I didn't really didn't want to be in and or around Al-Anon and especially AA when tagging behind my alcoholic/addict wife I found myself kinda in and around the rooms. Truthfully I hated it and influence from her sponsor kinda sorta also cause me to appear the good guy so I did a meeting or two without any effort or interest.
She and her sponsor were talking about my drinking also and that is where and when the suggestion that I try AA also came from which drove me crazy because I disliked them even more than Al-Anon.
Here it is 40 years later and now on purpose and for real "I keep coming back" for the right reasons. I have made February 8th, 1979 the official date way back when cause every body else I knew had/has an official date. It's okay since I have been led to living this recovery just one day at a time.
I have a protocol where on the 8th I will turn in...swap my prior chip for the later one and then keep that chip on my key ring. I turn in the prior one with a prayer that it support another member with receiving what I have been blessed to receive since I finally decided that I needed this rather than just wanted it.
It's taken ages for me to get this and sooooo many members to stand with me often exasperated with my efforts and coming back with me each and every time I kept coming back. Amazing that on my 17th year I was ready to walk out just because I still wasn't sure. I guess I just needed to find the right alcoholic which has never come...thank God.
I will hope and pray for the next week that we all continue to be blessed with Serenity and Sanity. (((((hugs)))))
mamalioness said
Feb 1, 2019
(((((Jerry))))) WOW!!! lovely testimoney to this great program.....Feb 15th I celebrate 15 years of emotional (trying to achieve) sobriety in Al-anon and ACA....and like you, I thought many times of "chucking it all" I was too screwed up...Too damaged...Too hopeless...Too too too too and I just kept "coming back" something would beckon to me to come back...Like a moth to the flame...its hot..uncomfortable, and at times it burns my skin, but I still fly to that eternal flame of hope..........Thank you for sharing this
JerryF said
Feb 1, 2019
Rose that share went right to my heart and spirit...I fully understand and I love that you brought it here ...the other perspective. The elder's of Al-Anon use to tell me often..."Jerry you're going to have to get in touch with your female side"....LOL NOT!! all I have to do is listen to the ones already here. ((((Rose))))
Iamhere said
Feb 1, 2019
(((Jerry))) - great share and I am grateful that you keep coming back - your gentle spirit and honest shares always speak to me....goodness - I came to Al-Anon by way of AA....I landed in AA through a nudge from a judge. I had to return a few years later to a treatment center where it all began as I gave that poor counselor a 'run for the money'. I really, really, really did not think I was an A - had these pictures in my mind of what an A should look like, and it certainly was NOT a 25 year old female who owned a home, had a job, etc.
Nothing that man said to me helped me 'see' this disease in me. Finally, one day in total frustration with me and the 45 days I had fought him, he suggested that a 'normal drinker' probably did not have 2 felony charges from 2 different states at my nice young age....'that' is what gave me enough cause to pause and consider who I was, how I get 'here' and where I would be going if I didn't make some huge changes.
I changed my date from 10/7 to 10/8 about 25 years in - it took me that long to realize/remember that I arrived at treatment quite the mess, and certainly under the influence. When my sponsor suggested Al-Anon, I again had that demon of denial. I did not have a problem and I did not need another 12 step program. Out of respect, I did go and rejected the entire 'thing'. That changed when I finally hit my bottom and realized I needed something, and at least Al-Anon would be somewhat familiar. I keep coming back as I tend to get what I need when I need it....and I have taken breaks over the years, and the only person it hurts is me - I tend to lean towards those habits and behaviors that were comfortable before recovery and before long, it's just not very pretty.
So, so grateful for recovery in both sides of the house. I have no doubt I would be 6 feet under without. (((Hugs)))
PosiesandPuppies said
Feb 2, 2019
((((Jerry))))
Your posts always inspire me, and very often are truly amazing... what you went through to gain insight into yourself! Thank you for posting this here and allowing us a glimpse into what worked for you!
Mahalo!
canadianguy said
Feb 5, 2019
Aloha my friend....
I don't want to put the cart before the horse, so I will wait until Friday to give you kudos for 40 years of sobriety, as by my figuring, you have "only" been sober for 14607/14610 days required to receive your 40-year chip. :)))) In the spirit of the program, I will simply wish you one day at a time.....
You are such a blessing Jerry..... to your multiple "families" - whether that is your family of origin, your local chapter(s) of recovery, and to the one we know as your family here at MIP.
One of the many things I admire most about you, is that you offer us your substantial ESH often and always, and it is always done from a point of experience and love..... But you also come to us in your time(s) of need, and use the power of "we" for your recovery as well.....
You are a keeper my friend - plain and simple. I count myself as better off for having you in my life.
Tom
I used my good friend - Google Translate - to write you out a simple message:
Ua mahalo nuiiaoe, a ua hawi mai i mkou i n hoomaikai he nui
(You are very much appreciated, and provide us many blessings)
DavidG said
Feb 5, 2019
In Ao-NZ we don't really have birthdays, or chips...
It has been a journey- with some parts of it- in a haze...
aroha mai, ehoa... much love to you, my friend- at your major anniversary coming up...
a bumpy ride, too, sometimes; but now much more fun and interest... ...
hotrod said
Feb 6, 2019
(((Jerry)) congrats
Lyne said
Feb 6, 2019
Congratulations Jerry :). I find your shares always inspiring and insightful. When you respond to my shares I am grateful for your ESH. Thanks always. Keep on keeping on, ODAT. Lyne
I didn't really didn't want to be in and or around Al-Anon and especially AA when tagging behind my alcoholic/addict wife I found myself kinda in and around the rooms. Truthfully I hated it and influence from her sponsor kinda sorta also cause me to appear the good guy so I did a meeting or two without any effort or interest.
She and her sponsor were talking about my drinking also and that is where and when the suggestion that I try AA also came from which drove me crazy because I disliked them even more than Al-Anon.
Here it is 40 years later and now on purpose and for real "I keep coming back" for the right reasons. I have made February 8th, 1979 the official date way back when cause every body else I knew had/has an official date. It's okay since I have been led to living this recovery just one day at a time.
I have a protocol where on the 8th I will turn in...swap my prior chip for the later one and then keep that chip on my key ring. I turn in the prior one with a prayer that it support another member with receiving what I have been blessed to receive since I finally decided that I needed this rather than just wanted it.
It's taken ages for me to get this and sooooo many members to stand with me often exasperated with my efforts and coming back with me each and every time I kept coming back. Amazing that on my 17th year I was ready to walk out just because I still wasn't sure. I guess I just needed to find the right alcoholic which has never come...thank God.
I will hope and pray for the next week that we all continue to be blessed with Serenity and Sanity. (((((hugs)))))
Rose that share went right to my heart and spirit...I fully understand and I love that you brought it here ...the other perspective. The elder's of Al-Anon use to tell me often..."Jerry you're going to have to get in touch with your female side"....LOL NOT!! all I have to do is listen to the ones already here. ((((Rose))))
Nothing that man said to me helped me 'see' this disease in me. Finally, one day in total frustration with me and the 45 days I had fought him, he suggested that a 'normal drinker' probably did not have 2 felony charges from 2 different states at my nice young age....'that' is what gave me enough cause to pause and consider who I was, how I get 'here' and where I would be going if I didn't make some huge changes.
I changed my date from 10/7 to 10/8 about 25 years in - it took me that long to realize/remember that I arrived at treatment quite the mess, and certainly under the influence. When my sponsor suggested Al-Anon, I again had that demon of denial. I did not have a problem and I did not need another 12 step program. Out of respect, I did go and rejected the entire 'thing'. That changed when I finally hit my bottom and realized I needed something, and at least Al-Anon would be somewhat familiar. I keep coming back as I tend to get what I need when I need it....and I have taken breaks over the years, and the only person it hurts is me - I tend to lean towards those habits and behaviors that were comfortable before recovery and before long, it's just not very pretty.
So, so grateful for recovery in both sides of the house. I have no doubt I would be 6 feet under without. (((Hugs)))
Your posts always inspire me, and very often are truly amazing... what you went through to gain insight into yourself! Thank you for posting this here and allowing us a glimpse into what worked for you!
Mahalo!
Aloha my friend....
I don't want to put the cart before the horse, so I will wait until Friday to give you kudos for 40 years of sobriety, as by my figuring, you have "only" been sober for 14607/14610 days required to receive your 40-year chip. :)))) In the spirit of the program, I will simply wish you one day at a time.....
You are such a blessing Jerry..... to your multiple "families" - whether that is your family of origin, your local chapter(s) of recovery, and to the one we know as your family here at MIP.
One of the many things I admire most about you, is that you offer us your substantial ESH often and always, and it is always done from a point of experience and love..... But you also come to us in your time(s) of need, and use the power of "we" for your recovery as well.....
You are a keeper my friend - plain and simple. I count myself as better off for having you in my life.
Tom
I used my good friend - Google Translate - to write you out a simple message:
Ua mahalo nuiiaoe, a ua hawi mai i mkou i n hoomaikai he nui
(You are very much appreciated, and provide us many blessings)
In Ao-NZ we don't really have birthdays, or chips...
It has been a journey- with some parts of it- in a haze...
aroha mai, ehoa... much love to you, my friend- at your major anniversary coming up...
a bumpy ride, too, sometimes; but now much more fun and interest...
...