I have been feeling drained by others lately. Maybe its because I have been around a dry drunk friend and he sees all things in a negative way. I feel this person is very needy and its draining me. Yes he has medical issues but what am I to do about it? I can fix the medical pain. I can not take it away. I am not a doctor. I am not a nurse. He complains from day to night about his pain in his body and I feel I am going to loose my patience. I am so tired hearing it. I have had enough. I have been walking away when he starts complaining about his body hurting. I can not do anything about it. I am so frustrated hearing it. I know I have to distance myself from this person for my own sanity. I can not change it, can not fix it, can not offer a cure. I am so done with the negative attitude and lack of motivation. He is on social assistance and is always financially broke and in financial hardship. He is reaching out to all the social services agency available to help him survive but I can not fix the problem. I am trying to keep my head above water myself with all my issues of my daughter, selling my house and self care. I have no energy left over to hear his pain and suffering. I have encouraged him to access counselling as I can not hear it. He has had a very bad drunken lifestyle and did all kinds of awful things. He acts like a victim constantly and talks about this is what this/that person did to me. I did this and that for that person and he gets angry and bitter. Talks and acts like a victim. I have had enough of hearing the poor me story. What am I to do? I have my own issues I am trying to manage. I am so ready to distance myself from this person. Its an added burden on me that I do not need at this time. I have been walking away from him when he starts on the poor me crap. I am sorry you have medical issues and can not work but there are choices out there. Your not a kid, reach out for help what ever that looks like. I can not do it for you! I feel like he is a vampire sucking all the good I can muster! I know I have to walk away from this person as I Can not do it anymore. I have to set boundaries for myself and put me first. I can not take his negativity anymore. I am tired. I have to say no, I do not want to hear it anymore. I can not help you. I can not, can not do for you anymore. Its like working with a child. I am so done, done, done. I need me time and put me first. I can not give what I do not have to give. I just cannot handle sick needy people. I am not a nurse. I love being around positive, happy, independent people who are living the best life they can. I can not tolerate this self pity crap. I do enough of my own. I do not need another heaping of it added to my plate. I am so frustrated and can not do anymore. Life goes on, no matter what. I am learning that. I just know that desperate, needy people drive me insane. I am not a nurse, or a doctor or a counselor. Just keeping up with myself is a full time job. I have decided I will start distancing myself from this person as I can not be there like a support system anymore. Get your own help, there is free services in the community that you can access. I am not free services. I have had enough of the BS with this person. I have had enough! I have had enough! I need to focus on me and my well being! What is in my best interest! What is in my best interest? Not this person hanging around my neck like a weight! I want to say to this person so bad, get out of my way! I have things to do! I have a life I am trying to put together! I was challenged by my therapist, why does this person get to me? Why does this person lazy, laid back personality, lifestyle, medical issues get to me? To needy! To needy! I can not stand it!
Thanks for letting me share!
hotrod said
Mar 8, 2019
(Joker)) I have been there and it helped me to recite the First Step over and over in my mind detach and change thee subject
El said
Mar 8, 2019
Joker,
I hear you and totally understand. We want to be of service, but when we are being dragged down it is a sign to act in our own best interest. It sounds like you are starting to detach already! Sending you positive thoughts in this situation.
Ellen
JerryF said
Mar 8, 2019
Joker good reach out!! and I relate and remember the lessons and journey back from that. I learned that our program, this program wasn't a talk program and a it was a walk program that I had to do all of what I was being taught time to time. Practice time was recovery time and when I was where you are at now (Stuck) I had to practice detaching which was foreign to me as an enabler and codependent human being. I was stuck acting out in how the disease taught me to fix and help and support and grieve with and for others who would not do it for themselves. I was acting normal and had to learn how to be abnormal which I also had to understand was doing what I had been taught not to do by my co-dependent enabling relatives who were not anymore successful than I was.]
I didn't know and didn't know that I didn't know anything about the merry-go-round of our disease and when I found that out I learned I would have to attend Al-Anon, sit down and listen and learn and practice until I found myself gratefully different whether my person got better or not. Their recovery relied upon my "No's" over and over and over and it was beautiful to see them change not because of me and in spite of me.
it is ongoing because there are real aspects of my enabling and my history with this life threatening disease that cannot be denied. I am a master at enabling and codependence and can do both still without thinking. It is like breathing...I will not stop breathing and I have learned to breathe more deeply and slowly and take the pauses that refresh my spirit.
You're drained...picture yourself emerged or submerged in the spirit you love for 24 hours with the "Just For Today" pamphlet quietly and softly running thru your spirit.
That works...I know it does...It is what worked for me and many needy people I knew are better off for it. ((((Hugs))))
PosiesandPuppies said
Mar 9, 2019
(((((Joker)))))
I am sending you support, b/c I hear the frustration in your voice... I can almost see the fork sticking out of you (you are so done!)!!! But I have been there. And because it was my spouse, I was accused of not being supportive/loving. It was this program that helped me to see that I was drowning. That - like you - I had enough of my own negativity to try and break free from... I did not need a heaping dose of someone else's daily!! I finally had to disengage fully... sometimes it was hard to do it lovingly.
One day I happen to run across this website/webinar when I was Googling "Energy Vampires." It was incredibly enlightening!! Not only did it help identify and explain this concept, but it helped me to understand myself... you see, crowds and lots of social interaction actually drain me of my "life energy." I used to think that there was something wrong with me... I loved these social events, or the people I was around, but I literally needed a couple days alone afterwards... I called it recharging my batteries! Now I know the "why's" of this, accept me for who I am and what I need, and I can identify and steer clear of Energy Vampires.
By the end of the post, it sounded to me like you knew what you needed to do for the sake of your health... but perhaps feel some guilt? It is OK to Let Go of that guilt. What you repeated ( I am not a doctor, nurse, therapist) is so spot on!! Now just honor that statement of fact. I used to say, "I wish I could help you, but I am not qualified" and then I would go do something else - away from my spouse. I am guessing you don't live with this person, so it may be physically easier for you to disengage...you just need to give yourself permission to do so... and I think you just did with your post!
Wishing you peace & continued recovery!
Iamhere said
Mar 9, 2019
(((Joker))) - good to see you - sorry for the frustration I also hear in your post. There are times when I feel the disease is all around me, and I can't get away!!! Those are the times when I pick up the phone and call my sponsor or pick up my tools and work to change my focus and energy. When the disease rises up around me, it's easy for me to get anxious and feel it's never going to end/go away....yet when I put my focus back on me, my recovery, my needs, I then can find my truth - this is one moment of one day and I have choices!
I too am sending you some healing thoughts and prayers! Keep working it - you deserve all that is promised and then some! Huge (((Hugs)))
Bo said
Mar 11, 2019
When others have this impact or affect on me...I always, always, LOOK AT ME. What's my role. Not what did I do, but what's my role, what's my contribution in PERPETUATING all of this. That's the part many people get confused with. Yes, alcoholics can be very needy and it can drain others. Tremendously so. However, first, I want to make sure it's the alcoholic "dragging" me in and "sucking" me into their life, whatever is going on, the drama, chaos, turmoil, havoc, or even just the minor little thing in the moment. I want to make sure that I AM NOT jumping in, volunteering to jump in, or forcing my will and forcing me jumping in!!! Ta-Dah!!! There's another part most people get confused with, and simply don't do!
Negative attitudes, and negativity can absolutely have an impact on us, our recovery, and our so called sobriety -- even though we are not the addict and alcoholic, we do in fact have a "sobriety" and many of us have admitted they were addicted to the alcoholic or addict. We have our arms around them, and they have their arms around the bottle or the drug!
You said..."I know I have to walk away from this person" and then offered up as to why. Awareness. Clarity. Acceptance. You've got everything right there!!! Great job!!! Focus on you, make change, and do what is best for you.
I have been feeling drained by others lately. Maybe its because I have been around a dry drunk friend and he sees all things in a negative way. I feel this person is very needy and its draining me. Yes he has medical issues but what am I to do about it? I can fix the medical pain. I can not take it away. I am not a doctor. I am not a nurse. He complains from day to night about his pain in his body and I feel I am going to loose my patience. I am so tired hearing it. I have had enough. I have been walking away when he starts complaining about his body hurting. I can not do anything about it. I am so frustrated hearing it. I know I have to distance myself from this person for my own sanity. I can not change it, can not fix it, can not offer a cure. I am so done with the negative attitude and lack of motivation. He is on social assistance and is always financially broke and in financial hardship. He is reaching out to all the social services agency available to help him survive but I can not fix the problem. I am trying to keep my head above water myself with all my issues of my daughter, selling my house and self care. I have no energy left over to hear his pain and suffering. I have encouraged him to access counselling as I can not hear it. He has had a very bad drunken lifestyle and did all kinds of awful things. He acts like a victim constantly and talks about this is what this/that person did to me. I did this and that for that person and he gets angry and bitter. Talks and acts like a victim. I have had enough of hearing the poor me story. What am I to do? I have my own issues I am trying to manage. I am so ready to distance myself from this person. Its an added burden on me that I do not need at this time. I have been walking away from him when he starts on the poor me crap. I am sorry you have medical issues and can not work but there are choices out there. Your not a kid, reach out for help what ever that looks like. I can not do it for you! I feel like he is a vampire sucking all the good I can muster! I know I have to walk away from this person as I Can not do it anymore. I have to set boundaries for myself and put me first. I can not take his negativity anymore. I am tired. I have to say no, I do not want to hear it anymore. I can not help you. I can not, can not do for you anymore. Its like working with a child. I am so done, done, done. I need me time and put me first. I can not give what I do not have to give. I just cannot handle sick needy people. I am not a nurse. I love being around positive, happy, independent people who are living the best life they can. I can not tolerate this self pity crap. I do enough of my own. I do not need another heaping of it added to my plate. I am so frustrated and can not do anymore. Life goes on, no matter what. I am learning that. I just know that desperate, needy people drive me insane. I am not a nurse, or a doctor or a counselor. Just keeping up with myself is a full time job. I have decided I will start distancing myself from this person as I can not be there like a support system anymore. Get your own help, there is free services in the community that you can access. I am not free services. I have had enough of the BS with this person. I have had enough! I have had enough! I need to focus on me and my well being! What is in my best interest! What is in my best interest? Not this person hanging around my neck like a weight! I want to say to this person so bad, get out of my way! I have things to do! I have a life I am trying to put together! I was challenged by my therapist, why does this person get to me? Why does this person lazy, laid back personality, lifestyle, medical issues get to me? To needy! To needy! I can not stand it!
Thanks for letting me share!
Joker,
I hear you and totally understand. We want to be of service, but when we are being dragged down it is a sign to act in our own best interest. It sounds like you are starting to detach already! Sending you positive thoughts in this situation.
Ellen
Joker good reach out!! and I relate and remember the lessons and journey back from that. I learned that our program, this program wasn't a talk program and a it was a walk program that I had to do all of what I was being taught time to time. Practice time was recovery time and when I was where you are at now (Stuck) I had to practice detaching which was foreign to me as an enabler and codependent human being. I was stuck acting out in how the disease taught me to fix and help and support and grieve with and for others who would not do it for themselves. I was acting normal and had to learn how to be abnormal which I also had to understand was doing what I had been taught not to do by my co-dependent enabling relatives who were not anymore successful than I was.]
I didn't know and didn't know that I didn't know anything about the merry-go-round of our disease and when I found that out I learned I would have to attend Al-Anon, sit down and listen and learn and practice until I found myself gratefully different whether my person got better or not. Their recovery relied upon my "No's" over and over and over and it was beautiful to see them change not because of me and in spite of me.
it is ongoing because there are real aspects of my enabling and my history with this life threatening disease that cannot be denied. I am a master at enabling and codependence and can do both still without thinking. It is like breathing...I will not stop breathing and I have learned to breathe more deeply and slowly and take the pauses that refresh my spirit.
You're drained...picture yourself emerged or submerged in the spirit you love for 24 hours with the "Just For Today" pamphlet quietly and softly running thru your spirit.
That works...I know it does...It is what worked for me and many needy people I knew are better off for it. ((((Hugs))))
(((((Joker)))))
(you are so done!)!!! But I have been there. And because it was my spouse, I was accused of not being supportive/loving.
I am sending you support, b/c I hear the frustration in your voice... I can almost see the fork sticking out of you
It was this program that helped me to see that I was drowning. That - like you - I had enough of my own negativity to try and break free from... I did not need a heaping dose of someone else's daily!! I finally had to disengage fully... sometimes it was hard to do it lovingly.
One day I happen to run across this website/webinar when I was Googling "Energy Vampires." It was incredibly enlightening!! Not only did it help identify and explain this concept, but it helped me to understand myself... you see, crowds and lots of social interaction actually drain me of my "life energy." I used to think that there was something wrong with me... I loved these social events, or the people I was around, but I literally needed a couple days alone afterwards... I called it recharging my batteries! Now I know the "why's" of this, accept me for who I am and what I need, and I can identify and steer clear of Energy Vampires.
By the end of the post, it sounded to me like you knew what you needed to do for the sake of your health... but perhaps feel some guilt? It is OK to Let Go of that guilt. What you repeated ( I am not a doctor, nurse, therapist) is so spot on!! Now just honor that statement of fact. I used to say, "I wish I could help you, but I am not qualified" and then I would go do something else - away from my spouse. I am guessing you don't live with this person, so it may be physically easier for you to disengage...you just need to give yourself permission to do so... and I think you just did with your post!
Wishing you peace & continued recovery!
I too am sending you some healing thoughts and prayers! Keep working it - you deserve all that is promised and then some! Huge (((Hugs)))
Negative attitudes, and negativity can absolutely have an impact on us, our recovery, and our so called sobriety -- even though we are not the addict and alcoholic, we do in fact have a "sobriety" and many of us have admitted they were addicted to the alcoholic or addict. We have our arms around them, and they have their arms around the bottle or the drug!
You said..."I know I have to walk away from this person" and then offered up as to why. Awareness. Clarity. Acceptance. You've got everything right there!!! Great job!!! Focus on you, make change, and do what is best for you.