Keeping the right focus: Today's reading discusses our motives. Motives influence what we say and how we say it. If you speak because you feel it is the right action for you to take and you have a need to express yourself, then the focus is on yourself. If you speak to manipulate or change another person, then their reaction becomes the focus of attention. Keeping the focus on yourself enables you to feel better about the experience, and often the results are more favorable as well.
Today's Reminder: Today, instead of aiming only for the results, I will consider taking actions because they seem to be the right actions for me.
Quote by Martin Luther: Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.
When I came to Alanon I didn't have a clue how to have a healthy focus on myself. I was determined to change my A, and had been trying for years, without success, of course. Once I learned to stop trying to force solutions, and pay a whole lot of attention to myself, my goals, my focus, my attidtude, etc., I became a better functioning person. And somehow my positive changes do have an impact on my A, even thought I have stopped trying to influence her. Imagine that ! Lyne
hotrod said
Nov 5, 2018
Good Morning Lyne Being honest and examining my motives has become a nightly/daily practice for me as i work my 10th Step. i am so pleased that this is an alanon principle that I embraced early in my recovery journey as it has helped me to formulate healthy responses instead of REacting to the world as before.
Thanks for sharing your ESH and your continued service
PosiesandPuppies said
Nov 5, 2018
Good morning, MIP Family!
Thank you Lyne for your service, and I appreciate yours and Betty's share on this topic.
Before Al-Anon, I did not really examine my motives, b/c after all, they were created with the best intentions... b/c I knew that my way was the "right" way! LOL!!
As I grow, I can see the folly of my ways now!! Everyone has their own path to follow...even if you are joined by marriage, birth, etc. This reminder is really good to have in the back of your mind to pull out when needed. It helps b/c it DOES keep a person from REACTING to things.
Thank you for the reminder today, Lyne!
Iamhere said
Nov 5, 2018
Thank you Lyne for the daily and your service. Thanks to all above for your shares and ESH. Not entirely sure where I got this fantasy idea, but I really, really thought that I would be happy IF.......................or WHEN.................. At some point in my younger years, I came to rely on others for my peace, joy, security, serenity, etc. It felt very foreign to focus on me when I arrived and quite honestly a bit selfish!
Of course, it appeared selfish because I had distorted black/white thinking and unrealistic expectations. Not just for others but also for myself. I was one who never scheduled fun as I thought that was immature and not 'adult-like'. I worked hard at work and then came home and worked hard at home. I am a neat freak and expected my unique, god-designed offspring to be neat freaks....guess what? They are not and are actually slobs most of the time. What recovery taught me is if I am bothered by a mess and others aren't, it's my choice to clean it up or leave it sit. Big, small, medium - my choice!
So - today - I put me first. I schedule my needs first, then consider my wants and chores and errands second. This took practice and then more practice! I too am finding that the less I focus on those I love/live with and focus on me instead, things are improving around here! Nobody is really doing what I think they should, yet I am a happy camper as I no longer expect them to. If I kindly and calmly ask for help, I usually get it. I firmly believe changed attitudes aid recovery.
Happy Monday all - preparing for company from out of town for the weekend! Looking forward to the visit and cancelled golf today for rain/cold. One Day at a Time, it does work if/when we work it!! Enjoy your day!
El said
Nov 5, 2018
EThank you Lyne and all above me here. This is a great message. I never realized until this program how my motives fit into most of what came out of my mouth. It was usually manipulative, controlling, passive aggressive, lecturing, all-knowing, sarcastic or shaming. Thank you alanon for making me aware of this behavior AND for giving the gift of working at my own pace to change it!
By putting the focus more on myself and what is important to me that I CAN control, I have been able to let loose with my death grip on others. I try every day to have a plan for myself that includes a plan B&C. I am trying and praying to also let go of my expectations of others, as it sets me up to be disappointed when it doesnt happen the away I have fantasized or even been clear about.
Hugs and a pleasant Monday evening!
El
-- Edited by El on Monday 5th of November 2018 09:29:48 PM
mamalioness said
Nov 5, 2018
Thanks, Lyne, oh yea, being honest with me, and checking my motives is becoming a habit...at the end of the day and even several times during the day, I do a step 10...Love step 10...it keeps me honest and aware..out of denial....I love this program because I can be the real me....good, bad, in the middle.....I can be HONEST about me and where I am at, what I feel, need, etc.,
Keeping the right focus: Today's reading discusses our motives. Motives influence what we say and how we say it. If you speak because you feel it is the right action for you to take and you have a need to express yourself, then the focus is on yourself. If you speak to manipulate or change another person, then their reaction becomes the focus of attention. Keeping the focus on yourself enables you to feel better about the experience, and often the results are more favorable as well.
Today's Reminder: Today, instead of aiming only for the results, I will consider taking actions because they seem to be the right actions for me.
Quote by Martin Luther: Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.
--------------------------------------------------------
When I came to Alanon I didn't have a clue how to have a healthy focus on myself. I was determined to change my A, and had been trying for years, without success, of course. Once I learned to stop trying to force solutions, and pay a whole lot of attention to myself, my goals, my focus, my attidtude, etc., I became a better functioning person. And somehow my positive changes do have an impact on my A, even thought I have stopped trying to influence her. Imagine that ! Lyne
Thanks for sharing your ESH and your continued service
Thank you Lyne for your service, and I appreciate yours and Betty's share on this topic.
Before Al-Anon, I did not really examine my motives, b/c after all, they were created with the best intentions... b/c I knew that my way was the "right" way! LOL!!
As I grow, I can see the folly of my ways now!! Everyone has their own path to follow...even if you are joined by marriage, birth, etc. This reminder is really good to have in the back of your mind to pull out when needed. It helps b/c it DOES keep a person from REACTING to things.
Thank you for the reminder today, Lyne!
Of course, it appeared selfish because I had distorted black/white thinking and unrealistic expectations. Not just for others but also for myself. I was one who never scheduled fun as I thought that was immature and not 'adult-like'. I worked hard at work and then came home and worked hard at home. I am a neat freak and expected my unique, god-designed offspring to be neat freaks....guess what? They are not and are actually slobs most of the time. What recovery taught me is if I am bothered by a mess and others aren't, it's my choice to clean it up or leave it sit. Big, small, medium - my choice!
So - today - I put me first. I schedule my needs first, then consider my wants and chores and errands second. This took practice and then more practice! I too am finding that the less I focus on those I love/live with and focus on me instead, things are improving around here! Nobody is really doing what I think they should, yet I am a happy camper as I no longer expect them to. If I kindly and calmly ask for help, I usually get it. I firmly believe changed attitudes aid recovery.
Happy Monday all - preparing for company from out of town for the weekend! Looking forward to the visit and cancelled golf today for rain/cold. One Day at a Time, it does work if/when we work it!! Enjoy your day!
EThank you Lyne and all above me here. This is a great message. I never realized until this program how my motives fit into most of what came out of my mouth. It was usually manipulative, controlling, passive aggressive, lecturing, all-knowing, sarcastic or shaming. Thank you alanon for making me aware of this behavior AND for giving the gift of working at my own pace to change it!
By putting the focus more on myself and what is important to me that I CAN control, I have been able to let loose with my death grip on others. I try every day to have a plan for myself that includes a plan B&C. I am trying and praying to also let go of my expectations of others, as it sets me up to be disappointed when it doesnt happen the away I have fantasized or even been clear about.
Hugs and a pleasant Monday evening!
El
-- Edited by El on Monday 5th of November 2018 09:29:48 PM
Thanks, Lyne, oh yea, being honest with me, and checking my motives is becoming a habit...at the end of the day and even several times during the day, I do a step 10...Love step 10...it keeps me honest and aware..out of denial....I love this program because I can be the real me....good, bad, in the middle.....I can be HONEST about me and where I am at, what I feel, need, etc.,