The onslaught continues and I keep reminding myself that my attitude makes the difference in how I feel throughout this period, how well I learn from it and how I impact those around me. But boy-oh-boy does it just seem like are the stressors just piling up. Just as a sample my father and my ExAW's brother both lost their homes in the Carr fire a couple weeks ago. I have never heard my dad with raw fear in his voice before. I had nightmares for days and I'm not even nearby but just his description of what he went through and how he sounded got to me. Had my identity stolen and have barely had the time to deal with that fiasco. My little girl is making me so proud in that she is bravely going to her new school and trying to fit in but I also see the pain she is going through as a result of my decision to switch schools and it is like a knife in my heart. Getting close to selling our house, good, but got a last minute document to sign with the threat that if I don't sign it my Ex won't sign off on the sale of the house, not so good. Sent that off to the lawyer. My Ex has pretty much made it clear that she won't work with me on anything unless its getting her more of something. More time with the kids, more money, more disruptions etc. I have learned that I can count on not counting on her for much. I've been overwhelmed for so long that I often find myself wallowing on my self-pity sofa eating some sort of sweet treat of sadness. It's pretty pathetic.

The good things are I had a great week with my kids last week. They are such good kids and I love spending time with them. As I mentioned the girls are at their new school and so far it is going smoothly. My son even walked them to school one day. Got to spend a day with friends and our kids playing games with our families. I made it to a meeting tonight and my sponsor was there which was a nice surprise. No money stolen from my bank.

I keep saying the serenity prayer but I can tell my attitude is off. I don't know if it is just being overwhelmed, stressed, depressed or what. I'm really lonely and have started visiting some dating sites which has been a distraction although good for some funny stories. I keep finding all sort of distractions actually and haven't made the decision to quit it yet. Anything I can do to not deal with the pile I'm so often faced with. 

(((Westman)) prayers and positive thoughts going out to you and you entire family. Life on life's terms is sometimes difficult to accept. You have been challenged with a great deal at the moment.  I have been in such a place and the best i can suggest is to keep showing up, trust Hp and know this too will pass.
Love that you can see and appreciate the beauty in your children and have maintained your sense of humor over the dating sites . Your program skills are impressive so that any one would be fortunate to connect with you.

Big hugs Westman,

The best I have on any given day is the best I have.  It sounds like there is a tremendous amount of stuff on your plate and boy oh boy do I get that.  I'm so sorry to hear about your dad's loss .. that is rough .. identity stolen is a pain in the hinney is putting it mildly.  The other stuff it is life .. my kids went to the same school for years and they moved states .. yes .. it sucked in some ways it was a good life lesson in others .. the meaning being life goes on and yes .. you might lose some of the friends you gained the real ones are going to find ways to stick around.  My BFF in the kids home state has made sure that my youngest gets to see his BFF every single year and I am beyond grateful for that.  Acquisitions are given .. however at the same time guess what .. things even out.  I'm still very close to a friend from K who I met in the Philippines and didn't see again until the 5th grade .. we have bounced in and out of each others lives and lived a couple lives to boot .. lol .. point is .. I got through it, she did too and military families do it all the time or families who are forced to travel for work.  I don't mean to minimize what your kid is going through .. the real deal is sometimes you make adjustments so that things go easier.  My kids got the reality check that guess what .. not everyone gets to stay at the same school their whole school career and they see now what an anomaly they are .. and life isn't fair.  That's just a real world lesson even if it hurts my heart for them .. it is life. 

I do want to caution you from making to many concessions with your X.  I have a friend of mine who to get out of the marriage made HUGE concessions and wound up kicking herself later because she realized to late that while her X got his way .. it was her children who suffered badly and now there is a court order restraining order and 2 years of craptastic court she went through and didn't need to while I realize that no one has a crystal ball .. do be aware of what you are conceding and sometimes it is better to stand and take the fight even when tired as hell.  Most of the time people take the concession because of fear or because they think it's best for the kids .. that is not always the case.  Do what is best for YOU and don't allow your X to believe they run the show .. because they don't .. you have given grace, dignity and so on to them .. it is ok to take a stand and say enough. 

Take a huge breath and realize this too shall pass .. maybe like a kidney stone however it really will pass.  Right now for some reason people are really going through some stuff .. I'm trying to ride a few things out myself at the moment and hope that things settle out the best way they can.  It's really hard to remember that in the moment.  Most of the stuff like knat like in terms of it's irritating more than anything else and it's time consuming which wasting my time is a cardinal sin .. LOL.  Including the God of my understanding wasting my time .. it really irritates me .. LOL .. not a rational thought however .. it is what it is .. lol. 

Again .. big hugs .. S :)

I am so sorry about your dad's house. I cannot even imagine. Prayers for you and your kids.

Yup. So my lawyer told me not to sign the document so now my ex has said she will not sign off on the house sale. If this continues I will be stuck paying for rent and mortgage and support to her. Aka not possible. If I sign off we each get half of the proceeds of the house. I'm waiting to hear back from the lawyer.

This feels like last year when I was no longer doing what she wanted so she went all self-destructive.

 ((((((((((((((((( Westman ))))))))))))))

I am out of the woods- one day at a time- but I haven't forgotten those middle years...

Burning coal in Appalachia, and burning down the West Coast does not make sense to me... I am grateful I live in a country which is much like a rural state of the USA. Smaller, funky and manageable.

I avoided divorce, by a tiny whisker...  I always said- neither provoke nor avoid a conflict... ... this applies directly, again, to the serenity prayer; which has become second nature. We do have to carry on regardless... but it is never easy...

hooking in to this tiny, sweet, safe corner of humanity- Alanon- is a real sanctuary. A breathing space.

Thanks for letting share it M8- if only for a few moments... 

            ...

Thank you for your ESH. I feel so off track. I started letting her have it over text got into it a bit before I pulled back. I'm so sick of me and the kids suffering for her BS. And I know we suffer for mine too but I don't care right now. This woman doesn't give a rip about anyone. She lies and steals and then accuses me of lying and stealing. She manipulates and has the gall to say I'm pulling a fast one.

Anyway ivI' barely slept. I think I'll take a nap.

Hi Westman, I just went through all this stuff with my XAH - threatening, extortion and doing whatever he could to get under my skin and trying to slow everything down/get more for himself. In the end most of it was him puffing up and trying to seem threatening. I made some serious boundaries for myself so I wouldn't get pulled into negotiating with him, or listening to him and his crazy rational about things - it just got me so angry/shaking/frustrated. Whenever I would feel attacked I would just disengage, also never answering his calls/texts in the evening (usually after he had been drinking). I'm not sure if your wife is motivated to get her house proceeds, but if she is, hopefully if you just stay the course it will come together and this is just a big show. I honestly felt like my house sale/separation agreement was going to fall through until the very last second and I feel for you, it was SO stressful. It's only been 3 weeks since my house closed/my agreement was signed and I can see now how much stress I was carrying around, and I really hope it comes together for you too. I made some concessions to get things done, but nothing major, basically some monetary concessions but nothing to do with my daughter. You are getting through it, even though there are some crazy roadblocks along the way, freedom and a fresh start are actually very close!

I keep saying the serenity prayer but I can tell my attitude is off. I don't know if it is just being overwhelmed, stressed, depressed or what.

hey Westman, with all you have happening, its little wonder your "attitude is off"  Mine would be too, and when the crap is overwhelming (same for here, like it goes in cycles..now I am in a down cycle)  i get away by doing my work out and blasting my tunes...browsing the thrift shops....doing "Kindness" stuff...to a pet or a neighbor....doing anything that is positive...and sometimes I just lie down and take a NAP...like re-set my body/mind/emotions AS i work my program...

Like Betty says  "life on life's terms"  but it can suck!!!!  reaching out to trusted folks helps as well, but I try not to burden my non=recovery travelors , i kinda keep it here and a few very close loved ones....

hang in there.......ID theft, I had that happen to me in 2009.....do you have a credit protection thing working with you???? did anyone get any mdse in yoru name???  I have the BofA privacy assist and I got some sub-species try to get stuff in my name...I immediately was informed of the "hit" on my credit, so I called the vendors and shut them down...Dell computers actually began getting his/her computers ready for them, and I shut that down...police subpoenaed their records to catch the bottom feeder and I hope they did...financial crimes aren't taken very serious if the victim didn't actually lose money which made me mad....I WORK for my stuff....anyway, if you don't have a credit monitoring system, nows the time to get one...my BankofAmerica sponsors the one I'm on also for FREE, I use CreditKarma which is decent, but the privacy assist only costs me $12 per month and they watch and let you know "El Fasto" if anyone is trying to buy stuff in your name....I periodically put 90 day fraud alerts on my credit profile in that ANYone wanting to get anything in my name, the vendor pulls up my Cr profile and sees "FRAUD ALERT" and they know to call me and verify that the person trying to buy something in my name is really me......just a few pointers for you....

anyway, you have so much on your plate, take care of you and maybe step up the meets and/or sponsor/step work??? when life's hammering me, I really cling to programme and i "tune it out" anyway I can...that is my way of detaching

Glad your kids are doing ok...Glad U R spending quality time with them...and yea, S prayer or prayer in general just does not "cut it" when the avalanche of negative/unwanted events comes....like Bo says, step up the meets, etc., reach out

and RE-read what Serenity says...She always is spot on and extremely good ESH....wife no sign??? wife no get...I agree.....Look out for you...She will try to get as much as she can and its up to you to stand firm.

IN SUPPORT

Thanks Serenity. I've had a similar message from my attorney too. Thankfully earlier that day I had found a peaceful spot inside me so was feeling better about the whole thing. But hearing his instructions, especially not to talk to my ex, made that peace more solid. 

I've tried not to be resentful but am constantly insulted and accused any chance my ex gets. With everything else going on lately I finally just lost it on Tuesday and let her have it over text. This has never been my style so I was reminded at how fruitless it is to "lay it out" for your alcoholic loved one. I was really upset and she's loving every minute of it. 

So, feeling grateful for a good sponsor and a good lawyer. I have buckled down at work and went to meetings four days in a row. Studying steps one, two and three. Looking forward to seeing my kids today and taking them to a game night at friend's. 

Oh speaking of taking a nap. I went to a meeting on Wednesday night that was myself and 5 older ladies. I think I slept through about 80% of it. I don't know what they thought about it but I felt pretty darn good coming out of that meeting.

This post reminds me of a similar thing a sponsee and I collaborated on in the past.  Yes it was also a dicey divorce and she wanted suggestions.  He wanted it all and so I thought and asked her to consider making a list of what she would honestly turn over to him without resentful feelings and anger and she did.  After the divorce was finished she said her ex came up to her and told her, "I can't believe it was so easy getting all that stuff from you without a fight".  We had a laugh and happy dance.  She did what it was that was suggested and also normal for who she was and he thought the outcome was great and he had put one over on her.    Our program works when you work it.  ((((hugs))))   

Hope Sunday is being good to you, Westman!

I would like to expand on what milkwood added above, b/c I feel co-dependents tend to hold onto a lot of guilt... about anything, really - not that I am calling you 'co-dependent', but many on MIP can identify with this "label."

I work with dogs (training, day-care etc), and knowing K-9 behavior, and pack behavior especially is important in what I do... it keeps fights and dominance issues from rearing its ugly head!
That being said, the biggest compliment an animal can give you is to lie down and truly relax in your presence. It tells you, without saying a word, that they feel safe... that you are "alpha" in their eyes... that they know you will protect them from whatever. It is a huge deal since they live in the instinct-driven world.

As humans, our brains have developed to a point that instinct plays a much less significant role... but it is still there. It is that little voice in your "gut" that tells you you're in danger... or perhaps, that you are safe in this moment.

Peace to you Westman!