Finding Reality: The author says if we don't face the whole picture, if we ignore parts of the truth, and/or if we pretend, we set ourselves up for disappointment and devastation. Living with alcoholics, our sense of reality was always shifting. Our lives stayed unmanageable. By sharing with other members, we can cut through denial and anchor ourselves in reality. By facing facts and confronting them, we cease to give denial any power.
Today's Reminder: I can't cope with something unless I acknowledge its reality. When I am willing to look at the whole picture, I take the first step toward a more manageable life.
Quote from Henry David Thoreau: If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them.
I guess I must admit that I was in denial about being in denial. Probably my entire life, in relation to romantic partners, was stuck in a falsehood of happiness. Two spouses, and a couple relationships in-between, we're all with addicts in more than one way. Perhaps being so needy, having such a low self-esteem, and unable to be without a significant other, allowed me to sacrifice myself over and over again. Now with Alanon, I have officially resigned from the doormat club. My current spouse is upset I ever became involved with alanon. She longs for the way I was. I look forward to continued growth, learning and practicing to becoming a better me, and putting myself first for the first time in my life. Grateful member of Alanon, Lyne
hotrod said
Jul 9, 2018
Good Morning Lyne Great topic. Upon entering program I did not even understand what a huge part Denial played in my daily life When I hear at meetings that DENIAL stand for" Don't Even no i AM Lying" I understood.
I had become so accustomed to seeing the world and my life in such a manner so that only my positive assets were visible and if anything went wrong, it was blamed it on others. Thanks to sharing and listening at meetings I learned how to be hinest and see the truth.
Thanks for your honesty and service
-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 9th of July 2018 06:13:50 AM
Skorpi said
Jul 9, 2018
Good morning MIP! Lyne, thank you for your service.
I'm just discovering what a huge role in my life that denial is playing currently. I've "known", but maybe not been ready to accept, that my AW might not be able to stay sober and in recovery, that her disease might be that strong, and that she may not have decided to stop digging to find her bottom yet. I was fearful that she might start drinking again when the courts weren't involved, when there was no one to "make her" follow through. AlAnon has taught me to be hopeful and giving up on my denial to help me see the whole picture helps me to be ready to make decisions when I am ready.
Grateful to be here
Tude said
Jul 9, 2018
Thank you Lyne. Hi everyone. Yes and wow. My mind was certainly not ready to see life as a package deal all at once. Alanon has given me the ability to process and come out of denial one A at a time so to speak. One was right under my nose but since there wasn't the usual chaos going on, I focused on the one A that was causing drama and chaos to begin to look hard at myself. I think for myself, it is unfolding just as it should? Had I tried to tackle them all at once (my own part in each one) it may have been too overwhelming. It's amazing how the steps open up reality, take the world off my shoulders and allow me to place it on Gods shoulders now. I'm so grateful for this program and MIP! I am also aware the "more will be revealed" is a process and yet feel prepared to handle the curveballs life throws all too often as I grow.
Hugs everyone!!
Aline said
Jul 9, 2018
Thanks for your service, Lyne, and all the ESH above. The reminder in this reading especially spoke to me. I also am on the way of acknowledging my defects of character via the steps mostly. I see that I have been in denial about most of them hoping for years, unconsciously, that not acknowledging them (and other parts of my life also) is somehow protecting me. I'm grateful there's another way to do things which I'm learning ODAT. My inner assumption was that denying or resisting in other ways something negative would help. I see that I have spent years resisting the thought of admitting my faults, especially arrogance and judging others, and it has not produced the desired result of getting rid of these faults at all.
PosiesandPuppies said
Jul 9, 2018
Thank you Lyne for your service and your honest share. I can relate to you sharing your spouse doesn't like the "Anon you."
The reading spoke to me, b/c I was in denial for years that my husband was using again... just a different substance. I was also in denial about just unhappy in my marriage I was. I was not a "quitter!" So I tried everything to make things work...especially managing him. And I then was in denial about that!!! LOL! Today I am working on a better way to live!
Iamhere said
Jul 9, 2018
Good morning MIP (barely....but is still morning here)! Thank you Lyne for the daily and your service. Thanks to all above me for your shares and ESH. I believe that it's so fair to say that I was in denial about denial. Once I realized the disease was alive and well in others, I saw that truth yet struggled to see the big picture - how it affected others, including me. I did not want to believe I was part of the problem and I really, really struggled to believe that if I focused on me all would be OK....
I do believe this disease sucks the reality from the room. If we are untreated, we do bumble along and deny our own eyes as to what we are seeing and feeling. Arriving at Al-Anon and embracing recovery helped me to trust what my eyes were seeing and what my heart was feeling. I still struggle at times to connect my mind and my heart but I have a ton of tools and healthy support to guide me when I go left or right of center.
The most important element for me in my life and program is a belief in a power greater than me who is truly running the show, leading me forward, shows me the way and wants me to be happy, healthy and whole. I love that I've learned and accepted that those around me are not 'bad' people but rather 'sick' people. As I get healthier, I am better able to serve them without getting sucked back in and serve myself first which keeps me closest to my joy and serenity.
Love the quote - Al-Anon has given me a solid foundation to build upon - I get to decide if I use bricks, stone, wood or other for my structure and even when I have doubts, I know it will be strong and stable so long as I maintain my foundation. Happy Monday to all - been golfing all morning and have Taco Monday with program friends....our social group for tacos keeps growing - which is lovely! Make it a great day!
Finding Reality: The author says if we don't face the whole picture, if we ignore parts of the truth, and/or if we pretend, we set ourselves up for disappointment and devastation. Living with alcoholics, our sense of reality was always shifting. Our lives stayed unmanageable. By sharing with other members, we can cut through denial and anchor ourselves in reality. By facing facts and confronting them, we cease to give denial any power.
Today's Reminder: I can't cope with something unless I acknowledge its reality. When I am willing to look at the whole picture, I take the first step toward a more manageable life.
Quote from Henry David Thoreau: If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them.
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I guess I must admit that I was in denial about being in denial. Probably my entire life, in relation to romantic partners, was stuck in a falsehood of happiness. Two spouses, and a couple relationships in-between, we're all with addicts in more than one way. Perhaps being so needy, having such a low self-esteem, and unable to be without a significant other, allowed me to sacrifice myself over and over again. Now with Alanon, I have officially resigned from the doormat club. My current spouse is upset I ever became involved with alanon. She longs for the way I was. I look forward to continued growth, learning and practicing to becoming a better me, and putting myself first for the first time in my life. Grateful member of Alanon, Lyne
Good Morning Lyne Great topic. Upon entering program I did not even understand what a huge part Denial played in my daily life When I hear at meetings that DENIAL stand for" Don't Even no i AM Lying"
I understood.
I had become so accustomed to seeing the world and my life in such a manner so that only my positive assets were visible and if anything went wrong, it was blamed it on others.
Thanks to sharing and listening at meetings I learned how to be hinest and see the truth.
Thanks for your honesty and service
-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 9th of July 2018 06:13:50 AM
I'm just discovering what a huge role in my life that denial is playing currently. I've "known", but maybe not been ready to accept, that my AW might not be able to stay sober and in recovery, that her disease might be that strong, and that she may not have decided to stop digging to find her bottom yet. I was fearful that she might start drinking again when the courts weren't involved, when there was no one to "make her" follow through. AlAnon has taught me to be hopeful and giving up on my denial to help me see the whole picture helps me to be ready to make decisions when I am ready.
Grateful to be here
Hugs everyone!!
The reading spoke to me, b/c I was in denial for years that my husband was using again... just a different substance. I was also in denial about just unhappy in my marriage I was. I was not a "quitter!" So I tried everything to make things work...especially managing him. And I then was in denial about that!!! LOL! Today I am working on a better way to live!
I do believe this disease sucks the reality from the room. If we are untreated, we do bumble along and deny our own eyes as to what we are seeing and feeling. Arriving at Al-Anon and embracing recovery helped me to trust what my eyes were seeing and what my heart was feeling. I still struggle at times to connect my mind and my heart but I have a ton of tools and healthy support to guide me when I go left or right of center.
The most important element for me in my life and program is a belief in a power greater than me who is truly running the show, leading me forward, shows me the way and wants me to be happy, healthy and whole. I love that I've learned and accepted that those around me are not 'bad' people but rather 'sick' people. As I get healthier, I am better able to serve them without getting sucked back in and serve myself first which keeps me closest to my joy and serenity.
Love the quote - Al-Anon has given me a solid foundation to build upon - I get to decide if I use bricks, stone, wood or other for my structure and even when I have doubts, I know it will be strong and stable so long as I maintain my foundation. Happy Monday to all - been golfing all morning and have Taco Monday with program friends....our social group for tacos keeps growing - which is lovely! Make it a great day!