I got stuck in a very unpleasant place with my A for the last few days. I was able to use my tools so I didn't sink into the abyss, but I wasn't able to stop the cycle. I could see it was unraveling us into a very negative place. Last night was my F2F meeting, and I felt so much better afterwards. And on the way home I realized what I needed to do: avoid fighting, don't bring up the past (drinking), and be as nice as I possibly can under the circumstances we have. I verbalized this to my A this morning, what I plan to do, and I think we both feel some relief. It dawned on me that she is too new in recovery to be able to turn anything around, so it really depends on me. Thank God Alanon has given me the tools to keep my head above water, reason things out, and figure out a plan to try. Grateful member, Lyne
Skorpi said
Oct 31, 2018
Hi Lyne, and thanks for sharing so openly.
I certainly identify with your situation, and I've often felt the pressure of Things needing to start with me. Alanon is a key part of my day every day because i can draw strength from the program and program friends. This fall, I've added breaks for myself. Sometimes i need to get away for a while, a few hours, a few days, and just focus on myself so i can refill my emotional energy tank and ensure that i don't get depleated. That's what comes to mind for me when i read your post.
keep at it! You are doing great!
SerenityRUS said
Oct 31, 2018
Keep doing you Lynne :) Hugs S :)
hotrod said
Oct 31, 2018
((Lyne)) since we are powerless over others it is so important to let it begin with us. Thanks for the reminder
Iamhere said
Oct 31, 2018
Lyne - way to work it and way to find action you can take that works for you/your home. I am grateful that Al-Anon gives us the freedom to explore the best use of tools to meet our needs, one day at a time. I am finding that getting creative while focusing on what I can change (me) is helping me keep my peace in a reasonably chaotic period of 'life'. It's getting easier to step away from the insanity of new sobriety and to not own other people's baggage/wreckage. Keep doing you - looks great on you!!
Jozie said
Nov 1, 2018
(((Lyne)))
My F2F Meetings also breathe New Life back in me when at times, I Feel like I'm Going Under... My Program seems to work better in the truck on the way home then it does in the meetings...lol I Find that while I'm in the meeting I'm trying so Hard to Focus on what others are saying that I almost Focus too Much, so when I am Quiet in my Truck on the return home, then All the Wonderful Shares I've heard, Start Putting the puzzles together in my head... and My Clarity Shows Up :)
This Program really is Amazing, and the More I Show UP, and Don't Give up on Me, the Better my Life Becomes... Boundaries are Hard, but I Feel now, very much Needed... I know when I was in that Place with My Husband, it was HARD not to want to Get into the Swings of Arguing back... We had done if for years, More Snide Remarks and Sarcasm mostly... So When I too Decided I wasn't Fighting it Any More, I was Going to Go with the Flow and Allow him to be who He was, So I Could be who I Wanted to be...
There was Two Slogans/Sayings I Had to stick too... First Being "Duct Tape" Every time I Got the Desire to Open my mouth when they are Drinking or Acting Out, I Had to invasion HP Putting the Duct Tape over My Mouth! Which for Me Goes with the Saying "Think, Think, Think and of the 1st two 'Thinks' Don't do Anything!~
The 2nd One an Al-Anon Friend told me that when those Moments Happen, the Next best thing to do is: "Vote with my Feet!" Leave the Room, Leave the Car, Leave the Restaurant, where ever their disease wanted them to throw a Fit, I Could ALWAYS Vote with my Feet and Get out of there till I Could Clear my Head, and Get Grounded again...
With the Holiday's Fast approaching, and Me Cooking for my Whole Family, I know I will Utilize Both of these Quite Often to get me thru the day... It Does Truly Work If We Work it...
Thanks So Much for your Share, Nov. Is a Tough Month for Me, and I Love the Gentle Reminder of "Let it Begin with Me!" Most Grateful Indeed...
I got stuck in a very unpleasant place with my A for the last few days. I was able to use my tools so I didn't sink into the abyss, but I wasn't able to stop the cycle. I could see it was unraveling us into a very negative place. Last night was my F2F meeting, and I felt so much better afterwards. And on the way home I realized what I needed to do: avoid fighting, don't bring up the past (drinking), and be as nice as I possibly can under the circumstances we have. I verbalized this to my A this morning, what I plan to do, and I think we both feel some relief. It dawned on me that she is too new in recovery to be able to turn anything around, so it really depends on me. Thank God Alanon has given me the tools to keep my head above water, reason things out, and figure out a plan to try. Grateful member, Lyne
Keep doing you Lynne :) Hugs S :)
My F2F Meetings also breathe New Life back in me when at times, I Feel like I'm Going Under... My Program seems to work better in the truck on the way home then it does in the meetings...lol I Find that while I'm in the meeting I'm trying so Hard to Focus on what others are saying that I almost Focus too Much, so when I am Quiet in my Truck on the return home, then All the Wonderful Shares I've heard, Start Putting the puzzles together in my head... and My Clarity Shows Up :)
This Program really is Amazing, and the More I Show UP, and Don't Give up on Me, the Better my Life Becomes... Boundaries are Hard, but I Feel now, very much Needed... I know when I was in that Place with My Husband, it was HARD not to want to Get into the Swings of Arguing back... We had done if for years, More Snide Remarks and Sarcasm mostly... So When I too Decided I wasn't Fighting it Any More, I was Going to Go with the Flow and Allow him to be who He was, So I Could be who I Wanted to be...
There was Two Slogans/Sayings I Had to stick too... First Being "Duct Tape" Every time I Got the Desire to Open my mouth when they are Drinking or Acting Out, I Had to invasion HP Putting the Duct Tape over My Mouth! Which for Me Goes with the Saying "Think, Think, Think and of the 1st two 'Thinks' Don't do Anything!~
The 2nd One an Al-Anon Friend told me that when those Moments Happen, the Next best thing to do is: "Vote with my Feet!" Leave the Room, Leave the Car, Leave the Restaurant, where ever their disease wanted them to throw a Fit, I Could ALWAYS Vote with my Feet and Get out of there till I Could Clear my Head, and Get Grounded again...
With the Holiday's Fast approaching, and Me Cooking for my Whole Family, I know I will Utilize Both of these Quite Often to get me thru the day... It Does Truly Work If We Work it...
Thanks So Much for your Share, Nov. Is a Tough Month for Me, and I Love the Gentle Reminder of "Let it Begin with Me!" Most Grateful Indeed...
Please Take what you like and Leave the rest
Jozie