Todays reading is about how many of us who have lived with alcoholism have had difficulty hearing and speaking direct truthsto ourselves and to others. The writer describes having been told that the person sharing a hospital room with his/her dad was the one who was sick never knowing that the father had had a heart attack. This experience taught the writer that denying the truth, stuffing feelings, acting as if nothing were out of the ordinary were defense mechanisms and became part of the normal course of life.
The writer goes on to describe that coming to Alanon showed a different set of choices: being dishonest in any way brought unease and being open and truthful developed feelings of trust. I have noticed since coming to the program that I am wary when I hear others (or myself!) vacillating around truths, or avoiding saying what is really on our minds. For me it is a relief to say what I need to say and have become better about doing that without expectation from whomever is hearing me (instead of my old if I say this, he may say that game, I am better at just saying what I need to and taking the discussion from there.
I love the Thought for the Day which reminds us that living in honesty with ourselves and others is the way to participate fully in life.
I hope everyone enjoys their Sunday!
Mary
mamalioness said
Nov 18, 2018
Thank you Mary
My childhood was a lesson in how to be dishonest and deceitful and passive aggressive and everything else that relates to dishonesty. We were taught to lie and hide things at very young ages. Keeping secrets was mandatory because of all the sick behavior going on
I always felt out of place and different and weird because of the way I was raised and the lack of morals and ethics I was raised up in . When I got into program and I saw all this transparent honesty, at first it scared me to be able to be honest and release me from all those awful secrets. I loved being able to be honest. It was like drinking fresh water after drinking so much rancid mud
I want directness in my relationships. I want mutual openness, honesty, and being
able to trust.
Program has taught me a clean, healthy way of life. Ill never give that up. The old way is so repugnant to me now that I can actually have something to compare it to.
hotrod said
Nov 18, 2018
Love this topic Thanks Mary. I know that I grew up learning how to deny my feelings and reality and pretending all was well. This was necessary because it was important to my family that the world thought we were special. Enter alanon and i finally learned o to be honest. Going inward examining my motives and feeling my feelings freed me from this painful defect . How great is that
Thanks for your service
Iamhere said
Nov 18, 2018
Thank you Mary for your service and the daily. Thanks for the ESH and shares above me too. My experience is similar to Betty's - we were taught to pretend all was well/good so that 'others' saw us as the 'perfect family'. I learned early on to hide negative experiences, feelings and the like and instead keep quiet about dysfunction, disappointment, etc. All of this embedded a deep level of denial within me that existed long before I knew about this disease.
I am grateful that in recovery we learn HOW it all works - Honesty, Open-Mindedness, Willingness. Recovery has taught me that when I put my needs and my growth as the first priority, I am much better suited to serve others. Being authentic and true to myself is not always easy, yet it is so necessary for real peace of mind and heart.
I had to learn in recovery that I am not responsible for the actions, reactions, words, feelings, success, failure, etc. in anyone but self. My feelings are real today and easy to see/feel as I practice pausing before anything. I love to Pause, Pray before I Proceed and it serves me well. What has been very helpful for me when I am feeling sad, disappointed, anger, anxiety, etc. is to remember that feelings are not facts, and this too shall pass. I did not have the tools to process emotions until I got to recovery, and not only do I have tools today, I have a fellowship of equals to tap into! What a gift!
Happy Sunday all - off to a meeting shortly! Make it a lovely day and stay warm (it's darn cold here today!!)!
PosiesandPuppies said
Nov 18, 2018
Thank you so much for your service, Mary!! These dailies are a beacon for me!
I seemed to teach myself that if I pretended "All was Well," then my reality wasn't happening. Yes, I know this is more about denial, but also about Truth. I couldn't be truthful with others, not even myself!!!
I love the acronym HOW: Honesty, Open-Mindedness, & Willingness. It really does turn your life around when you are ready to embrace this!
Today I woke up to some clouds but way less smoke! Thank goodness! Each day I pray for those affected by the wildfires... it is so devastating. Today I shop for Thanksgiving supplies, as I am the meal maker this year!!
Peace & Love to all!
mamalioness said
Nov 18, 2018
to "pause, pray before I proceed" ..Thanks for that reminder...... FINALLY I am learning to do that...it worked for me last night when the stuff hit the fan with stuff happening over and over..little things, but lots of it..then the water thing all over my dryer when i'm doing the wash....I did the Pause/pray/AND breath thing and my mind did not race, I did not go into a panic flurry of action, it was weird in a nice way, like I kept my serenity while "under fire"....and I did call my engineer friend to "verify" with him, that I did the correct diagnosis and measures to fix......WOW!!! this program really works when i am actively working it.....
Good morning everyone-
Todays reading is about how many of us who have lived with alcoholism have had difficulty hearing and speaking direct truthsto ourselves and to others. The writer describes having been told that the person sharing a hospital room with his/her dad was the one who was sick never knowing that the father had had a heart attack. This experience taught the writer that denying the truth, stuffing feelings, acting as if nothing were out of the ordinary were defense mechanisms and became part of the normal course of life.
The writer goes on to describe that coming to Alanon showed a different set of choices: being dishonest in any way brought unease and being open and truthful developed feelings of trust. I have noticed since coming to the program that I am wary when I hear others (or myself!) vacillating around truths, or avoiding saying what is really on our minds. For me it is a relief to say what I need to say and have become better about doing that without expectation from whomever is hearing me (instead of my old if I say this, he may say that game, I am better at just saying what I need to and taking the discussion from there.
I love the Thought for the Day which reminds us that living in honesty with ourselves and others is the way to participate fully in life.
I hope everyone enjoys their Sunday!
Mary
My childhood was a lesson in how to be dishonest and deceitful and passive aggressive and everything else that relates to dishonesty. We were taught to lie and hide things at very young ages. Keeping secrets was mandatory because of all the sick behavior going on
I always felt out of place and different and weird because of the way I was raised and the lack of morals and ethics I was raised up in . When I got into program and I saw all this transparent honesty, at first it scared me to be able to be honest and release me from all those awful secrets. I loved being able to be honest. It was like drinking fresh water after drinking so much rancid mud
I want directness in my relationships. I want mutual openness, honesty, and being
able to trust.
Program has taught me a clean, healthy way of life. Ill never give that up. The old way is so repugnant to me now that I can actually have something to compare it to.
Thanks for your service
I am grateful that in recovery we learn HOW it all works - Honesty, Open-Mindedness, Willingness. Recovery has taught me that when I put my needs and my growth as the first priority, I am much better suited to serve others. Being authentic and true to myself is not always easy, yet it is so necessary for real peace of mind and heart.
I had to learn in recovery that I am not responsible for the actions, reactions, words, feelings, success, failure, etc. in anyone but self. My feelings are real today and easy to see/feel as I practice pausing before anything. I love to Pause, Pray before I Proceed and it serves me well. What has been very helpful for me when I am feeling sad, disappointed, anger, anxiety, etc. is to remember that feelings are not facts, and this too shall pass. I did not have the tools to process emotions until I got to recovery, and not only do I have tools today, I have a fellowship of equals to tap into! What a gift!
Happy Sunday all - off to a meeting shortly! Make it a lovely day and stay warm (it's darn cold here today!!)!
I seemed to teach myself that if I pretended "All was Well," then my reality wasn't happening. Yes, I know this is more about denial, but also about Truth. I couldn't be truthful with others, not even myself!!!
I love the acronym HOW: Honesty, Open-Mindedness, & Willingness. It really does turn your life around when you are ready to embrace this!
Today I woke up to some clouds but way less smoke! Thank goodness! Each day I pray for those affected by the wildfires... it is so devastating. Today I shop for Thanksgiving supplies, as I am the meal maker this year!!
Peace & Love to all!