It has been a very stressful, frightening time of late. Watching my daughter spiral back into active use again is heartwrenching. She has been in and out of an abusive relationship the past year and now has relapsed. I was expecting it sadly but its a kick in the gut when it actually occurs. I am trying to work my program, encourage her to reach out to her supports and just survive the day without going crazy. I know that I am powerless over other people, places and things.
I do know that I tend to operate out of fear. She will share tidbits of how unwell she is but refuses to reach out for help. I do fear for her life a lot of days yet I have to accept that I cannot force her to do anything she does not want to do. She has been through two rehabs and we cannot afford another one. They are 25,000 each time with no insurance coverage. I also know that all the best rehabs in the world aren't gong to change someone until they are ready. I know she has other options such as sponsor, meetings, outpatient counsellor which I told her we would help with. She is not willing yet. She alludes to some pretty terrible things that have happened to her while with her boyfriend and accuses me of not being supportive and that she cant trust me. She is upset with me as I shared with her Dad that she was back and forth again with this guy and she feels I violated her privacy. Perhaps I did but I justified it in my mind that we have always parented together and when an unsafe situation arises then I am not willing to hide her secrets. Even though she is now an adult that doesn't change the fact that he is my spouse, one of my supports in my life and her father. I have always shared my burdens with him and vice versa. This is what healthy relationships look like. I guess I need to quit JADE. Its amazing how the crazy train can get one to start to second guess everything they do.
For today, I am reciting the serenity prayer, trying to rest and hand her over to her higher power. Please pray for my daughter and thank you all for being here and understanding.
-- Edited by serenity47 on Saturday 8th of September 2018 03:53:04 PM
DavidG said
Sep 8, 2018
Our son moved far away from home and ended up moving in with an ex-gang chick and her daughter. he makes a wonderful dad and seems to enjoy family life. We are going of be up there for his birthday later this month...
His partner was a part of a rural gang, and does not seem to be hugely damaged. Her brother was on meth but the family rallied round and he deems to be okay now... they both seem to smoke dope, and maybe cigarettes.Both have been working and our son has a middle management job supervising field workers.
I know that our kids had advantages I did not have- but they were damaged b my inability to communicate, and by conflict in the home- over which i had no control. I have learned in Alanon that many, and even most people have the same issues in the home. That in the home we feel isolated and that we not the only ones.
I could become overwhelmed by shame. And that would make it worse. If I take care of me, over the next week or two, I hope to be present for our son and his family.
When my SO heard of his relationship0 she turned her nose up at the "ready made family". Then I reminded her that our daughter was six years old when we met. She took stock and never looked back. So grateful for that move!
Thanks for your share, Serenity... ...
Jill said
Sep 8, 2018
Yes! Living in the now is my best me.
My anthem is to avoid regrets while considering bad experiences "tuition" for my present. I have found that reduces my projecting and my anxieties.With that, I am the best gift I can be today for my loved ones.
Thank you both Serenity and David. We can do this!
hotrod said
Sep 8, 2018
((Serenity))) You are not alone Pray for her and trust HP. I too have lived through a painful relapse on my son's part and it is extremely difficult Meetings help. Prayers for your entire family
Iamhere said
Sep 8, 2018
(((Serenity))) - I too am sending hugs, positive thoughts and tons of prayers your way and for your daughter. It has been the hardest thing in my life to step away when mine relapse yet I know that by working my program, focusing on me and avoiding the fall-out as best I can, I am in a better position to be of maximum service if/when asked.
My youngest is active again in the disease. It does me no good to ask myself why, when, who, what, etc. as it's really not important. I have to instead remember all the tools I've learned and use them - over and over and often each day. It's so true that meetings do help as well as good support in program/sponsor.
You are not alone! Keep doing what you're doing and keep coming back!
bud said
Sep 8, 2018
((Serenity47)) I'm so sorry so difficult. Sending supportive thoughts and prayers for all involved.
It has been a very stressful, frightening time of late. Watching my daughter spiral back into active use again is heartwrenching. She has been in and out of an abusive relationship the past year and now has relapsed. I was expecting it sadly but its a kick in the gut when it actually occurs. I am trying to work my program, encourage her to reach out to her supports and just survive the day without going crazy. I know that I am powerless over other people, places and things.
I do know that I tend to operate out of fear. She will share tidbits of how unwell she is but refuses to reach out for help. I do fear for her life a lot of days yet I have to accept that I cannot force her to do anything she does not want to do. She has been through two rehabs and we cannot afford another one. They are 25,000 each time with no insurance coverage. I also know that all the best rehabs in the world aren't gong to change someone until they are ready. I know she has other options such as sponsor, meetings, outpatient counsellor which I told her we would help with. She is not willing yet. She alludes to some pretty terrible things that have happened to her while with her boyfriend and accuses me of not being supportive and that she cant trust me. She is upset with me as I shared with her Dad that she was back and forth again with this guy and she feels I violated her privacy. Perhaps I did but I justified it in my mind that we have always parented together and when an unsafe situation arises then I am not willing to hide her secrets. Even though she is now an adult that doesn't change the fact that he is my spouse, one of my supports in my life and her father. I have always shared my burdens with him and vice versa. This is what healthy relationships look like. I guess I need to quit JADE. Its amazing how the crazy train can get one to start to second guess everything they do.
For today, I am reciting the serenity prayer, trying to rest and hand her over to her higher power. Please pray for my daughter and thank you all for being here and understanding.
-- Edited by serenity47 on Saturday 8th of September 2018 03:53:04 PM
Our son moved far away from home and ended up moving in with an ex-gang chick and her daughter. he makes a wonderful dad and seems to enjoy family life. We are going of be up there for his birthday later this month...
His partner was a part of a rural gang, and does not seem to be hugely damaged. Her brother was on meth but the family rallied round and he deems to be okay now... they both seem to smoke dope, and maybe cigarettes.Both have been working and our son has a middle management job supervising field workers.
I know that our kids had advantages I did not have- but they were damaged b my inability to communicate, and by conflict in the home- over which i had no control. I have learned in Alanon that many, and even most people have the same issues in the home. That in the home we feel isolated and that we not the only ones.
I could become overwhelmed by shame. And that would make it worse. If I take care of me, over the next week or two, I hope to be present for our son and his family.
When my SO heard of his relationship0 she turned her nose up at the "ready made family". Then I reminded her that our daughter was six years old when we met. She took stock and never looked back. So grateful for that move!
Thanks for your share, Serenity...
...
My anthem is to avoid regrets while considering bad experiences "tuition" for my present. I have found that reduces my projecting and my anxieties.With that, I am the best gift I can be today for my loved ones.
Thank you both Serenity and David. We can do this!
((Serenity))) You are not alone Pray for her and trust HP. I too have lived through a painful relapse on my son's part and it is extremely difficult Meetings help. Prayers for your entire family
My youngest is active again in the disease. It does me no good to ask myself why, when, who, what, etc. as it's really not important. I have to instead remember all the tools I've learned and use them - over and over and often each day. It's so true that meetings do help as well as good support in program/sponsor.
You are not alone! Keep doing what you're doing and keep coming back!