Good evening MIP - tomorrow's reading from Courage to Change discusses the difference between boundaries and walls. Walls are suggested to be solid and rigid and boundaries are flexible, changeable, removable. We get to decide how open or closed we will be at any given time. Boundaries allow us to decide what behavior is acceptable from others and self. We can learn in recovery to say No with love instead of hostility and have that one word be a complete sentence.
Much can be learned about boundaries through the 12 Traditions. Their purpose is to protect Al-Anon, yet they also encourage growth of our fellowship. This is the same as our personal boundaries too - as we decide what is and is not acceptable, we learn to live protected without walls.
The reminder --- Do my defenses keep me safe, or do they isolate me? Today I can love myself enough to look for healthier ways to protect myself, ways that don't close everyone out.
The quote --- "People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Before recovery, I had no issue dismissing others from my life. When I 'had enough', I would make an exit, and considered the other person the problem. With recovery, I don't have a need to do this at all. I have learned to create boundaries, impose them and change them if/when/as needed. My former actions were punishing and dismissive and a way to allow my ego to have me believe I was 'better than' or 'better off'...In recovery, I know now that I'm imperfect as are all others. Acceptance is the answer to all my problems, and accepting doesn't mean I have to like it!!
I have learned in Al-Anon that when I am troubled by someone or something going on around me, generally the issue is within me. I have departed from my best spiritual place, and am back to judging others, and thinking I know 'best'. When I instead pick up the phone, call a trusted program friend or sponsor, share and do the work asked of me in recovery, I can typically find out what is happening within me that's caused my discomfort.
I don't close doors on anyone any longer. I am better with unconditional acceptance and love than I used to be. "My way or the highway" - that was me and it was isolating. Al-Anon's given me a better way to live and let live, and boundaries have been the key to freedom in my recovery and program.
Make your day awesome MIP! Off to golf early in the AM - we've got excessive heat back in the forecast for tomorrow - grateful for an early tee time!! (((Hugs)))
Tude said
Jul 19, 2018
Thank you IAH! As I read this, it put into words what has been happening on this journey. I didn't have the words boundarys or walls. I just know there's been a lot of change. The walls have been coming down and I am more flexible. I can see where fear and distrust, among numerous other toxic feelings were in the way of the walls coming down. My boundary's feel good today. They seem easy to do whereas before they were filled with stress and fear when making just one.
Enjoy your golf!! That crazy heat is here too. I'll take it over the cold any day tho LOL!!!
Hugs!!
hotrod said
Jul 19, 2018
Good morning IAH, love how this reading speaks about our defects. Upon reflection I found that my defects were simply the negative defenses that I adopted as a child to protect me from the world and did not realize the simple fact that these defenses kept me isolated and apart from the rest of humanity ..
I Entered alanon feeling alone and abandoned, and picked up the Steps and slogans immediately.I have now joined the human race with constructive tools. These tools allow me to interact with humanity in a safe respectful manner.
Enjoy your day and thanks for your service
Skorpi said
Jul 19, 2018
Good morning MIP! Thanks IAH for the daily today!
Walls and boundaries. Before AlAnon, I had walls, and I thought they were effective defense mechanisms. But, they kept people out, and kept me isolated and lonely. Boundaries are harder, I've found, because I have to decide what is and is not acceptable at a given time to me. But they allow for real relationships to form and real connections to exist. I'm getting better at being more flexible with my boundaries with more practice.
One of my car issues is solved, yay! The other I'll address next week with my dad's help. I'm looking forward to a "garage project" with him - very good bonding time.
PosiesandPuppies said
Jul 19, 2018
Thank you IAH for your service, and I hope you enjoy your morning golf!
I have found that walls are "easy." Boundaries on the other hand, take more work b/c they are more about you than another person. You have to get in touch with what you can/will tolerate and what you won't. That takes some introspection. So boundaries started as baby steps for me. I found that they also look different depending if I am living within an "addicted household" or not.
Hope everyone enjoys their Thursday!
sakina said
Jul 20, 2018
Thank you IAH for your service and everyone for the ESH.
I found this reading to be a great relief to me. I'm finally working out the difference in boundaries and walls. I think I am getting the hang of it now... I can say for sure walls made me feel worse, like I was still trying to be in control of things I could not control. Walls made me feel afraid (lest the walls weren't constantly guarded) and rigid (holding up a wall makes your arms stiff and tired!!).
The relief in boundaries as this reading pointed out to me, is that they are flexible and changeable. Unlike walls. I can determine boundaries for myself by deciding what is healthy for me. I can be firm in my boundaries. But I always have the flexibility and freedom to adjust those boundaries should I need or want to.
This makes it so much easier for me to flow naturally with my day instead of barricading myself against it!
Good evening MIP - tomorrow's reading from Courage to Change discusses the difference between boundaries and walls. Walls are suggested to be solid and rigid and boundaries are flexible, changeable, removable. We get to decide how open or closed we will be at any given time. Boundaries allow us to decide what behavior is acceptable from others and self. We can learn in recovery to say No with love instead of hostility and have that one word be a complete sentence.
Much can be learned about boundaries through the 12 Traditions. Their purpose is to protect Al-Anon, yet they also encourage growth of our fellowship. This is the same as our personal boundaries too - as we decide what is and is not acceptable, we learn to live protected without walls.
The reminder --- Do my defenses keep me safe, or do they isolate me? Today I can love myself enough to look for healthier ways to protect myself, ways that don't close everyone out.
The quote --- "People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Before recovery, I had no issue dismissing others from my life. When I 'had enough', I would make an exit, and considered the other person the problem. With recovery, I don't have a need to do this at all. I have learned to create boundaries, impose them and change them if/when/as needed. My former actions were punishing and dismissive and a way to allow my ego to have me believe I was 'better than' or 'better off'...In recovery, I know now that I'm imperfect as are all others. Acceptance is the answer to all my problems, and accepting doesn't mean I have to like it!!
I have learned in Al-Anon that when I am troubled by someone or something going on around me, generally the issue is within me. I have departed from my best spiritual place, and am back to judging others, and thinking I know 'best'. When I instead pick up the phone, call a trusted program friend or sponsor, share and do the work asked of me in recovery, I can typically find out what is happening within me that's caused my discomfort.
I don't close doors on anyone any longer. I am better with unconditional acceptance and love than I used to be. "My way or the highway" - that was me and it was isolating. Al-Anon's given me a better way to live and let live, and boundaries have been the key to freedom in my recovery and program.
Make your day awesome MIP! Off to golf early in the AM - we've got excessive heat back in the forecast for tomorrow - grateful for an early tee time!! (((Hugs)))
Enjoy your golf!! That crazy heat is here too. I'll take it over the cold any day tho LOL!!!
Hugs!!
Good morning IAH, love how this reading speaks about our defects. Upon reflection I found that my defects were simply the negative defenses that I adopted as a child to protect me from the world and did not realize the simple fact that these defenses kept me isolated and apart from the rest of humanity ..
I Entered alanon feeling alone and abandoned, and picked up the Steps and slogans immediately.I have now joined the human race with constructive tools. These tools allow me to interact with humanity in a safe respectful manner.
Enjoy your day and thanks for your service
Walls and boundaries. Before AlAnon, I had walls, and I thought they were effective defense mechanisms. But, they kept people out, and kept me isolated and lonely. Boundaries are harder, I've found, because I have to decide what is and is not acceptable at a given time to me. But they allow for real relationships to form and real connections to exist. I'm getting better at being more flexible with my boundaries with more practice.
One of my car issues is solved, yay! The other I'll address next week with my dad's help. I'm looking forward to a "garage project" with him - very good bonding time.
I have found that walls are "easy." Boundaries on the other hand, take more work b/c they are more about you than another person. You have to get in touch with what you can/will tolerate and what you won't. That takes some introspection. So boundaries started as baby steps for me. I found that they also look different depending if I am living within an "addicted household" or not.
Hope everyone enjoys their Thursday!
I found this reading to be a great relief to me. I'm finally working out the difference in boundaries and walls. I think I am getting the hang of it now... I can say for sure walls made me feel worse, like I was still trying to be in control of things I could not control. Walls made me feel afraid (lest the walls weren't constantly guarded) and rigid (holding up a wall makes your arms stiff and tired!!).
The relief in boundaries as this reading pointed out to me, is that they are flexible and changeable. Unlike walls. I can determine boundaries for myself by deciding what is healthy for me. I can be firm in my boundaries. But I always have the flexibility and freedom to adjust those boundaries should I need or want to.
This makes it so much easier for me to flow naturally with my day instead of barricading myself against it!
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.