I am sure I have written before about the undeniable progression of my AH's disease. It is obviously taking its toll on him physically and cognitively. The times we can be out doing "normal" activities is getting shorter and shorter before he is ready to pass out or even somewhat engage in whatever we are doing. I can see that although I have a pretty good social life on my own......what I had foreseen for our future will most likely not occur. Perhaps being snowbirds or doing extensive travel seems like a fairytale now. I know there are no guarantees about anything and I am glad to be living and breathing in the here and now. I am very conscious of all my blessings as they occur and I AM grateful. However, it is sad to watch my beloved progress and deteriorate. It could be ANY disease that becomes an obstacle in our lives, but this disease seems so cruel and senseless as it CAN be arrested....there can be some control. The person has to want to be better though. I calmly said today that I am very concerned about his health. Alcohol is no longer his friend, it is killing him. His response to me was, "it is what it is." So, there ya go.....and I let it go.
Anyway, have a wonderful rest of Sunday to you all. It is darn cold here in western New York State. Darn cold.
Ellen
Freetime said
Jan 13, 2019
{{{El}}}, I am so sorry you are facing this, and admire how you are using program tools to help yourself. I have been through this. It is really hard to see our loved one deteriorate. It was hard for me to see my helpmate become helpless.
Once I began to accept what was happening, I researched how to get in-home caregivers to help out, planned our finances to reassure myself I/we would be OK throughout his illness, and took time out for self-care: mini vacations, doing nice things for myself, allowing people to help me, filling my time with hobbies and volunteer work, reaching out to friends that I could talk to. My saving slogan was "One Day At A Time."
I can share that my life now is really great.
I hope you stay warm, and have a wonderful Sunday as well.
Iamhere said
Jan 14, 2019
(((Ellen))) - I too am sorry you are facing this. The disease is so powerful, baffling and cunning. I too admire your program in action and thank you for the share - I need all the reminders I can get that acceptance of what is exactly as it is is the first step back to my path for peace.
I am sending you and your spouse positive thoughts and energy. It's cold here today too and even colder with the tons of snow on the ground. I am hibernating as best I can to stay warm! Take good care of you!
JerryF said
Jan 14, 2019
Aloha Ellen I hear this disease justifying your sadness and his surrender and acceptance. It is what it is seems such a trite acceptance and surrender like the alcoholic giving up all thought of fighting for his life in sobriety. We have seen so many alcoholics and addicts scream UNCLE and then go on to beautify sobriety. We forget about the ones who lay down and continue to drink till the fatal nature of this disease causes their demise.
I thought that was how my alcoholic/addict ex-wife was going to end up yet my Higher Power used her to teach me the best lesson of humility I've ever had the pleasure and gratitude to experience. She got into inpatient rehab and for the first two weeks she attended with a bag over her head!! Her counselor told others that her reason for the bag over her head was that if she was ever going to recover from the disease she would have to "allow herself to be blindly lead by others". I was wrong about her never making it and dying instead and I was given a deeper lesson regarding "being teachable" because of it.
I have witnessed many miracles of recovery through working the program the biggest one being understanding I could be wrong.
My sponsor gave me the strongest jolt to my ego by asking me "Could you be wrong" when one afternoon I was convinced otherwise. I dared not reply no ...ever to that question.
HP's hands are big enough to hold both you and the alcoholic at the same time. Thanks for your share. (((((hugs)))))
El said
Jan 15, 2019
Thank you all for your ESH! I got run over by the stomach bug yesterday and was totally indisposed! Your words and understanding help me tremendously and give me hope.
(((Hugs)))
El
Iamhere said
Jan 16, 2019
(((Ellen))) - I hope you feel better soon! Nothing worse than a stomach bug....sending healing thoughts and prayers your way!
Hello MIP family,
I am sure I have written before about the undeniable progression of my AH's disease. It is obviously taking its toll on him physically and cognitively. The times we can be out doing "normal" activities is getting shorter and shorter before he is ready to pass out or even somewhat engage in whatever we are doing. I can see that although I have a pretty good social life on my own......what I had foreseen for our future will most likely not occur. Perhaps being snowbirds or doing extensive travel seems like a fairytale now. I know there are no guarantees about anything and I am glad to be living and breathing in the here and now. I am very conscious of all my blessings as they occur and I AM grateful. However, it is sad to watch my beloved progress and deteriorate. It could be ANY disease that becomes an obstacle in our lives, but this disease seems so cruel and senseless as it CAN be arrested....there can be some control. The person has to want to be better though. I calmly said today that I am very concerned about his health. Alcohol is no longer his friend, it is killing him. His response to me was, "it is what it is." So, there ya go.....and I let it go.
Anyway, have a wonderful rest of Sunday to you all. It is darn cold here in western New York State. Darn cold.
Ellen
Once I began to accept what was happening, I researched how to get in-home caregivers to help out, planned our finances to reassure myself I/we would be OK throughout his illness, and took time out for self-care: mini vacations, doing nice things for myself, allowing people to help me, filling my time with hobbies and volunteer work, reaching out to friends that I could talk to. My saving slogan was "One Day At A Time."
I can share that my life now is really great.
I hope you stay warm, and have a wonderful Sunday as well.
I am sending you and your spouse positive thoughts and energy. It's cold here today too and even colder with the tons of snow on the ground. I am hibernating as best I can to stay warm! Take good care of you!
Aloha Ellen I hear this disease justifying your sadness and his surrender and acceptance. It is what it is seems such a trite acceptance and surrender like the alcoholic giving up all thought of fighting for his life in sobriety. We have seen so many alcoholics and addicts scream UNCLE and then go on to beautify sobriety. We forget about the ones who lay down and continue to drink till the fatal nature of this disease causes their demise.
I thought that was how my alcoholic/addict ex-wife was going to end up yet my Higher Power used her to teach me the best lesson of humility I've ever had the pleasure and gratitude to experience. She got into inpatient rehab and for the first two weeks she attended with a bag over her head!! Her counselor told others that her reason for the bag over her head was that if she was ever going to recover from the disease she would have to "allow herself to be blindly lead by others". I was wrong about her never making it and dying instead and I was given a deeper lesson regarding "being teachable" because of it.
I have witnessed many miracles of recovery through working the program the biggest one being understanding I could be wrong.
My sponsor gave me the strongest jolt to my ego by asking me "Could you be wrong" when one afternoon I was convinced otherwise. I dared not reply no ...ever to that question.
HP's hands are big enough to hold both you and the alcoholic at the same time. Thanks for your share. (((((hugs)))))
Thank you all for your ESH! I got run over by the stomach bug yesterday and was totally indisposed! Your words and understanding help me tremendously and give me hope.
(((Hugs)))
El