,
a lot of lies he has told,which is to be expected coming from him ,tall tales,its sad ,im just glad I can see the lies,where before I believed him,his actions showed diff.
.sending lots of hugs out,,its great know I can come here and be understood,wished there was someone I could talk to in person that could help me to understand more ,I don't know anyone or where to go for such help,seems im surrounded with addicts ,I don't discuss anything with them so I sit in silence and come here much as possible .
You've come a long way.
Prayers for you and your brother.
LU no need to get down on yourself...that is just one of the consequences that we the family and friends of alcoholics choose to do. I had to learn that is what I was doing...choosing to act and react in an unsafe and unsane way. At first I thought I had no choice in how I responded until I learned the power from my sponsors questions...Why do you choose to do that? Early on the questions irritated me because I thought I didn't have a choice and then I realized I could choose not to the same way I would have to do the work finding out my part in all of my problems. The inventory steps are and were gold in my recovery along with the fellowship that shares their own experiences with me just as they do here in MIP.
I got the growth along with the prayers and my life changed in such a way that I know there are such things as miracles.
I separated from my family of origin also...on purpose. My sponsor told me after a meeting that I was going to have to separate myself from all things alcohol and after sometime the list of those included my family or origin, my then wife, the people I drank with; almost everyone I knew at that time and still I did it. My family wanted to know why and that was easy I blamed not wanting to get crazy so often. My wife was easiest because she was becoming more of a victim of the disease and feeling the losses and my drinking group really didn't miss me that often so I stayed away. What a lesson!! The disease lies, cheats and steals whatever it can to grow and destroy others I was done and I am grateful to my HP and/for my sponsor leading me to that door.
I have you in my prayers...you do not have to live this way. You can keep choosing not to and do other more healthy things for your recovery. Leaving Billy to feel the full force of the pain of this disease can help him seek not to as much as you don't want to also. There are meth programs for him when he is ready and wants to. I am sure he knows.
Keep coming back ((((hugs))))
I have been trying to break away from my foo,and have succeeded to for several months ,yay me,has been difficult.
When I use to get the urge to be around foo,I would run to them,with feelings of relief that I was back home ,where I was raised n familer ,or it must had something to do with being back with my blood,then after a day or so things would get crazy ,the old behaviors set in ,same scripts over n over.id feel sick after a day or so I'd be so ready to get back to my little hometown,which is really my safety net ,safe away from foo n the craziness of the desease,
I have been being firm with Billy also,the word no is constant with him,he comes to my home every day knocking just to hang out with hopes I'll give in like always ,I haven't givin in,I won't let him stay,I just tell him he has to go after awhile,he leaves no arguing ,
Billy has been in n out of mental hospitals for last several yrs and rehabs,
He doesn't want to change he has made that clear ,and he was tired of going into hospitals n rehabs,
That he wasn't gonna ever stop his meth addiction,
I am enough by myself trying to get better n healthier ,I'm on the right track now,I just have to learn ,practice being persistent ,
I don't know what will happen to bro,I do know now that I can't cure him,or control,or change anything about him.and that's a huge relief to know...........
(((((((((((((((((hey Lookingup))))))))))))))) Well I'll pray for you on both boards ok????? yea, I hear ya about having a loved on in the slavery of addiction......my youngest bro is still missing....hes a hard core drug addict....had to let him go to God long ago, but I still pray for him....hes been gone for a loong time....our Pastor friend in CA who had him in his halfway house before he had to boot him for SECOND offense of dealing and using on premises, has been searching for him and we keep in touch....Pastor D is probably the reason why my younger bro has lived this long, but I think time is running out for him because Pastor D told me a few nights ago, that he was on the hard stuff, on the streets according to one of his "inmates".....so prayers for EVERYONE in the grips of addiction and who are just still lost, may they find their way into recovery and life.....
Prayers for both of you. Beyond appearances I really believe in the transforming power of hp available + at play in every situation. But it can be hell in the hallway and we get no guarantees. But my brother was in VERY similar condition last year and miracles happened for him, one day at a time I had to let go [an hr. at a time some days] I just kept the high watch for him praying + affirming that he would be open and receptive 2 the love and strength and guidance that I knew was available for him just as I've seen it work miracles in some of the AA stories I hear... that was so hard to sustain when I would see him though and doing what you are doing, getting support was my best course of action. I'm glad that things seem a little better for him... it's so hard though when the things that we would like to save them from feeling are the exact things they may need to feel to want to change their lives for the better. But just like they can let go their obsession one day at a time ...our higher power gives us the possibility of Letting Go our obsession with helping/ worrying one day at a time.
In hope + prayer
Thank you for yur insight,
Of letting go,I have to work on me ,nothing I can change about him,
He has quit coming by here,it's somewhat of a relief to me not having to keep saying no,
Praying he is ok ,I know he is in hp hands,
Time will tell,I'm holding onto hope ,that bro will wake up before its to late if it's not already,
When he isn't getting his way he gets very angry ,and threatens and uses very ugly words.
Prayers go out to all our loved ones with this desease,they are good ppl.
Just in a lot of pain,deep down pain.
So was I though before coming into alanon and deciding finally to stay and learn my pain had become unbearable ,
I'm grateful I'm here now and posting,
Took along time,i survived so far,always hopeing for a better tomorrow,
It is one day at a time .
Seems my words are jumbled up and don't really know where I'm going when I post here ,I do know I'm lots better than before.
I love all the esh that's been givin here,it is helping me to understand ..........hugs lu