I've been trying to navigate co-parenting of one young child (7 years old), with her father (we're technically still married but separated 6 years ago), who, until last week, was actively drinking. I'm very adept at detachment with him, but as he has her almost 1/2 the time with no supervision, and she comes back to me not wanting to go back, I am not understanding how to navigate this arrangement with him.
I've mentioned this to divorce lawyers who have said that unless he is arrested or I can prove harm, I still have to split custody.
Because of this, he continues to try to manipulate me with the only "leverage" he has, which is time with her.
I feel so helpless in trying to protect her, and not really knowing what is going on, because the only thing she'll share is that she doesn't like being with Daddy, he yells, and gets angry about things some times and sometimes not.
I'm her mother and I have to protect her - but the law won't recognize this unless something drastic happens.
I just don't know what to do.
Also, I just started back at Al-Anon after years of going and then years of not going. I will be getting a Temp Sponsor in the next week or so, but if anyone has had to navigate co-parenting with a parent they don't fully trust, how are you coping?
JerryF said
Feb 28, 2019
Just a suggestion? use a counselor the courts will listen to regarding parental qualification and have the results documented. You will also have to be qualified. Keep coming back. (((hugs)))
SerenityRUS said
Mar 1, 2019
Oh boy .. you are speaking my language and it's still foreign.
Big hugs first off and making sense out of someone who speaks nonsense .. my situation has been a battle.
One thing I did learn .. listen to my kids .. if my mother's intuition was flaring listen to that as well.
Courts move painfully slow at times .. it took me 3 years to get divorced and after the divorce I was able to leave the state and I do have sole custody of the kids.
My X has not seen his children going on 4 years.
If you would like please feel free to PM me, there are things I did very right in the situation and things that I didn't do so right. I have learned what worked in my own situation and what did not, there were times I wish I had stepped back and let things play out.
I have gone the gambit with my X .. from jail (after separation), 3 - 51/50's, fighting over anything divorce related, and now I am into a new phase.
My X has remarried and suffered a stroke this past year. I wonder what changes this new outcome will bring if any really.
Again if you want to PM me I can at least get you pointed in the direction of resources and what questions to ask and it's all about asking the right questions and yes .. it's all about the wording.
I've been trying to navigate co-parenting of one young child (7 years old), with her father (we're technically still married but separated 6 years ago), who, until last week, was actively drinking. I'm very adept at detachment with him, but as he has her almost 1/2 the time with no supervision, and she comes back to me not wanting to go back, I am not understanding how to navigate this arrangement with him.
I've mentioned this to divorce lawyers who have said that unless he is arrested or I can prove harm, I still have to split custody.
Because of this, he continues to try to manipulate me with the only "leverage" he has, which is time with her.
I feel so helpless in trying to protect her, and not really knowing what is going on, because the only thing she'll share is that she doesn't like being with Daddy, he yells, and gets angry about things some times and sometimes not.
I'm her mother and I have to protect her - but the law won't recognize this unless something drastic happens.
I just don't know what to do.
Also, I just started back at Al-Anon after years of going and then years of not going. I will be getting a Temp Sponsor in the next week or so, but if anyone has had to navigate co-parenting with a parent they don't fully trust, how are you coping?
Just a suggestion? use a counselor the courts will listen to regarding parental qualification and have the results documented. You will also have to be qualified. Keep coming back. (((hugs)))
Big hugs first off and making sense out of someone who speaks nonsense .. my situation has been a battle.
One thing I did learn .. listen to my kids .. if my mother's intuition was flaring listen to that as well.
Courts move painfully slow at times .. it took me 3 years to get divorced and after the divorce I was able to leave the state and I do have sole custody of the kids.
My X has not seen his children going on 4 years.
If you would like please feel free to PM me, there are things I did very right in the situation and things that I didn't do so right. I have learned what worked in my own situation and what did not, there were times I wish I had stepped back and let things play out.
I have gone the gambit with my X .. from jail (after separation), 3 - 51/50's, fighting over anything divorce related, and now I am into a new phase.
My X has remarried and suffered a stroke this past year. I wonder what changes this new outcome will bring if any really.
Again if you want to PM me I can at least get you pointed in the direction of resources and what questions to ask and it's all about asking the right questions and yes .. it's all about the wording.
Big hugs again and just keep coming back .. S :)