Pol - I have taken breaks in recovery over the years. My experience is that gradually I return to self-seeking, selfish, self-reliant, egocentric, controlling behaviors almost without knowing until I am very irritable, restless and discontent. I just do better as an imperfect person with a daily dose of some effort of recovery. I have switched my meetings up many times over the years, changed out daily readers, changed sponsors, sought out more friends in recovery, etc. to keep things 'fresh'.

For me, the disease has affected me my whole life and I owe it to myself to gift myself with a better/different way each day. Meetings are not the be all/end all yet it's a simple way to give back and be of service. I don't always relate either to the topics in my 'today' but I can usually find a way to consider a step, slogan, reading/literature to share about.

Only you can decide what works best for your life/recovery. I just know that each 'break' I've taken has not been a refreshing experience like a vacation, rather the opposite. Keep coming back!

Welcome...just thought I'd drop a quick reply before I head out for the day/weekend and meet a few friends for a drink, and then make dinner plans.

Well, new, seasoned, got it, don't, doesn't matter...you are in the right place. Keep coming back. You'll hear that a lot -- and everyone means it and it's true!!!

OK, so, that said, you consider yourself new, and you don't know if you want to stick with the program. I get why you came to alanon (as opposed to joined, LOL), and I get what you are dealing with. Alanon is not about what you bring to the table -- and bringing new problems to bring to the table -- it's about focusing on YOU and using the tools, slogans, literature, daily readers, sponsorship, the steps, and the entire program...so that you and your life can improve. So that you can get better, get healthy, get better FROM the effects and impact that alcoholism has had on your life. Alcoholism has affected you, it has impacted you -- just not currently -- but it has had an impact. Just because you don't have to "deal with" the alcoholic, family, etc, any more, doesn't mean you won't have to at some point. Be prepared. Plus, whatever impact has already taken place, alanon can help you deal with that and put it in its proper perspective. There is so much to benefit from even though you may not have an alcoholic in your life today. She's your mom. Your family is your family. Not dealing with them, and cutting them off...is just for today.

Most important, you yourself said that you "know its still affecting" you "because a situation will come up and it will remind me of what my mom used to do to me in that situation" -- so there you go! You qualify to be in alanon! LOL. It's up to you.

Take what you like and leave the rest. Keep coming back. It works if you work it, so work it, you're worth it.

Imbsorry if I sounded harsh when it came to the program I just feel like some days I have it and other days I dont really have anything. Its a day to day process for me. I hope you all have a good weekend. Im going to try and stick with the program and pace myself. Maybe I am doing to much at a time and I need to keep it basic for right now

I don't know if I have ever really had it down either Pol! Be gentle with yourself. I have one of those mothers too. I sway between finding her toxic and feeling sorry for her. Either way, I hate the way being around her makes me feel. Since I can't change her and challenging her just brings me more stress and negative feelings, I use recovery tools to put it all into some kind of detached perspective. I am terrified that the worst legacy of toxic parents is that we eventually become them! That would be the worst thing in the world to me, so I am digging deep even though there are no active alcoholics in my inner sphere at the moment. Mind you, there tends to be never many in my inner sphere anyway. Be gentle on yourself. If you get truly sick and tired of being sick and tired, the recovery rooms are always open. Have a good weekend

Hey Pol.... I did not hear anything but your truth. I totally understand where you are at, and it happens. Never apologize for sharing your truth... You got this!

:)
I notice I have a hard time being positive and being truthful to myself about what's going on. I need to work on that and be okay with it. Thanks you guys, I sometimes feel alone in this since I'm the only one doing this in my family.

(((Pol))) So Glad your Here...

When I Landed at MIP I had Just Lost my Dad to this Disease, and My Only Thought was I was going to GO To Al-ANON So they can "Tell Me" How to Save my Little Brother... Well Here I Sit, 10 YEARS later... My Lt Brother still Drinks like a Fish, However... I Got Sober, and in Following in my Foot Steps, My ASister Got Sober a couple years Later, and has Now Joined Al-Anon as well, and My Own AMom is also Sober (with no Program) I Did NOTHING to get Them Sober...

I was Told Early On that If I "Just set a Good Example" things would Turn Around for Me, and WOW has it... It took Me about 2 years to Really Dig into the Steps, and it was HARD Dealing with my Emotions over all the things that Triggered my Upbringing, I did Stay Steady with my Meetings, I Still go to One a Week, only because in my Small Area there are Only 3 and the other two don't work with my schedule...

Like You... Sometimes Sitting at the table was Hard because I Felt like, Well... My Dad's Dead, I have Set Boundaries with other family members so my Time with them was Limited for my Own Sanity's sake, so I wasn't "Sitting in the Face of Alcoholism Everyday!" but for Me, the Truth is: Till I Got to Work on those Steps, and I Made My Step 4 List, and Slowly started to find my way down the Other Eight... My Healing was Paused! or Stagnate may be a better word :/ Also Having a Sponsor that would Push me to Dig Deep in my Emotions, the Ones I wanted to Bury and pretend wasn't there... Helped Free Me from the Uck I Didn't even know I was Hiding From...

You are Not Alone in Your Feelings, Many here have Been there with them as well, I Still 10 years later have Moments where I Question if "I'm Moving Forward? Or Just Sitting Stagnate?" All Normal Stuff... When I Get to that Place, I Break out my Step 4 Book, and Give it another Look... I Reach out to My Friends I've Met in the Program that seem so "Put together" and Ask them How they got there? I Call my Sponsor and I Attend Meetings... All these things seem to Help me Get out Of My Funk, and tho sometimes the Truth of My Emotions are Hard to Deal with, In Doing so I Can Feel My Growth Unfolding...

Your Program is All About You and What you Need... I Hope you Keep Coming back, Reading the Threads here, and Seeing you are Right where your Meant to be... My Dad is Now Gone from this Earth, but the Damage of His Addictions still Lives in my Soul, and Being here, I have found a Way to put A lot of the Hurt He Caused behind me... Yes, sometimes there are things to may trigger those Emotions back like a light... But I Know I have a Program I can Count On, and a Program Family that is Always Here for Me, Even if I take a Pause for a Bit... They are always there with Open Arms to Welcome me Back...

Please Take what you Like & Leave the Rest... I know I'm Grateful you are Here...

Friends in Recovery

Jozie

I don't think alanon is a program that one necessarily "graduates" from. I don't know that it's a program that one finally gets, and has down-pat. I don't know that alanon is simply a program. I think Step 12 speaks to this to some extent, and for me personally, alanon is a curriculum for living. It's become innate and how I live my life. But, that's just for me.

That said, I think alaon for each person can and will be different. You get out of it what you put into it. However, there is a program aspect to it. Even though the steps are the same except for one word -- the alanon approach and perspective is different than that of AA. That is why at many meetings, and in conference approved literature, World Services speaks to the alanon approach and perspective, the alanon interpretation of the 12 steps, the alanon orientation of dealing with the disease of alcoholism. Simply put, it is the alanon approach, mindset, and methodology of living with and/or having a loved one who is an alcoholic...NOT (us) being one. If alcoholism has affected you, has had an impact on you, then you are in the right place. If after coming to meetings, working the program, learning, etc. -- well, certainly it is understandable that you make a decision whether or not "alanon is for you" so to speak. You certainly don't have to have any new problems to bring to the table just to be in alanon or to benefit from alanon. You will benefit whether you have new problems or not, LOL. But that's up to you. I get what you are saying. I really do.

Go gentle unto yourself. I know, that sounds religious, LOL. OK, how about this...be gentle on yourself. Don't overthink or over-analyze this. This can ebb and flow. It's fluid. Relax, see how you feel. You can do whatever you like. I started a meeting here where I live -- there were already 40 plus meetit ngs in the county, but I decided to approach a few people and we then decided to start a new meeting. We did. In no time it had 20 plus people. Bigger than most meetings in the country except for three. However, the meeting was also an ebb and flow thing and over the course of a few years, me and few people stopped going. No big deal. And I just started up again. No right or wrong.

In my experience, the real work takes place OUTSIDE OF MEETINGS. However, two things. One, that's a topic for another time...and two, some people feel meetings are simply not that important. I disagree. I feel they are, and are of critical importance. I feel alanon meetings are one required ingredient -- along with readings, working the steps, and working with a sponsor -- in a recipe that gives the highest probability and likelihood of success; success perhaps having a different meaning for everyone. If after going to some meetings, for whatever reason you decide "it" -- whatever it is -- is not for you, that's fine. However, before that, before trying different meetings, before really understanding and learning what recovery really is -- before working the steps, working the program -- I think it is purely a fallacious position to say meetings aren't the answer, aren't worth it, don't help, etc. Just my opinion, but that's BS. LOL.

The entire alanon program is take what you like and leave the rest. It's also a program of attraction not promotion. It's also there for you, in whatever form and fashion you like. Take your time. Relax. You will find out and figure out what works for you, what's best for you. And, that will change over time. Take a break. Don't. Go regularly, go once in a while. Work the program. Don't. There is no right or wrong answer. I know for me, going to meetings keeps me in-balance. It keeps me grounded. It keeps my head where my feet are, present, today, now. It keeps me and allows me to stay and be healthy. And that's just for me.

All the best.

I've been thinking about this. I've always felt you get out of alanon what you put into it -- but the what you put into it has to be open, honest, real, genuine, etc. Like we always say...it works if you work it, so work it, you're worth it!!! And, that is true.

Whatever and however you utilize the alanon program, and all that comes with it -- I've always felt is -- take what you like and leave the rest, as well as, to each their own. Some people like chocolate, some people like vanilla, and some people don't like ice cream. To each their own. I also think some people have unrealistic expectations of alanon, what it can do for them, should do, and so on. I think others expect miracles with little to no effort on their part. Some don't embrace or believe what alanon offers. And, others do it, do it well, and miracles do happen, and they get better, get healthy...and happy.

So, where's the drama? LOL. Some people are addicted to drama, others are attracted to it. Others attract it. Look at the dynamic -- and drama -- you have on a website...like this one! LOL.

All the best.