Alanon in my neck of the woods was much the same as Alanon everywhere. Some trends have come and gone. But the best and most workable have been retained.
The group was my sponsor for the first 10 years. Somehow there was a conscience meeting about sponsors. [I was not there]. And the meeting allocated me a sponsor. Because I was the only male at the time- it was good that my sponsor had a mandate from the whole group.
I was at the movies last night- and sitting beside a member from a neighbouring group. So I had a quick chat with him after the movie.
In the USA conscience meetings seem to range around tradition one, and not so much the other traditions. With a vote and a decision. In big urban centres people have the option of going to a group of their choice. But not so much in rural towns.
My own local group is in recess. I tried to revive it last year but had no success.
I regard MIP Aanon here as my home group. it has visitors and regular members... it responds to a range of queries- relating to Alanon as a whole. I find it to be a healthy and forward group- a really good example of a modern Alanon group.
As in my world- I try to take care of my own corner, and to mind my own business. And find the group business to be healthy and productive.
I found the group itself to be a great support. And I encourage others to recognise this too.
Thanks... ...
DavidG.
hotrod said
Feb 16, 2019
Love All the Traditions especiallly Tradition One whereby We state that :Our common welfare must come first" that sums up all the tradtions for me
JerryF said
Feb 16, 2019
Me also Betty...Mahalo to you both will continue to carry this message. ((((hugs))))
Iamhere said
Feb 16, 2019
Thanks for the topic David and me too!!! Tradition One reminds me (again) that it's so not about me - it's a WE program. If/when the group and each member is undervalued or not considered, unity looses it's priority. Our common welfare is paramount to successful and healthy groups - no matter the size of the group, the location of the group, etc.
Before I found MIP online, I really never considered that others did not have meetings readily available. It is through my MIP experience that I now know many don't have any around them, or they are quite infrequent. I was taught early on that a meeting is 'real' when two or more gather - formal, informal, etc.
So - keep coming back because it works when we work it!!!
DavidG said
Feb 17, 2019
Thanks Betty, Jerry and Iam...
when I came here I held onto Alanon Concept 4. "Participation is the key to harmony."
That means participation, and not perfection. We get to try things out- at personal level and group level. We have an incoming member here this morning [my time].
I don't think my response was out of order. The member raised a conscience issue, I believe. But it was not around a crisis. Just a query.
My family was all about crisis and show-downs- that were never resolved. I have seen green groups where this can carry over into groups too. Well actually only one really- my home group here.
I want to be sure I am on the right track. I have you three here- who are seasoned members. Thanks. ...
PosiesandPuppies said
Feb 17, 2019
David -
Thank you for this post!
DavidG said
Feb 18, 2019
... ... ... ...
TRADITION 4.
Each group shall be autonomous, except in matters affecting another group or Alanon or AA as a whole.
Before I came here- to this group- it appears that the group applied to affiliate with Alanon GSO. The sticking point was the manner in which the Tradition 7 was arranged here. This was because the giving and payment for the services was done with the other 12 Step groups here with Miracles in Progress.
I doubt there is any way around this. Unavoidable. Personally I try to keep to mainstream Alanon principals, as a member here.
At my first meeting I thought the slogans were corny. In the middle of my tour- as an Alanon member- I was deadly scared I would mention a slogan, or even a phrase- that was not on the approved list of conference approved slogans. And get my fingers rapped.
And yes- in any group or organisation there are sometimes enforcers who impose petty rules.
On the other hand- I am an adult child. I think most of us have been controlled, inside of the family with nasty and patty rules- around the drinking- which made us suspicious of any form of authority, period.
As I wrote this thread- an incoming member came along asking to join, and asking about the merits of F2F a propos an online group...
In theory a new member could find a sponsor inside a group like ours.
The range of responses to this new member were encouraging.Everyone's point of view was honoured.
I got my sponsor after about 10 years. Her hubby was an AA member- and I joined him in forming an open sharing steps meeting in our town. He read from the AA 12x12 and i read from the Alanon one. It might have been a unique experience here. But I learned, in my middle years about all of the traditions- and how they work in together. I saw a period when more men came into Alanon. Anda time when double winners were welcomed and embraced as family members.
As Betty will tell you- I attended her F2F meeting in NY- when I was in the USA. So we have made eye contact.
I have watched Hotrod's wisdom and discretion here- time and time again... and it gives me a sense of the flavour of the group.
It draws on the experience of all of us, including the first impressions of a newcomer- a rich prize for all of us... ...
Outside of the USA we do not honour service- in quite the same way. We should do so more. And there are other nuances of culture that are a bit different. So we all draw to the centre- to the rich principles that lie within our programme. A real strength. ...
hotrod said
Feb 18, 2019
Great post David Thank you
Love the fact that Alanon is a fellowship of equals
Thanks for sharing the journey
Iamhere said
Feb 18, 2019
David - I had to giggle at myself - when I saw your new Post on Tradition 4, my mind went immediately to....what about 2 and 3? Old habits die hard at times - I am a literal person and a visual learner - it's got blessings and curses.
All or nothing attitudes and thinking are common in alcoholic families, as if the only alternatives available are total freedom or total control. It is not unusual to see rebellion against all authority, with little recognition for how much authority is reasonable. In general, alcoholic families usually have little experience with healthy boundaries and frequently struggle with control issues. Tradition Four helps us understand the boundary between what is within our control and what isnt. Learning to find the right balance between our autonomy and someone elses is the mature alternative to the loneliness of total freedom or absolute control. It makes healthy relationships possible." Reaching for Personal Freedom p82.
What is above is one of the best things I've read and understood about Tradition 4. In our area, the meetings that grow are those that stay aligned with the traditions, principles and CAL. Most I attend have more double-winners than pure Al-Anon (and we have tons of meetings). I could speculate why but that's not important. What is important is that all members recognize that we offer suggestions, not rules and ESH is desired over advice.
I've had a few sponsors over the years and my current sponsor became 'it' a few years before the disease kicked in with my boys. I knew she came to AA from Al-Anon but we never talked Al-Anon until we needed to talk Al-Anon. She sent me to Al-Anon and I rebelled vehemently. I just didn't want to add another recovery program (ego/pride/me'ism) and then the gift of complete desperation arrived and I came.
I am not concerned here (MIP) on whether we are/are not aligned with WSO (on paper). I too do my best to align with the traditions, offer ESH and be of service. In no other organization, group or entity has everyone been equal and I absolutely LOVE IT!!! I get so much from shares that tell me what one does with what they know vs. just telling me what they know or what to do!
Hi y'all,
Alanon in my neck of the woods was much the same as Alanon everywhere. Some trends have come and gone. But the best and most workable have been retained.
The group was my sponsor for the first 10 years. Somehow there was a conscience meeting about sponsors. [I was not there]. And the meeting allocated me a sponsor. Because I was the only male at the time- it was good that my sponsor had a mandate from the whole group.
I was at the movies last night- and sitting beside a member from a neighbouring group. So I had a quick chat with him after the movie.
In the USA conscience meetings seem to range around tradition one, and not so much the other traditions. With a vote and a decision. In big urban centres people have the option of going to a group of their choice. But not so much in rural towns.
My own local group is in recess. I tried to revive it last year but had no success.
I regard MIP Aanon here as my home group. it has visitors and regular members... it responds to a range of queries- relating to Alanon as a whole. I find it to be a healthy and forward group- a really good example of a modern Alanon group.
As in my world- I try to take care of my own corner, and to mind my own business. And find the group business to be healthy and productive.
I found the group itself to be a great support. And I encourage others to recognise this too.
Thanks...
...
DavidG.
Me also Betty...Mahalo to you both will continue to carry this message.
((((hugs))))
Before I found MIP online, I really never considered that others did not have meetings readily available. It is through my MIP experience that I now know many don't have any around them, or they are quite infrequent. I was taught early on that a meeting is 'real' when two or more gather - formal, informal, etc.
So - keep coming back because it works when we work it!!!
when I came here I held onto Alanon Concept 4. "Participation is the key to harmony."
That means participation, and not perfection. We get to try things out- at personal level and group level. We have an incoming member here this morning [my time].
I don't think my response was out of order. The member raised a conscience issue, I believe. But it was not around a crisis. Just a query.
My family was all about crisis and show-downs- that were never resolved. I have seen green groups where this can carry over into groups too. Well actually only one really- my home group here.
I want to be sure I am on the right track. I have you three here- who are seasoned members. Thanks.
...
Thank you for this post!
TRADITION 4.
Each group shall be autonomous, except in matters affecting another group or Alanon or AA as a whole.
Before I came here- to this group- it appears that the group applied to affiliate with Alanon GSO. The sticking point was the manner in which the Tradition 7 was arranged here. This was because the giving and payment for the services was done with the other 12 Step groups here with Miracles in Progress.
I doubt there is any way around this. Unavoidable. Personally I try to keep to mainstream Alanon principals, as a member here.
At my first meeting I thought the slogans were corny. In the middle of my tour- as an Alanon member- I was deadly scared I would mention a slogan, or even a phrase- that was not on the approved list of conference approved slogans. And get my fingers rapped.
And yes- in any group or organisation there are sometimes enforcers who impose petty rules.
On the other hand- I am an adult child. I think most of us have been controlled, inside of the family with nasty and patty rules- around the drinking- which made us suspicious of any form of authority, period.
As I wrote this thread- an incoming member came along asking to join, and asking about the merits of F2F a propos an online group...
In theory a new member could find a sponsor inside a group like ours.
The range of responses to this new member were encouraging.Everyone's point of view was honoured.
I got my sponsor after about 10 years. Her hubby was an AA member- and I joined him in forming an open sharing steps meeting in our town. He read from the AA 12x12 and i read from the Alanon one. It might have been a unique experience here. But I learned, in my middle years about all of the traditions- and how they work in together. I saw a period when more men came into Alanon. Anda time when double winners were welcomed and embraced as family members.
As Betty will tell you- I attended her F2F meeting in NY- when I was in the USA. So we have made eye contact.
I have watched Hotrod's wisdom and discretion here- time and time again... and it gives me a sense of the flavour of the group.
It draws on the experience of all of us, including the first impressions of a newcomer- a rich prize for all of us...
...
Outside of the USA we do not honour service- in quite the same way. We should do so more. And there are other nuances of culture that are a bit different. So we all draw to the centre- to the rich principles that lie within our programme. A real strength.
...
Love the fact that Alanon is a fellowship of equals
Thanks for sharing the journey
All or nothing attitudes and thinking are common in alcoholic families, as if the only alternatives available are total freedom or total control. It is not unusual to see rebellion against all authority, with little recognition for how much authority is reasonable. In general, alcoholic families usually have little experience with healthy boundaries and frequently struggle with control issues. Tradition Four helps us understand the boundary between what is within our control and what isnt. Learning to find the right balance between our autonomy and someone elses is the mature alternative to the loneliness of total freedom or absolute control. It makes healthy relationships possible." Reaching for Personal Freedom p82.
What is above is one of the best things I've read and understood about Tradition 4. In our area, the meetings that grow are those that stay aligned with the traditions, principles and CAL. Most I attend have more double-winners than pure Al-Anon (and we have tons of meetings). I could speculate why but that's not important. What is important is that all members recognize that we offer suggestions, not rules and ESH is desired over advice.
I've had a few sponsors over the years and my current sponsor became 'it' a few years before the disease kicked in with my boys. I knew she came to AA from Al-Anon but we never talked Al-Anon until we needed to talk Al-Anon. She sent me to Al-Anon and I rebelled vehemently. I just didn't want to add another recovery program (ego/pride/me'ism) and then the gift of complete desperation arrived and I came.
I am not concerned here (MIP) on whether we are/are not aligned with WSO (on paper). I too do my best to align with the traditions, offer ESH and be of service. In no other organization, group or entity has everyone been equal and I absolutely LOVE IT!!! I get so much from shares that tell me what one does with what they know vs. just telling me what they know or what to do!
Great post, thank you for being a part of MIP!!