Hi all. Well, I managed to get myself into a new relationship. Guess I can't stay single for very long. I feel like I'm learning a lot about my last relationship though, by being with someone new. It's eye opening. The needs that went unmet before are now being met by this new man. I never feel lacking in this relationship, I never have any relationship anxiety with him, and I feel like I can be honest and vulnerable in ways I wasn't with my last guy.
I have no idea how long we'll last. Only my HP knows but I do feel like I'm seeing my past and my choices more clearly and for that, I'm grateful. We've been dating for about 10 weeks now, so this is pretty fresh. We've met each other's friends and my friends love the fact that he adores me and that he only has eyes for me. My girlfriends love his sense of humor and they like seeing me happy.
For the first time in years, I feel like I'm letting go of my sexual inhibitions that have been so deep seated from all the abuse I had been through in my childhood. To be honest, this is the first man I've been with in my entire life where I feel like I can be truly, wholly the sexual being that I believe we were created to be. I used to hold back so much in my past relationships and some of it was the other person and yet, some of it was my own inhibitors and/or inability to trust the other person with my sexual desires or 'likes and dislikes', so to speak. I was always so inhibited. With this man, I have never felt more free sexually and even if our relationship were to end tomorrow, I will be forever grateful to him for working with me, for getting me to be honest and open up, and for what I've learned about myself in the process.
It's been an eye opening few weeks. I'm 48.....took me long enough to get here but I'm glad I did. Being molested when I was 7 really did a number on me and then when I was 19 I was raped by 2 men. Those instances changed my sexuality. I acted like a prude, but deep down I had a side of me that wanted to be let out but I never did. I am truly feeling very free in this relationship. For today, we have a good thing and I'm already so grateful for what I've learned. Life is always teaching us new things! Happy Saturday everyone.
Lyne said
Oct 27, 2018
Best wishes for a successful and fun relationship, Lyne
PosiesandPuppies said
Oct 27, 2018
Hey, A, good to see you "back!"
I always gleaned something beneficial from your posts, so it's good to see you posting again.
I can hear the optimism in your post...I can almost see your smiling face as you type! LOL! Yes, 10 weeks is relatively fresh, but you are not posting any "red flags," so perhaps this is to last. Like you said, only your HP knows, and Just for Today, your partner is in your life to help you enjoy all of it!
I always loved the quote. "People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime."
We can never tell in the beginning for which of these three they are there, so our program really works well with this!
Wishing you continued joy with your new friend, and continued positive growth with yourself!
Peace!
Iamhere said
Oct 29, 2018
Good to see you girl - glad you're having fun and continuing to learn - for me, that's what it's all about. When we let go of expectations and just live, life is pretty darn good....enjoy!!!
canadianguy said
Oct 30, 2018
So inspiring to read this post, and so many positives. You have done tremendous work on yourself, and are finally reaping the rewards. I say yay for Andrea, and your new fella is one lucky guy!
Tom
Jozie said
Nov 1, 2018
Great Share... Your Post Spoke to me in So Many Ways, for I Too have Struggled with my Sexual being for Many Decades, and When I Found My Husband, Most of that Slowly started to Go Away... I too was Raped by 2 people when I was 20 yrs old, and to Relive that in my Mind over and over for Years, I Went Way Out of "Self Help" and Held that Down for Many, Many Years, My Husband was the First I Told, and Just the Freedom of that alone, Truly Changed Who I was then and Definitely Who I am Now!
This Program, My HP and All of you Here, and At My Meetings that Remind me to be Accountable for MY Life... Continues to Heal my Inner Demons, and Free My Inner Child... I Couldn't be More Grateful for all that Led me to where I am today...
So Thank you for your Share, and Congrats on your New Relationship, and I Hope it Continued to Blossom & Grow into something More Wonderful then you ever could imagine ;) and I Do Hope you Keep Coming back, because I'm Very Grateful you are here ;)
Friends In Recovery
Jozie
andromeda said
Nov 4, 2018
Thank you Jozie, and everyone here. I am super happy today and truly feel blessed to have found my partner. I've never been so totally honest with someone and I've never felt so accepted for just being me. He makes me feel like I'm special and he's given me so much that he probably doesn't even realize yet. So, whether we're together for just another month or whether there's a future here, I will still be grateful.
We're taking a 3 day trip next weekend and we just spent the evening planning our trip and we're both really excited to do something together for a few days. To be honest, sometimes I have to remind myself that this is just so new and to not get caught up in it and to remember to watch and look for those red flags. I do watch for them but there is nothing that bothers me deep down to my soul and what's even more curious is that he doesn't even have any irritating habits that drive me crazy or bug me. Nothing. Which makes me wonder about my own walk and my part here. I keep thinking that I'm missing something. How can there be a person out here who doesn't have at least one little irritating habit or saying or 'thing' that bugs me just a little? But, he really doesn't drive me crazy or push my buttons or get under my skin yet, not in any way.
I really do believe I learned a lot from my last relationship and that I tried to use my program and my recovery appropriately. I think it just took me time to realize that it was OK to admit that my needs weren't being met and that I needed something more. I look back on the past 3 years and I know I didn't waste my time in any relationship. Each person taught me a lesson and they were an integral part of my journey. For that, I am grateful to all who have crossed my path and touched my life. Just very grateful.
PosiesandPuppies said
Nov 5, 2018
Sounds wonderful, andromeda!! Go have you some fun!!!
As for looking for the red flags... what's that great, Program saying? More will be revealed. LOL! Also, I have heard if you want to know you're compatible with someone, take a trip with them! So maybe you will "see" more of Mr. Wonderful... then again, maybe he will continue to shine! Don't look for things to sabotage this with... stay in the "now," while being aware if a red flag pops up. Know that "we" tend to normalize, or trivialize red flags.
The fact that you are open and willing to look at your own "walk and part here," is such an amazing, positive path!
All my best wishes for continued happiness!
mamalioness said
Nov 7, 2018
Hey it is good to hear from you. Glad you are in a relationship and I hope it works out for the long term. I can relate to your post about being abused and the aftermath you suffer from it. At my age I probably wont find anybody, now that I am getting better and recovering, I probably wont find anybody now when they were coming out of the woodwork when I was so sick. Go figure. Anyway I am glad youre OK and that you found somebody. You keep working your program and staying within the guardrails of Alanon because we Never graduate from the school. Good for you and good luck with your new guy
mamalioness said
Nov 7, 2018
Hey Posies. That was a very nice post you wrote on this thread to Andromeda. I like what you said about red flags. We do have a tendency to rationalize or make excuses for them however I notice the More I work my program, the more aware and observant and excepting I am of the facts and reality, not what I dream for it to be
Hi all. Well, I managed to get myself into a new relationship. Guess I can't stay single for very long. I feel like I'm learning a lot about my last relationship though, by being with someone new. It's eye opening. The needs that went unmet before are now being met by this new man. I never feel lacking in this relationship, I never have any relationship anxiety with him, and I feel like I can be honest and vulnerable in ways I wasn't with my last guy.
I have no idea how long we'll last. Only my HP knows but I do feel like I'm seeing my past and my choices more clearly and for that, I'm grateful. We've been dating for about 10 weeks now, so this is pretty fresh. We've met each other's friends and my friends love the fact that he adores me and that he only has eyes for me. My girlfriends love his sense of humor and they like seeing me happy.
For the first time in years, I feel like I'm letting go of my sexual inhibitions that have been so deep seated from all the abuse I had been through in my childhood. To be honest, this is the first man I've been with in my entire life where I feel like I can be truly, wholly the sexual being that I believe we were created to be. I used to hold back so much in my past relationships and some of it was the other person and yet, some of it was my own inhibitors and/or inability to trust the other person with my sexual desires or 'likes and dislikes', so to speak. I was always so inhibited. With this man, I have never felt more free sexually and even if our relationship were to end tomorrow, I will be forever grateful to him for working with me, for getting me to be honest and open up, and for what I've learned about myself in the process.
It's been an eye opening few weeks. I'm 48.....took me long enough to get here but I'm glad I did. Being molested when I was 7 really did a number on me and then when I was 19 I was raped by 2 men. Those instances changed my sexuality. I acted like a prude, but deep down I had a side of me that wanted to be let out but I never did. I am truly feeling very free in this relationship. For today, we have a good thing and I'm already so grateful for what I've learned. Life is always teaching us new things! Happy Saturday everyone.
I always gleaned something beneficial from your posts, so it's good to see you posting again.
I can hear the optimism in your post...I can almost see your smiling face as you type! LOL! Yes, 10 weeks is relatively fresh, but you are not posting any "red flags," so perhaps this is to last. Like you said, only your HP knows, and Just for Today, your partner is in your life to help you enjoy all of it!
I always loved the quote. "People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime."
We can never tell in the beginning for which of these three they are there, so our program really works well with this!
Wishing you continued joy with your new friend, and continued positive growth with yourself!
Peace!
So inspiring to read this post, and so many positives. You have done tremendous work on yourself, and are finally reaping the rewards. I say yay for Andrea, and your new fella is one lucky guy!
Tom
This Program, My HP and All of you Here, and At My Meetings that Remind me to be Accountable for MY Life... Continues to Heal my Inner Demons, and Free My Inner Child... I Couldn't be More Grateful for all that Led me to where I am today...
So Thank you for your Share, and Congrats on your New Relationship, and I Hope it Continued to Blossom & Grow into something More Wonderful then you ever could imagine ;) and I Do Hope you Keep Coming back, because I'm Very Grateful you are here ;)
Friends In Recovery
Jozie
We're taking a 3 day trip next weekend and we just spent the evening planning our trip and we're both really excited to do something together for a few days. To be honest, sometimes I have to remind myself that this is just so new and to not get caught up in it and to remember to watch and look for those red flags. I do watch for them but there is nothing that bothers me deep down to my soul and what's even more curious is that he doesn't even have any irritating habits that drive me crazy or bug me. Nothing. Which makes me wonder about my own walk and my part here. I keep thinking that I'm missing something. How can there be a person out here who doesn't have at least one little irritating habit or saying or 'thing' that bugs me just a little? But, he really doesn't drive me crazy or push my buttons or get under my skin yet, not in any way.
I really do believe I learned a lot from my last relationship and that I tried to use my program and my recovery appropriately. I think it just took me time to realize that it was OK to admit that my needs weren't being met and that I needed something more. I look back on the past 3 years and I know I didn't waste my time in any relationship. Each person taught me a lesson and they were an integral part of my journey. For that, I am grateful to all who have crossed my path and touched my life. Just very grateful.
As for looking for the red flags... what's that great, Program saying? More will be revealed. LOL! Also, I have heard if you want to know you're compatible with someone, take a trip with them! So maybe you will "see" more of Mr. Wonderful... then again, maybe he will continue to shine! Don't look for things to sabotage this with... stay in the "now," while being aware if a red flag pops up. Know that "we" tend to normalize, or trivialize red flags.
The fact that you are open and willing to look at your own "walk and part here," is such an amazing, positive path!
All my best wishes for continued happiness!