Hi again, I don't want to be greedy with all your kind guidance... but I have one very crazy-making issue going on, and I would love some feedback. Basically, I cannot stay calm while waiting for a response to a text message from basically anyone at this point. It doesn't matter who it is, or how low-stakes and perfunctory, etc. I used to never even notice that kind of thing. But after years of feeling unimportant and ignored and not worthy of a response and a second-class citizen compared to alcohol/work by my partner, I feel hard-wired to panic if I don't get an instant response.
I am trying to keep Step 3 in mind, and turn it all over repeatedly, but having a few more go-to concepts/slogans/approaches would be helpful. It's very embarassing to feel this much emotional pain about a stupid text response. And it makes me fire off more messages in a panic myself. This has already led me to torpedo a recent new romance, and while I can have faith in the big picture in some ways (maybe my HP was protecting me from another person who I think was an addict), in the moment it feels almost unbearable, like I really can't control myself (at which point I also try to remember the words of Step 2.) I just want to be able to sit quietly, even if I can't feel completely quiet about it inside. But ideally, I also want to feel quiet as well, and not dependent on the validation of a silly text message. Any slogans or experience would be so helpful.
hotrod said
Mar 14, 2019
Great Post I have been there and did find that the slogans helped me to detach from my insanity and let go.
First Things First - I have heard it said - Be Honest With yourself, - get out of your head - You can Feel Good -About Saying "No" - Keep Coming Back to - Talk And Grow - Easy Does It - sounds real nice - If you Keep It Simple - you don't roll the dice - Live And Let Live - Brings it back to you - They're in recovery, - you are, too - What's to Be will Be - So, Let Go & Let God - Just wait and see - That one Day At A Time - Is more than a phrase - In Al-Anon, - it's the phrase that pays - Think! Listen And Learn - or watch bridges burn - Keep An Open Mind, - Now it's your turn - Is your serenity worth it - Just, Fake It 'Till You Make It! - I am pretty sure, You can - Cause, How - important is it? - In time, you will understand - It's true, we're all different, - But, together we can make it - If you feel that you can't, - Then, once again, fake it - When you let it begin with me - The fog will raise, - the sun will shine - Your eyes will see - Slogans are there - For you to use - Say one every day - So you don't sing the blues - It works when you work it - We say and it's true - We're all here to help - But your recovery is up to you.
El said
Mar 14, 2019
Thank you fo sharing the poem, Betty! Seeing the slogans in a different format makes another impact for sure.
Ellen
KT2015 said
Mar 14, 2019
Hi there inhealinghands
I like the slogan "let go and let God" Once I've sent my text or message I find something else to do and remind myself of this text message. In my case urgently waiting for an immediate response was my way of trying to control the situation. Instead I give it up to my higher power and find something else to do.
mamalioness said
Mar 14, 2019
((((((((((((BETTY)))))))))))) you hit the ball out of the park with this gem.....stole it and shared it with others....and put in my own personal recovery library...
thanks a million......
Iamhere said
Mar 14, 2019
inhealinghands - I am kind of a 'high energy' person. So - sitting quietly or meditating quietly are not my best qualities....having said that, I do start my day with prayer before my feet hit the floor. Just a quick one as my HP knows me well and understand my energy. I tend to 'get busy' when I am in a waiting state - I will plan a meal, take a walk (love Christian music), work out, call a friend, go to a meeting, etc. to keep me from sitting idle and watching the phone...
Practice, practice, practice doing things differently is what I was told. Try new things, put me first - many great suggestions helped me find my way in recovery to a peaceful place. My favorite slogans are (as suggested above) - Let Go, and Let God....in the beginning, I really focused on Easy Does It and Keep it Simple.
Great question - great answers and ESH!
Mattie said
Mar 15, 2019
"Feelings aren't facts" is important for me. It helped a lot when I listened to a podcast about anxiety, which pointed out that anxiety is just a bunch of chemicals that happen to be loosed in our brain, not a big intolerable event. Apparently the remedy for phobias is gradual exposure, which is all about learning to tolerate the feeling of anxiety, and noticing that it naturally goes in waves and so it fades after a while. So if, say, you have a fear of dogs, you start by getting a magazine that you know has a picture of the dog in it, and you hold the magazine closed, and you calmly notice the feelings that roll on by you, and how eventually they settle down. Then the next time you might open the magazine and have it at a distance from you, and you notice the feelings roll in and then roll out again. And eventually you hold the picture of the dog and notice the feelings rolling in and out again.
So the other day when I had to do something I was really dreading, I just sat and breathed very deliberately and noticed those feelings rolling in by, and gradually kind of made friends with the feelings.
Hope you take good care of yourself!
inhealinghands said
Mar 15, 2019
Thanks so much all, you' ve all been so helpful. Going to try all those things. And the slogan poem was really great, thanks so much for posting it. I'll definitely be referring back to that. :+)
milkwood said
Mar 15, 2019
I like what Mattie said about watching those feelings roll in and then roll out again.
I've also been that anxious person... waiting... just waiting... giving my time up for something other than myself or my current moment. Now when I feel like that I notice it, think 'how important is it' and then hopefully find myself something more enjoyable to do.
If I notice that I'm about to do something I might beat myself up about afterwards then I sometimes take myself off for a ten minute walk with the goal of thinking what might be the thing that I need, or what is the next best thing for me to do. The exercise de-stresses me and I normally come up with something positive and self-soothing to do by the time I get back.
Hi again, I don't want to be greedy with all your kind guidance... but I have one very crazy-making issue going on, and I would love some feedback. Basically, I cannot stay calm while waiting for a response to a text message from basically anyone at this point. It doesn't matter who it is, or how low-stakes and perfunctory, etc. I used to never even notice that kind of thing. But after years of feeling unimportant and ignored and not worthy of a response and a second-class citizen compared to alcohol/work by my partner, I feel hard-wired to panic if I don't get an instant response.
I am trying to keep Step 3 in mind, and turn it all over repeatedly, but having a few more go-to concepts/slogans/approaches would be helpful. It's very embarassing to feel this much emotional pain about a stupid text response. And it makes me fire off more messages in a panic myself. This has already led me to torpedo a recent new romance, and while I can have faith in the big picture in some ways (maybe my HP was protecting me from another person who I think was an addict), in the moment it feels almost unbearable, like I really can't control myself (at which point I also try to remember the words of Step 2.) I just want to be able to sit quietly, even if I can't feel completely quiet about it inside. But ideally, I also want to feel quiet as well, and not dependent on the validation of a silly text message. Any slogans or experience would be so helpful.
Great Post I have been there and did find that the slogans helped me to detach from my insanity and let go.
Here is a poem which includes the slogans;
Al-Anon Slogans in a Poem - By Coach Papa
Slogans in a Poem by Coach Papa
First Things First - I have heard it said - Be Honest With yourself, - get out of your head - You can Feel Good -About Saying "No" - Keep Coming Back to - Talk And Grow - Easy Does It - sounds real nice - If you Keep It Simple - you don't roll the dice - Live And Let Live - Brings it back to you - They're in recovery, - you are, too - What's to Be will Be - So, Let Go & Let God - Just wait and see - That one Day At A Time - Is more than a phrase - In Al-Anon, - it's the phrase that pays - Think! Listen And Learn - or watch bridges burn - Keep An Open Mind, - Now it's your turn - Is your serenity worth it - Just, Fake It 'Till You Make It! - I am pretty sure, You can - Cause, How - important is it? - In time, you will understand - It's true, we're all different, - But, together we can make it - If you feel that you can't, - Then, once again, fake it - When you let it begin with me - The fog will raise, - the sun will shine - Your eyes will see - Slogans are there - For you to use - Say one every day - So you don't sing the blues - It works when you work it - We say and it's true - We're all here to help - But your recovery is up to you.
Thank you fo sharing the poem, Betty! Seeing the slogans in a different format makes another impact for sure.
Ellen
I like the slogan "let go and let God" Once I've sent my text or message I find something else to do and remind myself of this text message. In my case urgently waiting for an immediate response was my way of trying to control the situation. Instead I give it up to my higher power and find something else to do.
thanks a million......
Practice, practice, practice doing things differently is what I was told. Try new things, put me first - many great suggestions helped me find my way in recovery to a peaceful place. My favorite slogans are (as suggested above) - Let Go, and Let God....in the beginning, I really focused on Easy Does It and Keep it Simple.
Great question - great answers and ESH!
"Feelings aren't facts" is important for me. It helped a lot when I listened to a podcast about anxiety, which pointed out that anxiety is just a bunch of chemicals that happen to be loosed in our brain, not a big intolerable event. Apparently the remedy for phobias is gradual exposure, which is all about learning to tolerate the feeling of anxiety, and noticing that it naturally goes in waves and so it fades after a while. So if, say, you have a fear of dogs, you start by getting a magazine that you know has a picture of the dog in it, and you hold the magazine closed, and you calmly notice the feelings that roll on by you, and how eventually they settle down. Then the next time you might open the magazine and have it at a distance from you, and you notice the feelings roll in and then roll out again. And eventually you hold the picture of the dog and notice the feelings rolling in and out again.
So the other day when I had to do something I was really dreading, I just sat and breathed very deliberately and noticed those feelings rolling in by, and gradually kind of made friends with the feelings.
Hope you take good care of yourself!
I've also been that anxious person... waiting... just waiting... giving my time up for something other than myself or my current moment. Now when I feel like that I notice it, think 'how important is it' and then hopefully find myself something more enjoyable to do.
If I notice that I'm about to do something I might beat myself up about afterwards then I sometimes take myself off for a ten minute walk with the goal of thinking what might be the thing that I need, or what is the next best thing for me to do. The exercise de-stresses me and I normally come up with something positive and self-soothing to do by the time I get back.