Hi y'all...

              step 11 reflections...

Some of the ideas came out of the Alanon books, especially the readers. Other ideas came directly out of members ESH.

Some I might have put to one side- picking up the message: take what you like and leave the rest.

Some of the things I put to one side, I picked up again later.  ...

One overview I have is this... going through the middle steps I got lots of ideas and message about what was right and wrong in Alanon.

I got frightened to say or do anything. This seemed to reflect what i had learned in my home- about not thinking or feeling anything.

In the end this was all about me and I had to push on- regardless. People, I know, who have had this experience have really done well, in the end.

Maybe is a part of our world and a part of our life we have not gone through properly. Not in our family, nor in our adult relationships.

But this is a safe place to experience this. Emotional maturity. Understanding how safe flexible boundaries work in our favour.

I am struggling to explain this properly. Does anyone else think about this stuff?

Thanks,

DavidG.

David I found the power of  Spirituality and honesty in my interactions with members so refreshing. i never learned how to trust others because everyone seemed to wear a false masks, so I then found alanon meetings and felt as if I had come home.

I learned faith and trust and how to interact in a healthy manner in a community. This included embracing principles that would guide my life such as no gossip, blame or judging of others, that  there is a Higher Power and i am not it and most importantly--  to give advise is to interfere.

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Hi David

Thanks for sharing and I'm really interested in emotional maturity, ultimately I believe thats what were working towards in Alanon.

I loved learning that all I didnt get in my family and early life wasn't because my family were withholding what I needed or were choosing to not meet my needs but they were giving me all they could or were able to at that stage of their own growth.

For example, my Mother could only give me what she had to give and yes there were many gaps or holes in my upbringing, many tools I wasn't given that had an impact on my development as a child and that had an impact on the adult I became and the choices I made as an adult. I wasn't given the tools to become emotionally mature and to be honest I don't know anyone who was with or without alcoholism in their family.

Alanon, has given me understanding of human limitations, including my parents limitations. I was given what they had to give and no more. I used to judge that and use it as a reason for self pity and resentment. Alanon has given me the gift of understanding and with that comes acceptance, forgiveness and compassion.

The best thing about it is I can use what I understand for myself. I believed that parents and particularly Mothers should have all the tools needed to bring up their children, as if in some way it should be inherent. I felt somewhere inside me if I tried hard enough was the perfect Mother. This is the opposite of emotional maturity to me, very unrealistic and childish expectations but gaining the awareness, understanding through working the steps has led me to the same place as I reached for my own Mother in that I can mostly forgive myself my human limitations and failings and I can know that I did my best with what I had and the more I know and experience the better I become as a Mother based on my own values and judgement. 

For me the closer I get to compassion and love as my Higher Power wants me to get then the more serene and peaceful my restless mind becomes. 

Great topic and thanks.

    Thanks Betty, and Elcee,

                                            I reflect a lot on the role, and role model, my mother was. I am a parent and a grandparent now. Reviewing this and thinking of amends to future generations... sifting through what was mine to do, and mine to choose... and using the serenity prayer. Being easy on myself- and being honest and rigorous, at the same time. This would have seemed absurd at the beginning- but not now...  ...

my mum betrayed me completely at one time- but I had Alanon... and worked out how to get this right. I shunned her for two or three years and she came back to me. And I believe she had matured... reflected too... intimacy restored...

  Thanks Bo... the questions I am asking- who goes with Alanon these days.

      The basics, the essentials are still there- always shall be...  ...

 went to a f2f meeting monday night. found that I did not stand out- I blended in!

My first meeting, end of 82 I had shoulder length hair and I was wearing gumboots, with the tops turned down.

One member stood up and waved a crooked finger in the air and said there is one finger pointing at you and three back at me.

Blimmin good message!

I am getting more than my share of Step 12, the first part. I have some days of darkness; but no longer weeks, months, and years!

I am still a rural worker. Ah kin sit in the rooms beside a pearl-set babe and we are happy in that place, we are gals and pals- absolutely!

We have wept on each other's shoulders- literally.

Of y'all hear a foreign accent y'all sit up with pride... and in many accents and languages I hear- ~y'all come back now!~. It is healing- it is beautiful!

It happened here sometimes!  yes indeedy!

 I slipped after the stuff that went down- with our business issues. Ah still self-sabotage some.  But 24 hours... a bit of soul searching- and some strong healthy contact ah'm back on deck.  ...

There is nothing wrong with me. It was just that my life experience told me stuff. An ah'm shore glad I came along and checked it out!

Thanks for the opportoonity to be here...  ...