I'm really trying not to react vs respond to what's going on at the moment.  If there was a middle finger emoji it would so be flying .. and I apologize I get a little to real with things at times.  I am utterly dumbfounded at the moment for someone who "isn't drinking" .. "living a Christian life" the man is a moron.  I wish I had the warm fuzzies of I like my X because for the simple fact he's the father of my children .. I seriously might as well just hatched an egg and call my children chicks to keep it that simple.  I am trying to see this with as much horrified humor as I can so I apologize however this is nothing new .. I sincerely do not like my X because he can't think about anyone and I do mean ANYONE outside of himself OR he's truly just that stupid.  I really refrain from using that word however there is no other way to describe his actions on a yearly basis.  I can say that just for today if I saw him on fire I would not stop to pee on him to put him out of his misery if that was all it took. 

So his insurance for RX changed .. ok .. do you think he thought to notify me?  Do you think he thought to mail me new cards?  Do you think he thought about the fact if there was an emergency as the primary parent to one and the adult kiddo might need that information?  This is what came up as my oldest tried to get his medication for the month.  The man is truly so incredibly self centered, unaware of how his behavior effects others and so on.  One of the things that came up was the fact that he honestly doesn't care how his behavior or actions affects others .. if that's not an addict looking for his next fix I don't know what is.  My kid took control of the situation and acted to the things he could change, he notified the pharmacy what was going on and that he's been on these meds for 3 months and is currently completely out.  He needs a refill ASAP.  He let his father know that he can't get his monthly meds at the moment and needs a card.  The X sends a text of the front of the card.  Umm .. yah .. they need the back too dumbass.  My child was well behaved and thanked him for the picture of the front however he needs the back too.  THEN he proceeds to say something to the effect of oh you might need the card (after my son points that out).  This is all via text .. I am doing my best not to snatch the phone from my adult child's hand and say look you m'fer whatever control you hallucinate you still have get over it .. if you truly are THAT stupid then by all means don't handle this stuff because it's beyond your capability .. be proud .. I did none of that because I literally sat on my hands with a totally stupidfied look on my face. 

Let me share the great irony of all of this .. yesterday was his anniversary .. and tomorrow is his birthday .. the man ALWAYS acts out this week .. it has been like this for 7 years .. 7 years .. he has done this .. isn't there a story that involves 7 years?  Isn't it the coat of many colors?  7 years of famine and so on .. 7 YEARS he has been playing games .. then I honestly don't think he's that aware to do this on a consistent basis .. so it makes me wonder if he's so desperate for attention that he needs to do this?  What is the game?  And it's a game in terms of "I forgot" or "I shouldn't have to".  So every year the week of his anniversary and birthday he hears from me .. LOL .. I will have to sit and write an email to him .. I am dumping all of my venom here for the moment so that I don't allow 80% to bleed over. 

This is actually progress for me .. in the past I would have knee jerk reacted and then been left feeling a little stupid myself for jumping to the conclusion he changed insurances when it's only the RX (thank you CVS for the wonderful help given).  I am proud of my oldest for stepping up because this is a full on trigger for him and anxiety.  I did spew a little of what I thought .. however it was a thimble vs a large vat of boiling oil.  It also makes me grateful for my current situation even though it's not perfect I am not dealing with a psycho addict (he is a sociopath x 1000).  I can breath and know I have choices I am merely working them out. 

Thank you for letting me share .. hell hath no fury like a mama bear when her cubs are threatened and this is a straight up threat to my kids given no information and he's had ALL the time in the world to handle his business.  Seriously .. I mean SERIOUSLY .. just sign the paperwork that literally absolves him of all responsibility .. it would make my life sooo much easier.   

Hugs S :)

Wow....  Incredible post, but not in a good or healthy way.

I know there is much more to the story than you have shared, but I would encourage you to dive into your program, and choose recovery (and true serenity) for yourself, and for your child.'

Your ex didn't inform you guys of a change to his RX, and then sent over pics of the new one when your kid asked for it - hmmm.... not exactly grounds for taking up all that head space and anger?? 

He is either gonna drink (or be forgetful, or be narcissistic, or not bother to inform you of changes to his RX) or he won't - what are YOU gonna do?

Seren - you've been around here for a long time, and achieved so much recovery - I have to be lovingly honest here - this is a post that says you are wayyyyy too much in his head, his recovery (or lack thereof), and not nearly enough in your own.

Just my two cents

Tom

Hope you are feeling a bit better with all of it today (((serenityrus))) TT

I hear you about the Ex not stepping up and being organized like a healthy & responsible adult.  (Although the whole insurance and healthcare thing is so ridiculous and complicated that it challenges most of us, I'd guess.)  My ex-AH couldn't take adult responsibility for himself or anyone else if his life depended on it - and it did.  He just couldn't do it, his brain wasn't built for it.  I would get very irritated, but really I was just mad at the universe that made this man without the capacity to really manage himself.  If he could have flipped a switch and had the ability, he would have.  And of course the alcohol just made it even worse.  In the end, it killed him.  Who would want that for himself?  Of course also everything he didn't do meant that other people had to pick up the responsibility.  I am still trying to cope with the fallouts of his chaos.  It has cost me literally hundreds of thousands of dollars, not to mention the emotional turmoil and grief.  It's a tragedy all around.  Life gives us such difficult things to handle.  I'm so sorry.

((((Serenity))))

When I first began reading your post, I literally LOL'd at your "middle finger emoji" crack!!! So, thanks for that!

That being said, I totally understand where you are at regarding your EX. BUT... you KNOW who he is, right? He has not changed, at all. He doesn't even sound like he is not using something... but you have detached enough that you don't focus on that... which is great. But he is renting space in your head. And as a fellow mom, I DO get it...there are some things he HAS TO DO TO CO-PARENT...PERIOD!  But he doesn't... so it is incredibly frustrating. I am glad that you can recognize the growth in you!!

So I don't have ESH right now... (Thank my HP!) but I do understand the need to vent here, where it is safe... without any judgments from your fellow peeps! So vent away!!

Just remember that you know WHO HE IS...AT HIS CORE... that is why you couldn't stay married. He is really a man-baby.

I applaud your oldest for dealing with this in a mature way... so that is an improvement as well, right? Your healthier interactions are "rubbing off" on your kiddo!

Wishing Peace for you today!

This thread reminds me of a day long ago when I went to see my accountant, post divorce from my AH. She emphasized how I needed to "take action" (by hiring an attorney to take my former AH back to court, blah, blah....)

Well after that meeting, I began driving home and went wild with fear, bawling and screaming at God. I tried calling my sponsor to tell her the latest developments, but there was no answer.

My sponsor was quite familiar with all of it, this drama had persisted for nearly 3 years. She had begun telling me I needed to accept that he would continue to behave as he did during our marriage (why should I expect he would change?)  and I needed to accept that. Or do something about it (like go back to court.) She had begun getting irritated with ME, saying,

"I can't do this for you!"

And while that was true enough, it sure felt crappy.  

So I just wanted to chime in and say, Been there, done that. you're not alone.

My ESH is sometimes it feels like God's got my back up against a wall (after a period of longstanding resistance) ...forcing me to take responsibility for myself... after I wouldn't.... or just couldn't make a decision.

It's okay.  We're on Gods time. We get it when we get it, and not a moment sooner.

Eckhart Tolle wrote a perfect piece on the "madness" I experience sometimes:

See if you can catch yourself complaining, in either speech or thought, about a situation you find yourself in, what other people do or say, your surroundings, your life situation, even the weather. To complain is always non-acceptance of what is. It invariably carries an unconscious negative charge. When you complain, you make yourself into a victim. When you speak out, you are in your power. So change the situation by taking action or by speaking out if necessary or possible; leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness.

Take good care of yourself.... exactly as you wish to take good care of your children.   we make the choice to use "irritating" events in our lives as opportunities to  strengthen us...

(((((hello higher power... hello peace.....)))))

-- Edited by 2HP on Thursday 17th of January 2019 05:42:41 PM

I was also with the now ex A for s long time over 7 years   He had his specific triggers and I had mine.  While the now ex A could at times really ride  success  and accomplishments for a while he inevitably crashed 

I had multiple responsibilities with the now ex A, pets, vehicles a home   He pretty much abandoned all of that. I was left holding the bag and I truly resented it   As at times he could step up and do things it was very confusing for me. I did a lot of ranting  I have to say when my alcoholic neighbors act out I am triggered. I have to focus really hard to bring myself back. That takes diligence, faith and most of all emotional space  

I am always going to be triggered by certain issues.  All I can do is to build skills in self care, resilience, mood regulation.  I can't really beat myself up that I dont have these skills already. There was no way for ne to acquire those skills before now.  

Maresie