Just when I thought it was safe to have hope again
texas yankee said
Nov 29, 2018
this stuff sneaks up on me like a drunk driver running a stop sign - yeah, I should have been watching out - my bad.
SerenityRUS said
Nov 29, 2018
Oh no, .. I am so sorry.
Glad you are here hope you are taking care of you.
S :)
Iamhere said
Nov 29, 2018
(((Texas Yankee))) - hang in there and take good care of you. It does sneak in, the disease and the affects, and B2B (Back 2 Basics) is what I know to do. Hang in there and keep coming back!
texas yankee said
Nov 30, 2018
Thanks - my son was getting better and better - working and getting promoted, staying healthy, we had regular conversations like a Father and Son do, and I got complacent - I was grateful for each day, but I started thinking that "Well, now things are going to get better" - of course, his disease comes looking any opportunity to torment him, and of course that rattles me - I wish I could say that it doesn't, but it does - so, off to a more meetings for me, increase the exercise level, ramp up the readings, pray more frequently mostly to remind myself that I'm powerless, and to please give me strength to stay out of God's way - and while almost everything else around me is pretty good, there's this one thing that's like a plantars wart on the bottom of my foot - always there, always reminding me that it's there - if only a trip to the doctor could fix my son's problems (like it would for the plantar's wart). Yeah, back to the basics, allright - thanks for the ESH.
Iamhere said
Nov 30, 2018
I hear you texas yankee....my youngest is at our home temporarily and we are all back at Step 1. I certainly don't have answers for him, his program, me, my program but I do know that it all feels a bit less stressful when I can stay present, focus on the here/now, and do what's suggested - meetings, self-care, fellowship, service, steps, etc. Know that you're not alone - keep coming back!
PosiesandPuppies said
Nov 30, 2018
((((texas yankee))))
I just wanted to say that I am sending you support. It's obvious you got this, but it's a hard row to hoe. Peace to you!
JerryF said
Nov 30, 2018
Brother that was sooo lucid and it made me think of a recovery trick my sponsor taught me. "Read it as if you were someone else and see what you come up with". One of the things you came up with was to bring it back to family, MIP family and I am grateful you did because it reminded me that our disease is not curable and "can only be arrested by total abstinence". Continue to love him and yourself unconditionally. We learn what that word and practice means and does in program beyond just "letting go" and not being attached. He is sick; has an incurable disease which if not totally arrested will kill him and maybe others too. He isn't a bad person as you describe a son otherwise as a nice person, one we would like to have around to enjoy life with. He and you are affected by the most deadly disease on the face of our planet which is over 6000 years old and working at sticking around for another long run.
Keep coming back brother. Bring your ESH and unconditional love with you (thank you for that) and your willingness to work our program one day at a time. Practice, Practice, Practice. ((((hugs))))
canadianguy said
Nov 30, 2018
Sorry to hear, and I offer the emotional support as the others do....
One of the most powerful, truthful lines I ever heard from a wise old 'double winner' to me many years ago, when we were talking about a mutual friend's relapse....
"Yes, it is sad, but it is NOT surprising"
Wow.
All that being said, sometimes hope is all we really have, so I'm currently in the mode of hoping that your son will find sobriety from this day forward. If he falls again next Tuesday, then I'll hope that is his last fall, and he'll find it from that day forward.
Hugs
Tom
Bo said
Dec 1, 2018
High hopes, low expectations.
texas yankee said
Dec 1, 2018
Thanks, all - someday, I'm gonna figure out why comfort from others helps me feel better even though the problem that caused my pain is still there - sooner versus later, hopefully - in the meantime, I'm just glad that it wlrks that way !
In my son's situation, I am pretty sure that he's not drinking or using again - with him, it's mood swings, depression, frustrations - the same kinda problem wearing different disguises. And when he manifests those kinda problems, I, of course, worry that he's gonna make a seriously bad decision about moving back to where he was when he was deep into the bad stuff, or hurt himself in other ways, etc., etc. - my "idea factory" works overtime on this kinda stuff. And, of course (no surpriose to you fine folks), not being able to know what's around the corner for him and having no way to control any of it is absolutely maddening for me.
So, yeah, I'm back to the basics again - CONSTANTLY reminding myself about the Three Cs, CONSTANTLY saying the Serenity prayer, CONSTANTLY praying "God, please show my son Your will for him, and please give him the power to carry it out" - and then tying myself to a chair ahd hoping that I won't do anything to "fix" my son's problems, or get in God's way.
EDIT - Re-reading my most recent post here, I almost have myself convinced that I'm on the right track and that this stuff will all work out - but I also know that I'm really good at telling myself what I wanna hear, LOL, and believing it!
-- Edited by texas yankee on Saturday 1st of December 2018 08:39:42 AM
Iamhere said
Dec 1, 2018
My best suggestion is keep doing what you're doing. I have you and your boy in my thoughts and prayers.
2HP said
Dec 1, 2018
I appreciate this perfect portrait of our dis-ease, how we tend to stand back looking at the dramas outside of ourselves... going mad while looking at the world gone mad
...fancied or real...?
We scratch our heads about those who have lost their alignment with Higher Power... losing our calm while we watch, watch, watch the drama... wanting, wanting, wanting, and WISHING our helpless wishes.
Not seeing ourselves, how we ourselves have lost spiritual alignment, our calm and peace is out the window. while looking outside of ourselves. Crazy stuff.
But you did it, you saw yourself! seeing ourselves is half the battle. I needed your post today because it begs the "what now?"
Going "back to basics" for me eventually meant that I take the steps deeper, constantly deeper because I intend to go forward and not backwards. it worked better for me to expand and grow my concept and understanding of the 12 steps, making them more and more relevant for my use.
Step one eventually became "I admit I am powerless over the fact that I am like THIS when THAT happens (...my fearful thoughts taking over and running my life again, for instance.) Step one became all about seeing myself honestly and about putting myself under my magic magnifying glass to see how what I am doing is NOT WORKING but rather.... what I am doing makes my life quite unmanageable again... worry literally makes me sick!
Thankfully, we are never hopeless when we seek the Solution that is waiting for us... and that relationship works BEST when I have a need for it. ever taking belief and faith deeper and deeper... somewhere along the line it made sense when they told me that the wise never stop seeking.
My ESH is the principle of perseverance. it is ME alone who must "live the life" because theory and talk, talk, talk (outward energies) cannot get me where I really want to go (inner peace.)
I admit, my friend, that nothing seems to challenge me MORE than the illusion that I am losing my kids somehow.
Perseverance.
HP is everything or nothing, we get to decide. Having made that decision, I would say it is definitely safe for us to hope again and again... if we keep the hope about us, my friend.
My prayer is that you and I both remain detached from the dramas of life today, and enjoy more and more, a joyful relationship with the silent One who is here and waiting for us.
this stuff sneaks up on me like a drunk driver running a stop sign - yeah, I should have been watching out - my bad.
Glad you are here hope you are taking care of you.
S :)
I just wanted to say that I am sending you support. It's obvious you got this, but it's a hard row to hoe. Peace to you!
Brother that was sooo lucid and it made me think of a recovery trick my sponsor taught me. "Read it as if you were someone else and see what you come up with". One of the things you came up with was to bring it back to family, MIP family and I am grateful you did because it reminded me that our disease is not curable and "can only be arrested by total abstinence". Continue to love him and yourself unconditionally. We learn what that word and practice means and does in program beyond just "letting go" and not being attached. He is sick; has an incurable disease which if not totally arrested will kill him and maybe others too. He isn't a bad person as you describe a son otherwise as a nice person, one we would like to have around to enjoy life with. He and you are affected by the most deadly disease on the face of our planet which is over 6000 years old and working at sticking around for another long run.
Keep coming back brother. Bring your ESH and unconditional love with you (thank you for that) and your willingness to work our program one day at a time. Practice, Practice, Practice. ((((hugs))))
Sorry to hear, and I offer the emotional support as the others do....
One of the most powerful, truthful lines I ever heard from a wise old 'double winner' to me many years ago, when we were talking about a mutual friend's relapse....
"Yes, it is sad, but it is NOT surprising"
Wow.
All that being said, sometimes hope is all we really have, so I'm currently in the mode of hoping that your son will find sobriety from this day forward. If he falls again next Tuesday, then I'll hope that is his last fall, and he'll find it from that day forward.
Hugs
Tom
Thanks, all - someday, I'm gonna figure out why comfort from others helps me feel better even though the problem that caused my pain is still there - sooner versus later, hopefully - in the meantime, I'm just glad that it wlrks that way !
In my son's situation, I am pretty sure that he's not drinking or using again - with him, it's mood swings, depression, frustrations - the same kinda problem wearing different disguises. And when he manifests those kinda problems, I, of course, worry that he's gonna make a seriously bad decision about moving back to where he was when he was deep into the bad stuff, or hurt himself in other ways, etc., etc. - my "idea factory" works overtime on this kinda stuff. And, of course (no surpriose to you fine folks), not being able to know what's around the corner for him and having no way to control any of it is absolutely maddening for me.
So, yeah, I'm back to the basics again - CONSTANTLY reminding myself about the Three Cs, CONSTANTLY saying the Serenity prayer, CONSTANTLY praying "God, please show my son Your will for him, and please give him the power to carry it out" - and then tying myself to a chair ahd hoping that I won't do anything to "fix" my son's problems, or get in God's way.
EDIT - Re-reading my most recent post here, I almost have myself convinced that I'm on the right track and that this stuff will all work out - but I also know that I'm really good at telling myself what I wanna hear, LOL, and believing it!
-- Edited by texas yankee on Saturday 1st of December 2018 08:39:42 AM
...fancied or real...?
We scratch our heads about those who have lost their alignment with Higher Power... losing our calm while we watch, watch, watch the drama... wanting, wanting, wanting, and WISHING our helpless wishes.
Not seeing ourselves, how we ourselves have lost spiritual alignment, our calm and peace is out the window. while looking outside of ourselves. Crazy stuff.
But you did it, you saw yourself! seeing ourselves is half the battle. I needed your post today because it begs the "what now?"
Going "back to basics" for me eventually meant that I take the steps deeper, constantly deeper because I intend to go forward and not backwards. it worked better for me to expand and grow my concept and understanding of the 12 steps, making them more and more relevant for my use.
Step one eventually became "I admit I am powerless over the fact that I am like THIS when THAT happens (...my fearful thoughts taking over and running my life again, for instance.) Step one became all about seeing myself honestly and about putting myself under my magic magnifying glass to see how what I am doing is NOT WORKING but rather.... what I am doing makes my life quite unmanageable again... worry literally makes me sick!
Thankfully, we are never hopeless when we seek the Solution that is waiting for us... and that relationship works BEST when I have a need for it. ever taking belief and faith deeper and deeper... somewhere along the line it made sense when they told me that the wise never stop seeking.
My ESH is the principle of perseverance. it is ME alone who must "live the life" because theory and talk, talk, talk (outward energies) cannot get me where I really want to go (inner peace.)
I admit, my friend, that nothing seems to challenge me MORE than the illusion that I am losing my kids somehow.
Perseverance.
HP is everything or nothing, we get to decide. Having made that decision, I would say it is definitely safe for us to hope again and again... if we keep the hope about us, my friend.
My prayer is that you and I both remain detached from the dramas of life today, and enjoy more and more, a joyful relationship with the silent One who is here and waiting for us.