There are days when I really feel like Ive got this...Im going along, working the steps, making progress, and feeling proud of myself. Then...BAM! Something happens and all the old feelings come back. I become filled with anger, resentment, disappointment, frustration. I struggle to push those feelings aside but I find I cant really focus on anything else. At times it feels like Im playing a game with myself, trying to see how long I can take it all before I explode.
Took my daughter to therapy tonight. AH got home early and was drinking before we left (in his truck - beer that he picked up and started drinking on his way home...a fairly new thing for him. Progression of the disease of course). We were gone 2.5 hours. By the time we got home, he was 3 sheets to the wind, on the phone with a friend, venting about work. I no longer physically count the number of beers hes had (progress on my part?) but if I had to estimate, Id say hed had somewhere around the 15-18 beer mark (crazy how in-tune we become to the level of drunkenness our As are at. And interesting that we - or at least I - sometimes cant NOT think of it in terms of the number of drinks even though I dont count). Immediately I felt the anger rise. I heard the slur in his words, saw the bloodshot eyes and the unsteady gait...and it was like all the progress Ive made just flew out the window. I tried to ignore him and just do my own thing but he was there, continuously trying to engage me. He got off the phone and wanted to talk, to vent to me next. I didnt want to and couldnt do it emotionally even if I HAD wanted to. The more I resisted, the more he tried to make me feel guilty for it...Well OBVIOUSLY (slurred of course) you have better things to do with your time, so Ill just leave you alone...Ya know, Im here, wanting to just spend time with you, but you just wont have it, will you? Etc. I wanted to scream and go wild and tell him what a complete and utter a** he was being. I wanted to get in his face and spew out every negative emotion I was experiencing all over him. I so wanted to. It would have made me feel better for a quick minute but Ive gone down that path before and it never ends any better than it started. So I didnt. Instead I quite literally bit my tongue, clenched my jaw and as I turned to walk away I rolled my eyes as hard as Ive ever rolled them in my life and silently screamed every cuss word I could think of. I guess its saying something that I didnt unleash on him, that I kept my cool in front of him and refused to engage, but I absolutely hate that those feelings were raging inside of me. The resentment just keeps building. Im here because its best for right now. But Im more determined than ever to have my ducks in a row and be ready to get out once our kids are out of school. I cant live the rest of my life like this.
Iamhere said
Feb 7, 2019
(((Twinkies))) - you are correct that it's hard to not engage! As I read your share, I could relate to every single feeling/emotion you had! What I see and hear though is these were your thoughts...you did not act upon them and in my world, that's recovery in action and big-time progress!!
You are moving forward even if/when it feels differently. You are a miracle in progress - just keep doing what you are doing. Sending prayers and positive energy your way...
El said
Feb 7, 2019
(((Twinkies)))
I honestly could have written your entire first paragraph. I have been there; feeling strong, feeling my recovery, and then having instances of pure rage, frustration and wanting to unleash it all.
The good news is that you still were in recovery-mode! You knew it wouldnt help anything and would most likely make it worse.
Progress, not perfection. We all understand and congratulate yourself on your progress, even if it at times it feels like a game. Its just you practicing and growing.
Ellen
tiredtonite said
Feb 7, 2019
You really did a great job using the tool of detachment. It is very hard not to feel feelings of resentment when expectations that we feel are just every day normal things are not being met by an alcoholic spouse. It really is progress not to lash out with every unkind word you are thinking. I realize that your response instead of reacting outwardly to his being drunk doesn't change how it all feels for you to be living with that "what am I going to come home to" feeling. That is very hard to live with. Keep sharing and keep taking care of your sanity. One day at a time you are making choices. This choice honored you yet didn't kick him when he was down despite the fact that you had the power to do so if you chose to. (((hugs)) TT
KT2015 said
Feb 7, 2019
Hi Twinkies
I think you did great. Your post reminded me of the slogan progress not perfection. You are growing and you can see your growth and that is amazing. My AH sounds somewhat similar to yours with his behaviour. It took me years to let go of the rage I felt inside of me when I would find my AH drunk. I could logically understand that it was a disease and the alcoholic is going to drink that is what alcoholics do but it took me a long time to really accept that my AH had the disease of alcoholism. To really feel that in my heart. I didn't want to accept that. When I couldn't accept that I caused a lot of pain and rage for myself. I felt he was doing something to me! to my daughter! I thought he was doing it because he didn't love me. It's taken me a long time to realize he drinks so much because he doesn't love himself. And I can't save him. That was probably more painful for me to truly accept than anything. I think I held on to the rage and anger and frustration with my AH because the sadness I would experience in accepting he has an illness that neither of us has any control over seemed worse to me. It felt like giving up. When I did finally accept it I felt more free than anything. I've worked hard to hand his illness back over to him. Give him the dignity of making his own decisions back. Most of that rage dissipated (although I feel it slightly from time to time) but it happened slowly over time. I looked back one day much like you and realized those feelings were mostly gone.
I can truly relate to having your ducks in a row to leave if you want or need to. I have done the same. I now take my relationship with my AH one day at a time. That's all I can do. It frees me up from worrying about the future. If it doesn't work out I will be ok. That is something that working my program has truly taught me.
I had an incident this week. My AH has had a very stressful week and whenever that happens he drinks. I came home from the gym one night and found him pretty drunk. I used to feel so mad when I found that he had used me being out of the house as a chance to drink more and get drunk but that was because I wanted him not to do that. He was stumbling and tripping over his words and slurring and I just felt sad. I handed him over to my higher power and I went to bed to read. I didn't dwell on it. I got a good night's sleep and I felt better in the morning. I also realized I had made progress.
Keep working the program you are doing great!
PosiesandPuppies said
Feb 7, 2019
(((((Twinkies)))))
Oh girl, I have been there, done that, wore out the crappy shirt! Before my program, I DID unleash on my spouse. Then I learned detachment. But I must admit I detached with anger!! So I really understand your feelings about this! I think you are working hard on your program, and you should be proud of your utilizing your tools!!
My qualifier reacted in much the same way when I detached... accusing me of not being supportive/loving/you name it. Eventually, I realized that Detaching was just a temporary tool. Not a long-term solution for me. I eventually decided that I just could not live with being constantly emotionally/verbally abused.
It's great that you posted here. Sometimes when we are enmeshed within the chaos, it is hard to see our progress. So posting here allows others to point it out... and to get some much needed validation... and many times, your growth encourages a "lurker" to join and begin their journey to healing! Thank you!
Peace!
Bo said
Feb 7, 2019
It's a slip. Classic, traditional, plain and simple...SLIP. It's hard -- impossible in my experience -- living one's life "waiting". Waiting for a day, waiting for rock bottom, waiting for recovery, whatever. In reality, no one is supposed to live their life like this. It's not what we as human beings are. Just look at Mazlow's Hierarchy of Needs, and everything around that. Who wants to live their life that way? It's settling, short-changing ourselves, sacrificing, and what else? Well, is alanon designed to teach us how to accept the unacceptable? No. How to bear the unbearable? No. How to tolerate the intolerable? No. I look at the contra-positive approach as well...do I want my life to be all it can be? Do I want to be happy? Fulfilled? Peace? Serenity? Emotionally enjoying all that my life is? Can that happen in a drama, chaos, turmoil, havoc, filled environment. Creating a tolerable, separate, compartmentalized, and so on type of life inside of a marriage -- to an alcoholic -- for me, is not living life. But, that's just me. For me, alanon brought me to a point where I was willing and wanted to ask myself...is this the way I want to live my life? Is this how I want to live my life? Is this the life I want, want to live? Take what you like and leave the rest.
Yes, it is hard not to engage...and in my experience, the alanon program has tools that make it easier...in time, little by slowly.
Early on, before I found recovery, I was rarely able to not engage. But when I started to look at it differently, it became easier, very easy actually. I changed my perspective. First, I stopped saying "it is hard" because from the get-go, that created my obstacle. Yes, it's hard, but I don't have to focus on that. Sure, I have acceptance in and around that. No denial here. But I ultimately surrender to it -- because then I can let it go. It's like the quicksand analogy. For me, I changed my focus to "I am going to not engage..." and I focused on everything in and around that. Simply put, that's attitude, perspective. That's one thing alanon is consistent about -- the focus on us, what we need to do, how we need to get better, etc. We are not in alanon to focus on the alcoholic. While other fellowships are to remain anonymous, and we are supposed to keep our focus on the alanon program and perspective -- because AA is a different perspective -- people who are in AA don't focus on us. LOL.
Second, part of changing my perspective was looking at not engaging as part of DETACHMENT. While I wholeheartedly believe in KEEP IT SIMPLE...I looked at not engaging as part of DETACHMENT...because that is FOR ME. When I read most people's posts, and they talk about not engaging or detachment, sure, people spout off detach with love. But that's not what I am hearing. For me, detachment is for me. I am not angry with the person. I am not refusing to engage or talk to them because they are drunk, nor am I am having to contain myself, temper my emotions, etc. For me, when this happens, I am sad. I feel sorry for the alcoholic. I recognize they are sick. They have an illness, a disease. I detach for my well being, for my protection, for my health and happiness, and serenity and peace. It is for me! I also view not engaging as part of detachment...and both are a part of something that I also feel most people misconstrue and misunderstand, and that is...BOUNDARIES.
Third, when I look at not engaging and detaching, as part of BOUNDARIES...it means I know, really know, and understand, what boundaries are for, why they are there, what they are used for, why I establish them, and honor them, and so on. Not engaging and detaching for me is easy because I am honoring my boundaries and I am the one who is responsible for my health and well being, and my happiness. NOT THE ALCOHOLIC. My recovery has brought me to a point where the way I live my life...only about one out of 50 times or so, does the alcoholic's whatever causes me to slip. And, when I do, it's usually about 5 minutes or less, and then I am fine.
If someone is having trouble not engaging...go back to the basics...the fundamentals...and that is...STEP ONE...ACCEPTANCE. Immerse yourself in it. Usually, when a slip occurs, if we get angry, feel we want to tell it like it is, engage, whatever...it is because of acceptance. It is not because the alcoholic drank, said this, did this, etc. If someone feels that -- that is our sickness, our disease. Go back to STEP ONE and ACCEPTANCE. With that, we can surrender the let go. Everything in this program comes after that.
JerryF said
Feb 7, 2019
Aloha Twinkie and thanks for the memories of how my sponsor taught me to feel the "opposites" when I didn't like feeling the usuals. The usuals of course were the negative powerful feelings that would own my mind and spirit. He taught me that the opposite were the feelings that I would find nice and healthy even while the disease raged.
The opposite of anger was acceptance while the opposite of resentment was forgiveness. The opposite of frustration was patience. The opposite of fear was and still is love cause I will not fear that which I love and/or love that which I fear.
Try the opposites because it is healthier mind, body, spirit and emotions and then practice, practice, practice for you. (((Hugs)))
2HP said
Feb 7, 2019
So glad you shared, I remember this very well. My alcoholic would "act" and I would "react."
After I decided he probably did have a drinking problem, I really hated it. I wanted our home to be "normal"
But when I indulge in a variation of the thought that "things should not look like THIS," I am resisting. The longer I think those thoughts, the more likely it is I'm going to act out.
If you've ever been fishing... you'll recall how the fisherman has to keep casting his line out into the water.... casting, casting... until the fish finally bites the hook.
That's how I began looking at what my AH was doing, just waiting for me to take the bait. When I did, we'd be having another hopeless argument. But when I started seeing myself as a fish being temped to bite the hook, I just started walking away. Nope! not again.
It does take practice to stop reacting and unfortunately, we aren't equipped with automatic buttons to change our behavior. we typically go back and forth until the stronger recovery behaviors take the lead.
I never forgot a meeting years ago where someone said,
"If I'm mad, I'm had." That one stuck with me.
A big motivator for not taking the bait - Anger is terribly poisonous to our system, it can make us physically sick.
take good care of (((you)))
-- Edited by 2HP on Thursday 7th of February 2019 07:42:02 PM
The1975jen said
Feb 13, 2019
I think you did an amazing job! I know the temptation to engage, and honestly we are only human. But it does not end up any better when we do. A very good observation. I'm so proud of you
Bo said
Feb 13, 2019
The1975jen wrote:
I think you did an amazing job! I know the temptation to engage, and honestly we are only human. But it does not end up any better when we do. A very good observation. I'm so proud of you
Excellent points. Thanks for posting this.
wp said
Feb 15, 2019
Thank you for posting this topic. I needed it. Thank you for every response left here for me to read.
Especially thank you 2hp; I easily relate to visuals and maybe I can Not take the bait on that hook I see before me.
Just for today...... wp
milkwood said
Feb 16, 2019
(((((Twinkies)))))
Wow, you did well, thank you for this really clear description of how it feels to practise detachment - I'm so impressed at how you can acknowledge your feelings and see what you were reacting to. I used to take a few vigorous walks to shake off that kind of tension but now it seems to wear off a bit faster, which makes life a bit easier.
For me I finally coped a bit better when I started to reward myself with treats when this sort of behaviour kicked in, it was what I needed to keep my resentment at bay... and so, thanks to AH, I started to live a much more enjoyable life regardless of what he was trying to do. The feelings that I felt as I read your brilliant description have helped me to remember that I need to look after myself - sometimes I forget and fall back into old habits.
I don't want to be an angel, it feels a bit unnatural to me, so I can only strive to achieve the opposites that Jerry describes here, although when achieved I can see how they do make me like myself a bit more than when I'm angry or resentful, but for me it turned out that I responded well to treats and pampering - perhaps I'm more of a Pavlov's dog than a saint!!
I used to use that Al Anon phrase to ask myself "...so what are you going to do?" combined with "Just for Today."
-- Edited by milkwood on Saturday 16th of February 2019 05:07:53 AM
There are days when I really feel like Ive got this...Im going along, working the steps, making progress, and feeling proud of myself. Then...BAM! Something happens and all the old feelings come back. I become filled with anger, resentment, disappointment, frustration. I struggle to push those feelings aside but I find I cant really focus on anything else. At times it feels like Im playing a game with myself, trying to see how long I can take it all before I explode.
Took my daughter to therapy tonight. AH got home early and was drinking before we left (in his truck - beer that he picked up and started drinking on his way home...a fairly new thing for him. Progression of the disease of course). We were gone 2.5 hours. By the time we got home, he was 3 sheets to the wind, on the phone with a friend, venting about work. I no longer physically count the number of beers hes had (progress on my part?) but if I had to estimate, Id say hed had somewhere around the 15-18 beer mark (crazy how in-tune we become to the level of drunkenness our As are at. And interesting that we - or at least I - sometimes cant NOT think of it in terms of the number of drinks even though I dont count). Immediately I felt the anger rise. I heard the slur in his words, saw the bloodshot eyes and the unsteady gait...and it was like all the progress Ive made just flew out the window. I tried to ignore him and just do my own thing but he was there, continuously trying to engage me. He got off the phone and wanted to talk, to vent to me next. I didnt want to and couldnt do it emotionally even if I HAD wanted to. The more I resisted, the more he tried to make me feel guilty for it...Well OBVIOUSLY (slurred of course) you have better things to do with your time, so Ill just leave you alone...Ya know, Im here, wanting to just spend time with you, but you just wont have it, will you? Etc. I wanted to scream and go wild and tell him what a complete and utter a** he was being. I wanted to get in his face and spew out every negative emotion I was experiencing all over him. I so wanted to. It would have made me feel better for a quick minute but Ive gone down that path before and it never ends any better than it started. So I didnt. Instead I quite literally bit my tongue, clenched my jaw and as I turned to walk away I rolled my eyes as hard as Ive ever rolled them in my life and silently screamed every cuss word I could think of. I guess its saying something that I didnt unleash on him, that I kept my cool in front of him and refused to engage, but I absolutely hate that those feelings were raging inside of me. The resentment just keeps building. Im here because its best for right now. But Im more determined than ever to have my ducks in a row and be ready to get out once our kids are out of school. I cant live the rest of my life like this.
You are moving forward even if/when it feels differently. You are a miracle in progress - just keep doing what you are doing. Sending prayers and positive energy your way...
(((Twinkies)))
I honestly could have written your entire first paragraph. I have been there; feeling strong, feeling my recovery, and then having instances of pure rage, frustration and wanting to unleash it all.
The good news is that you still were in recovery-mode! You knew it wouldnt help anything and would most likely make it worse.
Progress, not perfection. We all understand and congratulate yourself on your progress, even if it at times it feels like a game. Its just you practicing and growing.
Ellen
You really did a great job using the tool of detachment. It is very hard not to feel feelings of resentment when expectations that we feel are just every day normal things are not being met by an alcoholic spouse. It really is progress not to lash out with every unkind word you are thinking. I realize that your response instead of reacting outwardly to his being drunk doesn't change how it all feels for you to be living with that "what am I going to come home to" feeling. That is very hard to live with. Keep sharing and keep taking care of your sanity. One day at a time you are making choices. This choice honored you yet didn't kick him when he was down despite the fact that you had the power to do so if you chose to. (((hugs)) TT
I think you did great. Your post reminded me of the slogan progress not perfection. You are growing and you can see your growth and that is amazing. My AH sounds somewhat similar to yours with his behaviour. It took me years to let go of the rage I felt inside of me when I would find my AH drunk. I could logically understand that it was a disease and the alcoholic is going to drink that is what alcoholics do but it took me a long time to really accept that my AH had the disease of alcoholism. To really feel that in my heart. I didn't want to accept that. When I couldn't accept that I caused a lot of pain and rage for myself. I felt he was doing something to me! to my daughter! I thought he was doing it because he didn't love me. It's taken me a long time to realize he drinks so much because he doesn't love himself. And I can't save him. That was probably more painful for me to truly accept than anything. I think I held on to the rage and anger and frustration with my AH because the sadness I would experience in accepting he has an illness that neither of us has any control over seemed worse to me. It felt like giving up. When I did finally accept it I felt more free than anything. I've worked hard to hand his illness back over to him. Give him the dignity of making his own decisions back. Most of that rage dissipated (although I feel it slightly from time to time) but it happened slowly over time. I looked back one day much like you and realized those feelings were mostly gone.
I can truly relate to having your ducks in a row to leave if you want or need to. I have done the same. I now take my relationship with my AH one day at a time. That's all I can do. It frees me up from worrying about the future. If it doesn't work out I will be ok. That is something that working my program has truly taught me.
I had an incident this week. My AH has had a very stressful week and whenever that happens he drinks. I came home from the gym one night and found him pretty drunk. I used to feel so mad when I found that he had used me being out of the house as a chance to drink more and get drunk but that was because I wanted him not to do that. He was stumbling and tripping over his words and slurring and I just felt sad. I handed him over to my higher power and I went to bed to read. I didn't dwell on it. I got a good night's sleep and I felt better in the morning. I also realized I had made progress.
Keep working the program you are doing great!
(((((Twinkies)))))
Oh girl, I have been there, done that, wore out the crappy shirt!
Before my program, I DID unleash on my spouse. Then I learned detachment. But I must admit I detached with anger!! So I really understand your feelings about this!
I think you are working hard on your program, and you should be proud of your utilizing your tools!!
My qualifier reacted in much the same way when I detached... accusing me of not being supportive/loving/you name it. Eventually, I realized that Detaching was just a temporary tool. Not a long-term solution for me. I eventually decided that I just could not live with being constantly emotionally/verbally abused.
It's great that you posted here. Sometimes when we are enmeshed within the chaos, it is hard to see our progress. So posting here allows others to point it out... and to get some much needed validation... and many times, your growth encourages a "lurker" to join and begin their journey to healing!
Thank you!
Peace!
Yes, it is hard not to engage...and in my experience, the alanon program has tools that make it easier...in time, little by slowly.
Early on, before I found recovery, I was rarely able to not engage. But when I started to look at it differently, it became easier, very easy actually. I changed my perspective. First, I stopped saying "it is hard" because from the get-go, that created my obstacle. Yes, it's hard, but I don't have to focus on that. Sure, I have acceptance in and around that. No denial here. But I ultimately surrender to it -- because then I can let it go. It's like the quicksand analogy. For me, I changed my focus to "I am going to not engage..." and I focused on everything in and around that. Simply put, that's attitude, perspective. That's one thing alanon is consistent about -- the focus on us, what we need to do, how we need to get better, etc. We are not in alanon to focus on the alcoholic. While other fellowships are to remain anonymous, and we are supposed to keep our focus on the alanon program and perspective -- because AA is a different perspective -- people who are in AA don't focus on us. LOL.
Second, part of changing my perspective was looking at not engaging as part of DETACHMENT. While I wholeheartedly believe in KEEP IT SIMPLE...I looked at not engaging as part of DETACHMENT...because that is FOR ME. When I read most people's posts, and they talk about not engaging or detachment, sure, people spout off detach with love. But that's not what I am hearing. For me, detachment is for me. I am not angry with the person. I am not refusing to engage or talk to them because they are drunk, nor am I am having to contain myself, temper my emotions, etc. For me, when this happens, I am sad. I feel sorry for the alcoholic. I recognize they are sick. They have an illness, a disease. I detach for my well being, for my protection, for my health and happiness, and serenity and peace. It is for me! I also view not engaging as part of detachment...and both are a part of something that I also feel most people misconstrue and misunderstand, and that is...BOUNDARIES.
Third, when I look at not engaging and detaching, as part of BOUNDARIES...it means I know, really know, and understand, what boundaries are for, why they are there, what they are used for, why I establish them, and honor them, and so on. Not engaging and detaching for me is easy because I am honoring my boundaries and I am the one who is responsible for my health and well being, and my happiness. NOT THE ALCOHOLIC. My recovery has brought me to a point where the way I live my life...only about one out of 50 times or so, does the alcoholic's whatever causes me to slip. And, when I do, it's usually about 5 minutes or less, and then I am fine.
If someone is having trouble not engaging...go back to the basics...the fundamentals...and that is...STEP ONE...ACCEPTANCE. Immerse yourself in it. Usually, when a slip occurs, if we get angry, feel we want to tell it like it is, engage, whatever...it is because of acceptance. It is not because the alcoholic drank, said this, did this, etc. If someone feels that -- that is our sickness, our disease. Go back to STEP ONE and ACCEPTANCE. With that, we can surrender the let go. Everything in this program comes after that.
Aloha Twinkie and thanks for the memories of how my sponsor taught me to feel the "opposites" when I didn't like feeling the usuals. The usuals of course were the negative powerful feelings that would own my mind and spirit. He taught me that the opposite were the feelings that I would find nice and healthy even while the disease raged.
The opposite of anger was acceptance while the opposite of resentment was forgiveness. The opposite of frustration was patience. The opposite of fear was and still is love cause I will not fear that which I love and/or love that which I fear.
Try the opposites because it is healthier mind, body, spirit and emotions and then practice, practice, practice for you. (((Hugs)))
So glad you shared, I remember this very well. My alcoholic would "act" and I would "react."
After I decided he probably did have a drinking problem, I really hated it. I wanted our home to be "normal"
But when I indulge in a variation of the thought that "things should not look like THIS," I am resisting. The longer I think those thoughts, the more likely it is I'm going to act out.
If you've ever been fishing... you'll recall how the fisherman has to keep casting his line out into the water.... casting, casting... until the fish finally bites the hook.
That's how I began looking at what my AH was doing, just waiting for me to take the bait. When I did, we'd be having another hopeless argument. But when I started seeing myself as a fish being temped to bite the hook, I just started walking away. Nope! not again.
It does take practice to stop reacting and unfortunately, we aren't equipped with automatic buttons to change our behavior. we typically go back and forth until the stronger recovery behaviors take the lead.
I never forgot a meeting years ago where someone said,
"If I'm mad, I'm had." That one stuck with me.
A big motivator for not taking the bait - Anger is terribly poisonous to our system, it can make us physically sick.
take good care of (((you)))
-- Edited by 2HP on Thursday 7th of February 2019 07:42:02 PM
Excellent points. Thanks for posting this.
Thank you for posting this topic. I needed it. Thank you for every response left here for me to read.
Especially thank you 2hp; I easily relate to visuals and maybe I can Not take the bait on that hook I see before me.
Just for today...... wp
(((((Twinkies)))))
Wow, you did well, thank you for this really clear description of how it feels to practise detachment - I'm so impressed at how you can acknowledge your feelings and see what you were reacting to. I used to take a few vigorous walks to shake off that kind of tension but now it seems to wear off a bit faster, which makes life a bit easier.
For me I finally coped a bit better when I started to reward myself with treats when this sort of behaviour kicked in, it was what I needed to keep my resentment at bay... and so, thanks to AH, I started to live a much more enjoyable life regardless of what he was trying to do. The feelings that I felt as I read your brilliant description have helped me to remember that I need to look after myself - sometimes I forget and fall back into old habits.
I don't want to be an angel, it feels a bit unnatural to me, so I can only strive to achieve the opposites that Jerry describes here, although when achieved I can see how they do make me like myself a bit more than when I'm angry or resentful, but for me it turned out that I responded well to treats and pampering - perhaps I'm more of a Pavlov's dog than a saint!!
I used to use that Al Anon phrase to ask myself "...so what are you going to do?" combined with "Just for Today."
-- Edited by milkwood on Saturday 16th of February 2019 05:07:53 AM