I am nearing a breaking point again. I am feeling so tired, exhausted. I know its my fault for not setting boundaries. The sober man I have been spending time with is becoming a burden to me. I find being with him, a complete drain. He has so many unresolved issues of his past and being disabled as well, is increasing my intolerance with him. I find myself being exhausted being around him and hearing him complain about his medical issues that are chronic. What am I to do about it? I am not a doctor or a nurse. In addition, he seems to act like a helpless victim. He has financial issues as well as trying to get a divorce from his ex wife that I found after 27 years. Yes, I located her as well as her sister who informed him that his wife is chronically mentally ill, in fact. she is non-function able and living on the streets. He needed to locate here so he can serve here divorce papers. The sister informed my friend its best to not contact her as she is not stable. The male friend wants to get a divorce but again has financial issues. He is on disability payments and can not afford a lawyer so he must do it himself. I am getting so exhausted helping him with this matter and I have had enough. I can not do anymore.
We are in Canada and he is not eligible for legal aid for divorce matters so he has to get student legal services or do it himself. I know about the legal system very well and had worked in it before so I know the hoops to jump through. To teach him and do the paperwork himself is a huge, overwhelming job that requires experts and he does not have the money for legal experts. I am so frustrated and tired dealing with him. I am ready to tell him to hit the road, you are taking to much energy out of me. I did not cause this, I can not cure it, I can not control it. Your mistake, your problem. I really need to step back and distance myself from him. I am feeling used and angry. I really like the guy a lot but I am finding him to be way to needy for my liking. He reminds me of the ex alcoholic bf, needy, needy, needy. I am like what do I gain from this? I am so frustrated with myself as I am starting to get burned out. In addition, I am still working on trying to get the house settled and I am dealing with my sick mentally ill daughter. I feel exhausted from all this.
I have been doing my best to look after me through all this by making sure I sleep well, exercise, eat well, read al-anon literature, keep the focus on myself. I feel I am stretched to the limit and can not take anymore. I keep reminding myself, breath, breath, breath. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Not your problem. Then I get medical news from my doctor that the infection in my stomach is incurable and that I will get worse yet. I will most likely die from the infection when it gets worse. The doctor said they can not do anything anymore,. can not give me anymore antibiotics. Now that my medical issue is on the table, I worry about what the next steps are for me regarding work. Can I return to work with this infection still raging inside me? What will my work insurance require? Will they force me back to work despite still being sick? There are so many unanswered questions. I keep saying, let go and let god. Let the chips fall where they will. Its not problem. I will survive this.This too shall pass. I know I have to get a will together soon as well to ensure my children are taken care of. Another thing to add to my to do list.
All I know is I can not take anymore stress. I feel like I am falling apart and right now, i need a break from it all and just have some fun and laughter. Laughter is always a good stress reliever and I need some bad. A mini break would do me some good. A weekend get away, it would help so much! I just say, this too shall pass, this too shall pass and pray to my higher power and try, try to take things one day at a time, one day at a time and put me first, me, me, me! I have to remember, not my problem, not my issue. I just have to focus and do what is in my best interest. All I know is I had enough of the sober man and his issues. Deal with it on your own. I have enough on my plate and I can not take anymore! I am done with your crap! I am not a free service to give and give. I have had enough of the BS.
I really needed to share this.
DavidG said
Feb 1, 2019
(((((((((((((((((((( joker )))))))))))))))))
hotrod said
Feb 1, 2019
Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way
JerryF said
Feb 1, 2019
((((Joker)))) Your share reminds me of a time I was sharing the same type of stress and depression with the same drama with my sponsor to where he responded with "STOPPP" and where he wanted that for me. He wanted me to "STOPPP" for myself and the empathis he put on it caused me to cease talking and consider the word and that command. It seized my thinking so deeply that I couldn't continue talking about it and needed to focus on STOPPING which I did and which I spent much effort and time changing my recovery. It was a God thing that has stayed with me till today where and when I can readily stop doing that which is making me ill and then inventory to the next segment of his assistance which was, "how do you want it to come out for you"? and then work to make that happen for me.
Sending love and empathy and hope. ((((hugs))))
mamalioness said
Feb 1, 2019
(((((((((((((((((Joker)))))))))))))))))) sending peace and hope to you......
Iamhere said
Feb 1, 2019
(((Joker))) - I hope you take good care of you and be gentle with you! I too am sending some positive energy, thoughts and prayers your way!
Lyne said
Feb 2, 2019
Hey joker. Your plate is full, no doubt about it. Your feelings valid.
I have been told horrible things by doctors, which never came true. I kept trying other avenues and helpers. Just a bit of ESH: get other opinions.
For the rest of the issues with family, alanon changed my life so I hope you have a sponsor and a f2f meeting. Keep coming back, Lyne
wp said
Feb 3, 2019
Thank you for sharing, Joker. This has become a helpful conversation for me.
Jerry F, thank you so so much for your response to Joker; I needed that !!
Hugs to all. wp
Bo said
Feb 4, 2019
It sounds like you are "on the roller coaster" with him, a partner in the drama, chaos, turmoil, and havoc. And it sounds like you've had enough.
Nothing changes if nothing changes. So, in my experience, when I was faced with a similar situation -- I MADE CHANGES IN ME, FOR ME, ABOUT ME...and I GOT OFF THE ROLLER COASTER.
Plain and simple.
More importantly, you and your health. I am so sorry to hear of your health situation and condition. Now, more than ever...it is time FOR YOU. Period.
Too many people say this too shall pass...and it is really denial. Many people say how important is it...and that is justification, rationalization, so that we can make it not important.
Focus on YOU. Get yourself centered, grounded, and focus on you. Then, and only then, can you turn your attention to others...and when you do, make sure it is in a healthy and supportive way...not the jump into the cesspool with them kind of way. Be a supporter, not a partner in the unhealthiness, drama, dysfunction, sickness, etc.
All the best.
-- Edited by Bo on Monday 4th of February 2019 10:27:03 PM
joker said
Feb 4, 2019
I made some changes. I send the friend back to his home. I need a break from his stuff and focus on me instead. I feel much better having my own space. I can not deal with anyone else issues/problems right now. I need to work on me and focus on my mental health. Having the space to do so, is so wonderful. Since the friend went home, I feel like a weight has been lifted off me. I need my space. I am GRATEFUL, I am taking time for me. Thanks for all your feedback. It helps me a lot! You are all fantastic!
mamalioness said
Feb 4, 2019
((joker)) glad you made those changes..Glad you decided that YOU need YOU......GR8 JOB!!!
and Bo...WOW...Loved your share...
I've often felt that the "this too shall pass" when said to me was to sorta invalidate me and yea, this is REAL...NOW...yea, it MAY pass and it may not, so how, NOW do I take care of me??? ....and the "how important is it" sometimes implies to me that "oh just let it go" and not stand up and face it. so it will, in future, not be important...I love my slogans, but they can be mis-used, like anything else..my big thing is to face reality and what can i do NOW to make things better...
And yes, I now focus on ME...getting ME centered, grounded and focused on ME...so I CAN help others who want to help themselves and that is key "do they want to and are trying to help themselves??"....and I, too want to be a supporter, encourager, not jump into the cesspool with them...."be a supporter, not a partner in the unhealthiness, drama, dysfunction, sickness, etc" SOOO spot on...thank you for your share......LOVED it
Bo said
Feb 4, 2019
joker wrote:
I made some changes. I send the friend back to his home. I need a break from his stuff and focus on me instead. I feel much better having my own space. I can not deal with anyone else issues/problems right now. I need to work on me and focus on my mental health. Having the space to do so, is so wonderful. Since the friend went home, I feel like a weight has been lifted off me. I need my space. I am GRATEFUL, I am taking time for me. Thanks for all your feedback. It helps me a lot! You are all fantastic!
Great for YOU!!! Keep it up and keep doing it!!!
Bo said
Feb 5, 2019
Thanks Rose.
At various times during my recovery -- while I was focused on my, my recovery, doing the next right thing in front of me, and so forth -- there is sometimes reason to look at, simply look at, the alcoholic/addict. I don't suffer from the outward thinking in -- not any longer, LOL -- but there is reason to look at what the alcoholic/addict is, and who the alcoholic/addict is being. In short, simply put, are they clean and sober, or are they not? Are they living a life of recovery or are they not? That's the "who are they being" think I talk about. It's not about words...it's about actions.
That can tell me a lot...it can tell me all I need to know...have a great day Rose, all the best.
I am nearing a breaking point again. I am feeling so tired, exhausted. I know its my fault for not setting boundaries. The sober man I have been spending time with is becoming a burden to me. I find being with him, a complete drain. He has so many unresolved issues of his past and being disabled as well, is increasing my intolerance with him. I find myself being exhausted being around him and hearing him complain about his medical issues that are chronic. What am I to do about it? I am not a doctor or a nurse. In addition, he seems to act like a helpless victim. He has financial issues as well as trying to get a divorce from his ex wife that I found after 27 years. Yes, I located her as well as her sister who informed him that his wife is chronically mentally ill, in fact. she is non-function able and living on the streets. He needed to locate here so he can serve here divorce papers. The sister informed my friend its best to not contact her as she is not stable. The male friend wants to get a divorce but again has financial issues. He is on disability payments and can not afford a lawyer so he must do it himself. I am getting so exhausted helping him with this matter and I have had enough. I can not do anymore.
We are in Canada and he is not eligible for legal aid for divorce matters so he has to get student legal services or do it himself. I know about the legal system very well and had worked in it before so I know the hoops to jump through. To teach him and do the paperwork himself is a huge, overwhelming job that requires experts and he does not have the money for legal experts. I am so frustrated and tired dealing with him. I am ready to tell him to hit the road, you are taking to much energy out of me. I did not cause this, I can not cure it, I can not control it. Your mistake, your problem. I really need to step back and distance myself from him. I am feeling used and angry. I really like the guy a lot but I am finding him to be way to needy for my liking. He reminds me of the ex alcoholic bf, needy, needy, needy. I am like what do I gain from this? I am so frustrated with myself as I am starting to get burned out. In addition, I am still working on trying to get the house settled and I am dealing with my sick mentally ill daughter. I feel exhausted from all this.
I have been doing my best to look after me through all this by making sure I sleep well, exercise, eat well, read al-anon literature, keep the focus on myself. I feel I am stretched to the limit and can not take anymore. I keep reminding myself, breath, breath, breath. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Not your problem. Then I get medical news from my doctor that the infection in my stomach is incurable and that I will get worse yet. I will most likely die from the infection when it gets worse. The doctor said they can not do anything anymore,. can not give me anymore antibiotics. Now that my medical issue is on the table, I worry about what the next steps are for me regarding work. Can I return to work with this infection still raging inside me? What will my work insurance require? Will they force me back to work despite still being sick? There are so many unanswered questions. I keep saying, let go and let god. Let the chips fall where they will. Its not problem. I will survive this.This too shall pass. I know I have to get a will together soon as well to ensure my children are taken care of. Another thing to add to my to do list.
All I know is I can not take anymore stress. I feel like I am falling apart and right now, i need a break from it all and just have some fun and laughter. Laughter is always a good stress reliever and I need some bad. A mini break would do me some good. A weekend get away, it would help so much! I just say, this too shall pass, this too shall pass and pray to my higher power and try, try to take things one day at a time, one day at a time and put me first, me, me, me! I have to remember, not my problem, not my issue. I just have to focus and do what is in my best interest. All I know is I had enough of the sober man and his issues. Deal with it on your own. I have enough on my plate and I can not take anymore! I am done with your crap! I am not a free service to give and give. I have had enough of the BS.
I really needed to share this.
(((((((((((((((((((( joker )))))))))))))))))
((((Joker)))) Your share reminds me of a time I was sharing the same type of stress and depression with the same drama with my sponsor to where he responded with "STOPPP" and where he wanted that for me. He wanted me to "STOPPP" for myself and the empathis he put on it caused me to cease talking and consider the word and that command. It seized my thinking so deeply that I couldn't continue talking about it and needed to focus on STOPPING which I did and which I spent much effort and time changing my recovery. It was a God thing that has stayed with me till today where and when I can readily stop doing that which is making me ill and then inventory to the next segment of his assistance which was, "how do you want it to come out for you"? and then work to make that happen for me.
Sending love and empathy and hope. ((((hugs))))
I have been told horrible things by doctors, which never came true. I kept trying other avenues and helpers. Just a bit of ESH: get other opinions.
For the rest of the issues with family, alanon changed my life so I hope you have a sponsor and a f2f meeting. Keep coming back, Lyne
Thank you for sharing, Joker. This has become a helpful conversation for me.
Jerry F, thank you so so much for your response to Joker; I needed that !!
Hugs to all. wp
It sounds like you are "on the roller coaster" with him, a partner in the drama, chaos, turmoil, and havoc. And it sounds like you've had enough.
Nothing changes if nothing changes. So, in my experience, when I was faced with a similar situation -- I MADE CHANGES IN ME, FOR ME, ABOUT ME...and I GOT OFF THE ROLLER COASTER.
Plain and simple.
More importantly, you and your health. I am so sorry to hear of your health situation and condition. Now, more than ever...it is time FOR YOU. Period.
Too many people say this too shall pass...and it is really denial. Many people say how important is it...and that is justification, rationalization, so that we can make it not important.
Focus on YOU. Get yourself centered, grounded, and focus on you. Then, and only then, can you turn your attention to others...and when you do, make sure it is in a healthy and supportive way...not the jump into the cesspool with them kind of way. Be a supporter, not a partner in the unhealthiness, drama, dysfunction, sickness, etc.
All the best.
-- Edited by Bo on Monday 4th of February 2019 10:27:03 PM
I made some changes. I send the friend back to his home. I need a break from his stuff and focus on me instead. I feel much better having my own space. I can not deal with anyone else issues/problems right now. I need to work on me and focus on my mental health. Having the space to do so, is so wonderful. Since the friend went home, I feel like a weight has been lifted off me. I need my space. I am GRATEFUL, I am taking time for me. Thanks for all your feedback. It helps me a lot! You are all fantastic!
and Bo...WOW...Loved your share...
I've often felt that the "this too shall pass" when said to me was to sorta invalidate me and yea, this is REAL...NOW...yea, it MAY pass and it may not, so how, NOW do I take care of me??? ....and the "how important is it" sometimes implies to me that "oh just let it go" and not stand up and face it. so it will, in future, not be important...I love my slogans, but they can be mis-used, like anything else..my big thing is to face reality and what can i do NOW to make things better...
And yes, I now focus on ME...getting ME centered, grounded and focused on ME...so I CAN help others who want to help themselves and that is key "do they want to and are trying to help themselves??"....and I, too want to be a supporter, encourager, not jump into the cesspool with them...."be a supporter, not a partner in the unhealthiness, drama, dysfunction, sickness, etc" SOOO spot on...thank you for your share......LOVED it
Great for YOU!!! Keep it up and keep doing it!!!
At various times during my recovery -- while I was focused on my, my recovery, doing the next right thing in front of me, and so forth -- there is sometimes reason to look at, simply look at, the alcoholic/addict. I don't suffer from the outward thinking in -- not any longer, LOL -- but there is reason to look at what the alcoholic/addict is, and who the alcoholic/addict is being. In short, simply put, are they clean and sober, or are they not? Are they living a life of recovery or are they not? That's the "who are they being" think I talk about. It's not about words...it's about actions.
That can tell me a lot...it can tell me all I need to know...have a great day Rose, all the best.