Twelfth Step work is the subject of today's page in One Day At A Time In Al-Anon. It helps our serenity when we are ready to carry the message of recovery to another person who needs it, who may not be aware of how Al-Anon can help. The writer suggests that we should always be aware of a possible need, perhaps in a neighbor or acquaintance who indicates that they are affected by someone's alcoholism.
Today's Reminder: I will tactfully offer help to anyone who needs to learn how to live with all the many difficulties which alcoholism can create or aggravate. My first suggestion should be that there is always hope, and that a new way of life can be found in Al-Anon, in the company of others who share the same problem.
Quote: "I will be always ready to carry the message to others. The need is all around me if I keep myself alert enough to recognize it. In helping others, I also help myself."
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When I first read this page, I was concerned because it seemed to me it was suggesting we accost people who we think need our help and always be looking for people to tell about Al-Anon. That didn't seem to me like "attraction rather than promotion." But I read it over again, and I noticed the actual words were that we should "be ready," be "aware of a possible need," and "tactfully offer" a "suggestion" that there is hope.
I of course want to tell everyone about Al-Anon -- but I have to be aware that "when the student is ready, the teacher will appear." Sometimes this is a delicate balance, but my feeling is that I have to really make sure the door is open -- the person is ready and is asking for information -- before I begin suggesting Al-Anon or any tool of the program. I also have to be aware that when I share about my involvement in the program, my listener can figure out who my qualifier is -- so I have to trust them to be respectful of that information. This might limit who I carry the message to -- and I'll have to trust that they will find Al-Anon another way.
I would love to hear how others carry the message.
mamalioness said
Nov 30, 2018
Thank you Freetime. I was so overzealous about this program, I did do the promoting rather than just being aware, and ready as you said. Balance.. I needed to learn balance and after time , I learned that I have to live and let live and sometimes keep my mouth shut and not say anything if they are not ready to reach out, but also I need to be aware and pay attention to someone who is crying for help
My Hardest test was my younger daughter. I had to just back off and butt out And wait until she was ready for the program which a couple of years after I got in, she saw me improving and getting better, so she asked for my help. So I got her the literature and all my worksheets on the steps and slogans and I worked with her for a while, telling her that a mother and daughter team I wasnt sure of, and that it was fine with me if she found a sponsor. She never did so we just work together LOL and she is doing fine now.
She has really grown in the program and we work the steps and we do the slogans together. I dont recommend a mother and daughter working program together but for us, it just happened to work. I see my girl living a happy healthy life now and always aware that we must be vigilant and work our program so that we stay emotionally sober.
I do not mind being a Lifer in this program because of the fellowship and love and support and friendships I have gained, working the program, this has been a lifesaver for me and my sweet girl. My older daughter, the sober drug addict, I am grateful she is still sober, but she doesnt think she needs the program anymore and doesnt need me, either and I dont say a word about it anymore. I am powerless. Thank you for this reminder. It also reminds me that I am only emotionally sober one day at a time
Iamhere said
Nov 30, 2018
Good morning MIP. Thank you Freetime for your service and the daily. I can recall being so excited about the relief I found in recovery that I truly wanted to shout it from the rooftops - and then was told simply and effectively - we carry the message, not the person AND when anyone, anywhere reached out for help.....
These 2 items help me stay focused on service work that is healthy for me vs. obsessive (which I can tend to do)...I also absolutely love the simple statement, How can I be of service? This keeps me centered on being of service vs. 'helping which can lead to enabling'...for me.
Life is good for me when I work the program as designed one day at a time. Happy Friday all - make it a great day!
PosiesandPuppies said
Nov 30, 2018
Thank you FT for your service. I always enjoy your insight to the readings!
I actually forgot about that saying: "When the student is ready, the teacher will come." I will have to repeat this often, as I have tried and tried to get my son into some form of Al-Anon, but he simply refuses. And honestly, I get it... there wasn't anything "wrong" with him...he was unlucky enough to have a parent who was affected by addiction, and another who was "the fixer" in the relationship (who "allowed" addiction to stay in our family life by denying). I try and tell him that it is a program that is SO MUCH MORE than dealing with an alcoholic. But it falls on deaf ears. I am reminded that it is 'Attraction not Promotion.' So today, I just try and live by example.
It's finally Friday people! It's been a long week... glad for the weekend coming!
Lyne said
Dec 1, 2018
Thank you FT and for all other shares. This reading reminds me of: Let it begin with me which we say at the end of each meeting. I wish everyone went to a 12 step program, and did the steps, and I bet the world would be a better place. However, I have learned to make a suggestion once, and then let it go. It's still hard being a grown up but I keep trying, Lyne
Twelfth Step work is the subject of today's page in One Day At A Time In Al-Anon. It helps our serenity when we are ready to carry the message of recovery to another person who needs it, who may not be aware of how Al-Anon can help. The writer suggests that we should always be aware of a possible need, perhaps in a neighbor or acquaintance who indicates that they are affected by someone's alcoholism.
Today's Reminder: I will tactfully offer help to anyone who needs to learn how to live with all the many difficulties which alcoholism can create or aggravate. My first suggestion should be that there is always hope, and that a new way of life can be found in Al-Anon, in the company of others who share the same problem.
Quote: "I will be always ready to carry the message to others. The need is all around me if I keep myself alert enough to recognize it. In helping others, I also help myself."
------------------------
When I first read this page, I was concerned because it seemed to me it was suggesting we accost people who we think need our help and always be looking for people to tell about Al-Anon. That didn't seem to me like "attraction rather than promotion." But I read it over again, and I noticed the actual words were that we should "be ready," be "aware of a possible need," and "tactfully offer" a "suggestion" that there is hope.
I of course want to tell everyone about Al-Anon -- but I have to be aware that "when the student is ready, the teacher will appear." Sometimes this is a delicate balance, but my feeling is that I have to really make sure the door is open -- the person is ready and is asking for information -- before I begin suggesting Al-Anon or any tool of the program. I also have to be aware that when I share about my involvement in the program, my listener can figure out who my qualifier is -- so I have to trust them to be respectful of that information. This might limit who I carry the message to -- and I'll have to trust that they will find Al-Anon another way.
I would love to hear how others carry the message.
My Hardest test was my younger daughter. I had to just back off and butt out And wait until she was ready for the program which a couple of years after I got in, she saw me improving and getting better, so she asked for my help. So I got her the literature and all my worksheets on the steps and slogans and I worked with her for a while, telling her that a mother and daughter team I wasnt sure of, and that it was fine with me if she found a sponsor. She never did so we just work together LOL and she is doing fine now.
She has really grown in the program and we work the steps and we do the slogans together. I dont recommend a mother and daughter working program together but for us, it just happened to work. I see my girl living a happy healthy life now and always aware that we must be vigilant and work our program so that we stay emotionally sober.
I do not mind being a Lifer in this program because of the fellowship and love and support and friendships I have gained, working the program, this has been a lifesaver for me and my sweet girl. My older daughter, the sober drug addict, I am grateful she is still sober, but she doesnt think she needs the program anymore and doesnt need me, either and I dont say a word about it anymore. I am powerless. Thank you for this reminder. It also reminds me that I am only emotionally sober one day at a time
These 2 items help me stay focused on service work that is healthy for me vs. obsessive (which I can tend to do)...I also absolutely love the simple statement, How can I be of service? This keeps me centered on being of service vs. 'helping which can lead to enabling'...for me.
Life is good for me when I work the program as designed one day at a time. Happy Friday all - make it a great day!
I actually forgot about that saying: "When the student is ready, the teacher will come." I will have to repeat this often, as I have tried and tried to get my son into some form of Al-Anon, but he simply refuses. And honestly, I get it... there wasn't anything "wrong" with him...he was unlucky enough to have a parent who was affected by addiction, and another who was "the fixer" in the relationship (who "allowed" addiction to stay in our family life by denying). I try and tell him that it is a program that is SO MUCH MORE than dealing with an alcoholic. But it falls on deaf ears. I am reminded that it is 'Attraction not Promotion.' So today, I just try and live by example.
It's finally Friday people! It's been a long week... glad for the weekend coming!