Wow what a 24 hr period of recovery and processing starting with Ala-teen out reach work with some community mental health agencies committing to add ala-teen to their websites... YES!!! the teens need to know we are here for them (also anyone with a teen who has no local meeting, just a reminder there are several safe chat meetings on Sunday Monday & Wed. available at al-anon.org in teen corner)....then I saw a play about AA founders Bill W. & Dr. BOB then this a.m. anniversary meeting with speakers, then a visit with Brother talking about healing through grief/hope. We sadly lost my nephew to the disease nearly 4 yrs ago and my brother is really doing some great healing through specific parent grief groups--many ppl with addiction in families there--so is an Al-anon overlap too. Am so grateful he has those.

 

So If I had to put it in a nut shell my gleanings this week were about TRUST. Trusting the process and trusting HP is truly there and quite unconditional (really asking myself what would it feel like if I trusted that God love's me deeply and completely no matter what I am feeling or thinking? How about now? And with this repetitive thought or that failure to act? Conscious contact: where is my hp right now? throughout day--and how about now?) Trusting the process--trusting the truth will truly set me free which sometimes means talking outloud or in my heart to my HP about my true feelings almost like in a 3 to 5 minute program type share (casting all my burdens as they say----even self pity times, when I want to be grateful but can't seem to be/get there) or share it with another ala-fellow at a meeting or on phone. I heard: Share it or wear it...

 

At the play---The truth of his own painful story that Bill W. shared with Dr. Bob was like a light he could feel in his chest reaching toward the other or a breeze coming through. That struck me---how I doooooo feel it, really feel it, in a room when someone is truly absolutely humble and honest in their share. Something like what he described. 

Then I heard someone else saying that when they go through pain and heal from it it turns it into a medicine that they then have the honor of giving back to their community. What a concept! I think many of us kind of know that and experience it but I loved the way it was put. 

 

One speaker described a spouse who had been to 48 detoxes!!!! and how his last yr of life was finally sober and helped so many AA people in a way like no other could (had he not gone through all that pain and struggle). It made me think about trusting the process however long it takes for me to accept myself and believe HP could even love/accept me -with all my negative thinking that comes up---unconditionally. Self doubt is such a hindrance that I pray to be removed in my 6&7 steps. Maybe all this pain will become a medicine one day that can help someone else to believe that for them self. Am so grateful to you all for reading this and the opp. to share it, because I needed to put it all into words it was rolling around in my head and I want to process it more deeply, heal around trust and really take these things I am learning into my consciousness & my daily practice.

----Luv123