On July 4, 2018, an active alcoholic friend(woman) I had met about 6 months ago, asked me to babysit her cat she had for 8 years. She said she is leaving on a holiday for 2 weeks and I could take the cat to my home and babysit the cat. She told me, the cat can go outside and will come back. She placed the cat in a carrier and I brought the cat to my home, which is 10 minute drive from my home. The cat ran after I placed him out of his carrier and disappeared in the house. He showed up and I let him outside. He disappeared. There was no collar or Id on him. Well, the owner is now on a rampage. She has sent me threatening texts saying I will pay for it if her cat is not found. I have been searching for the cat all over the neighborhood, placed an ad on the computer, Kijii, facebook lost and found pets, city pound, and I have gone to the city pound 2x now and the cat still is missing. Her texts are becoming scary as she is going ballistic and making threats that she will sue me, pay for it, ect. I have not responded to her texts at all. Last night, a man, called and left a message and it was not good. I am starting to fear her and her friends over the loss of this cat. I fear she may do something to me or my property since she knows where I live. I am keeping my distance from her and not responding at all to her as I know she is very unstable, mentally as well. I have been doing all I can to locate this cat for her and she is not rational. I have a safety plan in the event she escalates. I am angry at myself for taking on her cat and agreeing to babysit the cat and now I am being blamed for the loss of her cat.
I keep thinking, I did not cause the cat to disappear, I can not bring the cat back, I can not control where the cat goes. I have decided to do what I can do and leave the rest but I fear she may escalate her anger toward me. I talked to my sister about this and she said boundaries, do not react to her anger, do not engage. I feel bad and I feel its my fault that the cat disappeared. I should not have let it outside but she said its ok for the cat to be outside and will come back. I am angry, hurt and said about how this situation has turned out. She is a good person, the cat owner, but this has caused an end to our friendship. I am trying to focus on myself and what I must do to look after me. I have plans to get away this weekend to the lake with my new man friend and just not obsess over the loss of this cat.
I guess I just need some ESHIP on this sad situation.
Lyne said
Jul 13, 2018
{{{Joker}}}. Anyone can loose a cat or dog they are babysitting for. I can't think of one thing to add to try and find the cat. And it does sound like the owner is (temporarily) irrational. What I would suggest is that you keep all threatening texts, emails, and voicemails, and if they do not stop, bring it all to the police. It sounds like harrassment and they will go and talk to her. You should not have to live in fear. Best of luck, Lyne
JerryF said
Jul 13, 2018
(((((Joker))))) Though I didn't have the nature of your friend/owner I did have the experience of the pet. My experiences is with two dogs...not one two. I have a masters
degree in enabling and co-dependency. I admitted I was powerless and that along with HP needed the help of others...family and community and then joined in with my part in solutions...Yes it worked and both dogs are still with me for about another week or so and then I continue practicing that principle of "No" is a complete sentence. I've been practicing it and have got it down good. The owners I am dealing with are my sons and their families. Still "NO" is a complete sentence.
On the great side I have met so absolutely kind and loveable people and even exchanged hugs and handshakes and names...how cool is that? The dogs haven't changed much...I have. I have had to change "my part in it"
You may have lost a friendship but hold on to your program. It sounds healthy. ((((hugs))))
Tude said
Jul 13, 2018
(((joker))) This is on her. Being a cat owner she should have known the cat had to be kept indoors for a few days or more before going out when in a new home. That type of stress with a friend is awful. Prayers, the cat returns. Even if you've lost the friend, it's not your fault!
Hugs
Iamhere said
Jul 13, 2018
Sending thoughts and prayers that the cat finds it's way home....I suspect that if it is used to going outside and comes 'home', the 'home' it returns to would be it's home and not yours. That's just what my dog does - I've not got any cats! We did cat-sit one time and all went OK - until the dog spotted the cat, which got frightened and stashed itself into a cabinet deeply, and did not want to come out.
(((Hugs))) Joker - I do agree that I would engage police help if harassed. Take good care of you!
Mattie said
Jul 14, 2018
Yes, the cat has no way of knowing its way back - I'm surprised she didn't realize this, but clearly she is unbalanced.
On the cat front, the cat will stick very close to where you let it out - that's what they do when they're frightened and in unfamiliar territory. The best thing is to leave out a dish of cat food and a dish of water every evening near the door where you let it out. At night, when it feels it can't be seen, it will creep out and find the food. It has probably been getting very hungry, so it will be extra motivated. Meanwhile go and rent a Hav-a-Heart humane trap. You can often rent them at hardware stores, or do a search online for a place that rents them in your town. Put the food dish in the trap and leave it out overnight. You may have to free other cats, or wildlife or whatever, in the morning, but very very likely, pretty soon you will get her cat in the trap.
Then there is the problem of what to do with her. Clearly she is unbalanced, as you say. I myself wouldn't ignore her texts, because that will make her more frantic, and it is very frustrating when you have a genuine problem and you can't get a response. I think what I would do is to send her a message, 'I am so sorry about the cat. You said that it would come back if I let it out, but it did not. I am doing everything I can to find it. I will contact you if and when I do. I'm sorry that I can't answer constant messages. I know how upset you must feel. Again I will contact you when there is news." And then if she keeps it up, once a day you can send "I'm sorry to say no news today."
Hang in there.
mamalioness said
Jul 22, 2018
WOW!!! this is exactly why I won't "pet sit" for anyone...No exceptions...but you were kind..you agreed to do this and mr. kitty got away....this is NOT YOUR FAULT.....its on the owner for not giving full instructions and focusing on the fact that cats can't be let outside in a new home for minimum 2 weeks, or they run and try to find their old home or they wander and get lost.....I hope he is found safe..i truly do...and it appears you did ALL you could do to find him...I like Mattie's idea of leaving food out...maybe he is hiding close...maybe trying to find home....don't know...Cats are funny.....but bottom line, you did everything you could do.......NOW: to take care of you.....send ONE brief text saying that you will continue to search for her pet and will only text when you have concrete news....then you hit send and dont' engate further....save and document all her texts, VM's, etc., and share with police in case something weird does happen, the police will have a report filed and they can do something.....this gal is unbalanced...yea , I get it..her pet is lost, and its a terrible thing but to threaten you like that is really creepy and shows a very sick person...one you never want anything further to do with....if you are friends with your neighbors, you might want to give them a heads up what her car looks like, etc., and ask them if they see this vehicle or person, would they call 911....in our neighborhood , we kinda watch over each other and we network news and keep each other informed of stuff that is not normal and is "ours"......
She would have to prove gross negligence and/or abuse to sue you...she asked you for a favor..you did your best...accident happened....i doubt she would get anywhere trying to sue you...i mean is the cat a Russian Blue or another expensive pet??? I doubt it!! not that the pet is worthless, he is a beloved pet/family member of someone, but SHE should have REALLY laid down the instructions to you BEFORE she even left to minimize accident...seems she screwed up big time, telling you its "ok to let him out" ......sooo sooo sorry this happened to you...
On July 4, 2018, an active alcoholic friend(woman) I had met about 6 months ago, asked me to babysit her cat she had for 8 years. She said she is leaving on a holiday for 2 weeks and I could take the cat to my home and babysit the cat. She told me, the cat can go outside and will come back. She placed the cat in a carrier and I brought the cat to my home, which is 10 minute drive from my home. The cat ran after I placed him out of his carrier and disappeared in the house. He showed up and I let him outside. He disappeared. There was no collar or Id on him. Well, the owner is now on a rampage. She has sent me threatening texts saying I will pay for it if her cat is not found. I have been searching for the cat all over the neighborhood, placed an ad on the computer, Kijii, facebook lost and found pets, city pound, and I have gone to the city pound 2x now and the cat still is missing. Her texts are becoming scary as she is going ballistic and making threats that she will sue me, pay for it, ect. I have not responded to her texts at all. Last night, a man, called and left a message and it was not good. I am starting to fear her and her friends over the loss of this cat. I fear she may do something to me or my property since she knows where I live. I am keeping my distance from her and not responding at all to her as I know she is very unstable, mentally as well. I have been doing all I can to locate this cat for her and she is not rational. I have a safety plan in the event she escalates. I am angry at myself for taking on her cat and agreeing to babysit the cat and now I am being blamed for the loss of her cat.
I keep thinking, I did not cause the cat to disappear, I can not bring the cat back, I can not control where the cat goes. I have decided to do what I can do and leave the rest but I fear she may escalate her anger toward me. I talked to my sister about this and she said boundaries, do not react to her anger, do not engage. I feel bad and I feel its my fault that the cat disappeared. I should not have let it outside but she said its ok for the cat to be outside and will come back. I am angry, hurt and said about how this situation has turned out. She is a good person, the cat owner, but this has caused an end to our friendship. I am trying to focus on myself and what I must do to look after me. I have plans to get away this weekend to the lake with my new man friend and just not obsess over the loss of this cat.
I guess I just need some ESHIP on this sad situation.
(((((Joker))))) Though I didn't have the nature of your friend/owner I did have the experience of the pet. My experiences is with two dogs...not one two. I have a masters
degree in enabling and co-dependency. I admitted I was powerless and that along with HP needed the help of others...family and community and then joined in with my part in solutions...Yes it worked and both dogs are still with me for about another week or so and then I continue practicing that principle of "No" is a complete sentence. I've been practicing it and have got it down good. The owners I am dealing with are my sons and their families. Still "NO" is a complete sentence.
On the great side I have met so absolutely kind and loveable people and even exchanged hugs and handshakes and names...how cool is that? The dogs haven't changed much...I have. I have had to change "my part in it"
You may have lost a friendship but hold on to your program. It sounds healthy. ((((hugs))))
Hugs
(((Hugs))) Joker - I do agree that I would engage police help if harassed. Take good care of you!
Yes, the cat has no way of knowing its way back - I'm surprised she didn't realize this, but clearly she is unbalanced.
On the cat front, the cat will stick very close to where you let it out - that's what they do when they're frightened and in unfamiliar territory. The best thing is to leave out a dish of cat food and a dish of water every evening near the door where you let it out. At night, when it feels it can't be seen, it will creep out and find the food. It has probably been getting very hungry, so it will be extra motivated. Meanwhile go and rent a Hav-a-Heart humane trap. You can often rent them at hardware stores, or do a search online for a place that rents them in your town. Put the food dish in the trap and leave it out overnight. You may have to free other cats, or wildlife or whatever, in the morning, but very very likely, pretty soon you will get her cat in the trap.
Then there is the problem of what to do with her. Clearly she is unbalanced, as you say. I myself wouldn't ignore her texts, because that will make her more frantic, and it is very frustrating when you have a genuine problem and you can't get a response. I think what I would do is to send her a message, 'I am so sorry about the cat. You said that it would come back if I let it out, but it did not. I am doing everything I can to find it. I will contact you if and when I do. I'm sorry that I can't answer constant messages. I know how upset you must feel. Again I will contact you when there is news." And then if she keeps it up, once a day you can send "I'm sorry to say no news today."
Hang in there.
She would have to prove gross negligence and/or abuse to sue you...she asked you for a favor..you did your best...accident happened....i doubt she would get anywhere trying to sue you...i mean is the cat a Russian Blue or another expensive pet??? I doubt it!! not that the pet is worthless, he is a beloved pet/family member of someone, but SHE should have REALLY laid down the instructions to you BEFORE she even left to minimize accident...seems she screwed up big time, telling you its "ok to let him out" ......sooo sooo sorry this happened to you...