The ODAT reading for February 8 recalls first coming into Al-Anon and being surprised that the people in the meeting were smiling and cheerful. We think those people must not have problems like ours -- until we find out that they do, and some are facing much worse problems. By listening, we discover what the program has done for them, and realize that we too can learn a new approach to our problems.
When I went to my first few Al-Anon meetings, I expected (and hoped) that everyone there would be just as shocked and angry as I was, when they heard my story. I was surprised to feel the calm, and to see people nodding and smiling as if they had heard my story before.
When someone would share about using Al-Anon to help them in a job situation, or with a friend, I thought, "You think that's a problem? You think a conflict with a co-worker is a problem? Don't you know what is going on in my house? And you've forgiven the alcoholics in your life? What's up with that?"
Well, of course they understood what was going on in my house -- they had similar experiences -- but they had made progress with their program, and were no longer in a state of daily crisis and insanity. They actually could pay enough attention to work and friends to be aware of everyday situations where they could use Al-Anon tools to help.
Now I realize that when someone shares what might seem like a trivial problem -- that is a message of hope. No one first came to Al-Anon for trivial problems, and when we get to the point that we can share simple problems and solutions, or view serious problems from a different perspective --- that is progress.
hotrod said
Feb 8, 2019
Good Morning Freetime Great reminder. Alanon Meetings were/ are a font of information for me and learning how to listen in a non judgmental manner helped me develop tools that have served me well
thank you for your service
PosiesandPuppies said
Feb 8, 2019
This is the greatest of posts, Freetime! Your ESH seemed eerily similar to my experience with my first few meetings! I came to those first meetings with such SHAME! But it was the kindness of people here that helped me to see that I would find just what I needed in those meetings!
This is so important to realize:
"Well, of course they understood what was going on in my house -- they had similar experiences -- but they had made progress with their program, and were no longer in a state of daily crisis and insanity. They actually could pay enough attention to work and friends to be aware of everyday situations where they could use Al-Anon tools to help."
Wishing everyone a little Peace today!
Iamhere said
Feb 8, 2019
Good morning MIP - thank you Freetime for your service and the daily. Thanks to those above me for the shares and ESH. Since I started in the other side of the program, there is/was a perception that both sides speak of the 'other'. So, I was all prepared to defend A(s) and of course, wanted all the answers to make mine stop drinking.
What I found instead was a calm, friendly atmosphere where the A is never/rarely mentioned in meetings. Those who came before me showed me genuine joy and serenity without throwing shade at anyone. It was so unexpected that I too assumed my issues/problems were worse than others.
I found my tribe and found the courage to try what was suggested, and today, most days, I am able to be comfortable in my own skin, my own home, which still has issues, the disease, the diseased, the chaos, drama and insanity that often joins the disease, etc. I am grateful that my own unhealthy perceptions, ego, pride, etc. didn't keep me from returning.
TGIF - enjoy the day family. I am venturing out and about for the first time since Monday evening taco time. It's still super cold, and if I could, I'd probably continue to hibernate but service work is calling my name. Make it a great day!
Lyne said
Feb 8, 2019
FT, thanks for your service and your thoughts out loud, made me chuckle as I saw myself. I too saw the shiny, happy people in the rooms at first. And I wanted that. And someone would talk about work-I had serious problems!!! Now I see, but it took a while. And of course, one of the gifts is to learn how to apply my tools to every situation. It makes life so much better, Lyne
El said
Feb 8, 2019
Thank you Freetime and all who shared above me.
At my first couple of meetings, I too was so surprised at how calm everyone appeared....especially after catching glimpses into what their situation was. That is what bothered me.....glimpses. I wanted to be able to tell my weary tale from A to Z. I wanted to recant every unkind word, every social embarrassment, every slurry/blurry deed my AH had ever committed! I didn't care if my story wasn't as severe as someone else's.....I just wanted to let the others know how much I suffered. LOL.
I quickly realized that wasn't going to help me. I had already recanted all the above over and over in my head and to the few people I could share with. I see new members wanting to do exactly what I wanted to do and know that they will be guided into realizing it isn't a circle or table of pity-partyers.
I love that we can't squawk about our complaints for an hour. I love the gentle ESH, understanding nods and smiles of encouragement for our growth or Ah-hah moments. It is a relief to be in the presence of others who "get it" without a litany or lists of "being done wrong."
Hugs to all.....winds are whipping here at 50-60+ mph. Good day to stay inside.
The ODAT reading for February 8 recalls first coming into Al-Anon and being surprised that the people in the meeting were smiling and cheerful. We think those people must not have problems like ours -- until we find out that they do, and some are facing much worse problems. By listening, we discover what the program has done for them, and realize that we too can learn a new approach to our problems.
When I went to my first few Al-Anon meetings, I expected (and hoped) that everyone there would be just as shocked and angry as I was, when they heard my story. I was surprised to feel the calm, and to see people nodding and smiling as if they had heard my story before.
When someone would share about using Al-Anon to help them in a job situation, or with a friend, I thought, "You think that's a problem? You think a conflict with a co-worker is a problem? Don't you know what is going on in my house? And you've forgiven the alcoholics in your life? What's up with that?"
Well, of course they understood what was going on in my house -- they had similar experiences -- but they had made progress with their program, and were no longer in a state of daily crisis and insanity. They actually could pay enough attention to work and friends to be aware of everyday situations where they could use Al-Anon tools to help.
Now I realize that when someone shares what might seem like a trivial problem -- that is a message of hope. No one first came to Al-Anon for trivial problems, and when we get to the point that we can share simple problems and solutions, or view serious problems from a different perspective --- that is progress.
thank you for your service
This is the greatest of posts, Freetime! Your ESH seemed eerily similar to my experience with my first few meetings! I came to those first meetings with such SHAME! But it was the kindness of people here that helped me to see that I would find just what I needed in those meetings!
This is so important to realize:
"Well, of course they understood what was going on in my house -- they had similar experiences -- but they had made progress with their program, and were no longer in a state of daily crisis and insanity. They actually could pay enough attention to work and friends to be aware of everyday situations where they could use Al-Anon tools to help."
Wishing everyone a little Peace today!
What I found instead was a calm, friendly atmosphere where the A is never/rarely mentioned in meetings. Those who came before me showed me genuine joy and serenity without throwing shade at anyone. It was so unexpected that I too assumed my issues/problems were worse than others.
I found my tribe and found the courage to try what was suggested, and today, most days, I am able to be comfortable in my own skin, my own home, which still has issues, the disease, the diseased, the chaos, drama and insanity that often joins the disease, etc. I am grateful that my own unhealthy perceptions, ego, pride, etc. didn't keep me from returning.
TGIF - enjoy the day family. I am venturing out and about for the first time since Monday evening taco time. It's still super cold, and if I could, I'd probably continue to hibernate but service work is calling my name. Make it a great day!
Thank you Freetime and all who shared above me.
At my first couple of meetings, I too was so surprised at how calm everyone appeared....especially after catching glimpses into what their situation was. That is what bothered me.....glimpses. I wanted to be able to tell my weary tale from A to Z. I wanted to recant every unkind word, every social embarrassment, every slurry/blurry deed my AH had ever committed! I didn't care if my story wasn't as severe as someone else's.....I just wanted to let the others know how much I suffered. LOL.
I quickly realized that wasn't going to help me. I had already recanted all the above over and over in my head and to the few people I could share with. I see new members wanting to do exactly what I wanted to do and know that they will be guided into realizing it isn't a circle or table of pity-partyers.
I love that we can't squawk about our complaints for an hour. I love the gentle ESH, understanding nods and smiles of encouragement for our growth or Ah-hah moments. It is a relief to be in the presence of others who "get it" without a litany or lists of "being done wrong."
Hugs to all.....winds are whipping here at 50-60+ mph. Good day to stay inside.
Ellen