It's been awhile since I've posted an update about my work situation with my awful supervisor. Another person was added to our dept. and my boss is giving this person some of the work that was meant for me. I have not been there very long and my boss has not taught me all I need to fully perform the job of the person who left. She has made me aware of what that person did and told me right before highering the additional person that she doesnt know what she wants me to do and what she wants that person to do. She has held back things we discussed and plans to give them to the new worker. She additionally has walked back some responsibilities that she said she was going to give to me and is giving them to this person. This really isn't the job I signed up for. I am also left with nothing to do for hours on end sometimes and experiencing passive aggressive remarks from her in our team meetings. I feel it's retaliation because she had been reported to human resources because of the problem we had had with one another as I posted about. She now has another person and is not holding back.
To take care of myself I documented some things but mostly documented how much time it takes to perform the job I now how and it's duties and how much time I am often left without work. I went to human resoursces and asked for support. I am concerned at this point of losing my job but could no longer detach from the abuse. I also am not comfortable sitting and collecting a pay check and feeling without a purpose at a job. Ya know some down time can feel good at times but intentional long periods of time that are imposed by my boss to me is just another form of abuse. I think my boss knows I'm not someone who would want a job where I have nothing to do on a regular basis.
So now it's going to be sent up by human resources to whoever. There is a long history of dysfunction with this boss with others but she remains there. I have applied for other jobs but not heard. It feels really sad for me that it's come to this. I hope to continue to keep working for the company and expressed that to human resources. More will be revealed huh. Just feeling lost right now. So hard to feel happy joyous and free when my work days with my supervisor are so negative and calculated. Some moments I wish I hadn't gone to hr with this and others I feel glad I did in case my boss is now looking to get rid of me. Prayers for the best outcome would be appreciated. Thanks for letting me share with you. ((hugs))) TT
PosiesandPuppies said
Jul 17, 2018
Tired - Sorry to hear this is still an ongoing battle for you to face daily. I think it was a good idea to bring it up to HR. If nothing else, you will have more documentation of your supervisor's unhealthy behavior AND documentation that you are not comfortable with all the down time. I wouldn't put it past this person to point that out as "you not being productive." Now you have a legal leg to stand on!
I find it hard to believe in this day and age, that a company would keep themselves open for so long to a "hostile workplace" lawsuit. Kind of feels like either 1) they were never formally made aware of this type of behavior from your supervisor before you came along, or 2) that they are fully aware, and they are somewhat complicit, and figure eventually the person (who takes on this job) will quit.
Too bad you can't request a lateral transfer.
Sending you support, Tired!
hotrod said
Jul 17, 2018
((TT)) It is a difficult road. Sending positive thoughts out to you
Freetime said
Jul 17, 2018
TT, I'm so sorry you are still having to put up with this disfunction at work. Y'know, through my own work experiences, I came to realize the same thing we learn in Al-Anon about alcoholics and others. The company is going to do what it's going to do, what am I going to do? The company isn't my friend; I have to be my own best friend. I shouldn't take it personally, even though it feels like a punch to the stomach. I can't fix the business's disfunction by myself, and HR may be a good hardware store but it doesn't sell bread.
Nevertheless, in my own work struggles, I did experience some unexpected miracles, in God's time not mine, and came out stronger for it. Hang in there, I believe you will have a positive outcome even though you may not be able to see it now.
Tude said
Jul 17, 2018
(((TT))) What a spot to be in. I'm so sorry. Prayers for a new opening somewhere or that woman to leave. It always amazes me how one person can create so much drama and stress for all others.
Hugs
Iamhere said
Jul 17, 2018
(((TT))) - I too am sending positive thoughts and prayers....I agree that God's got a plan and am reminded that 'this too shall pass'. I so often forget this when I am in the throws of chaos and insanity. Take good care of you, be gentle with you and take the high road all that you can! (((Hugs))) girl - we're here for ya!
tiredtonite said
Jul 21, 2018
Thanks (((everyone))) for the continued support. Your responses really help me a lot while I'm at work. I read them again when I'm on a break to refocus and keep my serenity so ty! When I get home at night, I try to let go of the work day so it takes me a bit to respond here. I do want to thank each of you because you've taken time, thought and have such kind hearts.
Thanks (((posiesandpuppies))) for your loving support. Oh, lol they are very aware of my supervisor's behavior. The person before me even went directly to my supervisor's boss. A coworker shared with me that before my predecessor, the company had hired three other people for the position who all quit within a short time. My predecessor I was told had an abusive spouse and very sick child and because the company accommodated her for leaves of absence she continued to tolerate my boss' mistreatment. She had no luck landing another position internally. I have applied to a few jobs at this point and am hoping for the best. Although I agree that it very definitely is a hostile work environment, I don't see where hr really cares. I'm beginning to see that a number of managers there are rather bullying. I just had the luck of getting one that mentally unbalanced as well. I've begun to look for a job elsewhere too but need to be thoughtful and not reactionary in that process.
Thanks ((betty))) Yes, a difficult road for sure but she can't break me with her nonstop negativity unless I allow it. I appreciate the positive thoughts. I know this won't go on forever. Either way, something is going to break here but it won't be me. This too shall pass.
Thanks (((freetime))) for those wise words. You're so right, I will have to continue to advocate for myself. I don't operate under the illusion that HR is actually going to do anything major for me. My reporting is to safeguard myself. It's my proof, my response to any claim of lack of productivity as posiesandpuppies pointed in her response. I am approaching this pretty much the way my divorce atty told me to approach my divorce. He said to take the emotion out because it's all business now. Wouldn't it be great if life was fair and right and wrong were absolutes but we know everything is subjective. I am not long enough at this company to know their corporate culture. Of course they are going to HR parrot what they've been trained to say when receiving these complaints about management. I don't mean this from a place of cynicism just experience and awarenesses from past employment. You smile, thank them for their support but make sure you're keeping your side of the street very clean as you work on a Plan B. Thanks for the reminders to keep it real. And you're right, there will be something better in hp's time. I just have to step up the program for now as if I'm living with someone active again which in honesty kinda annoys me. lol
Thanks (((tude)))) Here's hoping for a positive new situation. Until then, I am going to have to keep creating my own by controlling what is within my control. My boss spends a lot of time whispering on her work phone about others. You are right she really does create drama. I try to center myself by looking at beautiful scenery, travel spots and tune her out at these times. I am enjoying my life outside of work. I'm lucky to have good friends and if I were to be honest, my hp is providing all I need. I try to enjoy what's good. LOL I was on my way to work the other morning and was at a traffic light. OMG the most adorable dog was crossing the street with it's owner. I called out to it "You are the cutest dog in the whole world!" The owner didn't turn but the dog did and looked right at me with bright eyes and a toothy grin. I want to believe hp has given dogs the ability to understand and respond to a compliment Anyway tude, this miserable boss can't squash my spirit. I won't allow that.
Thanks ((iamhere))) for your ongoing support. I am truly trying to take the high road each day. My boss is now using the new team member as a pawn to continue her passive aggressive behavior. She can now refer to me and about me to this woman in my presence as if I weren't in the room at all and say something to try to push my buttons. She actually made the same comment three times this week. The new person looked a bit perplexed. So you see I don't have to do much, she is doing it to herself. I will continue to put time together and vigorously look for something better, Iam. HR says I should just keep asking for work. I am doing that. I am continuing to document the very little work I'm given and the hours of down time but I don't know that another meeting with HR would really be in my best interest. It would have to be something pretty drastic. Nevertheless, it's good for me to see how many hours I have nothing to do. It motivates me even more to push myself toward seeking a more purposeful and fulfilling job.
Thanks (((everyone)))) I will continue to update as I know more. Until then, I am going to do my best to keep it simple and keep my serenity. TT
mamalioness said
Jul 21, 2018
Hey Tired, I'm not on this site so much but saw your post and had to read, hoping this lousy boss of yours had been eaten by an alligator or something , but no such luck, LOL (just kidding but not kidding) ..Can't believe that ONE ugly person can cause so much drama and stress AND I like what Posiesandpuppies said.....document, and YES, I, too, am glad you reported this to HR....and hostile environment CAN bring about a law suit....maybe, (i'm hoping) the company just does not realize how toxic this bottom feeder is and that she needs to GO....I am so sorry you're going through this...
I'm not much into prayer, but sending you love and peace energy and ya know??? I've been in your situation where I've worked at terrible jobs and it was my ONLY job and NEEDED to survive job and I had to take a lot of SH** till I could find another place to work....now I freelance to suppliment my puny social security and its a BIT better...if I am in a soul sucking job, now, I can walk away....jun 13th I finally got a belly full of this one female passive aggressive client who "down talked" to me and passive aggressiveness, filthy house, hostile environment and when I went home, it was on a Wednesday, I waited till Sunday (father's day) to send her a brief text saying I was not going to keep her as a client anymore, citing the unsanitary conditions and hostile environment , the latter of which, is never acceptable...I didn't even give her notice because of her hostile behavior and even tho I had other clients and SS, I was STILL apprehensive about leaving $200-$300 per month...but thankfully I replaced her now, starting this Tuesday with a new guy I think I am gonna like....but oh the years and years of sucky jobs, bad employers, horrid co-workers, yea, its miserable and i wasn't in recovery back then so it was worse....
So I hear ya and I feel for ya, can relate big time, and you might have an advantage---bigger company..HR dept. that MAY be able to help you...As of the crash in 2008, I became freelancer with multi clients....its different and it sucks when your ONE job may be under fire over ONE lousy useless , non blessing, that i am sure is NOT healthy for the company as a whole and she is causing all this.....I do hope that you take notes on everything...her remarks, even little stuff, it all adds up.....dates, times, what was said/done...keep it all....I do believe in karma and you keep doing what is right and fair and eventually one would HOPE that this one pus filled entity would self destruct and be gone.....as long as you're doing a good job, what work you have, I can't see a company firing a good worker, with a good attitude......just keep doing what you're doing.....something HAS to give soon....you can't be the only one she is creating hostile environment with.........hang in there.....sending you positive energy
tiredtonite said
Jul 22, 2018
Thanks (((Rose))) for responding with support. It's means a lot right now to know I'm not losing my mind. No my boss has not been eaten by an alligator. lol She does have a very visible disability and I've held back in saying this and never would at work but I believe she uses it as an excuse to manipulate, solicit pity and be abusive toward others. So unless she causes me to have a nervous breakdown and perhaps not even if she does, she will do what she has done in the past and continues to do and have a job with the company. Ya know.. it just doesn't matter. Every week Rose that I do something that empowers me while there is a step in the right direction. Yes, it's incredibly difficult because she is so micromanaging but I do stand up for myself when her demands or questions are utterly ridiculous. This past week I performed a very simple task that she requested. She gave me what she believed to be a way to get it done in an easier way. Listening to her, I knew it wouldnt work but there was no use trying to reason this out with her because her thinking is skewed and she argues for her way. If she thinks I'm right, she tells me I misunderstood and she didn't instruct me to do something the way I'm describing. I just listen and go back and do what I know works. She asked me if I'd done the task using the method she had recommended. She had told me everything looked good when I gave it to her. I told her I had not used the method. She wanted to know exactly what I had done. I got impatient because trust me this was a simple as a person sticking a stamp onto an envelope. I reminded her of her satisfaction with the work she'd received from me and that how it was produced was immaterial just that it was done well and in a timely manner. She got angry and accused me of not being "positive." LOL Said I was refusing to share good ways of accomplishing things. She had to assert her authority and then said the conversation was done and stormed away. Loss of control, ya think?? Micromanaging, ya think? If I had responded, she would have criticized my method in some way. I would have had to wear that or tell her exactly why her method would not have worked and neither would have been very "positive." I chose to protect myself instead.
I understand what you went through in 2008. I was out for quite some time then too. I'm glad you're in a better place since dumping your disrespectful client. One door closed but another opened for you. I'm hopeful for the same. I do agree about continuing to do the next right thing. The company is much more than just this woman. And although I know her to be a gossip and toxic, no one represents who I am better than myself. With time, I'll attract better energy there or connect with an opportunity outside of there. It's pretty much take your higher power to work day for me every day there! Thanks for sharing with me. Hope you'll keep coming back! TT
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Sunday 22nd of July 2018 08:46:29 PM
mamalioness said
Jul 23, 2018
((((((((((((((TT)))))))))))))))) WOW!!! it LOOKS like she is SEEKING ways to find fault with you (re: the method you used work vs her stupid method that wouldn't work) micromanagement at its worst....bless your heart...I think this is gonna be a positive out lasts the negative, and the positive entity (you) taking copious notes, on everything she does and says) if she FARTS...write it down....keep the notes hidden so noone can find them until its faceoff time and that could come sooner then later...and YES..."company is much more than just this woman" and I would note when she is on phone, non company gossiping et al, write down a real diary, thats what I would do....and yes, i agree "you WILL attract better energy there or connect with an opportunity outside of there" AMEN, sista!!!! you keep rockin n rollin on the positive and kindness, efficient performance, etc., cover your butt on all things...and yea, it does n't heart to take your higher power as you understand it to work each day........any time you need to really vent and do a meltdown and be supported and listened to, validated, this fellow "workplace warrior", you can pm me any ole time and I will listen to you....I relate so much to your situation
this client i walked away from?? you wanna giggle??? this is micromanagement (hey maybe she is related to your boss from hell)
I drink a lot of water..its good for me, as I am athlete, etc, and so I use the restroom maybe 4 x in a 4 hour work day (I only work 10 to 3 at the latest) and anyway, i would use the filthy restroom and she actually says to me on my last day there "gee you sure use the restroom a lot" and I look at her and i say "well, that is the end result of staying hydrated and healthy kidneys and its my right to have facilities" so she backs off, knowing she isn't going to win....she leaves the dirty, cluttered , disaster of a room we work in and with her bathing only 2x per week , its a treat when she leaves the room and I get some cleaner breathing... and shes gone for 8 MINUTES, during which I pulled out of my cooler my power shake and i sipped it and JUST finished when she walked back in....she says "well, what work did you do while I was gone???" I look at her..put my empty shaker in my cooler, and I says "well you were gone 8 minutes, and it took exactly that to drink my shake, so my work output was zero...I am entitled to nourishment that is reasonable and I would THINK you would want my brain fed and hydrated so I can put out my best performance" she again, turns her back on me, knowing she is sinking in this battle of wits, and then the topper: she says "WELL...its PROBABLY the chatting...I think we chat too much" I look at her and smile and I say "easy fix for that---lets keep it business as I would prefer not to do otherwise but when you ask me a question that is not work related, i wanted to be polite and answer you---From now on, I will direct the conversation to business only which is best anyway" well I guess that really stuffed her up because she didn't' speak to me the remainder of the day....at 2pm, she writes my check, I am gathering my stuff and double checking my stuff as I am NOT coming back to this neurotic control freak who can't even use proper hygiene when she knows she is working in a small, equally dirty room with someone , so I am walking towards the front door and her son, aged 7 wants to show me a quick picture of a play station scene where with one shot, he blew up a big building...I give him a high 5 and tell him good job and shes standing, holding the front door open and I spend maybe 3 min. with the 2 kids, as they like me and out the door I go after I tell them to have fun with their game
i walk out the door, headed for my car and she must have sensed that she pooped in her own sandbox and maybe went to far??? as i am walking, she says loud enough for me to hear..."THANK YOU" and I say nothing and keep walking.....
i got home and this is a Wednesday: June 13th...I did my program, stop...breath...assess....let higher brain over ride the lower, reactive brain...i do a couple of "i quit" drafts, and my bestie across the street puts his esh into it and the final draft was a beauty....since she likes to deliver me bad news or nuisance news on an off day, even on Sunday, I waited till Sunday, which happened to be father's day and I drop the bomb shell on her.....it felt GOOD hitting the send button...Like I took a shower and got a massage afterward...I felt at peace.....I quit on MY terms, MY way, MY timing....no I did not have the replacement yet, but I just had to trust in my good energy, my being a light spirit, a positive entity with my HP within me and just trust that I would be OK....I "kissed my fears and invited them to come along".....I got my resume renewed and re-advertised..networked on Linkedin and facebook, and let the energy I put out sprout some seeds....
I'm hoping you can either resolve this or make an internal move, or she gets the pink slip as this is not healthy for the company...hostile environments COST a company because the victims of the one who is hostile don't perform as well, they call in sick more due to stress...its just bad all the way around......I'm hoping that SOMEONE high up can see this and take right action...........PM me if you ever need to vent....I've been there and more than once and it never gets easier....workplace bullying, abuse, drama, hostile environment is "up there" on the high stress list....
You've got a friend who cares and who is listening any time you need to PM me............sending big hugs of support
tiredtonite said
Jul 26, 2018
Thanks (((Rose))) for sharing. Sounds like you did well considering the circumstances. I'm not at my best after working in that atmosphere all day but I want to say I appreciate your encouragement, unconditional love and support. I will likely be sharing on the board again soon with an update about this whole situation. For the most part, I think I'm doing well with responding vs reacting. I'm learning that despite her probing for additional acknowledgement of something she is communicating, if I've answered her, I look her directly in the eye or continue looking at my computer and working and simply say, "You asked me a question and I've answered it." She then walks away, not happy but away and away is the direction I like to see her go. Hope you are having a good day today and thanks for the laughs. TT
PosiesandPuppies said
Jul 26, 2018
Sending you hugs tonight, TT. I am just catching up to your posts, and I can't believe the culture you describe there! All I can say is "Bless you!!" You are so patient, and Gurl, you are working your program hard!!
Love how your program is looking on you!!
I am praying that something else opens up for you.
Peace,
PNP
Tude said
Jul 27, 2018
Just want to pop on and let you know tt, that I was able to use your example with my AF. I am eating crow in my situation here with the AF's actions returning to the past actions and behavior yet it was thankfully a temporary thing. She was having major work issues and on her behalf she did finally recognize she was fighting to NOT be passive aggressive via her sponsor. The employer has a daughter she hired where my AF has worked over a year now. All changed in the workplace to accommodate a spoiled daughter that does not pull her weight and.........the AF's hours were being taken away. It was so bad the manager didn't even return the AF's texts to let her know the schedule after she had been assertive and told her the situation was effecting her and her hours.
When sharing how an alanon friend handled the situation with HR and attitude, it helped her know she was not alone and gave her the boost she needed to make a change. When she shared this with her PO, the PO suggested she put in an app at another branch and..............she was hired on the spot! I'm smiling as I see my own need to grow out of fear of her relapsing and feeling I would have to take action whether it be dry drunk or drunk. And I'm oh so very grateful to God that she got the job! I had told her lets pray that her HP opens doors because that's just what He does. She starts Wednesday and only has to do 2 more days at what is now a very uncomfortable situation.....The owner will know by the time she returns to finish her last days that the manager has been messing up.
We can't always see the "when God closes a door He opens a window" when in the mess. Thank you for all your shares and updates!
tiredtonite said
Jul 29, 2018
Thanks (((PNP))) for the encouragement. The drama continues daily but silence is a great tool. When I do speak up, she finds subtle ways to retaliate which include excluding me from things, sending grunt work my way, making me do things she can really do herself. New coworker friend tells me the only way the company is going to get rid of her is when she is good an ready to retire.
HR is involved again. Now we are all going to meet. HR is going to teach everyone how to play nice. It will turn my stomach but I'll get through it. My biggest challenge will be to not react. My boss is a giant BSer and has already told HR by phone how fabulous everything in the dept. is going. This is for one thing to affirm that the obedience training they sent her for really took. And of course, she does need to hold onto me to do all that garbage work she doesn't want to do herself. It's been a long week. They all are and life is short. I am getting ready to use my insurance benefits because you never know what could happen. I've joined the wellness program at work and set goals. I'm beginning to see and feel the results and it's giving me confidence, physical strength and more mental clarity. I'm getting ready for what's next and a healthy distraction helps me feel a little less fearful of the unknown.
I spoke with HR at the end of this week about the upcoming meeting. I made my bid for going to another dept. with a a job opening like my own. I had applied to the position. HR insisted they are going to help my boss and myself work better with one another, so it's pretty clear they aren't going to do the move. As far as the things that have been happening with my boss, I said to HR, I deserve better and I deserve to have a job here. HR assured me that I am not going to lose my job but I know I need to get out when that is possible.
Thanks for peeking in to see how I'm doing (((PNP)))) and for for complimenting my program. Some days I feel like I'm just treading water. I appreciate your support and recovery. TT
tiredtonite said
Jul 29, 2018
Hi (((tude))) thanks so much for sharing the good news about your AF. Good God, I'm glad with all these posts somebody got a new job out of the deal! Congrats to her! Sigh.. maybe I will be next! It gives me hope, thank you!
I hope I do well in the upcoming HR meeting with my boss. I am just not looking forward to watching my boss pouring on the pretentious charm and asking me how she can help me be more successful. I'd like to say how can I help you be more sane? (until I can get another job and away from you)
I understand what you're saying about the fear of having to take action. When it's a personal relationship, it can be very hard to keep our promises to ourselves and our personal boundaries. I'm glad it all worked out. Keep taking care of you. (((hugs))) TT
bud said
Jul 29, 2018
(((((TT)))))) Sending warm, positive thoughts to comfort you until your HP is able to lead you to make a positive shift.
tiredtonite said
Jul 29, 2018
Thanks ((((bud))) very much appreciated! TT
PosiesandPuppies said
Jul 29, 2018
((((((Tired))))))
I was thinking about you today and praying that your HP will guide you in your meeting tomorrow, when a thought just popped into my head. Take what you want, leave the rest, as they say.
If there is a point where your boss says to the participants of the meeting, "How can I help you be more successful?" how about you asking (of course in front of HR), "I would like an updated list of my position's daily duties."
Why? Because then you have something to refer back to when hit with some retaliatory job. You might also link that to a notebook where you make a notation of each "infraction" on her part. And I don't think you need to JADE on this... they asked, you responded... they don't need to know why. It's all about documentation here.
Then again, it all depends on how much "real estate" you want your boss to have in your brain about this, and how much you love this job, doesn't it? At this point it may be best for your peace of mind to smile and nod with the belief in the back of your mind that you will do what is best for you, regardless what HR says. Yes, it will mean entering the ring and playing the game, but if you are looking around for other work, this might be the best course of action...only you will know.
Wishing you Peace tomorrow!
tiredtonite said
Jul 30, 2018
Thanks (((pnp))) for the prayers and suggestions for how I might keep my supervisor accountable. I like your thought process. Of course since my boss is such a controller, she might start timing my tasks i will keep you posted. Thanks for your continued support. TT
It's been awhile since I've posted an update about my work situation with my awful supervisor. Another person was added to our dept. and my boss is giving this person some of the work that was meant for me. I have not been there very long and my boss has not taught me all I need to fully perform the job of the person who left. She has made me aware of what that person did and told me right before highering the additional person that she doesnt know what she wants me to do and what she wants that person to do. She has held back things we discussed and plans to give them to the new worker. She additionally has walked back some responsibilities that she said she was going to give to me and is giving them to this person. This really isn't the job I signed up for. I am also left with nothing to do for hours on end sometimes and experiencing passive aggressive remarks from her in our team meetings. I feel it's retaliation because she had been reported to human resources because of the problem we had had with one another as I posted about. She now has another person and is not holding back.
To take care of myself I documented some things but mostly documented how much time it takes to perform the job I now how and it's duties and how much time I am often left without work. I went to human resoursces and asked for support. I am concerned at this point of losing my job but could no longer detach from the abuse. I also am not comfortable sitting and collecting a pay check and feeling without a purpose at a job. Ya know some down time can feel good at times but intentional long periods of time that are imposed by my boss to me is just another form of abuse. I think my boss knows I'm not someone who would want a job where I have nothing to do on a regular basis.
So now it's going to be sent up by human resources to whoever. There is a long history of dysfunction with this boss with others but she remains there. I have applied for other jobs but not heard. It feels really sad for me that it's come to this. I hope to continue to keep working for the company and expressed that to human resources. More will be revealed huh. Just feeling lost right now. So hard to feel happy joyous and free when my work days with my supervisor are so negative and calculated. Some moments I wish I hadn't gone to hr with this and others I feel glad I did in case my boss is now looking to get rid of me. Prayers for the best outcome would be appreciated. Thanks for letting me share with you. ((hugs))) TT
I find it hard to believe in this day and age, that a company would keep themselves open for so long to a "hostile workplace" lawsuit. Kind of feels like either 1) they were never formally made aware of this type of behavior from your supervisor before you came along, or 2) that they are fully aware, and they are somewhat complicit, and figure eventually the person (who takes on this job) will quit.
Too bad you can't request a lateral transfer.
Sending you support, Tired!
Nevertheless, in my own work struggles, I did experience some unexpected miracles, in God's time not mine, and came out stronger for it. Hang in there, I believe you will have a positive outcome even though you may not be able to see it now.
Hugs
Thanks (((everyone))) for the continued support. Your responses really help me a lot while I'm at work. I read them again when I'm on a break to refocus and keep my serenity so ty! When I get home at night, I try to let go of the work day so it takes me a bit to respond here. I do want to thank each of you because you've taken time, thought and have such kind hearts.
Thanks (((posiesandpuppies))) for your loving support. Oh, lol they are very aware of my supervisor's behavior. The person before me even went directly to my supervisor's boss. A coworker shared with me that before my predecessor, the company had hired three other people for the position who all quit within a short time. My predecessor I was told had an abusive spouse and very sick child and because the company accommodated her for leaves of absence she continued to tolerate my boss' mistreatment. She had no luck landing another position internally. I have applied to a few jobs at this point and am hoping for the best. Although I agree that it very definitely is a hostile work environment, I don't see where hr really cares. I'm beginning to see that a number of managers there are rather bullying. I just had the luck of getting one that mentally unbalanced as well. I've begun to look for a job elsewhere too but need to be thoughtful and not reactionary in that process.
Thanks ((betty))) Yes, a difficult road for sure but she can't break me with her nonstop negativity unless I allow it. I appreciate the positive thoughts. I know this won't go on forever. Either way, something is going to break here but it won't be me. This too shall pass.
Thanks (((freetime))) for those wise words. You're so right, I will have to continue to advocate for myself. I don't operate under the illusion that HR is actually going to do anything major for me. My reporting is to safeguard myself. It's my proof, my response to any claim of lack of productivity as posiesandpuppies pointed in her response. I am approaching this pretty much the way my divorce atty told me to approach my divorce. He said to take the emotion out because it's all business now. Wouldn't it be great if life was fair and right and wrong were absolutes but we know everything is subjective. I am not long enough at this company to know their corporate culture. Of course they are going to HR parrot what they've been trained to say when receiving these complaints about management. I don't mean this from a place of cynicism just experience and awarenesses from past employment. You smile, thank them for their support but make sure you're keeping your side of the street very clean as you work on a Plan B. Thanks for the reminders to keep it real. And you're right, there will be something better in hp's time. I just have to step up the program for now as if I'm living with someone active again which in honesty kinda annoys me. lol
Thanks (((tude)))) Here's hoping for a positive new situation. Until then, I am going to have to keep creating my own by controlling what is within my control. My boss spends a lot of time whispering on her work phone about others. You are right she really does create drama. I try to center myself by looking at beautiful scenery, travel spots and tune her out at these times. I am enjoying my life outside of work. I'm lucky to have good friends and if I were to be honest, my hp is providing all I need. I try to enjoy what's good. LOL I was on my way to work the other morning and was at a traffic light. OMG the most adorable dog was crossing the street with it's owner. I called out to it "You are the cutest dog in the whole world!" The owner didn't turn but the dog did and looked right at me with bright eyes and a toothy grin. I want to believe hp has given dogs the ability to understand and respond to a compliment
Anyway tude, this miserable boss can't squash my spirit. I won't allow that.
Thanks ((iamhere))) for your ongoing support. I am truly trying to take the high road each day. My boss is now using the new team member as a pawn to continue her passive aggressive behavior. She can now refer to me and about me to this woman in my presence as if I weren't in the room at all and say something to try to push my buttons. She actually made the same comment three times this week. The new person looked a bit perplexed. So you see I don't have to do much, she is doing it to herself. I will continue to put time together and vigorously look for something better, Iam. HR says I should just keep asking for work. I am doing that. I am continuing to document the very little work I'm given and the hours of down time but I don't know that another meeting with HR would really be in my best interest. It would have to be something pretty drastic. Nevertheless, it's good for me to see how many hours I have nothing to do. It motivates me even more to push myself toward seeking a more purposeful and fulfilling job.
Thanks (((everyone)))) I will continue to update as I know more. Until then, I am going to do my best to keep it simple and keep my serenity. TT
I'm not much into prayer, but sending you love and peace energy and ya know??? I've been in your situation where I've worked at terrible jobs and it was my ONLY job and NEEDED to survive job and I had to take a lot of SH** till I could find another place to work....now I freelance to suppliment my puny social security and its a BIT better...if I am in a soul sucking job, now, I can walk away....jun 13th I finally got a belly full of this one female passive aggressive client who "down talked" to me and passive aggressiveness, filthy house, hostile environment and when I went home, it was on a Wednesday, I waited till Sunday (father's day) to send her a brief text saying I was not going to keep her as a client anymore, citing the unsanitary conditions and hostile environment , the latter of which, is never acceptable...I didn't even give her notice because of her hostile behavior and even tho I had other clients and SS, I was STILL apprehensive about leaving $200-$300 per month...but thankfully I replaced her now, starting this Tuesday with a new guy I think I am gonna like....but oh the years and years of sucky jobs, bad employers, horrid co-workers, yea, its miserable and i wasn't in recovery back then so it was worse....
So I hear ya and I feel for ya, can relate big time, and you might have an advantage---bigger company..HR dept. that MAY be able to help you...As of the crash in 2008, I became freelancer with multi clients....its different and it sucks when your ONE job may be under fire over ONE lousy useless , non blessing, that i am sure is NOT healthy for the company as a whole and she is causing all this.....I do hope that you take notes on everything...her remarks, even little stuff, it all adds up.....dates, times, what was said/done...keep it all....I do believe in karma and you keep doing what is right and fair and eventually one would HOPE that this one pus filled entity would self destruct and be gone.....as long as you're doing a good job, what work you have, I can't see a company firing a good worker, with a good attitude......just keep doing what you're doing.....something HAS to give soon....you can't be the only one she is creating hostile environment with.........hang in there.....sending you positive energy
Thanks (((Rose))) for responding with support. It's means a lot right now to know I'm not losing my mind. No my boss has not been eaten by an alligator. lol She does have a very visible disability and I've held back in saying this and never would at work but I believe she uses it as an excuse to manipulate, solicit pity and be abusive toward others. So unless she causes me to have a nervous breakdown and perhaps not even if she does, she will do what she has done in the past and continues to do and have a job with the company. Ya know.. it just doesn't matter. Every week Rose that I do something that empowers me while there is a step in the right direction. Yes, it's incredibly difficult because she is so micromanaging but I do stand up for myself when her demands or questions are utterly ridiculous. This past week I performed a very simple task that she requested. She gave me what she believed to be a way to get it done in an easier way. Listening to her, I knew it wouldnt work but there was no use trying to reason this out with her because her thinking is skewed and she argues for her way. If she thinks I'm right, she tells me I misunderstood and she didn't instruct me to do something the way I'm describing. I just listen and go back and do what I know works. She asked me if I'd done the task using the method she had recommended. She had told me everything looked good when I gave it to her. I told her I had not used the method. She wanted to know exactly what I had done. I got impatient because trust me this was a simple as a person sticking a stamp onto an envelope. I reminded her of her satisfaction with the work she'd received from me and that how it was produced was immaterial just that it was done well and in a timely manner. She got angry and accused me of not being "positive." LOL Said I was refusing to share good ways of accomplishing things. She had to assert her authority and then said the conversation was done and stormed away. Loss of control, ya think?? Micromanaging, ya think? If I had responded, she would have criticized my method in some way. I would have had to wear that or tell her exactly why her method would not have worked and neither would have been very "positive." I chose to protect myself instead.
I understand what you went through in 2008. I was out for quite some time then too. I'm glad you're in a better place since dumping your disrespectful client. One door closed but another opened for you. I'm hopeful for the same. I do agree about continuing to do the next right thing. The company is much more than just this woman. And although I know her to be a gossip and toxic, no one represents who I am better than myself. With time, I'll attract better energy there or connect with an opportunity outside of there. It's pretty much take your higher power to work day for me every day there! Thanks for sharing with me. Hope you'll keep coming back! TT
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Sunday 22nd of July 2018 08:46:29 PM
this client i walked away from?? you wanna giggle??? this is micromanagement (hey maybe she is related to your boss from hell)
I drink a lot of water..its good for me, as I am athlete, etc, and so I use the restroom maybe 4 x in a 4 hour work day (I only work 10 to 3 at the latest) and anyway, i would use the filthy restroom and she actually says to me on my last day there "gee you sure use the restroom a lot" and I look at her and i say "well, that is the end result of staying hydrated and healthy kidneys and its my right to have facilities" so she backs off, knowing she isn't going to win....she leaves the dirty, cluttered , disaster of a room we work in and with her bathing only 2x per week , its a treat when she leaves the room and I get some cleaner breathing... and shes gone for 8 MINUTES, during which I pulled out of my cooler my power shake and i sipped it and JUST finished when she walked back in....she says "well, what work did you do while I was gone???" I look at her..put my empty shaker in my cooler, and I says "well you were gone 8 minutes, and it took exactly that to drink my shake, so my work output was zero...I am entitled to nourishment that is reasonable and I would THINK you would want my brain fed and hydrated so I can put out my best performance" she again, turns her back on me, knowing she is sinking in this battle of wits, and then the topper: she says "WELL...its PROBABLY the chatting...I think we chat too much" I look at her and smile and I say "easy fix for that---lets keep it business as I would prefer not to do otherwise but when you ask me a question that is not work related, i wanted to be polite and answer you---From now on, I will direct the conversation to business only which is best anyway" well I guess that really stuffed her up because she didn't' speak to me the remainder of the day....at 2pm, she writes my check, I am gathering my stuff and double checking my stuff as I am NOT coming back to this neurotic control freak who can't even use proper hygiene when she knows she is working in a small, equally dirty room with someone , so I am walking towards the front door and her son, aged 7 wants to show me a quick picture of a play station scene where with one shot, he blew up a big building...I give him a high 5 and tell him good job and shes standing, holding the front door open and I spend maybe 3 min. with the 2 kids, as they like me and out the door I go after I tell them to have fun with their game
i walk out the door, headed for my car and she must have sensed that she pooped in her own sandbox and maybe went to far??? as i am walking, she says loud enough for me to hear..."THANK YOU" and I say nothing and keep walking.....
i got home and this is a Wednesday: June 13th...I did my program, stop...breath...assess....let higher brain over ride the lower, reactive brain...i do a couple of "i quit" drafts, and my bestie across the street puts his esh into it and the final draft was a beauty....since she likes to deliver me bad news or nuisance news on an off day, even on Sunday, I waited till Sunday, which happened to be father's day and I drop the bomb shell on her.....it felt GOOD hitting the send button...Like I took a shower and got a massage afterward...I felt at peace.....I quit on MY terms, MY way, MY timing....no I did not have the replacement yet, but I just had to trust in my good energy, my being a light spirit, a positive entity with my HP within me and just trust that I would be OK....I "kissed my fears and invited them to come along".....I got my resume renewed and re-advertised..networked on Linkedin and facebook, and let the energy I put out sprout some seeds....
I'm hoping you can either resolve this or make an internal move, or she gets the pink slip as this is not healthy for the company...hostile environments COST a company because the victims of the one who is hostile don't perform as well, they call in sick more due to stress...its just bad all the way around......I'm hoping that SOMEONE high up can see this and take right action...........PM me if you ever need to vent....I've been there and more than once and it never gets easier....workplace bullying, abuse, drama, hostile environment is "up there" on the high stress list....
You've got a friend who cares and who is listening any time you need to PM me............sending big hugs of support
Thanks (((Rose))) for sharing. Sounds like you did well considering the circumstances. I'm not at my best after working in that atmosphere all day but I want to say I appreciate your encouragement, unconditional love and support. I will likely be sharing on the board again soon with an update about this whole situation. For the most part, I think I'm doing well with responding vs reacting. I'm learning that despite her probing for additional acknowledgement of something she is communicating, if I've answered her, I look her directly in the eye or continue looking at my computer and working and simply say, "You asked me a question and I've answered it." She then walks away, not happy but away and away is the direction I like to see her go.
Hope you are having a good day today and thanks for the laughs. TT
Love how your program is looking on you!!
I am praying that something else opens up for you.
Peace,
PNP
When sharing how an alanon friend handled the situation with HR and attitude, it helped her know she was not alone and gave her the boost she needed to make a change. When she shared this with her PO, the PO suggested she put in an app at another branch and..............she was hired on the spot! I'm smiling as I see my own need to grow out of fear of her relapsing and feeling I would have to take action whether it be dry drunk or drunk. And I'm oh so very grateful to God that she got the job! I had told her lets pray that her HP opens doors because that's just what He does. She starts Wednesday and only has to do 2 more days at what is now a very uncomfortable situation.....The owner will know by the time she returns to finish her last days that the manager has been messing up.
We can't always see the "when God closes a door He opens a window" when in the mess. Thank you for all your shares and updates!
Thanks (((PNP))) for the encouragement. The drama continues daily but silence is a great tool. When I do speak up, she finds subtle ways to retaliate which include excluding me from things, sending grunt work my way, making me do things she can really do herself. New coworker friend tells me the only way the company is going to get rid of her is when she is good an ready to retire.
HR is involved again. Now we are all going to meet. HR is going to teach everyone how to play nice. It will turn my stomach but I'll get through it. My biggest challenge will be to not react. My boss is a giant BSer and has already told HR by phone how fabulous everything in the dept. is going. This is for one thing to affirm that the obedience training they sent her for really took. And of course, she does need to hold onto me to do all that garbage work she doesn't want to do herself. It's been a long week. They all are and life is short. I am getting ready to use my insurance benefits because you never know what could happen. I've joined the wellness program at work and set goals. I'm beginning to see and feel the results and it's giving me confidence, physical strength and more mental clarity. I'm getting ready for what's next and a healthy distraction helps me feel a little less fearful of the unknown.
I spoke with HR at the end of this week about the upcoming meeting. I made my bid for going to another dept. with a a job opening like my own. I had applied to the position. HR insisted they are going to help my boss and myself work better with one another, so it's pretty clear they aren't going to do the move. As far as the things that have been happening with my boss, I said to HR, I deserve better and I deserve to have a job here. HR assured me that I am not going to lose my job but I know I need to get out when that is possible.
Thanks for peeking in to see how I'm doing (((PNP)))) and for for complimenting my program. Some days I feel like I'm just treading water. I appreciate your support and recovery. TT
Hi (((tude))) thanks so much for sharing the good news about your AF. Good God, I'm glad with all these posts somebody got a new job out of the deal!
Congrats to her! Sigh.. maybe I will be next! It gives me hope, thank you!
I hope I do well in the upcoming HR meeting with my boss. I am just not looking forward to watching my boss pouring on the pretentious charm and asking me how she can help me be more successful. I'd like to say how can I help you be more sane? (until I can get another job and away from you)
I understand what you're saying about the fear of having to take action. When it's a personal relationship, it can be very hard to keep our promises to ourselves and our personal boundaries. I'm glad it all worked out. Keep taking care of you. (((hugs))) TT
Thanks ((((bud))) very much appreciated! TT
I was thinking about you today and praying that your HP will guide you in your meeting tomorrow, when a thought just popped into my head. Take what you want, leave the rest, as they say.
If there is a point where your boss says to the participants of the meeting, "How can I help you be more successful?" how about you asking (of course in front of HR), "I would like an updated list of my position's daily duties."
Why? Because then you have something to refer back to when hit with some retaliatory job. You might also link that to a notebook where you make a notation of each "infraction" on her part. And I don't think you need to JADE on this... they asked, you responded... they don't need to know why. It's all about documentation here.
Then again, it all depends on how much "real estate" you want your boss to have in your brain about this, and how much you love this job, doesn't it? At this point it may be best for your peace of mind to smile and nod with the belief in the back of your mind that you will do what is best for you, regardless what HR says. Yes, it will mean entering the ring and playing the game, but if you are looking around for other work, this might be the best course of action...only you will know.
Wishing you Peace tomorrow!