As the subject line states, I am a bit triggered by this at the moment. I suppose I am just dropping in a line to reassure myself of some reality. I have to ask myself what I am doing here at this moment. It is slightly culturally complicated but in and around that are the things which cross all classes of being, those unlovely isms of which denial is one. A year ago, I had to step in and mediate a wider issue the impacts of which left unchecked would have been negative in many spheres. Today I am asking myself why I bothered. Significant debt incurred, and yes crisis averted (or at least put off for a while) but the total lack of appreciation extends to covert sabotage now.  Today I asked a simple question which was met with hostility. Apparently, my competence is not competence but undermining of another. I frankly wish I could put the petulant adult into the corner to sulk like the giant baby it is intimating. I wasn't undermining this person: I was correcting their incompetence which would have served to impact the present and future generations while disregarding totally the hardships of the past generations. The results I gained were a significant improvement in a short space of time versus over an actual decade of getting nowhere. I was also careful to shield that persons incompetence because I felt sorry for them to my now regret.  I credit the results to Alanon: put the principle over the personalities.

Life was not easy for me.  Did I allow that to be an excuse to blame others? No. Where I am a screw up, I will take full responsibility for it and do my best to do better. When I know I can not do a thing, I don't pretend that I can. I think I learnt that at 24 years old.  Where I lack capacity I have no ego issues with searching for someone who does have capacity and frequently I wish I wasn't the closest thing to capacity available because that would save a lot of stress. Anyway, I am feeling FINE this afternoon. I needed to vent. Do you know what really annoys me? When I am spoken down to by an obviously incompetent person. I will take criticism from people in a place to give it: ie those who have accomplished what I am still seeking to achieve. I look at this person, and there is nothing they have that I want. I watch people use and sneer behind this persons back about their stupidity and get so angry because these are not smart people; they are just dealing with someone who is weak. I am not a weak person, though I have my soft spots. I believe there is some horrid thing happening, where because this FOO member can not exert the influence over matters of basic importance--like living standards--they instead are attempting to dominate me. This is beyond messed up.

I will hang in here for a bit longer.  There is no point in rushing and besides I have just today discovered a minor but potentially serious health issue so stress is a bad idea. I have three more years and six weeks of this semester to go for a degree I have wanted for a long long time. I will not throw the baby out with the bath water.  I do so miss the convenience of life away from my FOO! 

Thanks for listening.

Sounds like you are having one of those days. It can be tedius to be around FOO. Mine were not in recovery, so when I visited they were playing their family "role" ( Alanon Merrygoround of Denial Pamphlet) and well expecting me to fall into an old role I'd broken out of due to Alanon recovery. There can be a price as you know to be recovering. My family didn't understand it or understand why I acted differently, responded rather than react. I was once on a phone call with my sibling who does not know I'm in recovery and doesn't know what Alanon is. I responded to their tirade with a calm voice and compassion. Before Alanon, they'd grown accumstomed to the me engaging, arguing etc. Their response to my new recovery response was to not use "that psychology chit" on them.  I still love them. When I got my "fancy" college education, I felt hurt that despite the fact that they were proud of me; some displayed jealousy. In that moment, unlike some other moments.. I wanted them to see me as good old FOO member. "Hey, it's me! I haven't changed!" You see, I wanted to have it both ways, yet I was picking and choosing when I found them acceptable. Yep, they drove me nuts at times. Boy, it sure could kick up the bad old days. They were just being themselves. They never promised to be different. My exah did. When he left me homeless, they took me in even with my new"fancy" education. Of course they did, we're family. 

I hope if nothing else, I made you laugh a little. Sounds like you are understanding where they are at and yeah, principles above personalities is the best tool of all for FOO. Keep taking care of you and your health. Good luck with your studies. It sounds like you've found something you're very passionate about. Keep that fire burning :) (((hugs))) TT