My A has finally gotten a sponsor and is working the steps, but not in AA, in OA . She has yet to decide that she is an alcoholic , and now a dry drunk. Several professionals have suggested she go to AA but of course she knows best. And I was thinking if she got a sponsor and worked the steps, that we would be so much better, and perhaps my son would resume talking to her. Our addiction counselor told us yesterday, that we need to accept each other as we are now. And she is absolutely right. I am able to be in the here and now but at times I revert to faulty thinking, which is not in reality. It's what I am wishing for, hoping for, that will fix everything. I often think I get ODAT but then I get side-tracked. May I keep my head over my feet, let go and let God, and stay out of fantasy land. Lyne
PosiesandPuppies said
Dec 11, 2018
Huge hugs of support for you (((((((Lyne))))))!
Every day I read your posts and I can see the good program ideals growing within you! You work so hard on bettering you!! But I can relate to thinking I have this ODAT way down, and then something sidetracks me and I am left wondering, "WTH?"
I lived in a Fantasy Land for years. Sometimes it is very, very hard to accept reality. Even now, without the chaos of addiction in my life, I am struggling with my choices and "It Is What It Is," I want to default to my Fantasy thinking... so you are not alone in this.
I think perhaps the best thinking for these times is... Progress not Perfection! Be gentle with yourself Lyne...your end sentence shows that you've got this!!! Know that I am supporting you over the interwebs!
Peace & Love!
JerryF said
Dec 11, 2018
I need to keep in my mind the awareness that alcoholism is in part of disease of the mind meaning when it is present my mind often isn't and then I am in fantasy land. Gracious thanks so much for the reminders. (((hugs)))
DavidG said
Dec 11, 2018
Hmmm I weave my way through a situation like this- and hopes its gunna get better. Deep down ah knows it aint gunna get better. Only worse. But for a breathing space I delude myself otherwise. I need the break. cloud-cuckoo-land is a place or refuge- and I still use it- when ah needs it.
Looking for a way out- a way through I breathe. Today I find my higher power closer- just through breathing- and suck in a bit of free fresh air...
...this does help me to plot my next move- which might not be the right one... but it is a try, at least...
Some professionals have come through- and made all of the difference... and others haven't.
Sometimes people around me have made a lot of difference- sometimes these people will be found in the rooms of Alanon. Sometimes not.
Your share resonates with me- for some reason.
I don't think I have added to any of your shares before... ...
sometimes serendipity and synchronicity does work... I think we are all survivors; perhaps from many generations; and if we keep at it; trying, in other words the solutions will be realised... ...
take care my friend... ...
arohanui,
david.
SerenityRUS said
Dec 11, 2018
Lynn,
Big hugs and it's so ironic you shared this because I don't think you need to be in an alcoholic relationship to have the "fantasy" of how things should be or how I or my partner wants them to be .. lol.
I actually did laugh thinking about my own situation and seriously JUST had this exact conversation!!!
Perceptions are a precursor I think to expectations. Both lead down a slippery road to disappointment. My partner just had the lightbulb moment of he can ask for something it doesn't mean I can give it or I want to give it. That's the fine line in relationships can he or I be ok with that.
What great awareness and it's soooo much better to stay out of fantasyland than live there because it's tough stuff. I like real relationships and all that goes with them vs I just don't have the energy to get excited about causing my own pain in that regard.
Thanks for sharing this. :)
S :)
hotrod said
Dec 11, 2018
((lYNE)) YOU HAVE A STRONG PRORGAM AND HAVE WORKED VERY HARD ON YOUR RECOVERY . YOU HAVE THE TOOLS AND HP IS WALKING THIS DIFFICULT ROAD WITH YOU ---SIMPLY KEEP ON KEEPING ON YOU ARE NOT alone
mamalioness said
Dec 11, 2018
(((((Lyne))))) I've been there with you, my friend...And I am NOT with any alcoholics but the ole stinking thinking, wishing and hoping, unrealistic expectations are better but still strike at times....yea, when life gets to be too much, I do "go away" to my happy place in my head and I see nothing wrong with it AS LONG AS I know and accept what my REAL life is and I am doing proper, healthy self care, which so far, I am....I love your gentle wise posts.....I hope SOME day, your missus realizes that she is very lucky to have a guy like you take care and keep coming back...we hear ya mate!!!!
Iamhere said
Dec 12, 2018
(((Lyne))) - living with active disease is so very challenging! You are doing an amazing job with your program and tools and I admire your courage, strength, honesty and share. I can so, so relate, and am one moment at a time currently. I do know because of others that came before me that this too shall pass and am so grateful to know I am not alone!! Sending you tons of love and light today!
Lyne said
Dec 12, 2018
I can only say thank you to my MIP family. I feel the caring and support, ESH always helpful, and that some of you (many) know what I'm talking about. I actually feel a little lighter today, and I think writing and hearing back is always healing. I appreciate all of you taking this walk with me, Lyne
Maresie said
Dec 13, 2018
Fantasy land
Maresie said
Dec 13, 2018
I have a long long trait of seeking to get all my needs filled by others.
I tend to get obsessed with them because I project all my needs into them.
I have had to take back that responsibility.
Nevertheless I can say being around any kind of addict is very trying. Thet tend to live in chaos and of course impulsivity
I have had to look at my triggers very hard
Maresie
My A has finally gotten a sponsor and is working the steps, but not in AA, in OA . She has yet to decide that she is an alcoholic , and now a dry drunk. Several professionals have suggested she go to AA but of course she knows best. And I was thinking if she got a sponsor and worked the steps, that we would be so much better, and perhaps my son would resume talking to her. Our addiction counselor told us yesterday, that we need to accept each other as we are now. And she is absolutely right. I am able to be in the here and now but at times I revert to faulty thinking, which is not in reality. It's what I am wishing for, hoping for, that will fix everything. I often think I get ODAT but then I get side-tracked. May I keep my head over my feet, let go and let God, and stay out of fantasy land. Lyne
Every day I read your posts and I can see the good program ideals growing within you! You work so hard on bettering you!! But I can relate to thinking I have this ODAT way down, and then something sidetracks me and I am left wondering, "WTH?"
I lived in a Fantasy Land for years. Sometimes it is very, very hard to accept reality. Even now, without the chaos of addiction in my life, I am struggling with my choices and "It Is What It Is," I want to default to my Fantasy thinking... so you are not alone in this.
I think perhaps the best thinking for these times is... Progress not Perfection! Be gentle with yourself Lyne...your end sentence shows that you've got this!!! Know that I am supporting you over the interwebs!
Peace & Love!
I need to keep in my mind the awareness that alcoholism is in part of disease of the mind meaning when it is present my mind often isn't and then I am in fantasy land. Gracious thanks so much for the reminders. (((hugs)))
Hmmm I weave my way through a situation like this- and hopes its gunna get better. Deep down ah knows it aint gunna get better. Only worse. But for a breathing space I delude myself otherwise. I need the break. cloud-cuckoo-land is a place or refuge- and I still use it- when ah needs it.
Looking for a way out- a way through I breathe. Today I find my higher power closer- just through breathing- and suck in a bit of free fresh air...
...this does help me to plot my next move- which might not be the right one... but it is a try, at least...
Some professionals have come through- and made all of the difference... and others haven't.
Sometimes people around me have made a lot of difference- sometimes these people will be found in the rooms of Alanon. Sometimes not.
Your share resonates with me- for some reason.
I don't think I have added to any of your shares before...
...
sometimes serendipity and synchronicity does work... I think we are all survivors; perhaps from many generations; and if we keep at it; trying, in other words the solutions will be realised...
...
take care my friend...
...
arohanui,
david.
Big hugs and it's so ironic you shared this because I don't think you need to be in an alcoholic relationship to have the "fantasy" of how things should be or how I or my partner wants them to be .. lol.
I actually did laugh thinking about my own situation and seriously JUST had this exact conversation!!!
Perceptions are a precursor I think to expectations. Both lead down a slippery road to disappointment. My partner just had the lightbulb moment of he can ask for something it doesn't mean I can give it or I want to give it. That's the fine line in relationships can he or I be ok with that.
What great awareness and it's soooo much better to stay out of fantasyland than live there because it's tough stuff. I like real relationships and all that goes with them vs I just don't have the energy to get excited about causing my own pain in that regard.
Thanks for sharing this. :)
S :)