First off my instincts were right, I really just need to know I know what I know when I know and I knew something was way way off. This directly impacts me financially, my kids insurance and so on. I am soooo tired of this all at the moment. UGH. 7 blasted years we have been doing this and this is the year I get out from under my X financially.
My XAH suffered multiple TIA events on his birthday and was in the hospital through his anniversary. Nothing has been communicated to me. It was honestly the weirdest conversation and I even had a dream ... the conversation was with my oldest because I got informed last week that my XAH is on disability. I looked at my oldest and said it wouldn't shock me if he had a stroke. I don't know why I said it .. it was off colored probably not appropriate however sometimes my mouth overrides my brain. I did bring up his back surgery and some other issues I even wondered if he had gone to rehab.
Nope .. stroke .. and he's only 52 years old. It's really sad because the previous brain damage I had wondered about has been brought forward. Of course how do my kids find out? Over facebok .. yes you just heard me roll my eyes. Not my problem, they have had ample opportunity to tell us. I was informed the X was on disability and at that point I brought up the insurance cards.
I'm not sure where I am at .. I might be in shock? I don't know. I think I'm just honestly shocked .. I knew it was coming it was a matter of when. I had a horrible dream about my X and had woken up not being able to move and in pain (my honey pinned me down with his leg over me he didn't realize it). The dream was that my X had been trying to kill me like leave me in a car that was going to crash kind of thing and I had that dream the week this incident occurred. Unfortunately for me and I have shared this before I think because of the kids at this point he and I will always have a connection of me knowing when something isn't right. A gift or curse from God depending on how you view it. I know without knowing why I feel weirded about something.
The kids are calling when oldest gets home from work today. I have prepped them a little based upon the information my oldest has shared that their dad is slurring words, will look much older than he is and so on .. he has paralysis at the moment. They are hopeful that with therapy most will return to normal it's now a wait and see. There was another incident when he was in the hospital I'm not understanding exactly what transpired. It didn't help his cause. Since I wasn't informed directly I am not reaching out at this point .. my interchanges with the "X" was with the wife and they were one sentence long regarding insurance, at that point I didn't have information about the stroke. I do feel not my business, we don't have that kind of feel good X relationship. I'm certainly not rocking any boats either.
I just need to trust myself that when something doesn't feel right sound right whatever my intuition is on top of it all. I call that my spidy senses are tingling.
Works good just really busy. Oldest is home no classes this semester however will be back to full time next semester. Youngest is doing very well he's been pretty social lately .. school is keeping him busy. My honey just works to much and hopefully his schedule will be changing soon as well.
Hugs S :)
JerryF said
Jan 27, 2019
((((Serenity)))) for me this all is what comes under the realization that we are powerless over.... When I know that I am I need to do what you have done which is to sit with others who are familiar with the disease and listen, listen, listen with an open mind. I feel sad with you and your children for it as some of it is happening here also with the same powerless realizations. Keep stepping (((((hugs)))))
PosiesandPuppies said
Jan 27, 2019
Huge amounts of hugs for you, ((((((((Serenity))))))).
I am sorry this has happened. No matter what, he is your children's father, and as such they will feel something about this. While this is not your Circus, you will still have to sort out things that directly affect your children due to this medical emergency.
It really hurt my heart to see that your children found out through FB. My prejudices regarding FB aside, what a crappy thing to do to the people who love you... really shows how selfish and self-serving he and his wife are. They thought more about alerting the "media" than calling his children first. Again, they are not your monkeys!
I think I understand your shock, though. No matter how crappy your Ex acts, you never truly wish bad things to happen to him... b/c you are a kind, and loving person. I have always taken great stock in my "woman's intuition." It is REAL. Your spidey sense knew, even before you knew there was something to worry about. I actually think it is a good thing you are not going to reach out for more information... I would call your relationship with him, acrimonious... so what would be the point? Just probably more hurt for you. So probably a good decision on your part.
You are there for your kids... both in loving, moral support, and watching out for those needs that come from the EX. Keep it up, Mama Bear!
Wishing Peace for you today!
Iamhere said
Jan 27, 2019
(((Hugs))) Serenity - for your kids and you. Sending healing thoughts and prayers for the X and all affected. It is sad that FB was how they found out - my family is supersized with various ages/stages, and some use that to 'share' where I certainly would not...I avoid FB as much as possible just because I consider it a false reality for most, and I have tons of 'real friends' and don't need more to do!!! Hang in there girl - breathe and be gentle with you!
Jill said
Jan 27, 2019
in support for everyone in your family and that of your ex
I commend you on your Serenity.
SerenityRUS said
Jan 27, 2019
I apologize for being so all over the board with my thoughts i'm in shock because he's just not that old. It is a shocking awareness of what trauma we do to our bodies will come back to bite in some fashion. The kids didn't call tonight and I didn't push. The oldest text him to let him know they would call tomorrow. The kids are swinging wide as well .. ..the kicker is I had a conversation with my adopted dad before finding all this out earlier in the day. So i'm processing that whole awkward conversation as well and was already feeling out of sorts. PP .. I wish I could tell you I feel something because he's the father of my children. I am not built that way. When I close down i'm done and he's caused so much collateral damage .. my brain says he's got to go and my emotions go to. I'm not angry .. I get angry at situations however with him as an individual .. he's the equivalent of broken glass on the side of the road. It's how I have dealt with my adopted dad as well. Not saying it's right .. it is a matter of mental/emotional survival. They really are just life events that happened that need to be cleaned up and thrown out or put in a box in my mind and closed off. I worry more about the kids and supporting them as they navigate through their process. I just don't have the energy to waste worrying about a situation that is in the past or more along the lines something that isn't going to change. Ironically .. wednesday I made a comment to a work friend after I was told I could have new insurance cards .. my ex must have had a come to jesus experience .. I just didn't know how true that statement was. .i'm not pleased how my kids get information and it never comes from me .. you know it shows me nothing has changed. Which that's what is so sad to me. And my adopted dad was a treat lol .. 84 years old and thinks I need to explain why he's screwing my mom out of money .. again.. dude back to you ... have fun with that lol. Not my monkey not my circus. Smh .. I see the pattern I am unclear how to get out of it. I know if I heal the kids will too. My oldest child says last night .. mom I think I need to come out to dad sooner than later. I proceeded to spit my drink and said ..ummm .. are you trying to finish the job and actually kill your dad?? I really would rather you didn't have that tape in your head of I came out and killed my dad playing. We of course laughed and he says no no no not NOOOOOW however when he's better. .i'm doing a mental forehead smack of .. so do I warn the wife and say you might want to dial 911 sooner than later .. his brain may literally explode. Smh .. or kid can post it to Facebook lmao seems to be the way information is shared on that side of the family. O.o ...i'm sure that would eventually get his attention. Lord help us.
hotrod said
Jan 27, 2019
((Serenity))) prayers for you and your entire family
tiredtonite said
Jan 28, 2019
Sending prayers for you and your family. I hope you'll keep sharing your way through this. (((serenityrus))) TT
SerenityRUS said
Jan 29, 2019
Another quick update, seriously speaking you can color me shocked. My X says he's mailed both of the insurance cards. And followed that up the other day that child support had been paid. Seriously this is the most normal conversing we have had in YEARS. It's literally one line. LOL. I didn't respond at this point because until I receive it in hand, then I will this includes cards and money .. lol. Then I will simply say I received the insurance cards as well as the child support thank you. That's civil and simple enough. After the conversation he had with the kids last night I am sure it's him I am dealing with at this point.
Something has shifted and I feel like it's another AOF (Ass on Fire) moment. I have been through these before, the accident, the crying about life not fair he wants to kill himself and so on. These are the moments he gets right for a short time because he's had a life altering moment. So I am cautiously hopeful after all of these other moments. I don't know maybe having a moment of meeting Jesus in a genie bottle he had a moment to reflect on his current relationships. There is something off though I can't put my finger on it at the moment. IF the wife isn't involved after the last couple of go rounds, it may be he's having to own some things. The kids did speak to him as I mentioned and it went well. For the first time in a LONG time he didn't refer to me by my first name to my oldest. LOL. That's improvement. When talking to the kids he told them they should ask me about schools in California which I don't know where that came from as well as what kind of school schedule our youngest has, he took time to talk about them.
They both said he sounded tired, my oldest added mom .. he sounds resigned like he's given up on something. My youngest added mom .. he just sounds old. I reassured them I am sure he is all three at the moment, it's hard when your body betrays you in that way. My oldest also mentioned that he was super mellow and all I could think was yah .. I bet they have him on all kinds of drugs at the moment .. lol. I'm sure his anxiety is way down and he's not feeling much of anything while they get him back to working order. They mentioned he's going to start calling every Wednesday evening. I have heard this before, they have heard this before .. I know he really means it .. the question is will he mean it when it counts. I'm trying not to read to much into things at the moment. He is also going to be going back to work in Feb .. so we'll see what happens. I was not under the impression that the wife was around, I could be wrong. He's the one having to step up at this point. I wonder though how irritated she's been over the past few years of having to clean up his messes and since I don't play by average society rules I'm sure she's frustrated by me. I'm ok with that .. lol. I turn left and left hand turns work just fine. He really was glad that the kids called, and so were they (I was glad too). So he's fully aware I know of his situation and again I will comment only if the time is right because just like his marriage .. if he's going to choose not to tell me then guess what .. I only have hearsay and that doesn't fly in court right? Just the facts please .. lol .. oi.
There have really been some seriously funny moments .. I mean in a really sardonic kind of way .. I shared with my mom that he had a stroke .. and my mom's response was way to funny I actually expected something totally different as she seemed to like him better than me .. LOL .. she's my mom and her response was on point .. typical mom .. mom, J's had a stroke .. my mother's response .. oh .. I thought I was having a stroke last night too. Ok mom .. LOL .. I'm thinking good to know someone else's stroke is about you too. LOL. Bless her heart .. I swear .. she's something at times.
It is what it is .. and I'm trying to just keep the focus on what is best for the kids and us as a family unit when it comes to their dad. At this point he poses no threat I do wonder how much brain damage will come up the forefront when his AOF wears off. Or again maybe this is a more permanent solution at the moment. I actually hope it is because it would be way more healing for the family. We will see.
Thanks for letting me share .. s :)
PosiesandPuppies said
Jan 30, 2019
Well Serenity, this a actually a good post. You kept your cool, the kids called like they said they would, and their father acted like a human being! It is wonderful to see you not projecting in this shocking scenario.
Keep up the self-care, the taking care of your kids, and staying in your hoop.... you are handling this very well!
First off my instincts were right, I really just need to know I know what I know when I know and I knew something was way way off. This directly impacts me financially, my kids insurance and so on. I am soooo tired of this all at the moment. UGH. 7 blasted years we have been doing this and this is the year I get out from under my X financially.
My XAH suffered multiple TIA events on his birthday and was in the hospital through his anniversary. Nothing has been communicated to me. It was honestly the weirdest conversation and I even had a dream ... the conversation was with my oldest because I got informed last week that my XAH is on disability. I looked at my oldest and said it wouldn't shock me if he had a stroke. I don't know why I said it .. it was off colored probably not appropriate however sometimes my mouth overrides my brain. I did bring up his back surgery and some other issues I even wondered if he had gone to rehab.
Nope .. stroke .. and he's only 52 years old. It's really sad because the previous brain damage I had wondered about has been brought forward. Of course how do my kids find out? Over facebok .. yes you just heard me roll my eyes. Not my problem, they have had ample opportunity to tell us. I was informed the X was on disability and at that point I brought up the insurance cards.
I'm not sure where I am at .. I might be in shock? I don't know. I think I'm just honestly shocked .. I knew it was coming it was a matter of when. I had a horrible dream about my X and had woken up not being able to move and in pain (my honey pinned me down with his leg over me he didn't realize it). The dream was that my X had been trying to kill me like leave me in a car that was going to crash kind of thing and I had that dream the week this incident occurred. Unfortunately for me and I have shared this before I think because of the kids at this point he and I will always have a connection of me knowing when something isn't right. A gift or curse from God depending on how you view it. I know without knowing why I feel weirded about something.
The kids are calling when oldest gets home from work today. I have prepped them a little based upon the information my oldest has shared that their dad is slurring words, will look much older than he is and so on .. he has paralysis at the moment. They are hopeful that with therapy most will return to normal it's now a wait and see. There was another incident when he was in the hospital I'm not understanding exactly what transpired. It didn't help his cause. Since I wasn't informed directly I am not reaching out at this point .. my interchanges with the "X" was with the wife and they were one sentence long regarding insurance, at that point I didn't have information about the stroke. I do feel not my business, we don't have that kind of feel good X relationship. I'm certainly not rocking any boats either.
I just need to trust myself that when something doesn't feel right sound right whatever my intuition is on top of it all. I call that my spidy senses are tingling.
Works good just really busy. Oldest is home no classes this semester however will be back to full time next semester. Youngest is doing very well he's been pretty social lately .. school is keeping him busy. My honey just works to much and hopefully his schedule will be changing soon as well.
Hugs S :)
((((Serenity)))) for me this all is what comes under the realization that we are powerless over.... When I know that I am I need to do what you have done which is to sit with others who are familiar with the disease and listen, listen, listen with an open mind. I feel sad with you and your children for it as some of it is happening here also with the same powerless realizations. Keep stepping (((((hugs)))))
I am sorry this has happened. No matter what, he is your children's father, and as such they will feel something about this. While this is not your Circus, you will still have to sort out things that directly affect your children due to this medical emergency.
It really hurt my heart to see that your children found out through FB. My prejudices regarding FB aside, what a crappy thing to do to the people who love you... really shows how selfish and self-serving he and his wife are. They thought more about alerting the "media" than calling his children first. Again, they are not your monkeys!
I think I understand your shock, though. No matter how crappy your Ex acts, you never truly wish bad things to happen to him... b/c you are a kind, and loving person. I have always taken great stock in my "woman's intuition." It is REAL. Your spidey sense knew, even before you knew there was something to worry about. I actually think it is a good thing you are not going to reach out for more information... I would call your relationship with him, acrimonious... so what would be the point? Just probably more hurt for you. So probably a good decision on your part.
You are there for your kids... both in loving, moral support, and watching out for those needs that come from the EX. Keep it up, Mama Bear!
Wishing Peace for you today!
I commend you on your Serenity.
Sending prayers for you and your family. I hope you'll keep sharing your way through this. (((serenityrus))) TT
Something has shifted and I feel like it's another AOF (Ass on Fire) moment. I have been through these before, the accident, the crying about life not fair he wants to kill himself and so on. These are the moments he gets right for a short time because he's had a life altering moment. So I am cautiously hopeful after all of these other moments. I don't know maybe having a moment of meeting Jesus in a genie bottle he had a moment to reflect on his current relationships. There is something off though I can't put my finger on it at the moment. IF the wife isn't involved after the last couple of go rounds, it may be he's having to own some things. The kids did speak to him as I mentioned and it went well. For the first time in a LONG time he didn't refer to me by my first name to my oldest. LOL. That's improvement. When talking to the kids he told them they should ask me about schools in California which I don't know where that came from as well as what kind of school schedule our youngest has, he took time to talk about them.
They both said he sounded tired, my oldest added mom .. he sounds resigned like he's given up on something. My youngest added mom .. he just sounds old. I reassured them I am sure he is all three at the moment, it's hard when your body betrays you in that way. My oldest also mentioned that he was super mellow and all I could think was yah .. I bet they have him on all kinds of drugs at the moment .. lol. I'm sure his anxiety is way down and he's not feeling much of anything while they get him back to working order. They mentioned he's going to start calling every Wednesday evening. I have heard this before, they have heard this before .. I know he really means it .. the question is will he mean it when it counts. I'm trying not to read to much into things at the moment. He is also going to be going back to work in Feb .. so we'll see what happens. I was not under the impression that the wife was around, I could be wrong. He's the one having to step up at this point. I wonder though how irritated she's been over the past few years of having to clean up his messes and since I don't play by average society rules I'm sure she's frustrated by me. I'm ok with that .. lol. I turn left and left hand turns work just fine. He really was glad that the kids called, and so were they (I was glad too). So he's fully aware I know of his situation and again I will comment only if the time is right because just like his marriage .. if he's going to choose not to tell me then guess what .. I only have hearsay and that doesn't fly in court right? Just the facts please .. lol .. oi.
There have really been some seriously funny moments .. I mean in a really sardonic kind of way .. I shared with my mom that he had a stroke .. and my mom's response was way to funny I actually expected something totally different as she seemed to like him better than me .. LOL .. she's my mom and her response was on point .. typical mom .. mom, J's had a stroke .. my mother's response .. oh .. I thought I was having a stroke last night too. Ok mom .. LOL .. I'm thinking good to know someone else's stroke is about you too. LOL. Bless her heart .. I swear .. she's something at times.
It is what it is .. and I'm trying to just keep the focus on what is best for the kids and us as a family unit when it comes to their dad. At this point he poses no threat I do wonder how much brain damage will come up the forefront when his AOF wears off. Or again maybe this is a more permanent solution at the moment. I actually hope it is because it would be way more healing for the family. We will see.
Thanks for letting me share .. s :)
Keep up the self-care, the taking care of your kids, and staying in your hoop.... you are handling this very well!
Peace & Love,