In today's share, the Author says that turning to an alcoholic for affection and support can be like going to the hardware store to buy bread. Our alcoholic loved ones may not be able to meet our expectations, but, the author suggests, it is our expectations and not our loved ones who have let us down. Love is expressed in many ways, and those affected by alcoholism may not be able to express it in the way we would like. The author suggests that we try to recognize love whenever and however it is offered, and further, the author shares that we do not need to feel deprived because many or us find an unfailing source of love in AlAnon. Through Al-Anon, we learns to treat our needs as important and appropriate, and to treat ourselves as deserving.
Today's Reminder: Today the alcoholic may or may not be able to give us what we desire. And no one person will ever offer all that we require. If we stop insisting that our needs be met according to our will, we may discover that all the love and support we need is already at our fingertips.
Today's Quote: "In Al-Anon I discover in myself the power to throw new light on a seemingly hopeless situation. I learn I must use this power, not to change the alcoholic, over whom I am powerless, but to overcome my own distorted ideas and attitudes." One Day at a time in Al-Anon
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Well, I'm a fan of my local hardware store. I've often found that the old-fashioned kitchen gadgets I'm looking for can be found at the neighborhood hardware store. Although I confess, I'm pretty sure I haven't ever gone there looking for bread. (Actually, I haven't gone there looking for kitchen gadgets, either - I just find them there.) Today's reading speaks to me differently than it did in years past. This past fall, I started to really work on loving detachment and acceptance. I was working on these things before, of course, but this fall, they seemed to "click" for me. Now, when I read today's passage, I Am able to do so without frustration, and I can accept that it is ok for me to have needs, and it is ok for my AW to not be able to fulfill them. One thing the program has really helped me with is understanding that, although I thought I married my best friend, one friend isn't enough for anyone, and developing close friendships with others is a healthy thing to do. I've had experience setting boundaries with my AW as well, so she can experience me having friends as complimentary and not competitive. This time of year, the readers seem to "get back to basics" and I have a deeper appreciation of that this year. My fifth time through the Courage to Change, and I'm still seeing things in new ways and learning new things from the readings.
Lyne said
Jan 2, 2019
Thank you Skorpi for your service. This is such an important reading, and the concepts took me quite a long time to accept. I wanted my A to do a lot of things differently, and it frustrated me so much. But now that I am not asking for things she may not be able to give, I feel better! And since I have gotten off her case, she is sober (I think) and we are working together in counseling with an addiction counselor. The key is fixing myself, focusing on me, and letting go of the things that are not mine to change. It all sounds so simple yet it is so very hard. Thank your again for this reading and share today, Lyne
hotrod said
Jan 2, 2019
Great reminder This week I did find myself having unrealistic expectations of my family and then this page came to mind and i was able to remind myself of how they do show love and although it is not my way it is fine.
Thank you Skorpi and alanon for this powerful principle
Thanks for your service
Freetime said
Jan 2, 2019
Thank you, Skorpi, for this share. I have always liked the hardware store analogy -- it's lighthearted -- and didn't realize it is actually in our literature. I think it is a great visual that helps in detaching with love.
Recently I have had occasion to remember good qualities of my alcoholic loved one, even though I had also had a lot of anger and fear in the past. It is like the hardware store: it has a lot of good, useful items in its inventory; it is conveniently located in my town; the people who work there are nice, and might even direct me to the grocery store ... but it does not have any bread. If I keep going there and demanding bread, it would make sense to say that I need to be restored to sanity.
I hope everyone has a great day, and as much bread as you need.
PosiesandPuppies said
Jan 2, 2019
A new year, a new opportunity to work on myself!
Thank you, Skorpi for your service! The reminder is important to understanding me and my part...
Today's Reminder: Today the alcoholic may or may not be able to give us what we desire. And no one person will ever offer all that we require. If we stop insisting that our needs be met according to our will, we may discover that all the love and support we need is already at our fingertips.
The daily has me doing a mini- 4th Step! I can recognize that I had always thought I married my best friend as well... and I thought that he should "complete me." When in reality, what I should've been embracing was that he could "add-to" my already great life! Due to incorrect thinking, I always felt like what he offered me was never enough. How sad is that? My hope is that my efforts to not allow those feelings to be on the "outside" of me during the marriage were effective. My problem was that I always insisted that my needs be met according to MY will... I never could accept and live in "What Is." Oh, I tried. But if I am perfectly honest, I didn't try hard enough. I think that is why I was at my core... sad & unfulfilled - but always wearing my "happy" mask!
I was always looking for that perfect "Whatever." In the new year, I am really trying to explore where this need for perfection came from. I may never fully know... and I am learning to be "OK" with that too!
Perfectly, imperfect!
Again, thank you, MIP for allowing me to grow!
Peace
Iamhere said
Jan 2, 2019
Thank you Skorpi for your service and the daily. Thanks to all above for your shares and ESH. I have to laugh @ me - the first time I heard this 'hardware store for bread', I had a light-bulb moment of DUH!!!
I am grateful that when I remain open, I get what I need at the exact right times - HP working in my life. Once I had my DUH moment, it became much easier for me to focus on what my expectations are/were, and if they were fairy-tale or realistic. As our program suggests, when we keep the focus on what we can change - self - it does seem more answers come my way as well as more acceptance, tolerance, understanding and serenity.
Today, I am thrilled when one of my guys loads/unloads the dishwasher. I am beyond excited when one of them vacuums the floor. Through recovery, I see these now as acts of love. Recovery has me asking the question, "Who am I to ........................? Judge another, Define Love, Respect, Honor, etc. Know Best, and on and on.
An attitude of gratitude daily really helps me realize when I (my thinking, ego, attitude, etc.) might be the problem vs. when I need to detach. I know today that each of us as imperfect humans has strengths and weaknesses and are all designed as we are supposed to be. I am no better or no worse than others, and when I practice self-care and unconditional acceptance and love, my days are way better than before.
Welcome to the New Year, MIP!
In today's share, the Author says that turning to an alcoholic for affection and support can be like going to the hardware store to buy bread. Our alcoholic loved ones may not be able to meet our expectations, but, the author suggests, it is our expectations and not our loved ones who have let us down. Love is expressed in many ways, and those affected by alcoholism may not be able to express it in the way we would like. The author suggests that we try to recognize love whenever and however it is offered, and further, the author shares that we do not need to feel deprived because many or us find an unfailing source of love in AlAnon. Through Al-Anon, we learns to treat our needs as important and appropriate, and to treat ourselves as deserving.
Today's Reminder: Today the alcoholic may or may not be able to give us what we desire. And no one person will ever offer all that we require. If we stop insisting that our needs be met according to our will, we may discover that all the love and support we need is already at our fingertips.
Today's Quote: "In Al-Anon I discover in myself the power to throw new light on a seemingly hopeless situation. I learn I must use this power, not to change the alcoholic, over whom I am powerless, but to overcome my own distorted ideas and attitudes." One Day at a time in Al-Anon
------------------------
Well, I'm a fan of my local hardware store. I've often found that the old-fashioned kitchen gadgets I'm looking for can be found at the neighborhood hardware store. Although I confess, I'm pretty sure I haven't ever gone there looking for bread. (Actually, I haven't gone there looking for kitchen gadgets, either - I just find them there.) Today's reading speaks to me differently than it did in years past. This past fall, I started to really work on loving detachment and acceptance. I was working on these things before, of course, but this fall, they seemed to "click" for me. Now, when I read today's passage, I Am able to do so without frustration, and I can accept that it is ok for me to have needs, and it is ok for my AW to not be able to fulfill them. One thing the program has really helped me with is understanding that, although I thought I married my best friend, one friend isn't enough for anyone, and developing close friendships with others is a healthy thing to do. I've had experience setting boundaries with my AW as well, so she can experience me having friends as complimentary and not competitive. This time of year, the readers seem to "get back to basics" and I have a deeper appreciation of that this year. My fifth time through the Courage to Change, and I'm still seeing things in new ways and learning new things from the readings.
Thank you Skorpi and alanon for this powerful principle
Thanks for your service
Recently I have had occasion to remember good qualities of my alcoholic loved one, even though I had also had a lot of anger and fear in the past. It is like the hardware store: it has a lot of good, useful items in its inventory; it is conveniently located in my town; the people who work there are nice, and might even direct me to the grocery store ... but it does not have any bread. If I keep going there and demanding bread, it would make sense to say that I need to be restored to sanity.
I hope everyone has a great day, and as much bread as you need.
A new year, a new opportunity to work on myself!
Thank you, Skorpi for your service! The reminder is important to understanding me and my part...
Today's Reminder: Today the alcoholic may or may not be able to give us what we desire. And no one person will ever offer all that we require. If we stop insisting that our needs be met according to our will, we may discover that all the love and support we need is already at our fingertips.
The daily has me doing a mini- 4th Step! I can recognize that I had always thought I married my best friend as well... and I thought that he should "complete me." When in reality, what I should've been embracing was that he could "add-to" my already great life! Due to incorrect thinking, I always felt like what he offered me was never enough. How sad is that? My hope is that my efforts to not allow those feelings to be on the "outside" of me during the marriage were effective. My problem was that I always insisted that my needs be met according to MY will... I never could accept and live in "What Is." Oh, I tried. But if I am perfectly honest, I didn't try hard enough. I think that is why I was at my core... sad & unfulfilled - but always wearing my "happy" mask!
I was always looking for that perfect "Whatever." In the new year, I am really trying to explore where this need for perfection came from. I may never fully know... and I am learning to be "OK" with that too!
Perfectly, imperfect!
Again, thank you, MIP for allowing me to grow!
Peace
I am grateful that when I remain open, I get what I need at the exact right times - HP working in my life. Once I had my DUH moment, it became much easier for me to focus on what my expectations are/were, and if they were fairy-tale or realistic. As our program suggests, when we keep the focus on what we can change - self - it does seem more answers come my way as well as more acceptance, tolerance, understanding and serenity.
Today, I am thrilled when one of my guys loads/unloads the dishwasher. I am beyond excited when one of them vacuums the floor. Through recovery, I see these now as acts of love. Recovery has me asking the question, "Who am I to ........................? Judge another, Define Love, Respect, Honor, etc. Know Best, and on and on.
An attitude of gratitude daily really helps me realize when I (my thinking, ego, attitude, etc.) might be the problem vs. when I need to detach. I know today that each of us as imperfect humans has strengths and weaknesses and are all designed as we are supposed to be. I am no better or no worse than others, and when I practice self-care and unconditional acceptance and love, my days are way better than before.
Happy Hump Day MIP Family! Make it a great one!