People pleasing: The writer discusses our instinctive need to fit in, which is not harmful unless we lose our sense of balance. This becomes destructive when we ignore our own needs and sacrifice our well-being for others. Alanon suggests a compromise where we can belong, be aware of our feelings, yet still take care of ourselves. Reminders are that by building our self-esteem, and treating ourselves with kindness and respect, we can then get along with others well.
Today's Reminder: I will appreciate that all of my instincts and feelings exist for a reason. Today, instead of trying to banish these feelings, I will strive to find a balance.
Quote from Hillel: If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now--when?
I can remember never feeling like I fit in, and felt like an oddball and an outcast. With my self-esteem in the gutter, I didn't even try to please others . I just wanted to be invisible and hope no one noticed me. The tools of Alanon, and my sponsor, allowed me to see that I count and have assets. Yes I will never be perfect, but it no longer mattered. Self-acceptance and an ability to recognize the good with the bad, has given me such improved self-esteem. I no longer care if people accept me as long as I am being the best person I can be--that is good enough, Lyne
hotrod said
Sep 16, 2018
Good Morning Lyne Love the quote. It is a tremendous reminder to me that I must not make my needs or self invisible as I once did in order to keep the peace. Using alanon tools of treating everyone with courtesy and respect allows me to validate myself at all times
Skorpi said
Sep 17, 2018
Good morning, MIP! Lyne, thank you for your service today!
Finding balance in my life is something I am working on. In my family of origin, my mom's needs and my sister's needs were put ahead of my needs and my dad's needs, I developed a habit of sidelining my needs until the needs of others were taken care of. I was able to find what I thought was a more healthy balance of my own self-care and taking care of myself when I lived alone. But, as soon as I was living with someone else, the old habits popped back up. Getting out of that cycle, and making time for myself and my needs, is something that I am still learning to do - learning to make time for - learning to demand time for - in my marriage. I don't need to give up on myself to keep the peace, and by making sure that I am engaging in my own self-care, I am making sure that I am the best version of myself I can be.
PosiesandPuppies said
Sep 17, 2018
Thank you Lyne!
The key is learning to love yourself enough, warts and all, so that you can love others in a healthy way. As Skorpi says, "Balance in all things."
Monday is starting off rough, as So CAl Edison has decided to turn our power off for maintenance from 8 am - 4 pm on one of the hottest days... sometimes I just don't understand their reasoning!! I have fish to relocate, a crippled dog to find a place for, all before working 2 jobs! If they would've just waited 1 month, temps would be bareable and open windows would keep pets cool.
God, grant me the serenity...
Iamhere said
Sep 17, 2018
Thank you Lyne for your service and the daily. Thanks for all the ESH and shares above me. I too worked hard to be a chameleon prior to recovery. I felt greater than or less than most in almost all situations. I recall wondering what life would be like when others in Al-Anon suggested I put me first. I had never done in my life as I was raised in this disease, and outward appearances meant way more than reality and people pleasing was second nature to gossip, judging, etc.
I learned how to be me in recovery, and to celebrate the differences in others. I also learned that we are all imperfect and that's how we were designed. I don't like everyone I come in contact with and vice versa and that's OK - I can still be kind and respectful. I am a 'better picker' today and have less concern about what others think of me. I have no need to be anyone but me and it's a result of recovery.
Happy Monday to all - hope it's been great so far. Golfed this morning and off to tacos this evening....Monday's are awesome!!
mamalioness said
Sep 17, 2018
thank you Lyne....my feelings exactly...I did NOT want to be noticed, self esteem was non existent and I felt completely like the outcast with my horrible family....and I, too, didn't give a damn anymore about trying to please others, being forced to "please/satisfy" those freaks turned me completely off as to pleasing others.......I figured it was "my turn" to have MY wants/needs met, but b4 recovery, I was just too messed up to know how to make life "work" for me....seemed I was under this awful, dark, misty grey, cloud all the time......NOW , even in my down times, I know that I DO matter, I DO count..I AM valuable..I AM just as good as anyone else....If I don't take care of me, no one else is going to and if I am not good to and taking good care of me, I am useless to the ones I CAN give support to....
People pleasing: The writer discusses our instinctive need to fit in, which is not harmful unless we lose our sense of balance. This becomes destructive when we ignore our own needs and sacrifice our well-being for others. Alanon suggests a compromise where we can belong, be aware of our feelings, yet still take care of ourselves. Reminders are that by building our self-esteem, and treating ourselves with kindness and respect, we can then get along with others well.
Today's Reminder: I will appreciate that all of my instincts and feelings exist for a reason. Today, instead of trying to banish these feelings, I will strive to find a balance.
Quote from Hillel: If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now--when?
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I can remember never feeling like I fit in, and felt like an oddball and an outcast. With my self-esteem in the gutter, I didn't even try to please others . I just wanted to be invisible and hope no one noticed me. The tools of Alanon, and my sponsor, allowed me to see that I count and have assets. Yes I will never be perfect, but it no longer mattered. Self-acceptance and an ability to recognize the good with the bad, has given me such improved self-esteem. I no longer care if people accept me as long as I am being the best person I can be--that is good enough, Lyne
Finding balance in my life is something I am working on. In my family of origin, my mom's needs and my sister's needs were put ahead of my needs and my dad's needs, I developed a habit of sidelining my needs until the needs of others were taken care of. I was able to find what I thought was a more healthy balance of my own self-care and taking care of myself when I lived alone. But, as soon as I was living with someone else, the old habits popped back up. Getting out of that cycle, and making time for myself and my needs, is something that I am still learning to do - learning to make time for - learning to demand time for - in my marriage. I don't need to give up on myself to keep the peace, and by making sure that I am engaging in my own self-care, I am making sure that I am the best version of myself I can be.
The key is learning to love yourself enough, warts and all, so that you can love others in a healthy way. As Skorpi says, "Balance in all things."
Monday is starting off rough, as So CAl Edison has decided to turn our power off for maintenance from 8 am - 4 pm on one of the hottest days... sometimes I just don't understand their reasoning!! I have fish to relocate, a crippled dog to find a place for, all before working 2 jobs! If they would've just waited 1 month, temps would be bareable and open windows would keep pets cool.
God, grant me the serenity...
I learned how to be me in recovery, and to celebrate the differences in others. I also learned that we are all imperfect and that's how we were designed. I don't like everyone I come in contact with and vice versa and that's OK - I can still be kind and respectful. I am a 'better picker' today and have less concern about what others think of me. I have no need to be anyone but me and it's a result of recovery.
Happy Monday to all - hope it's been great so far. Golfed this morning and off to tacos this evening....Monday's are awesome!!
thank you Lyne....my feelings exactly...I did NOT want to be noticed, self esteem was non existent and I felt completely like the outcast with my horrible family....and I, too, didn't give a damn anymore about trying to please others, being forced to "please/satisfy" those freaks turned me completely off as to pleasing others.......I figured it was "my turn" to have MY wants/needs met, but b4 recovery, I was just too messed up to know how to make life "work" for me....seemed I was under this awful, dark, misty grey, cloud all the time......NOW , even in my down times, I know that I DO matter, I DO count..I AM valuable..I AM just as good as anyone else....If I don't take care of me, no one else is going to and if I am not good to and taking good care of me, I am useless to the ones I CAN give support to....