The ODAT reading for today, February 26 speaks about the fact that at first many who reach out to alanon meetings are in impossible situations. We, in alanon refrain from giving advise as many are not able to take corrective action. The reading suggest that we make a simple statement that no one needs to feel trapped and that we have choices in every situation.
; The reading suggests that we do not know what path is right for anyone so that we can offer support and compassion to the members and allow them the dignity of finding the answers for their lives.
Love the fact that alanon respects this basic principle.
Lyne said
Feb 26, 2019
Thanks Betty for your service. As a newcomer, it was hard to understand as it seemed like no one was going to help me. I felt though, that I should keep showing up, because the answers had to be somewhere. I sure as heck didnt have any! I guess the vibe in the room brought me back. A whole bunch of people were here for this meeting and many seemed relaxed and happy. I wanted some of that, and I have achieved some of that. Some things work in mysterious ways, Lyne
PosiesandPuppies said
Feb 26, 2019
What a perfect way to explain this principle, Betty!
My first time in the rooms, I so wanted a solution to my spouse's problems! The fact that I never was given anything of substance really irritated me!! But in repeatedly returning, eventually you receive enough compassion that you begin to think a little clearer. In time, you come to realize that if we are powerless over this disease, then of course we could not know another person's answers to their situation!
I love when you said, "...so that we can offer support and compassion to the members and allow them the dignity of finding answers for their lives!"
Freetime said
Feb 26, 2019
Betty, thank you for sharing this wonderful reading. When I came to Al-Anon I felt trapped, and I strongly believed that no one should feel trapped or afraid in their own home -- but I did not know how to get out of the trap of my own misery.
In Al-Anon I learned about choices that I had never heard of, from people who shared the choices they had made. ... and I learned a slogan, YAHOO = You Always Have Other Options. Detachment, forgiveness -- those choices had never entered my mind, and when I first heard them, I could not accept the ideas -- today they make my life so much better.
Iamhere said
Feb 26, 2019
Thanks Betty for your service and the daily! Thanks to all for your shares and ESH. I showed up and wanted/needed someone to tell me how to fix the mess that was my life, family, mind, emotions, etc. I was actually put-off that nobody would do so! Over time, with the gentle sharing of those who came before me, I embraced and deeply valued the gentle approach of allowing me to find the answers/process I needed to heal.
I am grateful today that healthy meetings and members refrain from advice giving and 'you should' statements. For my journey and my self-esteem/worth, I really needed to get more comfy with what choices exist and how best to consider them and then make them.
Happy Tuesday all - we got more weather coming tonight (so, so, so ready for spring) so off to stock-up again! Make it a great day!
DavidG said
Feb 26, 2019
Thanks Betty,
hmmm... I think there has been one change since that reading was written. If a member is in danger- I believe that a group can suggest that they move out of danger. Personally- I would prefer not to say that in a group. I would prefer to leave that up to someone who had been in that situation. But I might if no-one else did.
We suggest that a new member come to six meetings and check things out. We most often come along in a confused state. And this helps us to sort out what is going on on our lives.
I can't recall being given advice in my early years.No one questioned my right to be there. I had my own journey with the A. in my life- and I made my own choices. I look back now- without regret, that this was the best decision.
In our ending it says that we try to force solutions, ourselves. I do know that some people try to force solutions onto others too. So perhaps this is an escape from our own situation... I think we gently press forward with healthy solutions- for ourselves. For me, this wasn't easy at first. But, over time, we can demonstrate healthy choices, and their consequences.
Here, I think, we lead by example. I believe that example is a great teacher. ...
JerryF said
Feb 27, 2019
I so relate as I didn't know and didn't know that I didn't know what it was all about and a successful way of getting around or thru or away from it. I was never taught about it nor could I realize what was happening...I got it all wrong for a long time and spent so much time with insanity trying to find and enact right solutions. Nothing made sense or came very close to right thinking until I right thought my self into surrender and turned myself over to the program and a power greater than myself. When I quit fighting I started to win. ((((hugs))))
Twinkies said
Feb 28, 2019
Thank you for sharing that. I remember years ago, when I first started allowing myself to feel the pain associated with admitting my H was in fact an AH, I started furiously searching the Internet for answers...How do I change him? What can I do to make him stop? If I leave him, will he wake up? I desperately wanted to find some hidden nugget of information that I could use to make everything ok again. I knew I wasnt alone. Surely someone, somewhere, had the solution. And while I did indeed find people who would say the key was in doing X, Y, or Z or insisting on a one-way-fits-all approach, I found myself knowing, sometimes immediately, sometimes after trying to implement the suggestions, that those things wouldnt give me the outcome I sought. And so I kept looking. For years. All the while, fighting to keep my head above water, to keep it all together. And then I stumbled across this place and I figured, why not try it this way? Ive tried everything else aside from leaving, which I knew wasnt what I wanted. When I started working this program, it felt different. When I stopped looking outside of myself for the answers, the answers started coming. As JerryF said so well, When I stopped fighting, I started winning.
mamalioness said
Mar 1, 2019
we can offer support and compassion to the members and allow them the dignity of finding the answers for their lives.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((Betty))))))))))))))))))) thank you for this....I DO offer up what I did in a situation, if I think the other is looking for ESH....and I am careful NOT to give advice...."allow them the dignity of finding the answers for their lives" YES!!! I love ESH on my posts because as someone who was so sick, I need it...but ya know??? MOST folks here and on ACA do the same thing I do...give their love/support/encouragement AND they offer up what THEY did in a situation or what they saw or what they heard, keeping the focus on THEM and not me......"I" statements keep me in safe ground...........thanks for this reminder....
My first time in the rooms, I so wanted a solution to my spouse's problems! The fact that I never was given anything of substance really irritated me!! But in repeatedly returning, eventually you receive enough compassion that you begin to think a little clearer. In time, you come to realize that if we are powerless over this disease, then of course we could not know another person's answers to their situation!
I love when you said, "...so that we can offer support and compassion to the members and allow them the dignity of finding answers for their lives!"
In Al-Anon I learned about choices that I had never heard of, from people who shared the choices they had made. ... and I learned a slogan, YAHOO = You Always Have Other Options. Detachment, forgiveness -- those choices had never entered my mind, and when I first heard them, I could not accept the ideas -- today they make my life so much better.
I am grateful today that healthy meetings and members refrain from advice giving and 'you should' statements. For my journey and my self-esteem/worth, I really needed to get more comfy with what choices exist and how best to consider them and then make them.
Happy Tuesday all - we got more weather coming tonight (so, so, so ready for spring) so off to stock-up again! Make it a great day!
Thanks Betty,
hmmm... I think there has been one change since that reading was written. If a member is in danger- I believe that a group can suggest that they move out of danger. Personally- I would prefer not to say that in a group. I would prefer to leave that up to someone who had been in that situation. But I might if no-one else did.
We suggest that a new member come to six meetings and check things out. We most often come along in a confused state. And this helps us to sort out what is going on on our lives.
I can't recall being given advice in my early years.No one questioned my right to be there. I had my own journey with the A. in my life- and I made my own choices. I look back now- without regret, that this was the best decision.
In our ending it says that we try to force solutions, ourselves. I do know that some people try to force solutions onto others too. So perhaps this is an escape from our own situation... I think we gently press forward with healthy solutions- for ourselves. For me, this wasn't easy at first. But, over time, we can demonstrate healthy choices, and their consequences.
Here, I think, we lead by example. I believe that example is a great teacher.
...
I so relate as I didn't know and didn't know that I didn't know what it was all about and a successful way of getting around or thru or away from it. I was never taught about it nor could I realize what was happening...I got it all wrong for a long time and spent so much time with insanity trying to find and enact right solutions. Nothing made sense or came very close to right thinking until I right thought my self into surrender and turned myself over to the program and a power greater than myself. When I quit fighting I started to win. ((((hugs))))
(((((((((((((((((((((((((Betty))))))))))))))))))) thank you for this....I DO offer up what I did in a situation, if I think the other is looking for ESH....and I am careful NOT to give advice...."allow them the dignity of finding the answers for their lives" YES!!! I love ESH on my posts because as someone who was so sick, I need it...but ya know??? MOST folks here and on ACA do the same thing I do...give their love/support/encouragement AND they offer up what THEY did in a situation or what they saw or what they heard, keeping the focus on THEM and not me......"I" statements keep me in safe ground...........thanks for this reminder....