I tend to write my thoughts down. I have written a letter to my mother when she passed away; a letter to my friend's family when she passed away from Cancer and how I have felt about my husband and his drinking. I ran across this a few days ago and thought I would share it. I am unsure if I have already. If so, sorry. Thanks for listening and for being here with me on this journey.
I grew up in an alcoholic home. As far back as I can remember my dad drank and came home drunk. He was in the navy and to make extra money he worked at the Chiefs Club as a bartender. I remember always looking out the window waiting for him to come home and asking my mom to not yell at my dad. Of course, she did and now I understand why. After the 3 kids left my mom took up drinking also. I guess it was easier for her to join in than to get help or rock the boat.
My husband started drinking about 10 years ago. We have been together for almost 37 years. It took me a while to really see the whole picture because I was still working full time and was busy. He had his first DUI 9 years ago and 13 months later another one. I truly woke up at that time. On the second DUI, he lost his license for over a year, 240 hours of community services, on parole and had to go to a weekly drug class along with a class with Mothers against Drunk Driving. I went to the MADD class and it will forever have an impact on me. With my husbands two DUIs he was lucky he did not hurt or kill anybody.
I started Al-Anon about 9 years ago. I put off going for a while probably because of fear. I cried for the first 6 months I went. I felt such a relief going and being a part of the Al-Anon family. I would say that they helped me more than anything and because of them, I am still here.
We moved to the Southern part of our state last May. I guess I thought how silly of me that moving to a sunnier, warmer, nicer part of the state things would change. He has slowed way, way down, but still drinking and lying about it. I found a nice group of people for face to face meetings here and I also continue with my reading and MIP meetings and message boards. I do need to find a sponsor and kick my recovery up a big notch.
Last week my husband was gone for 4 days to visit his two brothers and I was alone. I love my alone time. I always have. I feel like I can recharge my batteries. I finally figured out that I have wasted a lot of time worrying, thinking negative thoughts, getting sick, obsessing, etc., over him. Has it accomplished anything? No. It is what it is. Jerry F. said to me once if my husband wants to drink he will and what are you going to do about it? I cannot do anything. I do have two boundaries 1. If he gets into a vehicle while drinking I will call the police and 2. If he gets in my face either verbally or physically I will call the police. I have told him this along with his sister.
So to end this, I am proud of myself for not saying anything to him about drinking lately. It does not do any good and he is going to do what he wants. Hopefully, when I get stronger he will notice it and want what I have. If not it will be his loss. I am determined to not obsess, not isolate and become a better me. I know she is in there somewhere and dying to come out.
2/12/2015
Iamhere said
Nov 29, 2018
Great letter and great share! I am also a writer and have tons of letters to AH, ASons, Self. I think it's helpful to see progress made...I hope you're feeling good about yourself, your program and progress - it looks great on you to my eyes! (((Hugs)))
mamalioness said
Nov 29, 2018
Nice letter, Jen
I've been a writer all my life...I journal, I write when I am up, down, in between, I write to myself, my HP and I also wrote to both parents, after they died..I won't put it on board what I said to them because I burned the letters after I wrote them and read them to them in their "hot resting place) and I let it ALL come out...How I felt about what they did, how I hated them because every memory of them, and not just on my part, but many others, they left behind misery and bad memories....what a legacy!!! So, to give MY life meaning, i vowed to not harm another creature if at all possible, to forgive those who are truly sorry and make amends, to help those who want to help themselves, to be a vessel of LIGHT energy and of peace and , if not love, then goodwill....when I die, I want to leave behind smiles and good memories and I think I will
Thanks for posting this, it brought up some memories for me, I am into a "deeeep step 4" of late on my anger issues...
canadianguy said
Nov 30, 2018
Great awareness Jen, and yes - journaling is a powerful tool for us, during this emotional roller coaster
Good for you in recognizing your part, and the senselessness of trying to appease an active A.
I tend to write my thoughts down. I have written a letter to my mother when she passed away; a letter to my friend's family when she passed away from Cancer and how I have felt about my husband and his drinking. I ran across this a few days ago and thought I would share it. I am unsure if I have already. If so, sorry. Thanks for listening and for being here with me on this journey.
I grew up in an alcoholic home. As far back as I can remember my dad drank and came home drunk. He was in the navy and to make extra money he worked at the Chiefs Club as a bartender. I remember always looking out the window waiting for him to come home and asking my mom to not yell at my dad. Of course, she did and now I understand why. After the 3 kids left my mom took up drinking also. I guess it was easier for her to join in than to get help or rock the boat.
My husband started drinking about 10 years ago. We have been together for almost 37 years. It took me a while to really see the whole picture because I was still working full time and was busy. He had his first DUI 9 years ago and 13 months later another one. I truly woke up at that time. On the second DUI, he lost his license for over a year, 240 hours of community services, on parole and had to go to a weekly drug class along with a class with Mothers against Drunk Driving. I went to the MADD class and it will forever have an impact on me. With my husbands two DUIs he was lucky he did not hurt or kill anybody.
I started Al-Anon about 9 years ago. I put off going for a while probably because of fear. I cried for the first 6 months I went. I felt such a relief going and being a part of the Al-Anon family. I would say that they helped me more than anything and because of them, I am still here.
We moved to the Southern part of our state last May. I guess I thought how silly of me that moving to a sunnier, warmer, nicer part of the state things would change. He has slowed way, way down, but still drinking and lying about it. I found a nice group of people for face to face meetings here and I also continue with my reading and MIP meetings and message boards. I do need to find a sponsor and kick my recovery up a big notch.
Last week my husband was gone for 4 days to visit his two brothers and I was alone. I love my alone time. I always have. I feel like I can recharge my batteries. I finally figured out that I have wasted a lot of time worrying, thinking negative thoughts, getting sick, obsessing, etc., over him. Has it accomplished anything? No. It is what it is. Jerry F. said to me once if my husband wants to drink he will and what are you going to do about it? I cannot do anything. I do have two boundaries 1. If he gets into a vehicle while drinking I will call the police and 2. If he gets in my face either verbally or physically I will call the police. I have told him this along with his sister.
So to end this, I am proud of myself for not saying anything to him about drinking lately. It does not do any good and he is going to do what he wants. Hopefully, when I get stronger he will notice it and want what I have. If not it will be his loss. I am determined to not obsess, not isolate and become a better me. I know she is in there somewhere and dying to come out.
2/12/2015
I've been a writer all my life...I journal, I write when I am up, down, in between, I write to myself, my HP and I also wrote to both parents, after they died..I won't put it on board what I said to them because I burned the letters after I wrote them and read them to them in their "hot resting place) and I let it ALL come out...How I felt about what they did, how I hated them because every memory of them, and not just on my part, but many others, they left behind misery and bad memories....what a legacy!!! So, to give MY life meaning, i vowed to not harm another creature if at all possible, to forgive those who are truly sorry and make amends, to help those who want to help themselves, to be a vessel of LIGHT energy and of peace and , if not love, then goodwill....when I die, I want to leave behind smiles and good memories and I think I will
Thanks for posting this, it brought up some memories for me, I am into a "deeeep step 4" of late on my anger issues...
Great awareness Jen, and yes - journaling is a powerful tool for us, during this emotional roller coaster
Good for you in recognizing your part, and the senselessness of trying to appease an active A.
Tom